El Mono, page 43
Karin let him speak and unload his frustrations. He clearly had not met anyone in Durham who was prepared to listen or understand. After twenty minutes or so of quite animated conversation Matthew eventually asked about Karin’s experiences. She didn’t really want to go into too much detail. She mentioned her early student exchange in Universidad de los Andes, her internship in Triple F and her subsequent appointment as a personal assistant, though she did not say with whom. Karin did wax lyrical about Popayán, however, about Claudia’s finca, and her eyes shone when she spoke about the páramo and meeting someone – she did not say who – who had acted as her guide to the mountain environment.
Matthew picked up on that. ‘You were very fortunate. I wish I could have seen more of the Andes but never really got out of my office for long enough. Did you ever see that programme by National Geographic about Colombian wildlife? Really amazing. A guy who lived with pumas and condors. Quite spectacular. I’ve never seen anything like that.’
Karin smiled shyly. She looked down. ‘Yes, I saw that programme. I agree: spectacular … I did see condors up close once. They are magnificent. I never got that close to pumas, however!’
Matthew was increasingly interested in this attractive woman with whom he could share a common experience. He tried to drag out the lunch hour for as long as possible, he was enjoying her company so much, but when she started looking round to pay up and leave Matthew asked if they might meet again. Some evening maybe?
Karin smiled at him again. Maybe. She warned him, however, that her son came first in her life.
Was she married? No. Separated some time ago.
Matthew took the plunge: ‘Karin, do say you’ll come out with me. Don’t give me maybes. Make it yes or no?’
He smiled at her. He was a nice-looking man. Not the sort to treat her badly, she thought, but who was she to judge character these days?
‘OK, Matthew. I’d like to. But I have to find someone who might babysit for Peter if it’s an evening. Give me your mobile number and I’ll call you if and when I get something sorted.’
Matthew went back to Earth Sciences with a spring in his step. She was an absolute beauty and with such a sad, shy smile. He’d given her his number and hoped he hadn’t come across too strong. He was so keen he had told her his number wrong twice before he was sure she had got it right! Don’t call me, I’ll call you, she had said. Here’s hoping I won’t have to wait too long before she calls, he thought.
Karin worried if she could go through with it: meeting another man so soon. She regretted it the moment they had parted. It was true her social life was non-existent but that was for a reason. She couldn’t face going out and being jolly. He was so nice and well-meaning, however, she almost felt as if she could not disappoint him. Having accepted his offer to go out, she couldn’t back out now, so she resolved to enjoy his company but she would keep him at arm’s length and try not lead him on.
It took Karin a little while before she could find help with looking after Peter for an evening. She was renting a small apartment in a block with married postgraduate couples and so she did a deal. She offered to sit with one couple’s children for an evening if they could return the honour.
She phoned Matthew with the news that she could go out the next Friday evening. How would that do? Matthew sounded so enthusiastic Karin could not help smiling. Yes, that would do nicely, was the reply. It was a date.
Karin worried about it all week. What was she thinking of? She felt as if she could give nothing of herself to anyone. It was plain that Matthew was keen on her. She had found out that he was single and that he’d not had a steady girlfriend for a while, and so it was obvious he was looking to develop a relationship with someone … but she knew it could not be with her. She had to tell him. She didn’t know how to explain it, but she had to tell him.
Friday evening came. The wife of the couple upstairs came down to take over duty and, when Peter was sleeping, Karin phoned Matthew to say she was ready. He drove round to pick her up within ten minutes.
Matthew was on top form: effusive, chatty, complimenting her on her outfit, and asking about Peter. That was a nice touch. Karin thanked him for his concern. Matthew smiled, said he had booked a restaurant for them both and confessed he was simply dying to carry on the conversation between them where they had last left off. Karin smiled shyly and looked down. It was the reaction that Matthew had first found attractive and now it made him decidedly hot under the collar, if not all over.
