More, page 19
“You want something?” I asked.
“You know I do. Been thinking about it all night. Matthew looked damn good. Could barely keep my hands off him.”
“He is pretty irresistible.” I expected to hear a sign of appreciation from Matthew. He offered nothing.
Richard kissed me. He tasted odd, different, but I couldn't put it all together before his mouth was gone. He stepped backward and tugged me with him. “Come on, kid. Let's go to bed.”
“You two go ahead. I'm gonna watch some TV.” Matthew dived forward, fumbled for the remote, and slumped onto the couch again, curling up in the corner.
Richard's hands tightened on my waist. “Matthew?”
“It's fine. Really. I know we have a deal. You guys can maybe find something to do so you don't break the deal, right?” He waved us off with a quick gesture of his arm.
Richard didn't make a move to leave.
“I don't feel well. Don't make a big deal about it.”
Richard released me and went to him. He laid the back of his hand against Matthew's forehead. “Are you okay?”
Matthew pushed the big hand away. “Yeah. Jeez, don't worry so much. Just don't feel well enough to get off. Okay?”
Richard sat in the chair opposite Matthew. The physical distance between them unnerved me. I wanted to go to bed and forget all about it.
The television sound was muted, but Matthew stared at the screen and nothing else. A tampon commercial— including a 3-D animation on the effective absorption power as compared to a competitor's product— came on, and Matthew kept watching it like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. I sat next to him. He shifted a few inches closer to me, then stopped as if he'd moved out of instinct before he could remind himself he wasn't up for anything.
Richard spoke in a soothing tone. “What's wrong?”
Matthew gave up on the TV and hung his head. “I can't be with you tonight. I'm sorry.”
“Can't be with us or with me?”
“With you.”
Richard's mouth gaped open. “Why?”
Matthew fixated on the television again. “You had two glasses of whiskey and two beers.”
“Shit. I didn't think about it. I usually have a few drinks. That's why I take a cab.”
“You didn't drink last time.”
“I didn't. I wasn't sure how long we'd stay. It was hard leaving Luke behind. But tonight... I was pissed no one wanted to work with me. I thought since we weren't going to be home right away— I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I didn't mean to break my promise. I do things a certain way, act a certain way, when I'm working. I didn't think.” He stood and took a step toward the couch.
Matthew flinched.
Richard sank back into the chair. “I'd never hurt you.”
“You can't trust people when they're drinking. They aren't the same, even when they love you. My dad used to... ” He shrugged. “It doesn't matter. I can't be with you when you drink.”
So there it was. His own fucking father. If it hadn't been for men like Richard and Walter who got along with their dads, I'd have concluded fatherhood made men evil.
“Oh God.” Richard raked a hand through his hair.
How much had Matthew's father hurt him? And how the hell could anyone think of hurting him? Pain stabbed at my chest and clamped down around my lungs. It wasn't the pain of my own life.
“You can trust me,” Richard said. “I would never hurt you.”
Matthew stared at the floor again.
“Look at me,” I said. Matthew's eyes lifted. “You know he'd never hurt you. Not Richard.”
“I know that.” Matthew faced Richard. “I know that. God, I'm sorry. It's... ” His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped down the rest of his words. He threw his hands over his face.
Without thinking, I gathered him in my arms and held him. There were no tears, no sobs, nothing to signal he was upset at all but the way he held on to me.
Richard strode across the room and dropped to his knees. He petted Matthew's hair. “I won't drink again. I swear I won't.” He rested his forehead against Matthew's temple. “I would never hurt you.”
Matthew let go of me and wrapped his arms around Richard's neck. “I know.”
Richard pulled him off the couch and onto his lap. He captured Matthew's face in his hands. “Please come to bed with me and Luke.”
I couldn't stop myself— and I didn't want to. I slid off the couch and held Matthew between us. He had to know he was still safe with us, with Richard. I didn't want him to lose that.
