Devil’s in the Details, page 15
I grinned, feeling the rush of tears cover my cheeks, "You can't afford me." I fought the words out around choked happy sobs.
Victoria sighed, "It's a good thing I’m making you dinner then. At my house." I heard her let out a breath. "Tomorrow? I'll send you my address."
I shook my head, "I'm free tonight." I didn't want to waste another minute like we both had over the last few months.
I could almost feel her grin through the phone, "I'll see you at my house at nine, Alex. I hope you like lasagna."
I chuckled, wiping away the rest of the tears, "I love it." I whispered a quick goodbye and slid down the door to sit on the floor. Laughing and shaking my head as my phone beeped and I saw Victoria's address fill my screen.
This was too good to be true, and I really hoped it wasn't, because it was almost perfect.
Chapter 7
It was either nerves or fear that kept me awake the entire drive to Victoria's house. I was constantly checking the GPS map a thousand times to make sure that I was going to a house in Annapolis. I was struggling to wrap my head around the fact that I was really, and truly, going to her house. When I thought about that minor fact, the nerves would overwhelm me. The nerves would force me to stay focused on the road and the map for the simple fear of crashing, and never making it to her house.
Oddly enough, being focused and nervous kept my eyes open. I was beyond exhausted having worked two doubles over the last two and half days. My body wanted me to find a warm bed and curl up in it for days. My heart wanted me to keep pushing, keep moving until I was standing in front of Victoria, standing in her house and finally have what it, and I both wanted for the last year.
It took me a little longer than I predicted, traffic was sticky and I wasn’t used to driving on this side of town. The surrounding neighborhood was filled with quaint houses with addresses on mail boxes and not painted on dirty windows. My heart won out in keeping me calm and I quickly found myself in a small neighborhood filled with amazing old houses that I knew my nurse paycheck could never afford me. I slowed the old mini down to a crawl, craning my neck to read the lit up addresses on fancy mailboxes and up on fancy porches. Double checking the text from Victoria a thousand more times, feeling my stomach twist in anticipation as the numbers counted closer to my destination.
It all still felt like a dream from the moment I hung up until now. All of her actions had left me floating through the last few hours of the shift with a silly grin on my face. Deb was constantly asking me nosy questions about who my secret admirer was while I gazed at the tulips in between marking down patient doses. I would ignore her interrogation, smile and move on to the next set of rounds. Continuing to float around dreamily with the unique sensation in my stomach that came with a particular brand of excitement only love could offer up.
I was in love. It was certain now.
I was utterly and unabashedly in love with the mysterious blonde that had literally swept me off my feet in a handful of written words. Words that swept me up into a fierce tornado that I knew would consume me and be one hell of a ride.
Letting out a heavy sigh, I finally pulled up in front of a large craftsmen house that had the front porch light on, beaming down on the black and white address numbers affixed above the door. Biting my bottom lip, I paused. This was it, this was Victoria's house.
I hesitated for a minute, my nervous hyperactive mind creeping up on me with all sorts of doubtful thoughts and words. I shook my head to shake them away as I pulled the beat up mini into the driveway to park next to her shiny silver BMW. Turning off the old car, I sat for a moment, having to press my hand over my stomach as the butterflies began to turn into anxious eagles. Flapping their wings to encourage me to go further.
I shook my head again, blinking the exhaustion free from my eyes as I reached for my giant bag of extra clothes and other random necessities I needed on double shifts. I grinned when I saw the yellow tulips sitting in the beaker on the floor. For the hundredth time, I thought, this was it. The one stupid phrase circling in my head with every new piece Victoria offered to me. Pieces I had wanted for a year. This was what I was hoping for, and wanting, from the moment I saw her picture on the internet so long ago.
The beautiful stranger who had saved me and changed that terrible night into a series of beautiful memories.
When I shoved the heavy car door open, the night air was crisp and helped to wake up my body and senses. The air also held the lightest aroma of varying flowers blooming as spring was shifting into summer. It all increased the floating feeling I carried as I hoisted the bag onto my shoulder and started walking towards the front door.
