The Barter System, page 18
“Who did you lose?”
“Seven years ago, during my senior year of high school, I lost my mother. She was a wonderful mom, wife, and friend. A good woman in her prime. I was so angry. I was very confused. My father was utterly devastated, perhaps still is, but too proud to allow me to help him. Devoted to my mother then and now. Only now he uses sex as the only outlet, never allowing anyone close. He says he’s happy, and perhaps he is. I know he fakes it well.”
She turned to him, “But I’m actually more concerned about you. You live out in the middle of nowhere and work with all men. By your own admission, you have withdrawn from everything but this ranch. You are too young, more than ten years younger than my own father, to be alone like this. Play my game for a week. You have nothing to lose and I’d be very happy if I could help you.”
Weighing her proposal for a long moment, he said quietly, “You’ve got a deal, Riya. But don’t get your hopes up.” He put the car in gear and drove up the dirt road. The land they drove across was flat but there were mountains stretching along the horizon.
As the truck topped a low rise, she saw a huge log cabin a half mile away. They crossed over a cattle guard with a large gate stretching over the road, now standing open. Above in wrought iron was ‘Circle T Ranch’. There were stables, hay barns, and corrals near the main house. Barbed wire fencing stretched for miles in both directions. She could see horses in the corrals and cows grazing everywhere.
When he noticed Riya’s interest in the corrals, he asked, “Do you ride, Riya?”
“Oh yes. Since I was little. Both my parents were excellent riders,” she said.
“We’ll have to take them out then. I rarely ride just to ride anymore.” He smiled at her obvious happiness at the prospect of going riding. Maybe she wasn’t as city as he’d thought she’d be. “Stay put, there’s a lot of mud today from the morning rain.”
He pulled under the carport and jumped out to help her down from the truck. As he set her on her feet, he took note of her petite stature with a small smile. Going to get her bag, he slung it over his shoulder and took her elbow just in case she slipped.
At the side door, they cleaned their boots and stepped into the mudroom. He set her bag on the farmer’s bench and slid his lightweight jacket off and hung it up.
Riya took that opportunity to really look him over. About six-two, he was light, probably didn’t break two hundred pounds. There was nothing wasted on his frame, broad shoulders, wide chest, long limbs with strong bones and lean, capable muscle. Narrow hips, flat waist, and a very decent ass. There was a little silver shot through his black hair and it was shaggy. His eyes were so brown they were almost black. Thick eyebrows and strong features, slightly crooked nose, wide sensual lips, and rough stubble shadowed his jaw.
He bent to pick up her bag and totally busted her checking him out. She shrugged good-naturedly and followed him through the kitchen, into the living room.
There were three bedrooms on one side of the house. He paused between two of them, obviously distressed. Riya laid her hand on his shoulder, “I’ll stay in the guest room. Lucas? No big deal. I’m going to freshen up and then why don’t you show me around?” He placed her bag at the end of a huge pine bed and nodded.
“I’ll be in the kitchen, Riya,” he said as he passed her.
She grabbed her toiletries bag and went to brush her teeth and put on deodorant. She’d done it all at the hotel but he needed time to pull himself together and she was going to give it to him. She brushed her hair really well then pulled it up in a ponytail.
Grabbing another t-shirt, Riya pulled it over the long sleeved one giving her some layers. Early September and the air was brisk. Having wasted all the time she could, she left the room and went to the kitchen to face Subject Four.
When she entered, he was standing over the kitchen sink, looking out the window at the mountains behind the house. “Want to go riding? We can take the horses over the property,” he said without turning to look at her.
“Sure,” she answered, aching for the pain she saw in him.
He turned and walked toward the mudroom. Glancing at her clothes, he took a dark blue jacket from one of the hooks and handed it to her. Helping her slip it on, he rolled the cuffs up. It was going to be plenty warm, lined with sheepskin. He grabbed another jacket and opened the door, motioning her to go first.
When she stepped off the porch steps she slid a little and he caught her. “Sorry, I’ll be careful,” she said quietly.
“Riya, I’m sorry if I’m making you feel unwelcome,” he told her sincerely, a light crease between his brows.
“You think that’s what I’m worried about? Hardly. I’m hurt for you. What a lonely life you must have. A big house with too many memories, no one to talk to, and nothing changes day after day except the weather.” She stuck her hands in the jacket pockets and fell silent.
They entered the horse stables and she waited for him to tell her what saddle she could use. She wasn’t picking up anything that might have belonged to his deceased wife. He laid out rigging for both of them. Lucas brought out a pretty dappled gray mare to the center for her and went back for his own horse.
When he came back, she was to the left of the horse, checking for saddle sores and laying a clean blanket on its back. She threw the cinch and stirrup on top of the saddle seat and hefted the saddle up and over. Once she dropped the stirrup and cinch, she reached under and tightened them with a sturdy knot. She checked the length of the stirrups, shortening them a little, then walked the horse around to check her work. She stood stroking the horse’s face.
