Finding Love, page 3
Seeing her in person though…
It was like his soul recognized a part of hers. Of course, that was completely ridiculous. If he hadn’t known he was sober, he’d question his line of thinking. A sigh escaped as he took a bite of the pasta.
Now that he’d met her, his desire to know, with all certainty, that she was okay had increased. That she wasn’t merely surviving but thriving. How could he do that? Would she let him after today’s announcement?
“Why do you care so much?” he whispered.
“What did you say, Luke?”
He glanced up, remembering he was in Ms. Bella’s kitchen. “I was just talking to myself. I have a lot on my mind.”
Ms. Bella leaned on the counter and looked him in the eyes, her green eyes flashing. “If you have girl trouble, you pray harder. Tell her you’re sorry, and you’ll do anything to fix it. And then you do it. She’ll come around.” She patted him on the shoulder. “Eat.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
After dinner, Luke sat on the part of the porch that overlooked an empty field. There was no fence or enclosure, nothing but wide open spaces. It reminded him a little of Texas but greener and with more trees. Okay, so maybe it was nothing like Texas. Regardless, it made him think of home.
The sky was a mix of blues. Navy coated the top as the bottom slipped into a range of blue. Darkness slowly shrouded the light. Was it a sign?
Lord, I want to fix Delaney’s pain, but I know I can’t. There’s nothing I can do to reverse Jones’s death. He’s gone. Luke rubbed his eyes. I just don’t understand why You didn’t let me get on that helicopter. What could You possibly want with me?
Delaney’s face flashed in his mind. The heartache that etched on her face at his words would be the death of him. Never again did he want to cause her pain like that.
Am I here to help her in some way? Is that why you saved me?
No, that made no sense. How could keeping him alive and not her actual husband work out? He groaned. If he kept these thoughts up he was going to drive himself insane…or worse, to a bottle.
Lord, please guide me. I have no idea what to do. How to help her. I’m not even sure she wants my help, Lord. Yet, I know you called me out here for her benefit. Please bring wisdom and clarity soon before I climb the walls. And please keep me from temptation. Amen.
Dessert.
It was the only thing that was going to ease the heartache that had taken up residence with one confession from Luke Robinson’s lips. Delaney walked into her childhood kitchen. The one that had been filled with laughter from her parents and her older brother. The one she left on the throes of love and with hopes of creating the same atmosphere. Now, she was back as a widow, living with her mother.
She paused. Why was it so dark? Usually her mother had multiple lights on in the house. It was enough to make a person cringe at the over usage of electricity. Thoughts of maple baked goodness pushed the cares of electricity to the back of her mind. A flick of the switch flooded the kitchen with light. The sunken bulbs gleamed, chasing out darkness.
“Ah!” Her mother screamed.
“Good grief, Ma!” She pressed a hand to her heart. “What are you doing here in the dark?”
Her mother looked at her with a tear-stained face and a silver, picture frame clutched to her chest. “Just thinking.”
She walked toward her mother, wrapping an arm around her. Apparently she wasn’t the only one reeling from the trials of life. Her mother held out the frame so she could see. The smiling faces of her mom and dad on their wedding day greeted her. How had her mom been able to view the picture in the dark?
“Missing, Daddy?”
“Like crazy.” Her mother sniffed. “It’s amazing how the grief just appears out of nowhere.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” she replied softly.
“Of course, you understand.”
She nodded and stepped out of the hug. Whoever thought she would be united with her mother by widowhood? Though depressing, it forged a bond between them that couldn’t be denied. A blessing from the tragedy. She shook her head trying to dispel the thoughts and images of a flag-draped coffin. Her breath caught as she tried to push the memories back.
“So what did Luke want?”
Curiosity laced her mother’s voice, but there was a hint of something else. She met her mother’s gaze. Did she know how much the man affected her?
“To atone for his sins.”
“What do you mean?”
Tears swam in her eyes. “He was the reason Parker was on the helicopter.” She wiped a tear away. “Apparently Parker took his spot because Luke got sick.” Just saying the words aloud made her stomach dip in protest.
“Oh, Dee.” Her mother’s sigh was audible. “I made maple bacon cheesecake.” Her mother offered a sympathetic smile.
“I’ll take a slice.” Or two.
Her mother wrapped her in another hug then got up. “Nothing soothes the ache better than a slice of cheesecake.”
“Normally I would disagree, but today, that’s just the kind of mood I’m in.”
“Oh, Delaney, you need to relax. Having dessert every now and again won’t hurt you.”
“Tell that to my hips,” she smirked.
Her mother laughed, all traces of her tears gone. “We got the same hips, Dee. You’ll be just fine.”
The first bite was like heaven. The explosion of flavors on her tongue made her grin in delight. Desserts generally made her happy, but maple bacon cheesecake was pure bliss. Then again, her mother could make any dessert and Delaney would be floating on the proverbial cloud.
“Do you want to talk about why you’re so upset?”
Bits of cheesecake sputtered as the ridiculousness nature of her mother’s question hit her gut. “It’s Parker we’re talking about, Ma.”
