Betrayer, page 9
part #3 of The Shining Ones Series
Katie had come into Birdie’s sacred space and taken over, not even checking to see if he was fine with it. That was definitely not okay. Not to him and not to me either, but I didn’t have a dog in this fight, and I needed to keep my nose out of it. Or at least as much as I could.
“So what do you want to do?” I asked.
“Not take her on tour, for one thing,” he remarked, scratching his head. “This is a big deal for us, and I can’t afford to screw it up. We wanted our break and here it is. The Robotic Overlords have a chance for exposure and we won’t get a second chance.”
“And everything else?” I don’t know why I couldn’t let it go.
“I haven’t figured it out yet,” he admitted sheepishly. “I know that’s typical guy behavior, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel. I also don’t want to escalate it any further. I need some time and space. It could still work itself out, but I gotta catch a breath, you know what I mean?”
I knew exactly what he meant, but as a girl, what he’d just said was like the kiss of death. We’d all been down that road with a guy, and I could guarantee that what had just come out of his mouth would’ve sent Katie over the edge—into hysterics or rage, I wasn’t sure. Either way, I didn’t dare comment further, and finally my brain caught up with my mouth and told me to let it go. No good would come out of pushing him further.
“Well, I don’t envy your position, but don’t do anything too crazy.” That was the best I could do.
“Yeah,” he said, yawning. “I’m not one for impulsive choices.” His implication was not lost on me as he gave me a tired grin. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever,” I said, smiling back at him. “You’re tired and I better get going, but I have just one more thing to ask.”
“What’s that?” I’d piqued his interest enough to keep him alert for a few more minutes.
“Will you go with me tomorrow to the vet to visit Daisy?” I asked, my voice suddenly hoarse.
“Of course, Poe. You didn’t even need to ask,” he replied, pulling me in for a last hug.
“Thanks.”
“I’d do anything for you, you know that,” he replied, and I knew he meant it.
Little did I know that that would become part of the problem.
7
I awoke the next morning early. Adam slept soundlessly beside me, his prone, still form long and elegant under just a sheet. His legs were stretched out next to mine, while his face was close enough that I could count the freckles across his nose. I tried to scoot out of the bed quietly, but it was no use. The moment I shifted my weight toward the edge, Adam’s eyes popped open, alert and most definitely awake. He brushed a slender hand across his face and through his bed-head hair before gazing back at me.
It would take a dozen lifetimes to get used to looking into his eyes. Knowing everything he’d seen and experienced just in my short life was enough to take my breath away. If I thought about his age too hard, it made me panic. So I didn’t. I flung the covers back and got out of bed, reaching for and putting on my ridiculously expensive yoga pants, and made my way down the hall to the kitchen.
I had bigger things going on right then, and that didn’t escape his notice. Pouring myself a cup of coffee, I sat down at the kitchen table as Adam glided into the kitchen on a wave of concerned silence.
“I did not expect you to get up so quickly,” Adam said quietly, his brows drawn together. He made a cup of coffee for himself and sat down across from me, waiting for me to respond.
I really didn’t want to go there, not first thing this morning when all I really wanted to do was get dressed and see Daisy, but that wasn’t going to happen without an argument. It sat brewing in the air. The tension in his voice had thrummed with it. He knew something was up and the sooner I came clean, the sooner we could argue and move on. I rubbed my finger around the lip of my mug, trying to figure out what to say that would keep the sharp words to a minimum.
“I’m going to go see Daisy this morning,” I replied, telling him the truth.
“Oh.” Adam’s shoulders visibly relaxed as he stretched his legs out underneath the table, hemming in my feet with his own. He gave me a gentle smile. “Would you like me to go with you?”
There it was. The thing that couldn’t be avoided. I looked down at my mug. “Um, no, it’s okay. I’ve got it covered.”
“Covered?” Right about now, the warning bells were going off in his head as my body temperature started to rise. The mood meter was probably firing on all cylinders.
It was unescapable. I lifted my head and sighed. “Yeah, Birdie is going to go with me to see her.” He stiffened, his eyes darkening, but said nothing. It was a first.
Weirdly enough, it frustrated me. I slid my coffee cup forward, then crossed my arms. “No soothsayer words of doom or declaration that I’m yours? I’m almost disappointed.”
He didn’t rise to the bait; however, his expression became sad and regretful, causing my chagrin to quickly vanish. Adam shook his head and took a sip of his coffee before setting it back down on the table top, his face a mask once more. “I cannot fight this thing which is happening between you and James. I have tried everything I can think of, but even with all my years, I cannot keep it from happening any more than you can.”
Whatever I expected him to say, it wasn’t that. It was almost enough to stop my heart, or at the very least bruise it. Deep down I knew he didn’t mean to inflict pain, but rather was trying to avoid it himself. I was making him feel this way. Still, his words were troubling, making me ashamed.
“I’ve known Birdie a long time.” I leaned forward before pausing, searching for the right words in this delicate situation. “Our relationship is complicated and hard for people to understand, but there is nothing going on, Adam. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ve made my choice and that choice is you. I wish you could see that.”