They arrived at the restaurant and parked. It was not exorbitantly pricey. Nothing like she had got used to with Morten, Karin thought, but she didn’t want that sort of experience again, thank you. No – this place was nice. Appropriate. Intimate without being claustrophobic.
They chatted, The first course came and went. Karin kept it friendly without giving too much away. Matthew was trying his best to get to know her but Karin wasn’t giving anything for him to go on. She began to feel bad about the whole evening. Then, trying another approach, Matthew asked about Peter’s father and what had happened to him. This was it. Karin stopped. She had to think carefully what to say.
‘Matthew … I have to tell you that … that Peter’s father treated me very badly. Very badly indeed. It’s been a nightmare. I can’t describe it. The result is that I can’t form a relationship with any man just yet. I can be friends. But I have to tell you … I’m very sorry … but it cannot be more than that. It is going to take a very long time for me to get over what has happened. I should have told you this straight away. Don’t think badly of me but … but I can’t really go any further with you than this. I hope you understand.’
She looked at him with such sadness in her eyes that he didn’t need to be told twice.
‘Yeah … I can see,’ he said. ‘Thank you for telling me that at least.’ He stopped pushing and trying to get her to open up and changed the subject. ‘Well, tell me what you think about your return to Durham and your job at the International Office. How’s that? Not so painful to talk about?’
That shift in approach brought tears to Karin’s eyes. She looked down and felt for a napkin.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered to him. ‘You deserve so much better than this. I’m very sorry.’
Matthew said nothing at first, just waited for her to recover. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘Take your time.’ He reached across the table to feel for her hand, to console her, but she took it away.
It was half an hour later when Matthew drove her home. She kissed him on the cheek, thanked him and apologised again for the evening. Then she ran in and left him in the car. She spent the rest of the night in tears thinking how hopeless everything was and wondering how she was ever going to rebuild her life again.
10
Pumas
When Daniel went out on to the mountain that cold night he knew that what he was about to do would cement the special relationship he had been working on with the pumas. He was going to assist with the birth of Venus’s cubs. This was something that had never been attempted before: wild females were famously dangerous if anyone attempted to approach their young. For Venus to allow him into her lair would be a tremendous honour. Not even Mercury, the cubs’ father, would be welcomed there.
As Daniel climbed up to the ridge, to the rocky outcrop that harboured a cave where he knew Venus would retreat to, he called out to let her know he was coming. He wanted no surprises; no added worries to what would anyway be a stressful experience for her. Darkness covered his movements but the sound and smell of him should alert her to his approach.
A low growl emerged from somewhere alongside Daniel. He jumped. That was Mercury letting him know he was here. That alone was confirmation that Daniel was gaining success – male pumas did not stay with females after mating. They were usually creatures of the night – solo operators who travelled far and wide and, in Mercury’s case, were volatile and unpredictable. But this male was sticking around. Daniel was delighted. He hoped Venus would not drive him away.
Gaining the ridge and working his way towards the cave, Daniel heard hissing and screaming issuing forth in the air. If she had not produced already, Venus was suffering fierce contractions. Daniel called out to her again in what he hoped she would interpret as a soothing voice. He slowly and deliberately entered the cave, ducking down low to gain access.
Venus was lying on her side, snarling in pain but not reacting to his presence. The floor to the cave was covered in grasses and was clean and clearly as comfortable for the mother as she could make it. She had not produced as yet. Daniel kept talking to her, reassuring her. She was a young female and this was her first pregnancy: it was inevitably a nervous, worrying and unprecedented experience for her. Daniel stroked her beautiful head all the time she was hissing and growling. A yelp of pain; a fierce contraction and Venus started pushing. Nothing yet but a birth was coming soon. Venus struggled and snarled and moved restlessly in pain. Daniel continued to stroke her and keep his voice as calm and reassuring as possible.
