Finding Love, page 12
She grimaced. It’s not that she was ashamed of them. Just didn’t want them to get attached and then have another man ripped from their arms. Okay, so children often proved to be more resilient than adults. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t be affected. She grabbed her cell phone and pulled up her Bible app. Maybe she could find something to confirm her feelings.
She paused as the verse of the day popped up.
Matthew 9:29, “Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.”.
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
Goosebumps raised the hair on her arms. She couldn’t stop staring at the verse. “According to my faith…” she murmured. “Are you trying to tell me the quality of my life is based on my faith?”
A tear slid down her face at the thought. Since Parker died, her quality of life was severely lacking. Using the words of her twins, “it sucked.” Was it her lack of faith that caused her to dread each day? To feel like she was stuck in tar and struggling to move forward?
Yet, with one look into dreamy blue eyes, she’d felt a glimmer. A spark of what could be.
“I’m scared, God. I don’t want to give my heart and lose it again.”
“The Lord is thy keeper.”
She froze as the words resonated in her soul. God was the keeper of her heart, keeper of her entire being. She needed to let God hold her heart. Let Him dictate her actions and not rely heavily upon her feelings.
“Please help me, Lord. Show me what to do.”
Chapter Sixteen
Sleep had eluded him for the better part of the night. Now that morning had arrived, he wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers and sleep the day away. Except his brain still wouldn’t shut up. It insisted on going through different scenarios.
Enlist or not?
Guard or no Guard?
And when to tell Delaney about his sobriety?
If he reenlisted, Delaney would still have to come to terms with his job. Same if he crossed into the Guard. Of course, if he chose to just separate, her peace of mind would be assured. But no retirement check.
“Money’s not everything, Son.” He winced as his father’s words echoed in his brain. Okay, so money wasn’t everything. If he ended up owning the skydiving business, it may be enough to take care of him until he decided to retire from working.
God, could you please just tell me what to do already? And what if He had, and Luke missed it because he was constantly pleading to God instead of listening.
Ouch. He ran a hand across his chin. Okay, he needed to be quiet. His phone chimed signaling an incoming text from Delaney. He opened it.
You up?
Yes. You okay? His thumbs flew across the screen.
Yes. Can I come see you?
His eyebrows rose. Did she have good news or bad news?
Sure. Ms. Bella’s making breakfast if you’re hungry.
No, been up since 6. Already ate.
He laughed. She could have texted him then too. Nothing like insomnia to bond a couple. Then again, her boys were early risers.
Be there in a bit.
K.
He stood up, tossing his phone on the bed. It would take him no time to be presentable. The military had taught him how to get ready in a hurry. By the time she pulled up to the B&B, he’d be ready. The size of the town guaranteed she’d arrive soon.
As he finished tying his boots, a knock sounded. “Visitor, Mr. Robinson.”
“Thanks, Ms. Bella,” he called out.
“Please let it be good news, Lord.” He ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath before exiting his room.
Delaney was waiting for him in the living room, sitting on the couch. She had on a gauzy tank top and shorts looking just as beautiful as ever. Don’t let her break my heart, Lord. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she smiled.
“Want to go sit on the porch?” That way if you kick me in the gut Ms. Bella won’t be a witness.
“Sure.”
He headed for the front. His stomach felt like it was doing the rhumba. Thank goodness he hadn’t eaten yet. If so, it would probably be working its way back up. He slid his hands down his jeans before opening the door.
Nerves were going to put his deodorant to the test. Just yesterday she seemed so hesitant and heart broken. Now there was a peace around her. A peace that signified a decision had been made. But which one?
His stomach clenched. “Have a seat.” He gestured to one of the rocking chairs.
“How about the porch swing?” She pointed to the white wooden seat covered in pillows.
A pulse in his neck jumped. “You want to sit on the porch swing? Together?”
Delaney laughed and grabbed his hand. “Come sit with me.”
He followed, almost stumbling over his feet. Why was she so happy? What had happened between last night and this morning? Obviously, she’d gotten way more sleep than he did.
She patted the space beside her and he sank down into it. He stared at his arms wondering if he should put them around her or the swing. He slipped one on the back of the swing, trying to relax. Delaney smiled up at him and scooted into the crook of his arm.
That’s a good thing, right, Lord?
“I need to tell you about my night.”
“Okay,” he said cautiously. His heart was thumping like crazy in his chest. Being this near to her was overloading his senses.
“I have this reoccurring dream about Parker. Well it’s more like a memory, except I dream about it.”
He squeezed her shoulder in comfort.
“Anyway, I had it again last night except it was different.”
“Different how?”
“First, let me tell you how it usually goes.”
He nodded and listened as she relayed the dream. His jaw clenched. Bad memories were hard enough to overcome, but to relive it over and over in a dream? He shook his head. She was tougher than she realized.
“That’s usually how it goes.”
“How was last night’s dream different?”
“Micah was at my door.”
“What?” He straightened up and met her gaze. She had a dream he died? He wanted to groan in frustration. No way this would bode well.