Richard's mouth covered Matthew's in a soft kiss. “Let me make love to you.”
“Yes,” Matthew said.
I stroked his back, and he turned to me. “Let both of us.”
He gasped and nodded.
Richard led the smaller man up the stairs, and I followed. The significance of the moment increased with each step.
In the bedroom, we undressed with the bed separating us. Our breathing deepened as need and longing increased with the toss of each article of clothing, each look exchanged. Richard went to Matthew. He made more promises as he laid him down, kissed him, caressed him, made love to him. They came together like nothing I'd ever seen before.
“I won't hurt you,” Richard said. “No matter what, Matthew. It isn't who I am.” He spoke with each movement into Matthew's body.
“I know. Know I can trust you. God, you're good to me.”
They drifted together, in and out, up and down, their gazes locked, their bodies connected, each showing the other how much he meant his words.
Richard's thrusts lost the sensual rhythm moments before he came. One shudder followed another until his strong body stilled. Matthew continued to stroke himself.
Richard leaned over him. “Stop, kid. Don't come.”
Matthew froze. He gripped the base of his cock and squeezed. His brow furrowed with confusion and frustration.
Richard kissed him. Then he rolled to the side. “Luke.”
“Yeah,” Matthew said. “I need you, Luke. Please.”
I fetched a condom, grateful I hadn't touched myself yet. My hands trembled as I opened the wrapper. I tried to roll it on my erection, and my fingers slipped. What Matthew and I were about to do went beyond fucking. Beyond anything we'd done before.
Richard took the condom from me. He wrapped a large hand around my cock, stroked once, and rolled the rubber down. I shot him a grateful look.
Matthew slid under me, as lithe as ever despite his heightened need. I wanted to show him he could trust me. His gaze locked on mine, intent, serious. With him still stretched from Richard's prick, I slid in easily and we came together, our bodies locked.
“That's it, Luke,” Richard whispered. “Make love to him. Show him he can trust us.”
How the hell do I do that? I didn't know, but I had to try. I grasped Matthew's cock in my hand and brought him along with me.
“Luke.” Nothing sounded better than my name in his screams. “Trust you. Trust this. Need this. It's huge. Being made love to by the two of you.” His hand touched the side of my face. “Better... than without you.”
“Better,” I said. My release struck fast, and his followed.
I rolled off, and for the first time after sex, I pulled my lover to me. I wanted to keep contact with him. Matthew pressed his lips against my neck and hummed with each breath.
Richard curled around his other side and cleared his throat. “Uh, your uh... your father used to hit you?” Despite the stiffness of his tone, Richard's hand rubbed over Matthew's back in a slow caress.
“Yeah. When he drank. The rest of the time, he treated me good. He'd take me to the movies or play video games with me. It made it all the harder to take the pain, see the bruises, the blood. He and my mom divorced when I was in high school. He left and I never saw him again.”
I held him tighter to me. “I'm sorry.”
“I've dealt with it. Really, I have. I just have issues with people drinking around me. God. I'm sorry I made such a big deal about this. It's stupid.”
“It is a big deal,” Richard said. “I never meant to— ”
Matthew rolled over and wrapped himself around Richard. “I know.”
Their mouths connected. I let them have a moment together, and then I moved in and kissed Matthew, not able to keep away from him.
His kiss confirmed what I'd known for a while now. He needed us— needed me. I'd never been more significant to anyone in my life. My chest tightened in a wave of anxiety.
I'd never be able to live up to it.
Even with that outcome confidently settled in my mind, I wanted to try. For Matthew. For Richard. And for myself.
For the first time since I was nineteen, I had made love to another man, and I didn't want it to end.
Chapter Twenty-three
“We need to talk,” Richard said.
I poured a cup of coffee and leaned back against the counter. “Okay.”
“Matthew and I got our new test results back.” They were sitting at the kitchen table. Matthew didn't glance up from the cup he held tight in his hands.