More growling and hissing: contractions were coming stronger and stronger and more and more quickly. Venus gave an almighty howl and pushed and pushed and pushed. At last a tiny kitten emerged from her hind quarters. Then more pushing – another! Daniel gathered them in his hands and brought them around to their mother. More screeching and pushing and a third kitten emerged. All were blind – eyes tightly shut – but mewing for their mother. Venus began licking them, cleaning the blood and mucus off their tiny bodies, bonding with her offspring. These tiny cubs immediately started pawing with their front feet, an instinctive reaction designed to get their mother to release milk from her teats. Daniel steered them round so that they could latch on and start feeding. Mother laid her head back. Exhausted. But the three cubs were now all lined along her belly, greedily taking their first feed. Daniel was elated. It was an emotional experience for him, let alone for Venus!
Daniel crawled back a space so as not to crowd the happy family. He lay back, sprawled across the entrance to the cave with a big smile spreading across his face. He could hardly believe what had just happened! This was something he was sure no one else had had the privilege to share. But he was tired and it was time for him to rest as well.
Morning came early. High on the ridge, the sun’s rays from the east lit up the outcrop in a beautiful rosy glow. It matched the feeling of Daniel lying there – looking at the mother of three beautiful cubs, peace and contentment in her face. Venus looked straight at Daniel and purred. What a wonderful experience: Daniel felt part of the family.
Daniel lay there a moment thinking over what he had just seen. He slowly got to his feet. Maybe he should not intrude any longer. When all was said and done, he belonged to another family and Venus, Mercury and their cubs should be left to find their own way in the world. Daniel started slowly walking downhill, his footsteps returning to his home, his woman and her son. He belonged there now; not here. It was his job, he realised, not to live on the mountainside any longer but to give children to Karin and – as she had forcibly reminded him – to assist in her birthing, not that of other creatures.
He was excited, honoured, delighted by what he had seen and helped with but it was a thought-provoking experience in what it had taught him about his own role in the world. Mercury came over to growl a greeting as Daniel descended, lost in his own meditation. Yes, he thought, we males have got to figure out our roles with the particular females we have chosen to mate with. He dropped a hand to stroke Mercury, as if connecting with a brother, but Mercury was not having any of that. He was too proud and independent. He simply growled again and slid away. More to think about: Daniel was still coming to terms with the fact that the life he had led so far – independent and solo like a male puma – he had chosen to end. He had chosen to share his life with a woman whom he loved. And all choices involve sacrifices. He could not continue chasing pumas.
Such thoughts as these dominated Daniel’s mind as he approached his house, so he wasn’t looking out as carefully as he might have done and did not notice the subtle signs the mountain was sending him that others had visited this place. He opened his front door and walked straight into an enormous, swinging fist that threatened to end his life. There was an instinctive attempt to duck but it was too late. Daniel felt an almighty crunch and blackness descended. His body slumped down as if lifeless.
The next sensation Daniel felt was heat. Heat all around him. And hot breath down his neck. What on earth was happening? There was smoke now, entering his nostrils. And he was moving. Being dragged. Daniel’s head was aching as if he had been smashed unconscious, so his senses were confused and he had no idea what was happening. He opened his eyes and saw flames, but he still felt hot breath down his neck and the sensation of being dragged backwards. And someone was growling determinedly in his ears.
Stupid with pain and with a head that felt twice its normal size, Daniel suddenly realised what was going on. Mercury had a hold of his collar and was pulling him upslope, out of a burning building. The building, Daniel slowly recognised, was his home that was going up in flames. Dragged now under the bushes, Daniel was safe but his head was still scrambled. He turned on his side to try and thank Mercury, who was panting, tired but looking for all the world as if he was satisfied for a job well done. Concussed as he was, Daniel could not help but wonder at the tremendous qualities of these marvellous animals. He had just been dragged from a burning building! Mercury had saved his life!
But what was going on? Daniel felt as if he had been smashed on the head precisely because he had been smashed on the head! Scrabbling under the bushes, Daniel circled round to try and see what was happening on the mountainside below him.