“My thoughts exactly. Only I couldn’t wake up and the dream played on until Micah told me you died.”
“Oh, Delaney.” The words tore from his heart. He ran a hand down his face. This was not good. Should he just let her go now before he caused more heartache? He nestled his head against her hair. “I’m so sorry.” He ached to say more, but what?
“No.” She looked up at him. “It was a good thing.”
“How?”
“Because it finally made me realized I’ve been lacking faith.” She went on and told him about the Bible verse and how it affected her. “Luke, I don’t want to merely live and go through each day in a mutinous state of being. I want more.”
Was she saying? “More what?” He swallowed trying to hold the hope back.
“More out of life. I want to see where this thing between us goes.”
“Really?” Relief flooded through him. He felt like a wet noodle. “You really do?”
“I really do.” She beamed at him.
“My job’s not a problem?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?” Why couldn’t he leave it alone? “If I decided to not retire at twenty and continued serving, you’d still be okay?”
She framed his face with her hands and brushed her lips against his. It was over so fast, he blinked.
“Yes,” she breathed, her breath fanning his lips. “I’m okay with it.”
“Thank, God.” His lips found hers again and this time he took his time.
Life was great. Now that Delaney made the commitment to date Luke, she could breathe easier. Last night’s rest had been dream free. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail as her mind continued to think about the handsome Texas. How would she handle it when Luke had to leave?
No, worry about that later. She could do the whole crossing-that-bridge thing. She sighed as she turned sideways in front of the floor-length mirror making sure she looked okay.
You’re just going hiking, Dee.
Still, it couldn’t hurt to look her best. She couldn’t wait to show Luke one of her favorite hiking places. He asked her to bring the kids along, but she declined. She knew eventually they would have to do family activities, but she wasn’t ready.
You’re still holding back.
“I’m not,” she mumbled.
Luke was leaving in less than two weeks. She wanted to maximize their time together, which couldn’t be done if Preston and Philip were around. Besides, what if something…no, she wouldn’t go down that path.
See, holding back.
“I’m not.”
“You’re not what?”
She yelped at the sound of her mother’s voice. “Ma, you scared me.”
“Probably because you’re talking to yourself.” Her mother folded her arms and leaned against the door frame. “Why are you dressed like that for a date?” Her mother pointed to the shorts and T-shirt she was wearing.
“We’re going hiking at Great Falls.”
“Oh, my goodness. I can’t believe you found a guy who will hike with you.”
She grinned. She couldn’t help it. Luke was such an amazing man and now that she made the decision to see their relationship through, she could count the ways he interested her. Like taking me hiking.
“I think the first date was the best, but I want to show him the falls.”
“Hmmm.”
Great. Her mother didn’t use that tone very often, but when she did, nothing good followed. She tied her hiking boots, doing her best to ignore her.
“Delaney.”
She held back a sigh. “Yes, Ma?”
“You’re not diving in head first are you?”
“What do you mean?” She met her mother’s concerned gaze.
“I want you to date, but it seems like you want to do more than that.”
“Come again? I’m a Christian, Mother.”
“Not that.” Her mother waved a hand. “I meant it seemed like you were thinking wedding bells. You have the same look on your face you used to have when you were with Parker. The love look.”
“Ma, no one has said the ‘l’ word.” Even though we discussed kids already. No way would she let that thought fly and have her mother dig deeper.
“I just wanted to remind you he’s leaving soon. No need to get attached.”
“Didn’t you point out that maybe I was already attached last night?”
“I just meant you obviously like the boy. But now…now I see something different.”
“I’m a grown woman mother. I have kids of my own, you know?”
“Look, Miss Thang. That man is headed back to the military. He doesn’t live here and probably won’t.”
“He actually was talking about trying to move out here.”
Her mother raised her eyebrows as her mouth dropped open. Dee went up to her and put her arms around her mother. “I won’t move too fast. Don’t worry.”
“Too late,” her mother mumbled.
“Ma. I’m a big girl. I’m okay.”
“Says the ‘big girl’ who was crying her little eyes out the other night.”
She sighed. “And didn’t you tell me to acknowledge my feelings? What’s with the big switch-a-roo?”
“I just worry.”
“Don’t. Please.”
The doorbell chimed.
“That’s him. Are we good?” She paused and looked her mother in the eyes.
“Have fun,” her mother said begrudgingly.
“Okay.”
She grabbed her rucksack and headed for the front door. The boys had spent last night at Dwight’s house. Kandi was going to take them to a local trampoline place and let them bounce themselves into exhaustion. She snickered, it wouldn’t work but it was a nice thought.
Luke stood in front of the door, his leather jacket unzipped in the blazing sunlight. He grinned, deep grooves appearing in his clean-shaven cheeks. “Hey.”
“Good morning.” She closed the door behind her. “We’re riding the motorcycle, aren’t we?”
He held out a helmet. “Of course we are.”
She shook her head in bemusement. “I’m not so sure…”
“It’ll be fine. I’ll keep you safe.”