Glancing around the yard in the darkness of night, I could still easily see how meticulous Victoria was outside of her uniform. Her lawn was pristine and not one thing appeared to be out of place. I chuckled softly to myself walking over the perfectly aligned cobblestones leading me up to a large grey wooden door, wondering if there was a crazy, or unplanned bone in the woman's body.
I looked up at the large door with a small stained glass window up at the top. Taking in another deep breath, I lifted my hand to knock on the door when it suddenly opened in a slow, yet quick manner. Victoria stood before me, pushing the door to the side as the light from the house encircled her in an elegant yellow glow. She broke into a huge grin as she looked right in my eyes, "Alex."
I bit my bottom lip to try and keep the grin on my face from growing any bigger. "Victoria."
Then came the ever present awkward silence, which had basically become our song over the last year. Falling between us to give me the perfect opportunity to look Victoria over like I had done a million times in secret, but now felt I could do blatantly. She wore a thin, loose and faded pink sweater that draped around her shoulders. Showing more of her skin than I had ever seen before. Her blonde hair was up in a messy ponytail and the baggy jeans drew my eyes down to see the woman was standing comfortably barefoot. This was clearly relaxed Victoria and it immediately put me at ease. I squeezed my bag strap tighter, "Is it laundry day?" I cleared my throat lightly to cover up the wavering voice caused by rising nerves.
Victoria gave me a look, "Excuse me?"
I laughed, pointing at the sweater, "For the almost year I’ve known you, I've only ever seen you in uniforms, business suits, the never ending supply of Navy shirts, or Navy colored hoodies you own. I have never, ever, seen you in a sweater. Let alone a pink one." I shrugged, feeling embarrassed that this was my opening line of this new foray into a relationship with her. "But, it looks great on you. You look really beautiful." My courage and normal bravado I carried in life, was quickly being replaced by this fumbling, mumbling flirting.
Victoria smiled softly, looking down at the stone porch. "I wore this for you, Alex. You mentioned a long time ago when we were shopping that you thought pink would look good on me." She cleared her throat, waving me inside. "Anyway, welcome to my home, please come in?"
God, she did remember everything. I smiled at the new level of awkwardness Victoria and I were reaching, "Thank you." I stepped into the foyer of her house, suddenly feeling like I had to put on all of my best manners and stand in one spot as she closed the door, shuffling to lean against it nervously.
"Did you find the house okay?" Victoria was a step behind me, closing the door.
I nodded, trying so very hard not to look around even as the smells of fresh baked lasagna in the oven had its hooks in my nose, "I did, but I must confess that I had some help from the GPS." I shifted my bag, "You have a nice house, Victoria." I internally rolled my eyes at how terribly forced this conversation was going. Victoria was my friend, my best friend and the woman I was in love with. Why was it so hard to talk to her when I told her just about everything? Even that one time I had the terrible stomach flu and was trapped in my bathroom for a day, calling upon her to bring me medicine and some sports drinks to fend off dehydration.
Victoria pushed off the door, moving quickly towards me "I'm sorry, I'm forgetting all of my manners. Can I take your bag and coat?" She smiled shyly as she looked over me, "Are you sure you want to have dinner tonight? You look exhausted, Alex. I can save dinner for tomorrow? It'll be just as good." Victoria nervously rambling was the cutest thing I had seen in a long time.
I slipped the bag off my shoulder, handing it over to her, shaking my head, "No way in hell would I pass this moment up, Victoria. You finally ask me to dinner and did it in the most incredibly romantic way." I met her eyes, feeling my heart melt at the sight of them. "I can sleep later, but right now all I want is to sit with you. Be with you."
I dropped my head to look at the ragged edges of my scrubs, "I waited a really long time for this moment. A really long time for you, Victoria." I whispered it, so fearful to say it any louder and scare the poor woman away.
