Finding Monica, page 17
“It’s the same,” Monica said.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“How sure?” Baker asked.
She looked into his eyes then, trying not to flinch at the stark fury she saw there. Somehow, she knew it wasn’t directed at her. “As sure as I am that if I didn’t get out of my father’s house when I did, I would’ve been dead in a month.”
She had no idea if the man in front of her knew what that meant, but when he nodded once and stood, she figured he did. Stuart had told her that Baker had the ability to find out anything about anyone. She’d kind of shrugged it off at the time. Now she was certain he’d done his research on her. Probably the second he’d heard the commander had forced her come to Hawaii to help ID the rogue SEAL.
“You know who he is?” Stuart asked.
“I have a good idea,” Baker said.
Monica felt more than heard Stuart growl in frustration. Then he asked her in a gentle tone, “You think you can stand up?”
She wasn’t sure. But she nodded anyway. And she shouldn’t have worried; Stuart didn’t let go of her for one second as he helped her off his lap and to her feet. He led her over to the table where Jody was still sitting, looking extremely concerned now, and gestured for her to sit on the bench.
Monica did so gratefully. She’d fallen on her ass once in front of these people, she didn’t want to do it a second time.
“Who is he?” Stuart asked.
“Shane ‘Bull’ Beyer. He was on my SEAL team. Everyone on the team got the same tattoo one night after an especially gnarly mission. We were as close as a team could get…but as the years went by, something happened in Bull’s head. He became reckless, then out of control…then dangerous. It got to the point where I had to write him up and report him to my commander. After a psych eval, he was kicked off the team and ordered to go to therapy. He refused and was given a ODPMC discharge.”
Stuart whistled low.
Monica frowned. “What’s that?”
“Other designated physical and mental conditions discharge,” Baker said. “It’s used when someone doesn’t qualify for a disability discharge, but still has a condition that interferes with the performance of his duties.”
“He wasn’t happy about that,” Stuart said. It wasn’t a question.
Baker chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “No, he definitely wasn’t happy. I tried to get him help once he was out, but he told me to fuck off. That I’d already helped him enough. I kept tabs on him for a while, but eventually he dropped off my radar. I’m assuming that’s when he started using false identities.”
“So now what?” Stuart asked.
“Now I go on the hunt,” Baker said.
Monica shivered at the threat in his tone.
“If I’d known he was capable of stooping as low as he has, this would’ve been taken care of before now. I’ll call Huttner and have a chat with him, tell him about my suspicions.”
“Don’t you need proof?” Monica got up the nerve to ask. “I mean, how do you know it’s him and not any of the other guys on your team? Or someone who just happens to like dragons and got a tattoo?”
“I’ve read your description of the man you saw,” Baker said. He didn’t pace. He didn’t look agitated. His stillness as he stood in front of her and explained himself somehow made him even more scary. “It fits Bull to a tee. So much so, I should’ve guessed it was him before now. But it’s been years since I’ve heard from him. A decade at least.”
“What’s his end goal?” Stuart asked.
“Who knows? To cause as much disorder as he can? To stick it to the United States? He probably gets off telling women he’s a SEAL, then terrorizing them. Maybe his way of ‘getting back’ at the organization he feels sold him out.”
“I want in,” Stuart said.
Baker shook his head immediately. “No fucking way.”
“I have a stake in this,” he argued.
“I realize that,” Baker said, his gaze flicking to Monica’s before looking back at Stuart. “But you’re also still active duty. I’m not going to let you do anything that might get you in trouble. Besides…this is between me and Bull.”
“Baker?” Jody asked.
And just like that, Baker instantly got control of his anger. His shoulders visibly relaxed and he took a deep breath before turning to the woman sitting at the table. “I’m sorry, Jodelle,” he said.
She shook her head. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m guessing you’re going to be gone again for a while?”
“It’s possible,” Baker told her.
“Just be careful,” she said softly. “I can’t lose someone else I care about.”
“You aren’t going to lose me,” Baker reassured her.
Monica almost felt as if she was intruding on a very intimate conversation. There was definitely more between these two people than what either of them would probably admit.
“I want to be informed about everything you find out,” Stuart told Baker. “And now I’m thinking since Mo is the only one who can ID this guy, she could be in serious danger if he figures out you’re on his trail.”
Baker shook his head. “No offense to Monica, but I doubt he’s going to care about her. He’ll be overjoyed to know he’s gotten under the Navy’s skin. And mine. He’ll be positively gleeful when he realizes I’m on his trail. It’s a game to him. Probably is pissed he hasn’t been identified yet and has purposely let himself get sloppy.”
“He let Monica see him?” Stuart asked.
“Yup. And I wouldn’t be surprised if there are other clues that will seem obvious now. I don’t think your woman is in any danger,” Baker said.
Monica didn’t have time to process the “your woman” thing when Stuart countered with, “Is yours?”
The two men stared at each other for a long moment, before Baker sighed and said, “I’ll keep you in the loop.”