“Yeah?” I'd found mine sitting on my desk the night before.
“We both tested negative. Again.”
Matthew lifted his head. His dark eyes asked the question I didn't want to answer.
“I did too.”
“I'm glad,” Richard said. “Any thoughts on what we should do next?”
I forgot I still held the cup, and it slipped from my fingers. I gripped it before it fell and set it on the counter. “I'm not ready.”
“The second tests were because of you. We didn't have an issue giving that to you. Matthew and I are ready. Hell, we were ready last time. We know we've all been careful in the past.”
I crossed the room and sat beside Matthew. “I wish I could tell you I'm ready to throw the damn things in the trash. Hell, I want to. But it's a huge thing for me. It goes against everything I've ever promised myself. It's a chance I said I'd never take for anyone.”
“I understand that,” Matthew said with a nod.
I gave him an appreciative smile.
“I understand it too.” Richard spun his coffee cup with his index finger and thumb. It twirled and twirled until he palmed the cup. The coffee splashed around without spilling. He cleared his throat. “My partner, Gregg, left me last year. He wanted things I couldn't give him. At first, I tried. We went back to the club a few times. We played, used ropes, handcuffs, but it wasn't enough. He wanted other men to join us. I couldn't give him that.
“I came home one day to find him on the couch waiting, all his shit packed and stacked by the door. He said it was over. I wasn't what he needed. After he walked out, I couldn't live in our house anymore. The next day, I went out and bought this place.” Richard's gaze met mine. “I understand the fear of trusting someone, letting him into parts of your life where no one else can get to. I understand how all of this scares you. But here's the thing: I don't think it's because you don't believe we're safe at this moment. It's because you don't trust we won't fuck someone else, then come home and fuck you.”
I stood. The back of my knees smacked the chair and shoved it away from the table. “That's not true.”
Richard lifted a hand. “Let me finish. We're not saying we're gonna go bare without you. Not even for blowjobs. It's all of us or nothing. We agreed. What we want to figure out is how to get you to trust us. Trust is more important than the damn rubbers.”
“I trust you.”
Richard spun his cup again and shook his head. “I thought we were showing each other that the night Matthew and I came home from the last party. But maybe you weren't a part of it.”
How could he say that? I'd been there with them. I'd shown Matthew I wanted him to trust me— that I could be trusted. Maybe I didn't trust them. Did I think they would betray me?
“No, he was with us,” Matthew said, his gaze still on the table.
“I was.” My head throbbed. I massaged my temples as I tried to wrap my mind around thought after thought. Why didn't I want to do what Richard and Matthew were ready for?
I wandered through the kitchen and fetched my cup. I poured the coffee down the drain and set the cup in the sink. What was I afraid of?
I opened the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of water, and downed half the contents. Did I trust them? Did I think they'd hurt me?
I tapped the refrigerator door closed and sat at the table again. Both men were watching me.
I hadn't ever taken inventory of my emotional state, let alone verbalized it. I breathed deep and let the words flow as I made contact with them. “I think I trust you won't do anything to hurt me. Shit. I'm afraid I'll mess up. What if I can't make this work? What if I run? What if I make a mistake?” What if my father comes looking for me with more than angry threats? What if he shows you who I am? What if it's like Tim all over again?
“We all make mistakes,” Richard whispered, his eyes on his coffee again.
“You don't.”
His head jerked up. “You think I don't make mistakes? I make them all the time. Hell, the first month you were here, I figured I was fucking this up and you were going to leave. I was fucking up your lives. His life. I drank around Matthew. After promising I wouldn't. I was in my own head, and I didn't think about him and what he needed. I've fucked up plenty.”
Matthew ran the tips of his fingers over Richard's hand, and the two let the touch linger for a moment. Richard returned his attention to me. “I trust you, Luke. If you want to have sex with someone other than us, you'll tell us. If for some reason you can't tell us before, you'll tell us as soon as you can. You wouldn't put us at risk. You're candid with us. You always have been. But in all honesty, I don't think you want anyone else.”
