Wild Collision, page 9
But magazines? They need to make money. They thrive on twisting the truth until it’s unrecognizable.
A few months ago one got ahold of a very unflattering photo of me leaving a club. I looked … like shit. They ran this whole fucking story on how I was addicted to drugs and headed to rehab.
When my mom saw it she called me in a panic, ready to board the first flight to L.A. It took a two hour phone call to finally calm her down and assure her I’d only had too much to drink and the paparazzi caught me off guard leaving the club, and the strange face forever frozen in time they’d captured was from the lights of their cameras blinding me.
Honestly, I can’t believe there are no paps camped out here because of Willow Creek—but I guess since they’d only get pictures of the four musicians and their families it’s not worth it.
All I can say is the reprieve from those vermin is well worth being stuck in the mountains.
I run harder, my breath coming out in mighty gasps. I probably sound close to a dying walrus but I don’t care. As the sweat pours from my body so do my worries.
I run, run, run … until I stumble.
Vibrant red hair catches my eye causing me to nearly fall off the treadmill.
It’s Mia, with her friend from the sub shop who I can’t remember the name of, maybe she never even mentioned her name. She’s laughing at something her dark-haired friend says before they both climb on an elliptical side by side. Any breath I had left leaves me in an instant.
What is she doing here? Why isn’t she at her house far, far, far away from me? Does she purposely want to tempt me like some sultry mermaid goddess?
She might not be doing it on purpose, but Mia Hayes is slowly, tortuously, killing me.
I keep running for as long as I can stand it before I hop off and make my way to her, sliding my earphones out. I’m drenched in sweat, out of breath, and have definitely seen better days but I can’t stop myself from getting closer to her. Apparently I’m a sick bastard who loves to continue punishing himself.
“Fancy running into you here, Miss Hayes,” I croon, stepping in front of her elliptical.
She startles to a halt. Her blue eyes meet with mine, shock shimmering in their depths. Catching her off guard fills me with some sort of sick satisfaction.
“Hollis,” she breathes, almost by accident.
I shouldn’t love the sound of my name on her lips like I do. This girl is unraveling me bit by bit and she’s not even trying.
“What are you doing at a gym way out here?” I ask her casually.
“I-I have to work and Kira wanted to go to the gym before we clock in,” she stutters.
I watch her carefully constructed walls crumble. It lets me know I’m not the only one affected by this thing simmering between us. A part of me wishes I could go back to the guy I was before I met her—the guy who wasn’t bothered, but I also know he was unhappy. Fuck, I was so unhappy, and I didn’t even realize what a miserable, insufferable bastard I’d become. Even if nothing ever happens between us, I truly don’t want to be that guy again. In the near month I’ve been here, I’ve reconnected with my friends, and more importantly with myself. Making brilliant music has fed my soul as much as the fiery girl in front of me.
As much as I want to stand here looking at her, basking in her presence. I know I can’t let myself look like a desperate fucking sap. Instead, I say, “See you around, Mia.”
“Oh … all right. Bye,” she says, but I’m already walking away.
I have to leave before I do something stupid like grab her and kiss the hell out of her.
I won’t take it from her, though. Oh no, when I kiss her for the first time Mia Hayes is going to fucking beg me for it.
13
Mia
The weekend passes uneventfully—well, unless you count seeing Hollis at the gym, which I don’t because it totally didn’t affect me at all.
I also might be lying to myself.
I wish I could kick myself for letting him crawl his way under my skin to the point of falling asleep thinking about his sinful lips. The guy is too attractive for his own good and he knows it, using it to his advantage.
I walk across campus with determined strides, heading to my second class of the day. Thoughts of Hollis need to be shoved from my mind so I can focus on school. But no matter what I do I can’t shake him. He’s either in my thoughts or appearing in front of me. It’s really quite frustrating.
Entering the building I head for the classroom and take a seat in the back.
As the lecture begins I do my best to listen and pay attention, even taking notes, but my mind is elsewhere—with someone else.
This whole avoiding Hollis thing is quickly blowing up in my face, because if I’m not mistaken the heat between us has reached scorching levels in the past few weeks of me avoiding him. It’s like by not … letting some steam out of the pot we’ve reached a boiling point there’s no coming back from.
I might’ve completely fucked everything up by trying to protect us.
It’d be my luck all of this would blow up in my face.
I chew on the end of my pen, trying desperately to pay attention when my mind wants to slip elsewhere.
When class finally ends, I can’t recall a single word the professor said the entire lecture and my notes barely make any sense. Frustration runs rampant in my veins.
I’m thankful when lunch comes, Kira and I slipping away to a local café to grab a sandwich.
Kira stares across the table at me pointedly.
“You might’ve gotten away with ignoring me about the whole Hollis thing on Saturday, but not today missy,” she warns.
I frown. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Why don’t we start with you explaining the whole lingering stare thing and the heat simmering between you two. I swear I saw sparks flying. Hop on that dick girl and get laid already. It’ll loosen you up.”
