This Charming Dilemma, page 8
‘Also I’ve got to pop down to the shops later,’ she continued, ‘so I’ll grab some of those ginger lollies I was telling you about earlier for your…’
‘Oh my phones ringing, that must be Betty,’ I said in a loud voice to drown out Millie. My god what is wrong with her, she has no tact!
‘I didn’t hear it ring,’ Millie said in a puzzled voice.
‘Oh hello Betty,’ I said to the no-one as I put my phone to my ear, ‘yes, yes,’ I mused, followed by a little laugh for effect, ‘okay I’m on my way.’
‘Well I’ll be off,’ I said to Millie while I gather my dishes, ‘can’t keep Betty waiting, we have the 100 year celebrations to organise, lots to do,’ I mused at the camera.
‘So that was Betty on the phone was it?’ said Millie in a dry tone.
‘Pfft, yes,’ I scoffed.
‘Okay, well that’s funny cos Betty is standing right outside that window.’
‘What?’ I spun around and yes, wouldn’t you know it. There is Betty holding her scooter helmet under her arm, tapping on the kitchen window.
Oh for the love of god...
‘Tch not that Betty,’ I said rolling my eyes, ‘another Betty,’ I added in a small voice as I made my way outside to see what was going on.
‘What are you doing here?’ I hissed at Betty, low enough so John and Marline don’t hear.
‘Lisa I just came cos I’m a little bit concerned,’ Betty said, giving the camera a coy smile and wave.
She hands me a bit of paper and it’s a flyer containing information about a proposed open cut mine. Honestly, any excuse to get in front of the camera.
‘I haven’t got time for this,’ I mumbled at Betty, forcing her to take back her bit of junk mail.
‘No you don’t understand,’ Betty insisted, pushing the brochure back at me, ‘read it!’
Oh god I’m not going to win this one without a scene from Betty.
I take the paper from her again and pretend I’m taking in its contents while Betty continues to smile at the camera. It’s a short two page flyer about a coal mine. It contains a picture of a woman in a hard hat with the words “jobs” and “growth” and blah blah, and printed on the back is a website address containing more information. Seems legit, don’t know what Betty is going on about.
‘Yes, well um... very concerning Betty, thanks for sharing, I must be going,’ I said handing her back the paper.
‘So you think it’s what I think it is?’ asked Betty.
‘Oh definitely,’ I nodded, making my way back inside to retrieve my car keys, stuffing the unwanted brochure in my bag. ‘Well must be off Betty, 100 year celebration meeting, don’t forget 10am,’ I reminded her like a boss.
I think Betty must have got the hint as I heard her scooter start up. God I can see this is going to be a long meeting with the CWA ladies, they will be pulling out all stops to get the limelight.
John met me at the door as I retrieve my car keys and suggested that him and Marline will travel in the car into town with me while I talked about the 100 year celebration and what it’s all about.
You know like they do in reality TV series like Cops.
Matt appeared out of nowhere in his suit and insisted he drive, seeing that he is my bodyguard assistant (his dumb words)
but after realising he couldn’t because he didn't have a spare pair of provincial driving plates that his licence required, and after ten frustrating minutes of him trying to work out how to prise off the ones super-glued to his ute’s exterior, which he’d done so they wouldn’t come off when he was driving at the speed of light (again his dumb words to impress Marline), he piled in the back-seat with a very anxious Marline while John sat in the passenger seat to film me as I drove into town.
Honestly I don’t know why Matt didn't just take his own vehicle.
I almost had this driving while talking to cameras thing down-pat, if Betty hadn’t pulled out in front of me on her scooter when we caught up with her, causing me to quickly veer left to avoid her. My wheel must have got caught in a rut on the gravel road or something cos next thing I know, my car was fishtailing down the road as I fought to gain control.
We came to the safety of a sudden stop but not before Betty rang the local police from her CWA owned iphone and reported the car for hooning and almost running her off the road. So after being pulled up at the edge of town and fined for reckless driving, I arrived in town with my very nervous film crew and Matt ranting that from now on he is driving.
Putting that all behind me as I walked towards the shop, I am beginning to feel like a real celebrity with my camera crew in tow. The local people are coming out of the shops to look and people driving past in their cars are rubbernecking. It’s so cool.
‘Good morning,’ I chirped to Daniel when I entered the premises of Cannon and Collins Event Planning and Supplies. I’m not sure of the protocol with the door when you have a camera crew following you. I can’t exactly hold the door for them both, that would interrupt the flow of filming and unless you write instructions on a wet fish and slap it across Matt s face he wouldn’t think of holding the door open, as it is, he seems to be on Marline’s heels like a love sick puppy.