“I understand that, Dee. But how is getting sick Luke’s fault?”
It wasn’t, but that didn’t make hearing the news any better. Instead of responding, she took another bite and shrugged.
“Did you tell him he had misplaced guilt?”
She snorted. “Before he said he was the reason Parker got on that helicopter.” She explained further at the look of confusion on her mother’s face.
“Poor boy. I can’t imagine the guilt he’s been carrying around.” Her mother pointed a finger. “You need to tell him to let it go and that you forgive him. Let him move on with his life.”
How could she when she wasn’t even sure how she felt about his admission. She balanced her fork back and forth on her fingers. Parker wasn’t supposed to be on the helicopter! “I don’t know if I can, Ma.”
“You will. You just make sure you keep the lines of communication open, huh?”
“Why?” The words slipped free before she could recall them, but since they were out in the open, she forged on. “He can go back to Texas, and life can go back to normal.”
Her mother’s laughter rang loud and clear. “Sweetie, don’t be delusional. I’m not God, but even I can see things will never be the same for you again.” With that, she headed out of the kitchen.
What does she mean by that?
As her thoughts rambled back and forth, bites of her dessert slowly disappeared. She tapped the tines against her lips. On the one hand, she knew Luke wasn’t to blame. The terrorist who fired the RPG killed him. Yet the other part of her, the one who still couldn’t believe Parker was gone, hurt. Ached to lash out and demand why.
Why, Lord? Why did you have to take him from me? We were supposed to grow old and gray together. Not this. A tear slid down her face. I shouldn’t be raising my kids alone. They no longer have a father to shape them into manhood. We live with my mother now. This wasn’t the plan.
A picture of Luke’s strong face entered her mind. The anguish in his voice had been real as he related what happened. She imagined he experienced survivor’s guilt, since no one survived the crash. The fact that he was supposed to be on it had been enough to tear his world apart. Even though he expressed remorse, she wasn’t sure if she could offer words of forgiveness, but a conversation between them would have to happen. How else could she convince him to go back to Texas and leave her alone?
Chapter Four
The smells in The Maple Pit were even better at breakfast than they were at dinner. He couldn’t help but watch as the cooks moved in harmony. Plates appeared on the serving counter, overflowing with goodness. Piles of waffles sprinkled with bits of bacon and confectioner’s sugar sat in perfection. The aromas seemed to dance in the air. And he had no choice but to wait patiently. Luke took a sip of his black coffee as he imagined how his order of maple French toast would taste. Normally, he didn’t eat such a sugary meal, but when in Rome, right?
“Here you go.” He looked up to thank his server and met the gaze of Delaney. The overwhelming sense of déjà vu, swamped his senses.
He laced his words with caution, “Good morning.” Although he knew she worked here, he wasn’t prepared to see her first thing. Besides, didn’t she work the dinner shift? He went ahead and voiced his thoughts aloud.
“I do. I was doing something else, saw you and offered to bring your food.” She laid her hands on the counter top, fiddling with the edge of a napkin.
Suddenly he didn’t feel like eating. The thought must have showed on his face because Delaney offered a small smile.
“Eat. I promise it’s good.”
“I believe it. Just don’t feel hungry all of a sudden.” He gulped. Why had he told her the truth? Why can’t you keep your mouth shut?
Her lips turned downward. “About that.”
“Please. I know you’re not ready to talk.”
“How can you tell?” Her brown eyes darkened in disbelief.
“You look like you’re going to shred that napkin to pieces.”
She looked down, noticing the napkin in her hand. A wry grin transformed her face, taking his breath away. He grabbed the mug to refocus his thoughts. Not yours, Robinson.
“Okay, so maybe I don’t want to talk about it. However, I think we need to.”
“All right. What do you want to say?”
“Were you the only one with food poisoning?”
He blinked. What? “I…” His mind had lost the words necessary to communicate. “No, I wasn’t.”
“How many others guys had it?”
“Two others.”
“So three people took y’alls spots?”
His mind tripped at the ‘y’all.’ He didn’t even know Virginians said the word, although it sounded a lot different than the way a Texan would. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t ma’am me, Luke Robinson.”
His eyes widened at the rebuke.
“How do you know Parker took your spot?”
“I…” his voice trailed off and he looked away. He couldn’t finish his thought. Didn’t want to see her face when he said what he had to say. It was too difficult.
“Luke? What aren’t you saying?”
He ran a hand over his face and looked around. “Maybe we should do this somewhere else?”
She nodded slowly. “Come with me.”
He followed her to a back hallway. A long corridor was filled with closed doors. She paused at one and opened it. After peering in, she closed it and moved down to the next one. This time she knocked and waited for a response.
“Come in,” a female voice called out.
Delaney pushed the door open. “Hey, Nina. Can I borrow your office for a few minutes? It’s important.”
“Sure.”
Luke leaned around the door frame in time to see a petite Black female come around her desk. She was so tiny it was almost laughable. He looked between Delaney and the woman. Couldn’t be sisters.
“Where are the babies?” Delaney asked.
“Kandi has them.”