Goosebumps appeared at the look in his eyes. She was sure he meant it, but who was going to keep her heart safe?
“Come on.” He held out a hand and she clasped it.
Her feet grew heavy as she walked closer to his bike. She’d never been on a motorcycle before. Never. What if she fell? What if she scraped her skin up? Oh no.
“I don’t have a leather jacket.” Relief flood through her. They would have to take her car now.
Luke grinned and opened a compartment. He pulled out a caramel colored leather jacket. “Bought you one.”
“You did?” Why was she charmed? Shouldn’t she be irritated that she had no choice but to ride it now? “What about my legs?”
“I won’t go that fast. I promise, I’ll keep you safe.”
Her heart dipped.
He held out the jacket and she slipped it on. It was a perfect fit. “It’s so smooth.”
“First leather jacket?”
“Yes.” Too bad there wasn’t a mirror.
“You look good.” His grin was wide so she’d take it she looked better than good.
“All right. Tell me what I need to do.”
For the next few minutes he went over instructions, like how to lean. He made sure she was comfortable before he started the bike. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. A sigh escaped her lips. She could get used to this.
“Hang on.”
She nodded against his back and he pulled away. Her hands clinched his waist, surprised by the movement. Please, don’t let us die, Lord. That would really suck.
Slowly but surely, the tension fled and exhilaration took place. Before long, Luke parked in the Great Falls parking lot. He put his feet down and took off his helmet.
“Well?” His ice blue eyes twinkled.
“Fantastic.”
“I knew you’d like it.”
She grinned. “Wait until you see the falls. It’s the perfect follow up.”
“No this is.” He pulled her close and kissed her softly on the lips.
Chapter Seventeen
Sounds of “Crazy Girl” filled the air as Luke’s cell rang. A grin slipped over his face. Delaney was the only one with that ringtone. “Hey.”
“I have a huge favor to ask you.”
The frantic sound of her voice clenched his goat. “What’s wrong? Is someone hurt?”
“No. Shaunice is sick and Ma needs me to serve for dinner. I’m so sorry. I know we were going out and everything…”
“No worries. What do you need me to do?” He didn’t want to go in and cook but if he got to be with Delaney, so be it.
“Could you possibly watch the boys for me?” A pause then Delaney’s voice filled the air again. “Normally, I’d ask Kandi, but Dwight and Nina took her to college. She’s doing some summer program and has to be there earlier than the rest.”
“Well, first week of July is certainly earlier.”
“I know.”
Could he watch her boys? He hadn’t had an opportunity to be around them. Delaney seemed to be keeping them at a distance, which he understood, despite the unease that ran through him at the thought. Guess now she had no choice. “Of course I’ll watch them.”
“Thank you so much. Can you come over like five minutes ago?”
“Sure.” He chuckled. “Be there in a few.”
In no time, he stood on her front porch, knocking on her front door, nerves drumming through him. What did nine-year-old boys like to do? What did you like to do?
Delaney opened the door looking flustered and harried. “Thank you so much, Luke.”
“No problem.”
“Come on in.” She motioned him inside. “I’ll introduce you to the boys again. They have different color shirts on so it should be easy to keep them straight. Preston’s wearing red and Philip’s wearing blue.” She took a breath then yelled. “Preston! Philip!”
He raised his eyebrows. “Not only can you whistle, but you yell like a drill sergeant.”
“Not exactly lady-like attributes,” she shrugged.
Footsteps thundered as the boys appeared from the stairs below. He leaned close and whispered. “It’s not like you belched. Besides, you have two boys. Those skills come in handy.”
She smiled at him then looked at her boys.
“You guys remember Mr. Luke, right?”
“Hi!” They said in unison.
“Howdy.”
“Mr. Luke’s going to watch you while I’m at work. Be good and listen to him, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Okay. Give me a hug.” She gave them each a hug, ruffling their hair afterward. They ran back downstairs.
She turned to him. “Bedtime is at nine. I just put a casserole in the oven and it should be done in another…” she checked her watch. “Fifteen minutes. They have no allergies, no meds. Just make sure they don’t kill each other or destroy anything in the house.”
He laughed. “All right.”
She leaned forward, placing her hands on his face. “Don’t be worried. You’ll be fine.”
“Does the fear show?”
“Badly. Kids smell it better than animals.”
Great. He laid a quick kiss on her lips. “Go before your Mom panics.”
“I’m going, I’m going.”
Without a backwards glance, she was gone, and he was left standing in the foyer. He looked down the stairs. Did the light darken or was it his imagination? Come on, Robinson. Just your fear. Shake it off and go babysit.
He could do this. Sending a quick prayer upward, he jogged down the stairs and entered mayhem.
Toys littered the entire basement floor.
Legos. Action figures. Dinosaurs.
Everything had made it onto the floor. Philip and Preston had donned on Ninja Turtle masks and were using light sabers to fight as they each stood in an empty toy chest, yelling “Arrrrh,” to one another.