His house was now consumed in flames. Where was Karin? and Peter? Aching with worry as well as with pain, Daniel kept low and out of sight among the bushes, moving round to see who had attacked him and his home. He felt Mercury doing the same alongside him.
Lower down, on the horse-track that led to his home, an old red pick-up was bumping its way upwards, towards the burning building. Daniel could see the back of a big man standing there – one he had seen before, long ago. Who was it? That man who had levelled a pistol at him on the páramo of Volcán Puracé and who had fallen from his horse and been knocked out. That was the one. But where was Karin?
The pick-up stopped and a man got out. He was shouting at the big man. All at once, the horror of the scene in front of him hit Daniel with full force. They were arguing over the fact that the big man had just killed Karin and Peter. Their bodies were sprawled in the dust on the other side of the two men. Crouching down as he was, Daniel had not seen them at first.
Daniel kneeled there, under the bush, absolutely crushed. Desolate. Numb to his core. Karin was spread-eagled in the road in front of him. Lifeless. Clubbed to death it appears by the big man. And these two idiots were arguing about it – about ending the lives of the ones he loved. Daniel’s senses were still foggy but the awful reality that lay before him could not be denied. Shaking his head free from the confusion that still clogged and clouded it would not erase the horror that had happened. Karin had been killed here in front of him just a matter of seconds ago. Anger began rising in Daniel, a blind anger that he had never, ever felt before.
Mercury needed no other communication. With a blood-curdling roar he flew through the air and struck the nearest man down to ground, fangs buried in his throat. The man stood no chance: his neck was ripped open and he died in an instant, his blood staining the ground and dripping from the jaws of the maddened puma. The big man clambered into the cab of the pick-up and Mercury leapt up on to the front, trying to get at him through the windscreen.
Daniel couldn’t move. He was still in shock, seeing the woman he loved sprawled dead in front of him. But the big man was waving a pistol in the pick-up and Daniel feared for the life of Mercury now. He urged him to leave. He had killed one. Stop it now and save yourself.
Daniel had no idea how long he knelt there; empty, numb, deaf and blind to everything – as if he too was dead. He had a dull idea that the big man was out in the road, lifting the lifeless bodies of Karin and Peter and throwing them in the back of the pick-up as if they were plastic dummies. The man killed by Mercury was also unceremoniously dumped in the back. Then the big man got in and drove away. He drove away and took Daniel’s life and love with him.
Their home was still burning. Everything that Karin and he had built together. In physical terms it was not much, but the dreams it embodied, the love it represented, the seeds of the future that had been planted there – all that was going up in flames. Daniel could still not move.
Mercury came back and sat with Daniel, looking at him, waiting. Still, Daniel was motionless, grief rising within him, guttural sounds of loss somehow emerging from his throat. Minutes passed. Slowly Daniel struggled to his feet. Everything hurt. He walked out on to the horse-track where death and destruction had reigned – blood and dust and oil from the pick-up were all there. At last, Daniel gave vent to his feelings and he roared to the heavens and kicked at the blood and dust around him. Then he started walking uphill. He had seen one family created that morning. He had lost his own, so he started walking uphill to return to the other. That was all he had now.
Daniel could not face seeing anyone for weeks. Weeks that stretched into months. He lived close to Venus and her cubs, watching them grow. He wandered off at times, like Mercury, searching the high ridges and peaks. He went off hunting and feeding when necessary, then returning to see how the cubs were getting on. Peregrine falcons visited him, as did condors and eagles and a variety of different creatures that he met on his wanderings. Living high and wild and spurning human company, Daniel returned to the creatures he had grown up with and who had given him inspiration just as before when he had lost his parents and lost his faith also in the world that humans had built. He was regressing. All that he had learned from Karin about coexisting with and tolerating the city he now began to lose again. The faith that he had built up in her and in the world from which she had come was lost. Anger replaced it. He knew that anger was a negative, destructive emotion but he could not help it. It burned deep within him and glowered from his eyes at times, especially at night, when his thoughts returned to the evil that men did and repeatedly resorted to.
