The Barter System, page 20
Matt and Tia were floored but smiling. John was quiet but the smug look on his face said ‘good for Lucas’.
Robert and Timothy were speechless. Finally, one of them said, “He’s been lonely and in pain since our mother died. Who are you to come in here and mess with things?”
Matthew got in on this one, “Boys, your mother hated her life and tortured your father for years. Grow up. You’re the ones who found her diaries before you went away to college. You know what your dad’s life was like.”
“She was our mom, and his wife. There should be pain.”
Lucas sucked air in like he was suffocating. She had her hand on the back of his neck.
Riya stared at them in amazement and felt her temper snap its leash. “If you didn’t look exactly like your father, I would question your paternity you selfish little pricks. There should be pain? How long until his pain would have been enough? Until he killed himself? You don’t look like you’re suffering overly much. Enjoying life and college? Friends, girlfriends? Getting laid on the regular? You don’t look like you’re in deep mourning. Oh, wait, you allowed your father to fall on his own sword and suffer for all of you, to keep suffering while you went about your business and forgot all about him. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You’re a disgrace to a man I’ve known for five days and obviously respect more than you do.”
She paused and took a deep breath. “If you’re worried I’m going to tarnish your mother’s memory, well you’re even more childish than I think you are. I lost my mother when I was seventeen and no matter how many women my father fucks, it doesn’t change her for me. And, unlike you, I realized my father’s loneliness would kill him one day. I made small talk with his flavor of the week and smiled pretty because my father was happy for just a little while. I’d take them shopping, take them to lunch, wave goodbye in sympathy when he was through with them. And I’d do it again. In a heartbeat. Because my father is the only blood relative I have left in my life and I’d do anything to see him smiling.”
Pointing her finger at them in fury, she added, “You two need to grow up. Say one more thing about your father deserving his pain and I will personally kick your ass. I’m a black belt so I wouldn’t fucking push it.” With that, she jumped off the counter and headed for the bedroom, “I’m going to shower and change for dinner because I just can’t stand for the fun to end.”
When they all heard the door close, Lucas looked at his sons, “All your lives, I’ve been proud you were my sons. Proud to call you mine. Loved you from the moment I held you. Did my best, my best, every day since to protect you and raise you right. Your mother hated me. She loved you, but she fucking hated me. No matter how much I tried to make her love me, she couldn’t…or wouldn’t.”
He took a hard breath, “That young woman is only here for one week and I’m going to be an open wound when she leaves because I’ve never felt as alive as I do right now. So I’m going to say this one time, if you disrespect her one more time, or compare her to your mother who never made me feel like I was worth a damn thing, I will personally throw you out of this house and you will never be welcome here again. Pride in both of you, every day. Until today.”
Then he went after Riya.
Tia looked at the boys who had been her surrogate children all their lives because she couldn’t have any of her own, “Oh boys, why? I don’t care what you have to do, but you’d better make it right with your daddy. That man has suffered since he was seventeen and you know it. Do you begrudge him such a little bit of happiness when she’s going to be gone in two days? Fix this.”
She turned to her husband, “I suggest we all go look at the horses or some damn thing until they’re ready.” He nodded and led her through the mud room.
The others followed, except the brothers who started putting food away. They both noticed neither of the sandwiches had been eaten. Alone in the kitchen of their father’s house, the house he’d built for them when they were six years old, the shame hit them.
Lucas opened the bedroom door and saw Riya standing at the window, looking out over the range behind the house. “It’s so beautiful here, Lucas. So wild and open. You picked a perfect place for your house.”
He came up behind her, his hands on her shoulders. She was shaking and he knew it was about her father, not his sons. He turned her and gathered her into his arms. She wrapped around him and sobbed, finally releasing her own pain.
He was so glad to be the one. That she’d chosen him to hold her when she finally let it go. He held her as the sobs ratcheted through her, smoothing her hair and whispering to her, as she’d done for him. When she began to quiet, he said, “You need to talk to your father, Riya. Let him take back the pain you’ve carried for him because it doesn’t belong to you, baby. Sweet Riya. So generous and loving. How many pieces of your heart are you going to give away and still have some for yourself?”
He stripped them and made love to her slow and easy, and she cried again after. Then he led her to the shower and took his time washing her body and hair. He put her on the bathroom counter and brushed and dried her hair.
She watched him, crying quietly sometimes.
Finally she whispered brokenly, “What have I done, Lucas? I’m going from man to man like a common whore, ruining lives.”
He grabbed her hard by the shoulders and shook her lightly. “No, no, no, Riya…please god, no. Never, Riya. You are not a whore…I couldn’t live if I thought I’d had any part in making you think that way. You aren’t ruining anyone’s life. You’re touching each person you’re with, not just with your body, with your heart. You’ve healed me, made me feel good things for the first time in too many years to count. Like life is worth it again.”
