My Maddie, page 24
“FUCK YES!” Beauty jumped from her chair and rushed across the room to hug Phebe. One by one we stood and congratulated her. “Right. When were y’all thinking?” Beauty asked. “’Cause y’all know I’m planning the whole fucking thing!” She clapped her hands. “The new clubhouse is nearly finished. It’ll be fucking perfect.”
The door opened behind us and Styx walked through. I laughed when he took in the scene before him with wide and somewhat fearful eyes. “Prez! There’s gonna be a motherfucking wedding! Get ready for me to be around more than usual.” Styx nodded at Beauty.
“Papa!” Charon wriggled out of Mae’s arms and waddled across the room to Styx. I rarely saw Styx smile. But as he lifted Charon into his grasp, his son’s chubby arms wrapping around his neck, Styx’ smile was unmissable. Mae walked over to greet them. Styx put his hand on the back of Mae’s head and pulled her to his lips. The way he met Mae’s eyes showed, without words, how much Styx loved her. Loved them both.
I could not take my eyes from the sight. My stomach turned in trepidation. In my mind’s eye I could see Flame as the perfect, doting father. But I simply did not know how he would react when our baby was finally here. I closed my eyes and felt him laying kisses on my stomach. He did that daily, worshipping our baby before it was even here. He slept with one hand on my bump and the other clutched around me. But I still saw fear flicker in his eyes. Sometimes I awoke to him pacing the floor beside our bed, examining the scars on his arms, tracing up and down his veins with his fingers.
“Maddie?” I opened my eyes to find Bella beside me. “Are you well?” I nodded and found myself watching Styx take Charon into the kitchen. He was whispering into Charon’s ear. I fought a lump in my throat.
“Styx talks to Charon,” I said to Bella. Our sisters were gathered around Phebe. She was so happy. She deserved so much to be happy. I found Styx again. He was drinking a beer, guiding Charon outside onto the porch. And all the time he spoke to Charon. Styx, the Hangmen Mute, spoke with ease to his son.
“Most men change when they become fathers,” Bella said. I sat down on my chair. She sat beside me. “I have assisted many births with Ruth.” Bella’s eyes lost focus as she thought. “When they see their child, something changes within them. Like an age-old instinct to love and protect this small baby switches on inside them.” She smiled. “It is truly a beautiful and powerful thing to see.” I glanced down at my hands. I was fiddling with my fingers. Bella must have seen this. “Flame is doing better?”
My husband’s face popped into my mind. He was doing better. Better than months ago. But there were times I saw him stumble. A few days here and there, a week of difficulty… there were days when he believed the flames were too much for him to handle. There were nights he sat beside the bed watching my stomach in case something was to go wrong with the baby. Nights when his poppa’s voice convinced Flame that he was evil. Nights when Flame dreamed that Isaiah came to him and blamed him for his death. Those were the worst occurrences. When he broke, Flame dropped to his knees and told me he feared he would kill our child.
“I spoke to Rider,” I revealed. “He told me that Flame may never be free from his past traumas. That he may relapse at any time. But that, if he did, he would rise again, as he had done so many times before.” I turned to Bella. I took hold of her hand. “I want him to love our baby,” I whispered. It was my greatest fear. One I had not dared to speak aloud, yet I thought so many times. “I want Flame to see our baby and know he is their father.” Bella rubbed my back. “What if he does not, Bella? What will we do then?”
“He will,” Bella assured me. “It may take him time to adjust. It may not be instantaneous. But he will love them as much as he does you. Maddie, the way he loves you…” she trailed off. “Have faith, sister. He will find his way.”
In nodded. I yawned, already tired. My back had ached for a day, twinges had rippled across my stomach. I was uncomfortable and ready to meet my baby. “Can you help me stand?” I asked Bella. She took my hand and pulled me to my feet. I stretched my back and moved to walk to Phebe and the celebration, when a sharp pain cut through my stomach. I bent over, wincing at the shock of pain.
“Maddie?’ Bella called, concerned. I looked to my sister, suddenly feeling wet liquid rush down the inside of my thighs. My heart began to race. “Your waters have broken,” Bella said. Mae and Lilah came rushing over. Sudden nerves accosted me.