“She’s so great with them.
“Tell me about it,” Nina replied.
Luke stepped back allowing room for her to pass. She scrutinized him and then turned back to Delaney. “I’ll be up front. Come get me when you’re done.”
“All right.” Delaney looked at him and gestured inside.
Suddenly, privacy didn’t seem like such a good idea. He did not need to be in a small space with her. Not where he could clearly smell the scent of her perfume, or maybe it was shower gel. The tantalizing smell of strawberries pulled at his gut.
Not yours, Robinson. Focus, man.
Delaney closed the door and leaned back against it. “Talk.”
He gulped. “I have no clue which person took my spot. Like you said, I wasn’t the only one who got sick.”
“Then why the need to make amends?”
“Because someone was on that plane because of me!” The shout tore free, ripped from his gut as if he was reliving the news all over again. Three men had been on that helicopter. Any one of them would still be alive if he had been on it instead.
“Luke,” Delaney breathed out his name. Empathy flooded her face.
He turned so he couldn’t see the look in her eyes. She had no right to treat him with such grace.
“Luke, look at me.” Her voice was stronger, authoritative even.
His body betrayed him and met her warm brown eyes.
“You can’t atone for something you had no control over. Plus, you can’t be so sure that Parker was the one who took your spot. This line of thinking is so misguided. If you truly believe you were at fault, you’d have to go visit the other two guys’ families.”
“I already have.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
He nodded, trying to find the rest of the words to finish this conversation. His insides were tearing apart. “Last year I saw one family. Worked on their farm for two weeks.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, ma…” he paused trying to stop the ma’am at the arch of her eyebrow. “Earlier this year I went to the other family. They kicked me off their property. So, I sent them my paycheck.”
“Then why offer me a month of your time?”
“You have two boys.”
“Wow.”
Was wow a good thing or a bad thing?
His hands found their way into the pockets, clenching in a fist now that they were unseen. Nerves tightened the muscles in his body. Whatever was going through her mind…well, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know, but he didn’t want her to send him away. The desire to stay, to take care of her amazed him.
Only question: was it misplaced guilt or something more?
Delaney placed a hand on her forehead. “I need time to think.”
“I won’t leave until you tell me to,” he answered quietly.
Something flashed in her eyes. He wished he knew her well enough to understand what that look meant.
“We should go. I’m sure Nina has work to do.”
He grabbed a sticky note off the desk and wrote his cell number before handing it to her. “Call me when you’ve decided your next steps. I’ll answer no matter the time.”
Taking a deep breath, he brushed past her and walked away. Yet for some strange reason, he felt like he left a piece of himself behind.
The noise of The Maple Pit couldn’t distract Delaney from the tumult of emotions her mind was putting her through. She’d been prepared to feel anger at Luke’s bombshell. Only the hits kept coming. He wasn’t the only one who’d been sick.
And he visited every single family who lost someone.
The thought dropped her heart to her toes. How could she maintain her resentment when the man was trying to atone to all possible parties? It was infuriating in its goodness. His goodness.
“Dee?”
She looked up.
Nina’s brow furrowed with concern. “Can I sit with you?”
“Sure.” It wasn’t like she needed the other seat.
Did Luke finish his food? Her head swiveled to the bar. He sat there, pushing his food around on his plate. Even in his misery his good looks couldn’t be denied.
“Who is that, Delaney?”
“Oh, um…he knew Parker.” She tore her gaze away to meet her sister-in-law’s.
“Did something happen?”
Delaney leaned forward and spilled her guts.
When she first met Nina, she assumed the woman was a gold digger out to get Dwight in her clutches. Only it turned out her brother answered an ad in the newspaper to marry Nina for money. Somedays the whole scenario still blew her mind. Yet the two were still going strong after a year and half of marriage. Plus, she was now an aunt to twins: a niece and a nephew.
“What are you going to do?” Nina asked.
“I have no idea. Part of me says I should send him back to Texas. I mean really, what could he do? Our house doesn’t need any repairs. I don’t own a farm.” She shook her head.
“Then tell him he doesn’t owes you anything and poof…” Nina made a disappearing motion with her hands.
But I can’t! The idea of him leaving, bothered her more than it should.
She inhaled a shaky breath. “I don’t know if I should. I don’t understand it but I don’t think that’s the answer.”
“Have you prayed?”
“No,” she scoffed. “My brain has been so addled; I didn’t even think of it.”
“Let’s do that now.”
Delaney bowed her head as Nina offered up a prayer. “Lord, please give Delaney the wisdom she needs for this situation. Only You know the right thing to do. Please make it clear for her. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
“Amen.” She squeezed Nina’s hands. “Thank you so much.”
“Anytime.”
A change in the subject was needed. “How are my babies?”
“Gabe’s teething.”
“Already?”
Nina nodded her head vigorously. “I’m not ready for them to get teeth. How do you handle the boys growing?”
Delaney smiled. Preston and Philip were nine going on thirty. Philip was an old soul and Preston was always bouncing off the walls. “Just hug them tight until they let go. It eases the ache. Is Abby teething too?”