I heard Victoria breathe out audibly as she took my heavy bag and coat. Leaving me in scrub pants and the old long sleeve shirt I often wore under the scrub shirt. I turned to look in the direction of the kitchen and the smells emanating from it to distract myself from wanting to grab her, kiss her, or just hug her until the world ended. "It smells amazing! I hope there is a glass of wine or two to go with it. Today was one crazy day." It was more than crazy. It was a roller coaster of emotions with a side trip on a tilt a whirl.
I went to take a step out of the foyer to loosen up the tension that was beginning to swarm around us again, when I felt Victoria's hand clasp gently around my elbow. Stilling my movements and pulling me back at the same time. I turned to her with a confused look on my face, "What is it…."
The rest of the words never made it out. Victoria's hand on my arm was followed by her other reaching up to my cheek and then sliding to the back of my head as she pulled me into her body.
When her lips met mine, it was as if the entire world stopped, exploded and then was rebuilt upon the first touch of those soft lips followed by the intense sensation it sent through my entire body.
It took me a second to respond and realize that she was kissing me. That this was the moment I had been waiting for, dreaming about, for months. I pushed back against her mouth, placing my hands on the edges of her jaw to hold her as I pressed our bodies closer. I felt her stumble one step back, causing her to release my arm to move both hers to wrap around my side. Steadying the both of us.
I kept my eyes shut as we kissed like our lives depended on it. Feverish, passionate, loving and consuming. Add in another thousand words to describe this kiss, it didn't matter, it was perfect and before I knew it, I felt her tongue on my bottom lip, silently asking me for more. I answered her silent request, moaning and smiling against her mouth as the kiss grew in intensity. Never in my life had I experienced a first kiss like this. Not even my very first kiss under the swing set in third grade with Bobby Stevens. Kissing Victoria felt like what I imagined it felt like when atoms split.
I soon felt Victoria pull back from me, hearing and feeling the soft pants of lungs needing air. As much as I wanted the kiss to go on for the rest of this night or my life, I knew air was critical. Victoria's hand moved from the back of my neck to rest on my cheek as she leaned back to look in my eyes with a shy smile, "I've been wanting to do that since I gave you my pickle." It came out as a whisper but held the same power as if she shouted it from a mountain top.
I burst out in laughter, feeling all of the tension around us dissipate. "Me too, Victoria, me too." I let out a heavy, happy sigh. "Care to show me around?" I covered the hand on my cheek, pulling it down so I could slide my fingers in hers, sighing again at the way her warm hand felt in mine. If this was a dream, I never wanted to wake up.
Victoria nodded, licking her lips and looking at me like she wanted to kiss me again, "Of course, but how about we eat something first." She looked down at our hands in a way that told me that she was surprised just as much as I was by this moment.
I nodded, feeling my stomach growl and gurgle, telling me that food was a desperately needed remedy at this moment, no matter how much I wanted to kiss the beautiful woman in front of me. I looked over her shoulder to see where she hung up my bag, "I brought the movie for after." I turned back to catch Victoria still staring at our hands together, "And little baby." I then brought up our hands to bring Victoria's eyes up to mine. "Thank you for that."
She smiled softly at me and I could see the tiniest edges of clouds forming around her irises appear and then disappear just as quickly. "You do know that baby in the movie was a leopard?" Victoria raised an eyebrow, "I almost got you a stuffed leopard but…."
"I told you that I wanted a tiger ever since I was younger because of that movie. Is there anything you don't remember?" I took in a slow breath, "I know baby is a leopard, but I confused it with a tiger as all little kids do with animals who look the same. My mother was just happy the movie could settle me down when I was acting up, so much so she bought me my first stuffed animal. A tiger that I named baby, to carry around whenever I was upset. " I shrugged, "I never really figured out baby was a leopard until I was a teenager." I paused looking at the woman in front of me. "I honestly didn't think you were listening that first day, during our first lunch. You seemed so nervous and distant."
Victoria squeezed my hand, "I was listening, Alex. That day and every day after." The blonde paused, looking over at the kitchen in an attempt to clearly change the subject, "Follow me. The lasagna should be perfect by now."