“Good. You ready to go, Mo?”
She glanced at Stuart. He did not look happy. The relaxed vibe he’d had when they arrived was gone. She’d done that—and she hated it.
She simply nodded in response.
Stuart put a hand under her elbow and as soon as she was upright, he wrapped his arm around her waist. It felt good. Comforting. Monica knew she should pull away but felt the need to absorb as much of his support as she could for just a while longer.
“It was nice to meet you,” Monica told Jody.
“You too.”
“I’m sorry about how all this turned out,” she couldn’t help but add.
“Why? From what I understand, it seems to me that the entire reason why you’re here on our beautiful island to begin with was solved in the last ten minutes or so.”
She was right. Monica had no reason to stay any longer. She could call up her employment agency and tell them to get her a new placement immediately.
Two weeks ago, she would’ve jumped at the opportunity. Now, she wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore.
“Later,” Stuart told Baker with a lift of his chin.
“Later,” Baker returned.
Monica looked back as they walked toward the parking lot and Stuart’s minivan, and saw Baker sitting on the bench next to Jody. He lifted a hand and smoothed back a lock of her hair, an intimate gesture that proved there was more to their association than simple friendship.
And despite everything that had just happened, Monica had to admit that Elodie, Lexie, and Kenna were right. Baker was a fine specimen of a man…even if he did scare the hell out of her.
Chapter Thirteen
Pid was having a hard time shaking off his frustration and anger. He was pissed as hell at this Bull guy—but he was more frustrated that he didn’t know where Monica’s head was at. She’d scared him to death when all the color had leached from her face and she’d had that panic attack. If he hadn’t caught her before she could run off, she really could’ve gotten hurt.
Now he had no idea what she was thinking. Was she going to demand he take her home so she could pack and get the hell out of Hawaii? Back to her nanny job?
He hadn’t known her that long, but the thought of never seeing her again made Pid want to throw up. He’d gotten attached. He hadn’t meant to, had told himself he was just doing her a favor by letting her stay at his house, even as he enjoyed her company more and more. But he should’ve known just two days in…when he’d first gotten the idea to build the false wall in her room. He wouldn’t have done that for someone he didn’t care about. Deeply.
The Monday after the weekend she’d met Baker and things had sort of imploded, he went in with her to talk to Huttner. The commander hadn’t said much. Just listened to Monica explain why she thought the tattoo on Baker was the same as the one she’d seen on the mystery man, then he’d thanked her and said she could go home for the day. So Pid had brought her back to his house, where she’d insisted she was fine, that she was just going to relax the rest of the day.
He pretty much had no choice but to return to work, even though he’d worried about her the entire time.
On Tuesday, he called his commander to find out if Monica was needed on base, rather than driving all the way out, only to possibly turn around and bring her back to his house. Huttner said he’d been talking to Baker and things were progressing, and that he might want Monica to come in at some point to answer questions and look at pictures, but wasn’t needed until further notice. So she’d spent another day at home while he was at the base.
Their evenings had been subdued. Monica hadn’t really felt like talking, so Pid had given her some space. But he was done with that. He was worried about her, needed her to talk to him.
So after PT with the team and a few meetings in the morning, he headed home early Wednesday afternoon. He had an idea to try to make Monica feel more relaxed. He prayed it would work, and that she wouldn’t think he was overstepping.
He’d texted her before leaving work, letting her know he was headed back to the house. The last thing he wanted was to scare her by showing up announced. When he walked through the front door, she was waiting anxiously, standing in the living room practically wringing her hands.
“What’s wrong?” she asked the moment he stepped through the door.
“Nothing.”
“Then why did you leave work early? Did they find him? That Bull guy?”
“I’m here because I’m worried about you. And no, as far as I know, they haven’t found Bull yet, but they will, especially with Baker so pissed off about him.”
She frowned. “You’re worried about me? Why?”
“Are you serious?”
Monica looked even more confused. “Yes.”
Pid walked toward her, not stopping until he was right in front of her. He took her face in his hands and tilted her head back so he could see her eyes. “I’m trying not to be offended that you had to ask that. I’ve obviously not done a good job in making sure you know how much I care about you. How much I like having you here in my house. Talking with you every night. Sharing how our days went, and just hanging out with you in general. I’ve also tried to go slow…to not freak you out with my interest in you. But maybe I’ve gone too slow. Ever since I kissed you, my feelings have only gotten deeper, Monica. And now that you’re almost free to go, all I can think of is convincing you to stay.”
He took a deep breath and continued. “I’m worried about you because you’ve been stuck inside your head since we got back from the North Shore. You’ve been quiet, even more than usual…and I’m afraid you’re going to tell me that you talked to your boss and you’re leaving.”
Monica stared up at him, her blue eyes wide, but she didn’t say anything.
Pid didn’t know if that was a good sign or not, so he kept talking. “I took the rest of the day off today to give you a break from these four walls. To hopefully take your mind off everything that’s happened. I made us an appointment somewhere I’m hoping will do just that.”