Lucas had watched her silently. “Good job on that saddle. No offense but I’ve never seen a girl…a woman, sorry…saddle her own horse before.” He made quick work of saddling his own horse. She swung up in the saddle smoothly and he followed suit, surprised again. The horse pranced a bit but she settled it right down.
They rode out of the stables and headed toward the back of the house, walking the horses in silence for a while. He headed up a dirt track that looked like it was used for a small truck or maybe ATV’s. For a moment, she had a fond memory of Victor and was thankful for the warmth that filled her heart.
They’d been riding for more than an hour when he asked her if she wanted to run them out. In answer, she signaled her horse and took off, ponytail flying out behind her. He watched her skill for a few seconds before he took off after her.
She ran hard but didn’t tire her horse, slowing to a canter as he came alongside. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were sparkling. “She’s a very good girl,” she said happily. He led them around a pond so still it looked like glass, reflecting the mountains on its’ surface.
On the back side of the pond were trees and a rocky area that headed up into more mountainous terrain. Not far above the trees she saw what looked to be a cave entrance. She asked Lucas and he nodded.
“Yeah, I keep it clear of animals. My sons used to camp there when they were boys. That’s been years ago.” He dismounted and watched as she did the same, landing sure on her feet. They tethered the horses near a patch of grass and late-season wild flowers, close enough to the pond to drink.
They stood looking out over his land, his house in the far distance. She was amazed at the quiet. “How old are your sons?” she asked, breaking another long silence that was unfamiliar but not entirely uncomfortable.
“Nineteen this year. They’re both away at college.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh and added, “Just a few years younger than you, Riya.”
“True, and yet my own father is almost twelve years older than you.” She winked. “You must have started young.”
He nodded, walking to a fat fallen chunk of tree and sitting down. “We did actually. Kay found out she was pregnant at the end of our junior year of high school. I married her, of course. I promised to take care of her and I did. Had the boys instead of going to prom. Got a job instead of going to college. Worked hard for a rancher who gave me more and more responsibility and opportunity. After three years, I got a small place, still has a tiny house on it. Three more years, I started building the house I still live in.”
He was quiet for a long time and she wondered if he was done, when suddenly he said, “She hated it out here. Hated it. Wanted nothing to do with cattle or horses or nature. But I took care of her and our boys because I promised and I’m a man of my word. She was miserable more often than not, angry more than I used to remember, never happy or laughing or smiling. I pushed myself harder. Tried harder. Earned more. Gave her everything I thought she was missing. Then she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer after a stomachache that wouldn’t go away. Six weeks later, she was gone. Those were the hardest six weeks of my life.
“Riya, I loved that woman for years when we were growing up. And every year after I married her I resented her more. By the time she was sick, I was tired of her hating me. I gave up my dreams for someone who smugly told me while she lay dying that she’d punched holes in my condoms. I did what I was expected to do and what I knew was right. You play and sometimes you have to pay. I had my boys, I live in a house I love on land I love…and she hated all of it. I changed everything about my life and my future, to deal with her actions, and she still wasn’t happy. Every morning after she was diagnosed, and they told us there was no hope, I prayed for today…let it be today. She said the most hateful things. The nurse told me it was the pain and the medication, and I might have believed her if I hadn’t been dealing with the acid for years.
“I’ve isolated myself and allowed myself to stay alone and unhappy because I figure I deserve it. I wished a woman who bore my children and slept in my bed every night for ten years to die so I could finally…finally have some peace.”
She walked to the log and sat beside him, hugging him around his back, and putting her head on his shoulder. He didn’t touch her and that was alright. She didn’t mind.
“I’m sorry you were a good man caught in a bad situation. I think you’ve lashed yourself enough for your supposed sins. I think you already know that, but you feel bad. Part of you wants to feel guilty, to be punished for what you think you did wrong. The first ten years you were living for your wife. The next eight, you lived for your boys who’d lost their mother. For the past year, you’ve been going through the motions, knowing you had to let it go because there was no reason for you to punish yourself anymore. You kept your vows as a man and as a husband. Your excuses are gone. Now what?” she asked, honestly curious.
Her heart gave three light beats and then she was over his lap with hands around her and his face buried against her chest. Her arms went around him and she laid her cheek on his soft hair.
He broke as she knew he would and she held him. “I’m so sorry, Lucas. That you lost out your original dreams, but you built an amazing Plan B. Talk about lemonade from lemons. And your boys did get to go to college and chase their dreams because of the life you built for them.”
She stroked his hair, and hugged him, all the while talking and soothing. “Such a strong man suffering alone for so long. Let it all go and start over now, Lucas.” She was hurting for him. It caused her to lift his face so she could look into his dark eyes. His face was damp and she kissed him while she dried his cheeks with her thumbs.
She kissed him for a long time, running her hands from his face through his hair and down his neck, then back again. Her lips were gentle on his, soothing not seeking.