I let Victoria lead me into the kitchen, my gut telling me to be cautious while my heart was floating in pure bliss. I glanced at her hand in mine and told my gut to just let me have this one night, this one dinner, before it begged me to pay more attention to the bits and pieces that were still far too mysterious about Victoria.
I had always been in control of every single aspect of my life, throughout my entire life, from my first day at the Naval Academy until now. Never once did I allow control to slip away, or allowed myself to give it to someone else. I had done that once, a very long time ago in Baghdad, and it changed my life. Then came everything else that followed Baghdad and starting to work for Voltaire, it all forced me to keep a thick choke hold on control.
But now as I pulled the bubbling hot lasagna from the oven, one I had made solely because I knew it was Alex's favorite, I realized I had allowed her to have control over my heart without a second thought. Maybe it was seeing her with someone else, that limp fish of a doctor. Maybe it was seeing in her eyes, as I walked away this last time, Alex was about to give up on me and ask me to stay away through a text, or an awkward phone call.
I knew I would never be able to pin point the exact moment I handed over control to my heart and the brunette sitting in my house, nor did I want to. All I knew was that I was taking a huge chance with Alex. Taking a chance that I could be normal and have the life I never knew I wanted until it almost slipped out of my fingers and into the hands of that greasy doctor Dean.
I was about to hand Alex all of the control and pray to God I could do this.
Turning to set the hot pan on top of the stove, I looked over at Alex. She was leaning against the edge of the grey granite island, trying her best to hide the signs of exhaustion creeping in more and more around her eyes. The poor woman was about to collapse. "Are you sure you can make it through dinner?" I wanted to look in her eyes, but found myself drifting down to her lips. An overwhelming desire to kiss her again coursed through my veins, made it very hard to think, let alone speak.
I couldn't tear my eyes away from her lips. How the bottom one was fuller than her top lip and how it felt against the tip of my tongue, sending shivers of heat through my arms. I had kissed Alex in the foyer purely out of spontaneity and fear. I feared if I didn't in that moment, I would lose my courage and never do it. Leaving me to regret it like I had regretted not doing a hundred other things with Alex and for her.
The only thing left in my thoughts outside of wanting to kiss her senseless, was that I knew for certain, I was in love with Alex. I loved her with all of my heart and soul, and I would have to fight every day to keep her. Fight myself to keep from sliding into the usual modus operandi of letting my partner, or whoever I was dating, think what they wanted when I had to disappear. Eventually, allowing them to scream at me, call me names and stomp off without a second look. Giving up on me as I couldn't, or wouldn't, fight to keep whatever relationship alive just so I wouldn't have to answer questions and tell truths better left to the darkness they lived in. I would have to fight all of that with Alex. I knew it also meant I’d have to lie to her to keep her close and keep her safe. Safe from the truth I hid, and keep the killer I was, hidden from the world. Hidden from the woman I was in love with.
The human in me wanted to love and live normally more than it wanted to hide the killer I was. Deep down I knew it would lead me down a road that would cost me everything I had and was creating with Alex, but then again, I had almost lost everything when I asked Alex to let me go and move on almost a year ago.
I sucked in a breath looking up at Alex, the risk was worth it. She was worth it. Loving her was the one thing I would do because I wanted to. Because I had to.
Alex nodded, shifting to stand upright, "Of course I'm sure." She smiled softly, looking around the kitchen, towards the living room where the fireplace and another large television hung over the mantel. "Your house is really nice."
I chuckled as I reached for plates and wine glasses, "It's still a work in progress. I keep wanting to change the rugs or the furniture until it feels like a home, not just a place where I sleep." That was the truth. My house still had yet to feel like a home and not just a place where I slept and destroyed the evidence of my second life.
"Well, it's far better than my one room loft studio apartment with spiders and holes in the walls." Alex laughed, leaning her hands on the edge of the island. "How long have you lived here?"