“Not with him,” I mutter.
“Why? Because last I checked he was super into you, I mean there’s no missing it even if you’re blind, and he’s hot too which is a bonus. Also—thanks to those tight ass shorts Rush was wearing when I spotted him … I’m totally reexamining my decision to avoid him.” She holds out her hands showing me a measurement and mouths, “Huge.”
“It’s not that simple, Kira,” I whine in frustration. “He’s … he’s a musician, one who’s already had some moderate success and I’m certain after their full-length album release, and with my dad’s backing, it’s going to explode. That kind of attention and scrutiny … a relationship can’t make it that.”
She stares at me blankly. “Um … what about your parents? Maddox and Emma? Ezra and Sadie? Mathias and Remy? I think you have plenty of proof it can work—besides, I didn’t say anything about a relationship. I think a little harmless fun would be good for you.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” I admit with a shake of my head.
She rolls her eyes at me and huffs a breath.
“Look,” I begin before she can start a rant. “Anything between Hollis and me is a bad idea. It’ll only lead to disaster. I refuse to jeopardize his career if my dad found out—which he would, he always does.”
I rest my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. I stare down at my sandwich for a moment, suddenly not hungry anymore.
She blinks at me, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Who gives a flying fuck what your dad thinks?”
“Kira,” I scold, as we get a dirty look from the older couple sitting nearby at one of the round tables.
“Whatever.” She gives them a dirty look right back. “Anyway, back to our conversation, it shouldn’t matter what your dad thinks. You’re a grown woman—you’re allowed to be with whomever you want and he has no say.”
“It’s about respect,” I mutter.
She sighs. “I understand how much you love your parents, especially your dad, and not wanting to piss him off, but this is your life, Mia. Not his. What if you miss out on something great because you fear his reaction? I’m not only talking about Hollis, either.”
I bite my lip, because unfortunately, she has a point.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
“Think about it,” she pleads.
I nod. “I will.”
It’ll be all I can think about, because it’s all that’s been consuming me anyway.
* * *
Entering the studio in the afternoon I stroll to the kitchen area, dropping my backpack on the counter. I grab something to drink before poking my head into the recording room.
My dad claps his hands, grinning from ear to ear, and says, “One more time,” to whoever is in the booth. I glance to the glass and find Hollis. Instantly, my throat closes up. What his voice does to me…
“Do you guys need anything?” I ask the three guys sitting on the couch.
They all shake their heads no.
“I have homework I’m going to start. If you need me I’ll be out there.” I point over my shoulder like they don’t already know where I’ll be.
I slip from the room before Hollis can start singing again. The last thing I need is to get ensnared by his mesmerizing voice.
Grabbing my backpack from where I left it I head to the front of the studio and sit on one of the couches, spreading my work around me.
I keep looking up from my work, expecting Hollis to pop into the room, but he doesn’t. I silently curse myself for being disappointed. I want him to stay away, it’s for the best, but when he does then I get like this. It’s pathetic.
I get halfway through my work before everyone’s complaining about how hungry they are. I place an order at a restaurant a few blocks away.
“The food should be ready any minute,” I tell them, poking my head into the recording room. “I’m going to walk over now.”
Hollis clears his throat. “I’ll go with you. You shouldn’t walk alone.”
I open my mouth to protest but my dad speaks before I can.
“That’s nice of you, Hollis.”
Hollis gives me a triumphant grin. I wish I could smack it off his too handsome face.
He doesn’t say anything as we head out onto the street. We’re a block away before he speaks.
“We’re really not good at this whole friends thing.”
I sigh heavily, crossing my arms over my chest. His eyes go straight to my boobs and I glare at him before dropping my arms. “Eyes up here, bud,” I scold, giving him a look. He merely grins from ear to ear at me, not at all bothered. “And no, we’re not,” I add with a sigh.
“What is it about me that bothers you so much?” he inquires. He tries not to look bothered by the question, but I can tell he’s worried about my answer.
We reach the end of the street and I push the button so we can wait for the signal to cross.
“It’s not you per se,” I hedge, looking out to the street beyond so I don’t have to meet that amber eyed gaze. “It’s … it’s what you stand for.”
“What I stand for?” He practically snorts. “What the ever-loving fuck does that mean?”
I force myself to turn to him, having to tilt my head up to look at his face. “I refuse to be some casual fling—it’s not me. I’m not saying I need promises and declarations of love and marriage, but I won’t be yet another girl who falls in your bed once never to be seen or heard from again. Because despite everything I actually like you, Hollis, and I won’t lose a friendship or whatever this is because of sex.”
“You’re not even talking to me right now,” he growls as we stalk across the street finally. “I don’t see how you can call me your friend when you won’t speak to me or barely even deem me worthy to look at.”
His shadow nearly blocks out the sun as he towers over me, his body curled so close to mine as we walk I’m surprised I’m not being sucked into his vortex.