“Where?” she asked softly.
“It’s a surprise.”
Monica wrinkled her nose. “Another surprise?”
Pid chuckled. “You liked the last one I had for you.”
“True,” she said.
“In case I wasn’t clear enough…I don’t want you to go. I’m scared the feelings I have for you are one-sided, and you’ll go on with your life without a backward glance.”
She licked her lips, and he held his breath as she took one of her own and began to speak. “They aren’t one-sided.”
Pid let out his breath in a long whoosh.
“But I’m not the best bet for a relationship, Stuart. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust a man again, not after everything my dad did. I’ve enjoyed living here, but I’m used to taking care of myself. To paying my own way. It seemed okay to stay with you while I was being forced to remain here. But now that they know who that guy is…now that staying or going is my choice…I’m uncomfortable mooching off you while I make the decision.”
“You aren’t mooching,” Pid told her. “And as much as this goes against everything within me, if it would make you feel better, I’ll let you pay rent.”
She looked surprised. “Really?”
“Yup. How does a hundred bucks a month sound?” he asked with a smile.
Monica rolled her eyes. “Like you’re not hearing what I’m saying.”
The humor fled from his face. “I’m hearing you, Mo. I hate that you feel that way, but I do understand. We can work something out that feels comfortable for both of us. The last thing I ever want is to take away your independence. But don’t mistake my concern for you or my reluctance to take your money as me being overbearing or controlling. I’ve just learned the hard way that money means next to nothing. Yes, it makes life easier in many ways, but when the grim reaper comes, he doesn’t give a shit how much money someone has in the bank or how many doodads and trinkets they’ve compiled over the years.”
Monica nodded.
Pid knew he should let go of her face, but he was enjoying touching her too much. He stroked a thumb on her cheek, marveling at how smooth her skin was…how soft. “So? You’ll stay here?” he asked.
He could see the fear in her eyes. He hated it. Hated it. Wanted to tell her that she could absolutely trust him not to hurt her or do anything that would emotionally damage her further. That he was on the cusp of falling in love with her, which he knew probably wouldn’t take away her anxiety, since it was happening so fast. All he could do was show her by his actions that she was safe with him. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
“I’ll stay for now. If you promise to let me know when I’ve overstayed my welcome and things aren’t working out.”
Pid noted she’d said when, not if. But he didn’t mention it. “Deal,” he agreed immediately, knowing that day would never come. It was much more likely that Monica would decide she couldn’t be a Navy spouse, or his deployments were too frequent and the uncertainty about where he was going and when he’d be back were too much for her to handle.
“I’m not ready for…” Her voice trailed off.
“No pressure, Mo. Yes, I want a relationship with you, but I’m not some out-of-control teen or an asshole who would ever expect sex if you weren’t ready or interested. I would like to touch you, like I am now. And hold your hand. And maybe exchange a few kisses now and then. Would that be all right?”
He loved the blush that crossed her cheeks as she nodded.
“I can be a pain in the ass,” he warned her. “But I promise never to take a bad day out on you or push you further than you’re comfortable. Sexually, or with my friends, or even if we’re just talking. I want to know everything about you, everything your asshole parents did to you…but I can wait until you’re ready to share.”
“I don’t like to talk about that stuff,” Monica said.
“Because you haven’t found someone you trust enough to open up to. I know. My goal is to be your safe place, Mo. The one person you know you can tell anything to and I won’t judge you, or get mad, or blame you.”
“Stuart, I’m not sure—”
Pid cut off her words with a gentle finger over her lips. “I can be sure for both of us,” he whispered, then slowly leaned toward her, giving her time to pull away.
But she didn’t. Instead, she went up on her tiptoes and put a hand behind his neck and pulled him closer.
When their lips met, Pid was smiling, loving that she was as eager for his touch as he was for hers. Their kiss was long and deep and just as intense as it had been the first time.
Knowing he had to break it off before things went further than she was ready for, and not wanting her to change her mind about staying in his home, Pid forced himself to lift his head. Monica’s lips were swollen from their kiss and her eyes were at half-mast. She looked thoroughly pleasured…and he couldn’t help but picture her in his bed looking just like this after he’d finished making slow, passionate love to her.
“I’m gonna change, then we need to get on the road if we’re going to be on time,” he said.
“On time for what?” she asked.
“You’ll see.”
She frowned at him. “Can’t you at least give me a hint?” she asked with a pout.
“Nope.” Pid leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I know deciding whether or not to stay in Hawaii is a big deal, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you don’t regret it if you do.” Then he let his hands drop from her and turned for the hallway to the bedrooms before he did something crazy—like throw all his plans for the afternoon out the window to stay home and make out with Monica.
Two hours later, Pid watched as Monica sat on the floor of the Head Start Child Care Center and played with two little girls. The dimple in her cheek he always had to work so hard to coax out had been on full display since they’d pulled into the parking lot.