She knew the moment everything washed from him. His hands came up in her hair, pulling the clip from it and gliding his hands through it as it fell around her. Lucas’ grip went to the back of her head and he tilted her as he deepened their kiss. His tongue licked over her lower lip and Riya opened for him, inviting him in without pressure.
He slid into her mouth and she gently touched her tongue to his. Suddenly everything was harder, more urgent. His lips and teeth worked over her, his tongue dueling hers.
One hand was on her thigh, gripping the muscle. It was sliding up to her hip. Higher to her waist beneath the open jacket. Her rib cage, just under her breast. His other hand was on her back under the jacket, tracing from her shoulders to her low back.
He broke their kiss and dropped his forehead to her sternum rolling back and forth. “All my good intentions and I want you like I’m fucking fourteen. Groping you in a field for god’s sake.”
“Technically, you haven’t groped me yet, but if you’d like to, I certainly won’t object. Nor will you get a guilt trip from me…I can’t vouch that you won’t beat yourself up later though.” Riya smiled, “I think you’re much harder on yourself than anyone else would dream of being on you. How about cutting you some slack?”
He lifted her until she was straddling his hips. She picked up her knees and let her legs drop over the tree he sat on, bringing her flush against his groin. He lifted his head to look at her, watching her.
Lucas moved both his hands up her ribcage and over her breasts. Her nipples tightened instantly and her thighs flinched. She watched him steadily, letting him see every way her body was responding. She could feel her heart beginning to race and her breathing was coming a little faster. Her hands were inside his jacket on his chest. Now she moved them up and over her shoulders. She rubbed the tense muscles there then scraped both hands up his neck and into his hair. She was kneading his scalp and slightly tugging the strands.
“Lucas?” she started quietly, “I have a game I’ve played since I was a kid to overcome fear. I hate being afraid, so no matter what the situation, I say to myself, ‘what’s the worst that can happen’ and then I really think about it. When I was planning this project, I had a few things in the ‘worst’ column, but none of them were ‘making love to a good-looking, strong man who so obviously finds you attractive, has a raging hard-on, and wants to have wild animal sex outside’. That would be firmly in the pro column, in case you’re wondering.”
“Wild animal sex…? God, Riya, you are too much.” He looked up and kissed her chin. “I’m the oldest guy in this thing, aren’t I?”
“Yup.” She smiled at his groan. “Wanna know why you shouldn’t worry?” He sighed against her breasts and she laughed, “Well, first of all, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve masturbated to the image of Sam Elliot since I was a teenager.”
He snorted loudly. “I know, my best friend thought I was weird, but there you have it…you can’t fight your personal kink. Second of all, you’re all cowboy and rugged and I believe I mentioned the wild animal sex was firmly in the pro column? Yeah, I’ve recently gotten a small outdoor experience and I find it is very exhilarating. You have lots of outdoors…lots of experience. I like the equation.”
When he lifted his face to her, he was smiling, “Oh shit, what a gorgeous smile. Third, you have dimples.” She did an unconscious shimmy against him and felt him twitch against her.
“You also appear to be packing heat. I’m so curious.” She tilted her head at him and he chuckled.
“Riya, you are incorrigible. I couldn’t make it six hours sticking to my guns. Pathetic control.”
“Fourth point, control…three-point-five was the record to beat,” she told him seriously.
“You are fucking kidding me. What was the shortest time?” Lucas was staring at her incredulously.
She thought of Joshua who’d had her not only groped but full Monty fast enough to make her dizzy. Ah, sweet Joshua. “Thirty-six minutes, including transportation, unloading of baggage and tour of facilities.”
“Had to be early twenties…that’s when we men have no concept of not fucking a beautiful woman.” When she did nothing but smile, he groaned again, “Please…please do not tell me you came directly here from the twenty-something?” Her face was filled with genuine amusement. “Oh, fuck me.”
“I’m trying to,” she said seriously, “but you want to spoil your mood by comparing yourself to other men.” She leaned forward and kissed him hard, her fists in his hair, and her legs locking at his low back. She rubbed her chest against his. “Let me break it down for you, Lucas. I am here with you and I want to spend time with you and talk to you and be with you in every way. Those subjects already had their time, don’t give them yours.”
“Agreed,” he gripped her ass, then groaned again. “Shit, I forgot condoms, totally out of practice. We have to get back.” She was off his lap and mounted on her mare in about thirty seconds, hauling ass down the track towards the trail.
For a minute, he had to simply watch her. He’d loosened her hair and it flew behind her completely free and primal.
Then he was sending his own horse in a mad chase. They ended up getting to the stables within a minute of one another, but she already had her saddle loose.
As he slid to the ground, he pulled her saddle off and stuck it on the bar. Lucas went to uncinch his own saddle and put it with the other. She had the blankets on the bench as she dried and brushed the horses. He put feed in their stalls and took dry saddle blankets in to spread out and cover them with. Leading them to their stalls, both were impatient.