“Maddie,” Mae said, and helped me toward the door. “We need to get you home.” Lilah took my other hand as Bella moved aside.
“I am calling Ruth,” Bella said, taking her cell from her pocket. Mae and Lilah brought me to the porch.
“Breathe,” Mae said, brushing my long hair back from my face. “You can do this, sister.” She kissed my cheek. I met her light blue eyes. Eye coloring she shared with Bella, and now Charon. “You will meet your daughter or son soon.” As she spoke those words my heart blossomed and chased away any fear that resided in my bones.
“My daughter or son,” I whispered, as I closed my eyes. My daughter or son… I was going to be a mother.
The sound of a truck roared in the distance. It pulled to a stop in front of Mae’s home. Asher jumped out of the truck. “Maddie!” he cried and came to the porch. “Are you okay?” His dark eyes looked down at my stomach.
“The baby is coming,” I said. I smiled but another sharp pain pressed on my lower back as I did. I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the pain to pass.
“Shit, Maddie!” Ash said nervously, and raked his hands through his hair. Asher had been given his prospect position back after we returned from West Virginia. I was so proud of him. He was doing so well. He had begun to heal after Slash’s death. He apologized to Styx for his behavior and had found an apprenticeship with Tank and Bull. He was flourishing. It was all I ever wanted for him.
“We must get her into the truck, Asher,” Bella ordered, opening the passenger side door. I sat inside and held my breath again, when another pain roared to life. “Breathe, Maddie.” Bella breathed with me. I copied her rhythm and she nodded. “You must breathe. Remember what Ruth taught you.” Asher got into the driver’s side. Bella sat beside me.
“We will follow,” Mae informed us and kissed the back of my hand. “We will be with you soon. Maddie.” Mae’s eyes filled with tears. It made mine fill too. “You are soon to be a mother,” she said, cupping my cheek. I leaned into her warmth. “My little sister...”
“Mae…” I whispered in reply. She backed away and Bella shut the door. Bella took hold of my hand.
“Are you ready, Maddie?” Bella asked. “Asher, let us go.” Asher pulled out of the yard and headed along the gravel road to our cabin.
“Flame?” I asked, as another pain came. I squeezed Bella’s hand and exhaled under her instruction.
“He’s out on a run. I called AK as soon as Bella called me. AK ain’t telling Flame about this until they’re home.” Asher met my eyes and I nodded in understanding. Flame would panic. He would ride recklessly to get home. I needed him safe. We all needed him safe. “They’re coming home now. He’ll be about an hour.”
“Stay with me,” I asked Bella, suddenly feeling a panic at Flame being delayed.
“You know I will stay here until they arrive. Then I shall assist Ruth. Mae and Lilah will be coming for support too.” Bella wiped back loose hair from my forehead. It was warm in the truck and my hair stuck to my skin. “Like it always used to be,” Bella reminisced. I closed my eyes to see the Cursed housing in The Order. “Always there for each other,” Bella confirmed. I nodded. It was always us four—Jezebel, Salome, Delilah and Magdalene—The Cursed Sisters of Eve. Bella’s hand holding mine was as familiar as my own reflection.
How many nights had I returned to our quarters, bloodied and bruised, unable to walk from being so aggressively taken by Brother Moses, only then to have Bella hold my hand as I rested in the aftermath? To have Mae bathe my skin with a washcloth, erasing Brother Moses’ touch from my skin. Lilah would sing softly in my ear—she also whispered prayers of strength and salvation, as she tried to rebuild my broken spirit.
“Although we were prisoners, we were lucky,” I sought to convince Bella. I faced my sister and I saw sadness etched on her beautiful face. “Although we were going through hell, we were together. Still, are together.”
Bella placed her head against mine. “Always, Maddie. Our children, present and future, will grow up with that same love for each other. No more pain.”
“No more pain,” I echoed as the truck came to a halt. Asher opened the door to the cabin and then the truck. Sister Ruth pulled up behind us. My father drove her. Bella helped me from my car.
“Are you ready?” Sister Ruth asked, a wide smile on her face.
“Yes,” I said. My father took my other hand.
