More, page 33
Matthew moaned. Despite his playful command, he couldn't keep his reactions at bay.
I'd have had it no other way.
He spread my ass open, and he tongued my crease, finally working down and around the most sensitive skin. I cried out as he licked and nipped. He stabbed his tongue into me, and I lost all words. I lowered my head to the bed and rocked backward.
One of his hands left my ass, and I knew where it'd gone as Richard groaned.
I needed Richard's touch. I reached out and grabbed his hand. He met me in a fierce exchange of lips, tongues, and moans. I loved it best when I felt them both.
Matthew thrust his tongue into me one last time. Then slick fingers filled me. His talented digits gave his mouth a run in becoming my favorite way for him to excite me. His fingers, his mouth, his hands, his feet, his dick. Really, any part of him. My desire for them hadn't faded. It had become more personal, more profound, more knowing. We moved together in ways no strangers could have perfected. They pleasured me like no one had ever learned I needed.
“Stop kissing.”
Matthew's authoritative demand sent a shiver through my body that landed in my balls. I was loving the performance. His fingers left me in a quick tug, and he swatted our asses— more of a soft tap than a hard slap.
“Richard, on your back. Luke, straddle his legs.”
God, I was loving it.
We repositioned ourselves to his liking with Matthew guiding us into place.
He kissed each of us and smiled before steadying his expression again. “Richard, suck Luke until he's good and slick. When he pulls off, Luke, make love to him, show him you're still here.”
He knelt behind us and rubbed one hand along my back. With the other, he caressed my balls and the skin behind them. Richard scooted down and did as Matthew ordered. I was lost in the sensations of hands and mouth.
I loved watching my cock slide between Richard's lips, seeing our bodies connected, knowing he wanted me inside his mouth, knowing my dick on his tongue made him harder. He swirled the crown one last time and shimmied up the bed. He lifted his legs, opening for me in such a desperate, needy motion, it made me ache to fill him. I didn't play around. I pushed inside him in one quick thrust until his ass met my hips.
He groaned as our bodies came together. “Yes, Luke. I need to feel you. Know you're with us.”
“Yes. Still here. In you.” The grunts took control of my voice. I thrust in and out of him in a slow torment of pleasure.
I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me, and then a low sob. I forced my body to still and turned to Matthew. He swiped at his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“Uh-huh. You're beautiful together. I thought we were going to lose this.” He sighed. A shaking hand returned to my back.
“I need you. C'mere.”
“Yeah.” He moved closer. The head of his cock nudged at my hole. “Not such a top when I cry?”
Richard reached over my shoulder and took Matthew's face in his hand. “I love who you are. Never change.” With his strong arms, Richard pulled us together, and Matthew's prick slid inside my body.
I groaned as we came together. It was right that I ended up suspended between them after everything I'd been through that day. I needed to be there. Needed to know I was still a part of them.
And as Matthew plunged in and Richard bucked up, I was reminded all my body ever needed was them. I was finished playing at the club, finished searching. I'd found the men with whom I could be myself, the men who wouldn't let anyone tell them I wasn't worth loving, and the men whom I wouldn't ever give up— for anyone.
Richard came with a loud grunt. His ass seized the orgasm out of me, and Matthew came along with us.
We collapsed onto Richard in a graceless thump. Our heavy breathing and Matthew's low, sated hums drowned out Richard's exhale.
“I guess it's a good thing Matthew's such a light top if you two are going to keep landing on me.”
Matthew laughed. He dropped beside Richard and patted the man's hip. “Sorry.”
Richard leaned over to kiss him, and I joined them. It wasn't heated or fancy. It was slow and tender and everything I needed.
I moved off Richard and wriggled to lie between them. They made room and wrapped their arms around me.
The irony of the moment wasn't lost on me. I laughed at the memory of the first night we'd stayed together in the same bed— when they had positioned me between them for a brief moment.
“What's so funny?” Matthew asked, his voice relaxed.
“Nothing. Just thinking of how far I've come since we first stayed here together.”
“We've all come a long way,” Richard said. “I'm proud of you, Luke. Proud of what you did today. Proud of the man you are— the man you've let us get to know. When I heard your father say he wanted to kill you... I about lost it.”
Matthew laughed. “You should've seen it. I had to sit on him to get him to listen to me.”
“I imagined as much.” I faced Richard. “Thank you for understanding what I had to do.”
“Had you gotten yourself killed, I'd never have forgiven you.”
“I get that. I like that you worry. Next time, trust me, huh?”
“I'll try.”
Matthew wrapped his arms around me. “We'll always support you. Forever.” He kissed my cheek and then rolled over and jumped out of the bed.
“Where are you going?”
He started dressing. “To get food. Walter said you haven't been eating.”
I finished my shower and found them seated in the dining room. Soft candles lit the room. Trays of food covered the table: cubed cheeses and meats, a sliced French baguette, fresh fruits, whipped cream, and various bite-sized cheesecakes.
I sat across from Richard and reached for my napkin. “Where's the silverware?”
Richard snorted. “Told you he'd notice.”