Adam glanced down into his coffee cup, choosing to not look at me, which spoke volumes. “I know you want to mean that. I see it in your face when I look at you.” He lifted his head back up, his brown eyes staring into mine, the intensity making my breath hitch in my chest. “I see the conviction you so desperately want to cling to, for both of our sakes, but it will not be enough for us if you do not truly feel it. You may lie to yourself, but with our bond, you cannot lie to me, even if you wish to.”
“But I’m not,” I insisted, trying to push down my dismay. Getting up, I made my way around to his side of the table, wedging myself into the small space between the table and his lap. Placing my hands on either side of his face, I made him look at me, really take a close look, my eyes searching his, my face within inches of his own. “Listen to me, Adam Brightstar. I have walked through the fires of hell and back to be right here. I have watched others die, I have been subjugated to things that I thought only happened in horror stories, I have watched as thing after thing has been ripped from my life, but I am still here. With you.”
He pulled my hands away from his face, his smile weak and uncertain, which made me heartsick. “I know you have, and I wish I could say that I would take it all back so that you could lead a normal life, but I am a selfish creature, Poesy, and am not without fault. The only thing I would wish for is for you to be one of my own kind so that I may make you mine in every sense of the word. Sadly, wishing it will not make it true.”
It was my turn to smile weakly at him. For once, our wishes aligned. It would be so much simpler if we could be together without a physical barrier between us, so much easier for him to see that Birdie wasn’t the one I wanted to be with, but it would never happen. This was the best it would be. He had to see that it would be enough.
“Soon enough, it won’t matter, will it?” I asked. “We are leaving Tybee in a little over a month.” I had to swallow down the grief that wanted to overwhelm me. “I may never see him again, Adam. May never see my dad, or Haylee or even…Daisy.” My voice broke on my dog’s name, but I forced the words out. “You have to make allowances for this and know that I need to spend time with them. I need space to say my good-byes. Please don’t be jealous of Birdie. Let me have closure.”
Adam placed a gentle kiss on my lips as the tears threatened to come. We’d skirted around the issue of us leaving. I’d been hoping to avoid the distress and awkwardness of this very conversation, but who was I fooling? It was the first time it had come up, but it certainly wouldn’t be the last time. The closer to the solstice we got, the higher my anxiety would be about leaving all of them behind. I didn’t want those demons in my head, not right then. Grunting, I got up from Adam’s lap. He didn’t try to stop me.
“Are you still going?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
I glanced at the clock on the oven. I had forty minutes before I was supposed to pick up Birdie. “I’m gonna grab a shower,” I said. “Are you coming?”
Adam stilled, his head turning in my direction, his eyes unreadable from where I stood in the hall, but the scraping back of his chair was enough of a sign. Good. He was still a male, after all. I held out my hand as I waited for him to walk the rest of the way.
It was time to remind him we were in it together.
***
I was a few minutes late in picking up Birdie and rushed out of my car.
Shoving my car keys into the pocket of my jeans, I pulled down on my teal tank top and skipped up the porch steps. My new Chucks felt slightly flimsy on my feet after the loss of my Docs. I knocked on Birdie’s door only to find Katie answering it.
Katie smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She looked tired, possibly from all the hours Stevie was making her work at Paddy’s, but I wondered if there was more to it than that. It wasn’t lost on me that perhaps Adam wasn’t the only one feeling insecure about my relationship with Birdie. And after my talk with Birdie last night, things between them might’ve gone south quicker than I’d anticipated, but I hoped not. I wanted to be as far away from that situation as possible when it finally imploded because frankly, Birdie was in for one hell of a ride. I cleared my throat.
“Hey, is Birdie here?” I asked. It was a rhetorical question; of course he was there, he was waiting for me.
Katie shouted back over her shoulder, “She’s here,” before turning back to me. “Come in.” She stepped out of the way, holding the door for me as I passed by, but something still wasn’t right.
Don’t do it, Wharton, yelled my brain, a little too late.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, reaching out to pat her shoulder. She shrugged me off.
“Nothing, except Birdie promised to take me out today, maybe go down to the beach, but he’s now going out with you.” Her voice was flat, her mouth a straight line. She crossed her arms, too.
Crap.
“I’m sorry, Katie,” I replied, resisting the urge to bite down on my lip. “I didn’t know. Really. I need to check in on Daisy and thought Birdie would like to come. That’s all. It’s not a big deal. We can go another time.”
There was no way I was sticking around to be in the middle of the mess, and I started to back up toward the door right as Birdie exited the bedroom. The expression on Birdie’s face said it all.
Birdie was harassed and indignant, perhaps even embarrassed, but it was hard to tell as the gamut of emotions rumbled across his features, disappearing behind a frown. He’d dressed a little nicer today, and it’d been a while since I’d seen him in a button-down shirt even if it was only worn over another band t-shirt. He’d also picked out relaxed-fit jeans for a change. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say his getup would be similar to something Adam would wear. It caused me to raise an eyebrow, but not for long. Katie had taken a step toward Birdie, and I glanced between them, feeling like an atom bomb was about to go off in Birdie’s living room.