She was crying silently, and he kissed her tears away, “I’m going to miss you when you leave, Riya. But I’ll be able to face the pain of it because you reached in and pulled out the cancer of pain and guilt I carried. You showed me how good life can be, something I’d forgotten. No matter how long I live, I’ll never forget it; I’ll never forget you and what you’ve done for me.”
He didn’t tell her about his deep love for her, he wouldn’t put that on her hurting heart. “I want to take you out, dinner and dancing and laughter. Then I want to bring you back here and make love to you until you fall asleep. To prove to you how beautiful you are, how kind, how generous. I want to do that until I have to let you go.”
They held one another for a long time and at last, he kissed her and she smiled. They dressed together, he wore pressed Wranglers and dress boots with a black button-down shirt.
She pulled on tight jeans and a snug black sweater with heeled ankle boots, pulling her hair back in a loose braid. Her eyes hurt so she didn’t wear any makeup but lip gloss. He took her hand and opened the bedroom door.
His sons were sitting in the living room. As one, they stood and approached them. Each of them took one of her hands and starting talking softly, talking together, “We’re so sorry, Riya. We had no right. Please forgive us. Our father raised us better than that. It was a shock, seeing someone so familiar and caring with him. We loved our mom but she was never that way with him. In the ten years we saw them together, she never fought for Dad like you did. You’re a good woman. Extremely hot, as well, if I might add. Good going there, Dad. Screaming orgasms…I could have gone my whole life without that visual. Give us another chance to show you our charming sides. We do have them. Say we’re forgiven.”
Riya leaned up and kissed each one on the cheek, “You’re forgiven. I won’t be here much longer.” She took a deep breath and cursed the tears gathering in her eyes, “You need to remember him better than you have. If you’ll give me your word, we’ll pretend like none of this ever happened.” At their nod, she smiled sadly and went to the kitchen.
“Dad? Is she in love with you? She’s so sad.”
“She loves each of us enough to hurt her. This is wearing her down, hurting her in small pieces. Help me make her laugh tonight and we’ll be square.” He clapped his sons on their shoulders and led them out of the house.
Everyone piled in Lucas’ Excursion and he drove them into Billings. They went to a steakhouse and he finally got Riya to start eating. His sons regaled her with stories of their youth, and of Lucas, and by the time they ordered coffee, she was smiling again.
Becca and Sharon had a million questions for her, fascinated with her work and research. “My biggest question, after you’ve told us how many applications you received, is how the hell did you narrow it down? I know why my sister and I would choose Lucas but we’ve known him our entire lives.”
She cleared her throat, “The first thing I had to do was separate the liars; there were a lot as you can imagine. It was a long process. I got some hate mail from the ones I rejected. Then I selected those men I found physically attractive. Out of all I’d received, I found less than five hundred physically attractive. Not that the others weren’t good-looking men, I just tend to be picky, I guess. For instance, I don’t actually prefer blonds, sorry Matt.”
They all laughed. “I also have a height thing. I wear heels and I don’t want to feel like I’m walking around with my little brother. I realize this all sounds very shallow, but I knew that in order to get what I needed, I was trading something as well. I wasn’t going to commit to my side of the deal with someone I truly didn’t have an attraction to. Out of that five hundred, I divided them into age and a bunch of other smaller details. After a month, I realized there was one group I always seemed to go back to. My “first choice” batch. There were less than ten men in that pile.
“Of those ten, I originally only needed six. I changed that to eight based on two men I felt had a particular something I needed for my dissertation. Each submitted an application, a photo, a criminal background check, medical history…and my personal favorite, an essay. Of the men I chose, I believe it was their essays that decided it more than anything else.
“Each person will be numbered in my final dissertation. Redacted versions of their essays and applications will be included. There will be nothing to identify them to the dissertation review committee or to anyone in the public. But I will always know them, perhaps differently than anyone else because I was in their lives for such a short time. Each has given me what I needed for my research. I, in turn, gave them more than I expected. Turns out, I gave each little pieces of my heart.”
She smiled at Becca and Sharon, “I would not recommend it. I don’t know if I would do it again if I’d known then what I know now.”
Tia asked her gently, “What do you know now, Riya?”
“That it is possible to fall in love with many people and give them a piece of yourself they earn from you…a piece they can never give back to you. Not that you want it back because it belongs with them now. That I somehow perfectly chose a handful of men out of thirteen thousand I could easily fall in love with and who would love me well in return. That part is getting…painful.”