“Maddie. You can do this. You are one of the strongest people I know.”
“Thank you,” I accepted his compliment and squeezed his hand. The relationship with our father, for me and my sisters, was slow building. He was a good man but had been a stranger to us all of our lives. We spoke. He visited us. And I knew, someday, my sisters and I would love him for the father I knew he was desperate to be. Once I was in the cabin, my father left, and Asher hovered near the door.
“Wait outside for Flame,” Bella called to Asher. “Let us know when he arrives.”
“Okay.” Asher said, exhaling in relief and went outside to the porch. I smiled at Bella, knowing that she was offering him the excuse he needed to leave the house.
“Let us get you out of this soiled dress and into a freshly laundered nightgown.” Sister Ruth fussed. I walked to the bathroom, clutching the sink when another wave of pain swept through my body. “Breathe,” Sister Ruth instructed, and I followed her slow outtake of breath. Once changed, I paced the living room, watching the door. I listened for tiniest sign of Flame and the arrival of his motorcycle.
“Let me examine you,” Sister Ruth offered and led me to the bed. I lay down and winced as Ruth examined me. Her eyebrows were pulled down. “Have you been feeling pain for a while, Maddie?”
“My back has ached all day and last night.” I rubbed my hands over my stomach. “I had quite a lot of pain, but I assumed it was Braxton Hicks.”
“You are five centimeters dilated, Maddie. You are in active labor.” I swallowed. I felt my hands begin to tremble. “How is your pain now?” Ruth asked. On cue, a sharp pain shot through my body and I closed my eyes, trying to breathe through the agony. I squeezed Bella’s hand tightly, waiting for the pain to subside. I lay back down on the bed when the pain passed. Bella brought a glass of iced water to my lips.
The door opened and I lifted my head, needing it to be Flame. Mae and Lilah came through. “Active labor, five centimeters,” Bella called to them, as they stood around the bed.
“Maddie,” Mae said and held my other hand. “That is good. Your baby will be here soon enough.” She pressed a washcloth over my brow. “It is worth it, I promise. All of the pain is worth it.”
“Flame?” I asked.
“He is on his way,” Lilah confirmed. “Ky is with him, and AK and Viking. He said they are almost home.” Lilah held up her cell. I squeezed my eyes shut. “I need him here. I need him to be here.” I moved my legs from the bed. “I need to get up. I need to walk.” I insisted as Ruth helped me rise. I gripped onto the bed frame, groaning when the pressure in my back became too great. Bella rubbed my back. I breathed in time with Ruth.
I closed my eyes and thought about Flame. My mind took me back to The Order. Took me back to the day the Hangmen came for Mae. When the prison cell, in which we were held was opened, I stood before them, the men in leather. They looked nothing like anyone I had ever seen before. And they had killed the disciples. They had killed Brother Moses, my tormentor. Someone had saved me from him. I stared at Brother Moses, stabbed to death and impaled on a tree. In that moment I felt all of my years of pain and suffering melt away. A sense of euphoria infused my body. The cage around my lungs had snapped open.
“Who killed him?” I had asked when I again faced the devil’s men. “Was it you?” I asked Flame. He was stunning to me—dark hair, dark eyes, tattoos of flames decorating his skin. My savior, the man who freed me from my shackles of bondage. He was not a devil’s man to me. He was my liberator. He was my angel.
“Yeah, I killed the fucker,” he said.
“Thank you.” I remembered the smell of leather as I wrapped my arms around him, my cheek to his chest. I remembered his muscled arms tensing, then wrapping around me. He held me and something inside of me shifted. Some part of my heart that had died was revived. I was resurrected. Reborn for this man they called Flame… and now I was having his baby. Our baby. Our miracle.
The sound of motorcycles came roaring from outside. “Flame,” I murmured.
I heard the low murmur of voices, then, “MADDIE!” Flame came smashing through the door. I looked up and my eyes watered on seeing the man I loved finally here. I held out my hands, and I saw Flame’s eyes widen on seeing me gripping the bed frame. I stood upright and held out my hand. Flame’s footing faltered, but he came to me. His eyes searched every inch of me. “Maddie…” he said softly. My sisters moved aside and Flame took hold of my hand. He pulled me to his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, just like I had done all those years ago in the commune. And like then, he held me back. Leather… leather and the strength my husband brought to my soul. “Maddie,” he rasped again, then kissed my head.