“Are you sure you’re protecting yourself from me or you?” He continues and I nearly trip from his close proximity.
“If we made a pro-con list of all the reasons why something between us is a good idea or bad idea—bad would win.”
His eyes flash. “Forget a fucking chart, Mia. What does your heart say?”
Right now my heart says I want to push my body into him and press my lips against the angry hard line of his and kiss him until I forget my name, forget everything. But I don’t tell him that.
“My heart says I can’t do this right now,” I snarl back, picking up my pace. With my long legs I get ahead for all of two seconds before he’s right there beside me.
“You’re lying,” he bites out the words, his anger making them short and clipped.
I feel tears begin to prick my eyes but I hold them back.
“You’re scared,” he says, his voice softer than before but still with an edge.
“No, I’m not,” I lie.
“It’s okay to be scared,” he says, his tone softer. “Fear isn’t something to ever be ashamed of.”
“And tell me, Hollis, what are you afraid of?” I challenge, hands on my hips. We’re stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, but thankfully there aren’t many people on the street.
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. His golden eyes stare into mine and he presses his lips together before admitting, “Never being good enough.”
Something about his words is like a kick to the stomach. He looks utterly vulnerable and I want to slap myself. Hollis is a lot of things, but at his core he’s like everyone else, looking for someone to understand him completely.
For some odd reason he thinks I’m that person.
He reaches out a gentle hand, cupping my chin between his fingers. My heart beats a mighty rhythm in time with my breaths.
“I know I’m not the kind of guy you think is worth taking a chance on, but I’m willing to prove you wrong. I will prove you wrong.” He ducks his head, his lips sweeping against my cheek before they find my ear. “I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”
He turns from me then, walking ahead, and I can do nothing but follow along.
14
Hollis
My hand flies across the page, the words pouring out of me, out of my heart and soul. I spill them across the page, the dark ink a stark contrast to the white hotel notepad. Normally, Cannon writes our songs—we all help sure, but he’s the one with the talent for songwriting.
But tonight, as I think on what I said to Mia this afternoon, the truth of my words, I can’t stop the words I ache to get out, to make them into song. A promise, my truth, a shout into the void for her to hear my sincerity.
She’s off limits, the one girl I can’t and shouldn’t have, but I yearn for her in a way I never have before.
That’s how I know what I feel is real, and song, lyrics, music is the only way I know how to prove it.
The first time I saw her I thought she was hot and I would’ve loved to have fucked her right then and there in that blue and yellow room. Now I know her, I feel for her, and I know once with Mia would never be enough. She’s too far under my skin.
I ache for her in a way I didn’t know was possible and I’ve had more cold showers in the past few weeks than I did in my entire teen years.
Under my breath I sing the lyrics as my hand flies across the page.
Each word bares my soul a little more.
I’ve never been so personal in any lyrics I’ve written before. I’ve always tried to keep a bit of myself, because as your fame grows so does the group of people who think you belong to them. You have to keep something to yourself to remind you of who you are and not what everyone else wants you to be.
I lost sight of that for a long time, turning into someone I don’t recognize when I look back. It makes me sick to speculate about what my mom must think of the person I’ve been. The excessive drinking, partying, fucking. All of us let the small bit of fame we got from the few songs we released change us—well maybe not Cannon, but for the rest of us … we let it consume us. We let it go to our heads, making us into even bigger cocky assholes than we were before.
Honestly, it’s a miracle Mia didn’t punch me in the face when I came out of her bathroom, all swagger and smart ass words. I would’ve deserved it too.
Being here, on Hayes’s tight leash, has sobered us all in more ways than one.
At first, I was livid, especially when he showed up at the club in D.C. treating us like a bunch of unruly teens who snuck out of the house on a school night.
Now, I’m grateful for it.
It’s funny how quickly perspective can change. It doesn’t take much to change as a person—only the ability to want to change.
This change has nothing to do with Mia. It would’ve happened with or without her once I came here, I’m sure of it, but she’s definitely pushed things along. With her, I see what’s at stake if I fuck up. My past keeps her from giving in, my future too, though she won’t admit it. I can’t blame her, growing up like she did she probably wants nothing more than normal, and fuck … I definitely can’t give her normal. Music is in my blood, in my veins, without it I’d shrivel up and die.
I don’t know why, when I finally feel something so deep, so real, for a woman, the whole situation has to be completely fucked up.
Maybe it’s my punishment for being such a screw up the last few years. It’s what I deserve, but I can’t help holding out hope things might fall into place.
15
Mia
The four guys stroll into the Sub Club and I instantly stiffen at their commanding presence. There’s a table of three girls I’m sure go to the University and they instantly spot the guys, eyeing them up and down. One juts her chest out, like it’s a spider web that can ensnare men. I roll my eyes at the ridiculousness of her behavior.
“Hey, hot stuff,” Hollis croons stepping up to the counter.