“Yeah, um, I’m gonna go,” I said, finally giving into the temptation to bite down on my lip, my nerves on edge as I watched the standoff continue from the doorway. They’d moved on to giving each other dagger stares.
“Not without me you’re not,” said Birdie, breaking eye contact with Katie and striding across the room.
“But you promised!” Katie wailed, her fists clutched at her sides. Her face was an ugly shade of red that was more appropriate on a four-year-old having a temper tantrum.
I stood there slack-jawed, not believing it possible for a grown woman, much less Katie Fitzpatrick, to have a meltdown like a toddler. Luckily, Birdie must’ve been more used to it because he grabbed my arm and ushered me through the door quickly and efficiently, slamming it behind us.
“Holy crap, did that just happen?” I asked as I rushed toward the driver’s door. Birdie’s face was grim and silent. He didn’t say a thing as we got in, the car roaring to life. I’d hit the gas pedal too hard.
Sighing, he slithered down into his seat, running both his hands through his hair, making it stick up in a way that was endearing and yet totally crazy looking. I couldn’t help but let out an uncomfortable laugh.
“It’s not funny, Poe,” he replied, even as his mouth puckered into a glimmer of a smile.
His words didn’t match his face, which only made me laugh more, tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes. Finally, Birdie laughed, too. Hard. He slapped a hand on his leg, wheezing.
“That was insane. What the hell was that?” I asked, my voice incredulous. I zoomed down the highway toward Wilmington.
“That,” he said, giving me a sideways glance, “is Katie Fitzpatrick losing her shit.”
“Wow. I have no words,” I replied. “I mean that was just…”
“Over the top?” Birdie straightened back up in his seat, running his hands down his jeans. “Yeah, you don’t have to tell me twice.”
I cleared my throat, afraid to voice the question, but it had to be asked: “Um, that wasn’t the first time, I take it?” I kept my grip on the steering wheel, my eyes straight forward.
“No.” There was no inflection in his answer—his voice was flat and toneless. “Unfortunately not, I’m afraid.”
“Jesus.” Resisting the urge to fidget with the radio, I turned my head long enough to give him a sympathetic glance. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how bad it was.”
Birdie shifted his hand to the door handle, gripping it as he turned his head toward the window. In the small space of the car, I could smell his patchouli cologne distinctly, the spicy musk scent so much a part of Birdie that I couldn’t walk into a new-age hippie shop without being reminded of him. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t.
“Do you wanna talk about something else?” I asked gently.
“Yes and no,” Birdie replied. “I’m embarrassed you had to see that. And I’m angry, too. Angry at myself for letting her get away with that bullshit.”
Making a sound that was part sigh and part grunt, I found myself defending Katie. “You gotta give her a break. I’m not saying how she’s acting is appropriate, okay?” I backtracked quickly when Birdie turned toward me with a frown. “But you have to try to see it from her side. Katie’s not acting that way because she’s evil or something. She cares about you. I truly believe everything she has done up to now is because she wants the best for you…even if it doesn’t feel like it.” Birdie snorted. “I’m telling you, it comes from a good place. Trust me.”
“Whatever,” Birdie said finally. “As long as she doesn’t go all bunny boiler on me then we’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think it’s going to come to that.” I indicated left and turned off the main street and onto a paved driveway, rolling to a stop in front of a cinderblock building painted a dull tan and brown, the name of the veterinary practice engraved onto a brass plaque screwed into the door. “Speaking of animals, you ready?” I killed the engine. I wasn’t sure why I was asking Birdie if he was ready or not—it was more of a question whether I was.
Birdie turned in his seat and reached across the space in between us, his hand searching out mine, which had fled back to the steering wheel. “Daisy’s gonna be fine, Poe. One day. It’ll be rough at first, but she’s a survivor. Just like you.” Birdie pulled my hand off the wheel and molded it into a fist, cupped between both his hands now. “You both can do this.”
I just nodded, afraid to speak in case my voice cracked, but Birdie was already out of the car and jogging around to the driver’s side. Before I could resist, he’d opened my door and held his hand out to me once more.
“Come on, let’s do this,” Birdie said, giving me an encouraging smile.
“Okay.”
With one last long exhalation, I got out of the car and walked toward the vet’s front door.
***
I dropped Birdie off and headed back to Adam’s.
While it’d been great to have Birdie there with me at the vet’s office, Daisy was the same as the last time: unconscious, heavily sedated, wrapped in enough gauze and bandages to make her more white than black, her eyes still covered in a shroud of fabric that hid my worst fears. The vet assured us once more that she was stable and her burns were looking better even though we couldn’t see it for ourselves. We took his word for it. I’d left feeling much like I’d done previously—angry and helpless.
When I walked back through the front door of Adam’s house, the smell of bleach and animal fur still lingered with my sour mood. The last thing I wanted to do was speak with Adam, which was unfair. In fact, I wasn’t in the right mindset to speak to anyone, as Birdie could attest. I’d driven the whole way back to the island in silence. Not that it kept Adam from trying. He was nothing if not persistent.
Meeting me at the door, Adam slid my bag off my shoulder and hung it on the doorknob of the hallway coat closet before giving me a hug. I did a poor job of hugging him back.