A contraction flooded my body. I hung onto Flame and moaned when the pain was stronger than last time. “MADDIE!” Flame cried and held onto me. I sagged after the contraction. He held me up in his strong arms.
“I am well,” I assured him. When I met his gaze, the fear written on his face was my undoing. “Flame, we spoke of this. The pain that comes with labor. Remember?”
“I fucking can’t stand to see you in pain,” Flame said through gritted teeth. I moved to sit on the bed. Flame never let me go. “I don’t want to see you in pain,” he repeated. His cheeks lost their color and my heart broke at the stark fear in his stare.
Taking his hand, I pressed it over my stomach. “Our baby is coming, Flame. Our baby is coming…”
“Maddie…” He too looked in pain.
“It will get worse before it gets better,” I told him. I pressed my hand to his cheek. “Before our baby comes, the pain will get worse.” I lowered his hand to rest over my heart. “But it will be worth it,” I assured, and let my head lower to meet Flame’s. “It will be so very worth it.”
Flame looked around the room, his eyes lost and fraught. I always knew this would difficult for him. The labor. Flame was never going to handle well my being in pain. We just needed to get through this. He would be fine when we got through this, I tried to convince myself.
*****
Sweat rolled into my eyes. I felt the bed was wet beneath me. I breathed the rhythm Ruth panted out from beside me. Flame held onto my hand. He was distraught. I cried out when pain consumed me, when my head rolled back, and I needed the pain to end. “That is it, Maddie,” Ruth said with conviction. I felt her move to the bottom of the bed and examine me. “Ten centimeters, Maddie! You can push soon. Your baby will be here very soon.”
I gasped, searching for breath as the contraction slowly subsided. I rolled my head in Flame’s direction. His eyes were wide. He was lost and I could see the panic on his face. “Maddie,” he whispered and laid his head on my arm. “Don’t die. You can’t die. Don’t die.” Tears seeped from the side of my eyes. He did not understand what was happening. Labor confused him. My pain confused him. His greatest fears were stabbing at his heart. His skin had broken out in a sweat, his lips and skin were white.
“I am here,” I whispered. I was tired, so tired. It had been hours, many hours of pain. Flame had never left my side, his hand always in mine. But knew he was sinking. His fears were overwhelming his spirit.
Mae pressed a cold washcloth to my head. “Ready to push, Maddie?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said with determination and kissed Flame’s hand. “I love you,” I confirmed and offered my husband a weak smile. “I love you so much.”
“Maddie,” he whispered back.
When the sudden urge to push became strong I looked to Ruth. “Now,” I said. “I have to push.”
Ruth moved to the bottom of the bed. “Let us meet your baby,” she pronounced, and I clutched Flame’s hand to my chest.
“Our baby, Flame,” I said. “Our baby…” Flame followed the path of my body to Ruth. His breathing was too fast, and his nervous gaze flitted around the room, thankfully it always landed back on me.
“Ready?” Sister Ruth asked. Taking a deep breath I pushed. Over the next hour I pushed until I felt drained of energy. Flame had gone silent beside me.
“I cannot,” I whispered, my voice broken.
“This is the final push, Maddie. I see the baby clearly,” Ruth said. Mae held my other hand.
“One more push, Maddie and your baby will be here. This is it. Just one more push.” Looking into Flame’s eyes, I took a deep breath and pushed. I gasped as I felt my baby being born. Flame’s lips were parted but he was numb. In truth he had been numb for a while. His mind was protecting him from the pain he felt on seeing me in discomfort.
I focused on Ruth and my baby in her arms. “A girl,” Ruth announced, checking her tiny body, cutting the cord and wiping her skin. “You have a baby girl.” A rush of happiness, so magnificent, washed through me and left me breathless. I cried out in elation, happiness pouring forth from my mouth, into the sacred air around us. And then our baby cried. Her voice pierced the air, the sound anchoring her to my heart. I could not take my eyes off her, as Ruth brought her to my chest.