She pasted a bright smile on her face and fanned herself. “Wow, enough about all that. Are we going dancing?” Following her lead, they all changed the subject and requested the check. Lucas’s hand held hers fiercely and she took strength from him to keep it together.
They drove to a huge red barn in the middle of nowhere everyone swore was a bar. By the time she entered the double doors, she was so relieved to have noise and smoke and music that she was smiling for real.
The DJ was blasting Play Something Country and Lucas pulled her to the dance floor and two-stepped her around until she was laughing and flushed.
His sons appeared at the edge of the dance floor and she was struck by how attractive all of them were. Women were all over the twins and eyeing Lucas hungrily, likely wondering who the hell she was and how she’d managed to get him out in the world.
When Come a Little Closer started, Lucas pulled her in close and guided her easily with his arms around her. He whispered in her ear about how good and kind she was. That she’d come out of all this stronger, not weaker, strengthened by the love of the men who were fortunate enough to love her for a little while. To never doubt what she’d given each of them in return.
Halfway through Cowboy Take Me Away she excused herself to wash her face. Once she had herself together she put her shoulders back and told herself to go out there and have fun.
The women pulled her out to line dance. She watched the steps a couple of times and then was doing it like she’d known it for years. Glad to have pretty women laughing on the dance floor, the DJ followed up with a dance version of Cotton-Eyed Joe. She focused on the steps and soon all the women were laughing as they danced. Everyone hit the floor when Sweet Home Alabama started playing, Lucas spinning her around the floor and watching her smile.
They closed the bar and drove to Lucas’ house with the radio blasting, all of them singing along. They said goodbye in the driveway and watched as everyone piled in their vehicles and drove away. The twins would be staying at Matt and Tia’s but said they’d all see her tomorrow.
Lucas loved her all night, over and over, watching her come and making her scream. When she finally started to drift to sleep, she whispered how much she would miss him.
He spooned behind her and held her until he crashed, waking at dawn to love her down again. When she climbed over him and rode him hard, he shouted her name to the ceiling and put bruises on her hips from gripping her so hard.
When they woke up much later, she asked him to do her second survey and he nodded, kissing her gently. She went to grab her laptop and climbed back in bed beside him, sitting back on the pillows fully naked. He propped himself on his hand and watched her work until she was ready for him. She had reading glasses perched on her nose, her hair wild and loose around her.
SURVEY TWO
Subject Name: Lucas
What is the most common phrase you use for intercourse?
Making love…especially now.
What is the primary trait that attracts you to a member of the opposite sex?
Generosity. I never realized how important it was.
When was your first sexual encounter?
When I was seventeen. It was my first time with my late wife. I would wish it away but then I wouldn’t have my boys.
Do you remember details of that encounter?
The bed of my first truck, lying on blankets. Hot summer night and mosquitoes. But I was in love and thought I’d never be happier. I was wrong.
Have you ever had contact with your first sexual partner after the first time?
I ended up married to her.
How often do you masturbate?
Used to just tune out the need, stroking off was rare. Now I have a feeling it will be hourly.
Do you have a scenario to facilitate masturbation?
I do now. A beautiful woman riding hellishly fast with her long hair streaming out behind her.
Have you ever engaged in sex with a person you did not know?
Never.
Where is the most unusual place you've had sex?
In the cave on the ridge behind my house with a wood nymph.
How many casual sexual encounters have you had in the last year?
None. There was nothing casual about my sexual encounter.
When she received the email from the next subject, she put her hands over her face and cried. He held her and soothed her, made love to her again then made her get back to work.
Hi, Riya:
Looking forward to meeting you, I’m currently on leave from a gunshot wound to the shoulder but I’m almost 100% again. I’ll grab you from wherever you want or send a car for you. Just let me know. Be safe traveling. There are too many psychos out there. Ric
SURVEY ONE
Subject Name: Ricardo
Subject Age: 31
Subject Career: Police Officer
Marital Status: Divorced
Children (Y/N): N
Annual Income: 75K
Location: Los Angeles, CA
What was your primary motivation for applying to this study?
Honestly, my first thought was how hot you were. Then I read your essay guidelines and realized you were brilliant. So I’m very curious about you.
What do you hope to gain by your participation?
Maybe learn things about myself I didn’t know before.
What is one thing you wish the investigator to know about you?
I’m not the stereotypical Hispanic loser that treats women like dirt. Or the abusive cop type. I’m actually a nice guy who has a huge respect for women.
Do you have any negative assumptions regarding this study?
I worry I won’t be as into you as I was my ex-wife, I’m still destroyed over her leaving me. Worse would be falling for you. Losing another woman would suck.
What is your most secret sexual fantasy?
Cuffing a woman to the bed while I do whatever I want.