“Of course he's gonna notice,” Matthew said. “But he doesn't know what we're up to.”
“Can't we eat? It all looks great.”
“Uh-huh,” Matthew said. “But we aren't using forks. We're using our hands.”
“Okay.” I picked up a grape from the fruit tray and went to pop it in my mouth.
Richard reached across the table and stopped me. “No, Luke. We're using our hands, but there's one rule.” He stole the grape from me and raised it to my lips. I opened for him and licked his fingers, loving the game already. “No one can feed himself.”
“You do like your rules, don't you?”
Matthew laughed with me, the sound full of joy and life, wiping away a bit of the horrible memories. He didn't act as though being in the dining room bothered him. I hoped I'd be able to sit there one day and not see steel against his skin. Matthew instilled that sort of hope.
“Hey,” Richard said, “it's those rules and my pushiness that got us here. Without that, you'd both still be playing at the Haven.”
“This feels like... ” Matthew trailed off and lowered his head.
Richard cupped the man's chin. “Finish your thought.”
“This feels like a haven. Here, just us. You know?” He shifted in his seat.
Richard smiled. “Yeah, that's exactly what it's been like.”
I reached for Matthew and held his hand. “Living here with you two has been better than all the nights I spent at the club combined.” I snatched a strawberry, dipped it in the whipped cream, and painted it over his lips.
I pulled him into my arms and licked the cream from his mouth and chin. The sweet taste from his skin ruined me for all other desserts. I traced his mouth with my thumb. “I love these lips. Your laugh. Your smile— ”
The doorbell rang. Richard groaned. “What now?”
“I'll get it,” I said. “It might be the press.” I had already decided I'd talk to them, but not in our home.
I answered the door, expecting to see anyone but who stood on the other side.
My mother stared back at me, her eyes sad and hollow but focused on my own.
I was torn between slamming the door in her face and asking her for the truth I needed to hear. I didn't have time to do either. She barreled through the open door and flung her arms around me.
“Oh, Luke. He said he could make the charges go away.” Her arms squeezed tighter. “He said he'd get you help if I let you go.”
Charges? Help? Fowler had been right. Somehow my father had convinced her to stay away from me. And it didn't sound like he had used the truth.
She released me and wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Come in.” I gestured for her to follow. We passed by the dining room with Richard and Matthew gawking at us. She gave them a small smile and a nod but said nothing.
Richard stood. “Ma'am, if you're here to hurt him in any way, you'll leave. He's been through enough. It's time for him to move on.”
Her mouth opened, but she clamped it shut before speaking. Couldn't she promise him what he needed to hear?
“It's okay,” I said. “I need to hear her out.”
Richard stared at her for another moment, then sat.
I continued on to the living room, and she followed. We each settled in a chair. The tension and unease filled the space between us. I said nothing as I watched her.
She stared at the hands on her lap. “You have a nice home.”
I nodded my thanks. I had nothing to explain, nothing to apologize for, and nothing to be ashamed of.
She took a deep breath and gave her fingers one last twist. “I knew your father had a problem with you being gay as soon as you told us. I knew he'd think it would hurt him politically. But I had no idea the lengths he'd go to, or I would have left him then.” Tears fell onto her cheeks. She swiped at them and continued.
“After you left for college, I found out he was paying men for sex. I asked him for a divorce. That's when he told me about the night you were arrested.”
Arrested? I leaned back against the chair and crossed my arms over my chest. This wasn't going to be good.
She spoke again, her voice unsteady. “He said you'd been having unprotected sex with men for drug money. He said he bailed you out of jail and begged you to stop— the drugs and the prostitution. But you wouldn't promise him anything.”
The tears gushed, and she didn't even try to catch them. “He wanted you out of our lives and said he'd help you if I agreed not to see you anymore. He said he'd get the charges dropped and keep you enrolled in school. He knew of a rehab program that would take you against your will and keep you there until you were clean. I didn't want you to get sick. I didn't want you to end up dead. I told myself all that mattered was getting you help.” She met my shocked stare. “It was all a lie, wasn't it?”
My one-word answer would break her heart more. Yet none of it was my fault, and at least she'd know the whole truth— about her husband, about me.
“Yes.”
She dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. I fetched her a tissue and gave her a few minutes before I continued. When she could look at me again, I told her about Tim and how I'd loved him. About how my losing him was the first of my father's attempts to control me.
When I was done, she cried more.
“I knew... I knew in my heart my boy was a good man. A man who could love. I should never have believed him. I should have gone to you.”
“Dad helped take Tim from me, and he helped take away my ability to let anyone else in.” I glanced up. Richard and Matthew stood in the doorway. “But I've got it back now.”
She followed my gaze. “I see that.”
I smiled at them. Richard returned the gesture and tilted his head toward the stairs.
“No, stay. I have nothing to hide from you.”
He put his arm around Matthew, and they stepped into the room.
My mother watched them move past until they sat on the couch. She looked back at me. “I know I can't come in here and ask for your forgiveness. It isn't that simple. I may not have known everything he was up to, but I let him push you away from us, and I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't try to talk to you, to help you.” She lowered her head. Everything about her radiated shame. It comforted me despite the pain she was feeling.