“I don't.”
“Then as long as you feel that way, I think we're safe to get rid of the rubbers.”
“You won't hurt us,” Matthew said. “If something changes, you'll tell us.”
Richard leaned back in his chair. “You think it over, Luke. You have to be sure. I just wanted to talk about it. Let you know you can trust us.”
“I trust you.” I stood and hauled Richard out of his chair. His green eyes studied me. I skimmed my hands over his biceps and followed the curves with the pads of my fingers. “I trust you. I'll think it over, okay?”
Richard flashed the hint of a smile before he met my lips with his.
The intensity of the kiss built. He held my head firm to him, plastered his body to mine. His taste, his touch was everywhere in my mouth. Would I ever break free of the kiss? Would I ever get another breath that didn't taste like him? And did I care?
Matthew tugged my hips backward. “Come on, you two. Not on the table again. That hurt my back.” He faked a groan and slipped out of the kitchen laughing.
Richard shook his head and chuckled as he followed Matthew.
We made our way upstairs and into bed. I kissed Richard again while Matthew explored our bodies with his tongue. The warmth of his mouth and the sound of his licking and sucking drove me crazy.
Richard rocked against me, his hard cock leaking over my hip. I slid my hand over his ass, ran my fingers along his crease. He twitched with my touch.
“Luke.” He lurched for the nightstand, rolled back, and handed me a condom.
I tore it open and stared at it.
I wasn't conflicted. Or unsure.
I wanted it.
I wanted them.
I flung the condom in the general vicinity of the trash.
Richard grabbed my arm. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” A broad smile hit my lips.
“You have to be sure,” Matthew said.
“I am. I have been. I didn't want to let myself admit it, but it's the truth.”
Richard leaned over me. The kiss was wild. His tongue went deep. His teeth bit at my lips. God, I wanted him. I wanted inside him with nothing else in the way.
His entire body shook.
I jerked back. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. How should we do this? Our first time and all.”
“I don't know. Matthew, what do you want first?” I glanced over Richard's shoulder. Matthew lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. His chest heaved with each shallow breath. “What's wrong?”
Richard flipped over.
Matthew wouldn't look at us. “I've never done this before.”
“Good,” I said. “You had to be safe. You still want to? ‘Cause I'm beginning to think I'm the least nervous one, and that's saying something.”
Matthew pushed up onto his elbows. “Yeah. Yeah. I want to. It's... it's... wow. We're really going to do this.”
Richard barreled over onto him and used his thighs and hips to spread the smaller man's legs apart. Matthew wrapped his limbs around Richard.
“We are,” Richard said. “Gonna feel me inside you. Gonna feel my heat when I come in your ass. Luke and I, we'll be the only ones to fill you like that.”
“God, yes. I can't remember wanting anything more.”
I joined them. We kissed and petted, rubbed and caressed until we couldn't wait any longer. Richard chanted words of appreciation and pleasure when his dick made contact with Matthew's body. I watched them for a moment, entranced by their bodies connecting, by the slide of Richard in and out of Matthew.
I slicked my dick and bent over them. I slid inside Richard and nearly came from the sheer pleasure of his tight heat surrounding me. I held the skin of his shoulder blade between my teeth and concentrated on fending off my orgasm for as long as I could— and I hadn't even moved yet.
I drew back and pressed in. My God. The drag of his heat over the crown of my dick had me ready to go off. I thrust in again. And again. I wanted him to know I was there, inside him, to know I wanted this.
Pleasure flooded my shaft. It spread to my thighs, down my legs, and up my abdomen. I didn't want it to end. I wanted to stay buried in him until morning.
Richard's ass went tight around me as he groaned and came. Matthew cried out. “Richard, yes. Yes. Feel you. Love this.”