“Part of me felt betrayed when I learned you were gay. That was something I needed to work through. I didn't. I believed his lies. I let your father's hatred for who you were— and his hatred for himself— taint my own ability to love you and accept you.” She raised her head. “I know I can't expect anything. That's not why I'm here. I want to start by apologizing. I am sorry. So sorry, sweetheart. I've let him tell me what to do for a long time. But that's done. You're a good boy— a good man. I heard that when you came to our house. I stood in the hallway and listened to him threaten you.”
Knowing she had heard his words— had heard her own husband threaten to kill her son— disturbed me. I felt sorry for her in a way I never thought I would.
She swiped the tissue over her cheeks. “But no matter what horrible things he said to you, you stood proud and didn't falter. You defended yourself and your... boyfriends.” She stumbled on the word, but pride surged through me.
“They're more than that, Mom. They're family.” I gave Richard and Matthew a wink.
I felt her gaze upon me. I met her stare.
“Oh. Like married?”
Richard laughed. I glanced back in time to catch Matthew cover Richard's mouth with a small hand.
Matthew gave her a charming smile. “Uh, ma'am, your son wasn't always the marrying kind. For him to say family is a big deal to us.”
She nodded. When she spoke again, her voice was a low whisper. “I know you might need some time, but if you'd let me, I'd like to get to know them. I'd like to get to know you.”
“I'm gay. I'm living with two men. And I've helped to get your husband arrested.”
“None of those statements are news to me, son.”
Matthew giggled. The sound muffled in short order as I presumed a large hand covered his mouth.
“Mom, I won't be anyone but who I am. If you can handle that, then I'm open to trying to get to know each other again.”
Her lower lip quivered, but she held back more tears. “You're a good man, Lukas Moore.” She stood and came to me. She brushed a few loose strands of hair off the side of my face, reminiscent of my nights as a small boy when she'd tuck me into bed. “Your father lost himself along the way. I pretended it didn't matter. I'm sorry I was blind to who you really are.”
I stood and held her in my arms. I let the tears I promised myself I'd never show her come.
She wiped at my eyes and cupped my face in her hands. “Now, before I go, can I meet your boys? Make it more official this time?”
I led her to the couch. Richard and Matthew stood, and they smiled at me with love and affection in their eyes. There was a time when having that expression visible to someone other than the three of us would have bothered me. Not any longer. My mother seeing it was essential and fitting.
“Mom, Richard Marshall.”
Richard held out a hand.
For a moment, she seemed hesitant. Then she stepped forward and hugged him. “You're his protector?”
“I try to be.”
“It's good for a mother to know her son has someone looking after him. Please take care of him.”
“Always.”
I wrapped an arm around Matthew. “And this is Matthew Stewart.”
She turned and hugged him too. “And you're sweet and lively. I think my Luke needs that in his life.”
“And addictive,” I said.
“Right,” Richard said. “Don't forget addictive.” I laughed with him.
Matthew rolled his eyes. She released him and gave his arm a pat before stepping away.
Richard pulled him close and kissed his temple. I was glad to see they weren't holding back in front of my mother. I wouldn't have asked them to do any different, to be anything but themselves.
She sat and fumbled for her purse beside the chair. She removed a new tissue and stabbed at her eyes.
“Is something wrong?”
“Oh, no, no.” Her hands fell to her lap. “For once, it's right. You have a family. Jokes, laughter, love. It's all I ever wanted for you. When you told us you were gay, I never thought you'd have any of this. It's nice to see you in your home with your family.”
If she could accept them, accept me, then I had a chance at having a mother again. I'd never have a father, but I would have a family. It was more than I ever thought I'd have.
I walked her to the door.
“Will you keep in touch?” she asked.
“I'll try.” Remembering to call on Mother's Day or any other day of the year wasn't something I'd had to do in a long time.
“And I'll try to be the mother you deserve.” She moved for the open door but stopped short. “I'd like you all to come for dinner. I'm going to move. I can't stay at the house after... ” She patted my arm. “Please think about it. I'll call, and you can let me know.”
“Thanks for asking. I'll see what the guys say.”
She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. I watched her walk to her car and closed the door after she drove off. My hand gripped the doorknob. I couldn't let go. If I gave up on the death grip, then I might have to let go of everything. The anger. The hatred. The betrayal. Am I ready for that?
Laughter poured out of the living room.
Yeah, I'm ready.
I found Matthew and Richard lying on the couch, kissing, touching, loving on each other.
“I think she likes us,” Richard said.
Matthew laughed. “Uh-huh.”
I tried to hide my smile. “Get your asses up to the bed, or it's the dining room table all over again.”
“God, no.” Richard groaned and stood. “Besides, I have a surprise.”
Chapter Forty-one
I stepped out of the cab and let the smile build, let the anticipation flow through me. A night out to fill the ache, the burning inside me.
It was exactly what I needed.
Only it wasn't the ache of loneliness or misery. It was the ache of knowing, with everything I was, what I wanted. I had no doubts, no fears, no inhibitions.