I did give Matt a list of duties a bodyguard does one night after he was annoying me, like bringing me food and fetching me cups of coffees etc, but I didn’t specify “hold office doors open” so I may have to sort that out later. But good old Daniel came to the rescue anyway and held the door open for John as he struggled with the heavy door while I strolled in and took position at my desk like a pro.
‘How are you feeling this morning?’ Daniel asked, handing over a cup of herbal tea. My god, any more herbal tea today and I’ll turn into a hippy.
‘Fine, never better,’ I beamed, ‘so what is on the agenda today?’ I asked, opening my diary to look busy and important.
I still haven’t found my celebrity angle yet, but I’m sure that will come to me soon.
‘Don’t you have a meeting in half an hour with the CWA ladies, the 100 year celebrations?’ said Daniel, puzzled.
Trust Daniel to bring up the obvious.
Matt finds a chair on the other side of the room and opens a newspaper, pfft like he is going to read.
‘Can you tell us about your working relationship,’ John interrupts.
He was addressing Daniel thank god, cos I didn’t know how to answer that considering there are a lot of grey areas about mentioning too much of the business workings, and besides even though I am part owner, I really am just winging it. But then again, he wasn’t really asking about the business per se, he was asking about our “working relationship”, better tune in.
‘So Lisa and I set up Cannon and Collins Event Planning and Photography about a year ago.’ Daniel started, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning up against my desk. ‘Lisa is the event planning side of the business and I am the photography side of things.’
Grr he forgot to mention the dating agency.
‘And how did you two meet?’ John asks Daniel as I studied my reflection in the stainless steel pencil holder that Daniel brought me so it blends in with the decor. Hmmm, not liking this brand of lipstick I choose this morning, it’s only been an hour and it’s already faded, better apply some more.
Oh shit, now I have it on my teeth.
‘I first meet Lisa when I returned from the UK. I was working for a food magazine over there photographing dishes,’
Daniel went on, ‘I decided to return to my home town to settle down, Lisa was engaged to my best friend…’
This lipstick doesn’t seem to be shifting when I rub it with my finger, I might try a bit of tissue dunked in my tea.
‘Lisa?’
‘Huh?’ I jumped, suddenly hearing my name as Marline let out a little giggle from behind John.
‘You were engaged once?’ John asked.
‘Oh, um… yes,’ I said, realising that suddenly all eyes were on me, ‘to an um… guy.’
‘But you never got married?’ pressed Brendan from behind that camera.
‘Uh, nah,’ I mumbled tight lipped, shaking my head to try and conceal the lipstick still on my teeth. I shrugged my shoulders to answer the next question which no doubt would have been “what happened”, then raised my hand to excuse myself as I made my way to the bathroom to remove my lipstick stain from my teeth. Okay not a good start to my professional television career. I was not prepared for them to start asking personal questions, especially about the past, I mean what happened to the here and now, but I suppose they have to build some type of background profile. I mean look at the Kardashians, I’m sure one of them fell for some guy before being dumped then finding out his twin brother was living in your ceiling so you get engaged to him
but end up not getting married then the other twin brother comes back in your life and you end up with a strong possibility that you may be carrying his child! And look how successful they turned out. But still, the less information is better.
I can still hear Daniel talking to the camera, I can hear bits and pieces and it sounds like Daniel is talking about himself which is good, as I think it would be better to remain a woman of mystery. That way I will keep my audience interested, they can’t know everything about me on the first take.
After a quick visit to the loo which seems to be happening more often since this baby appeared, I fixed my makeup. Satisfied with my look I took a deep breath and now I am ready to go take the world by storm.
I opened the door to a flurry of voices, it looks like the CWA have arrived for our meeting about the 100 year celebrations. Typical, they are all crowded around John like a pack of vultures.
‘Oh yes, Lisa is a very good president,’ I heard Betty say as John’s camera seems to be focused on the group hovering around him, ‘do you remember the time we had our Kinky But Nice Party?’ Betty asked the hovering group.
‘Oh yes, Lisa dressed up in that dominatrix outfit,’ said Fran, ‘we raised lots of money that night,’ she said, giving John a little pat on the arm.
Oh crap!
‘Then there was that other time when she got herself in the paper after saving that local politician from falling on a BBQ. Fell on top of her he did,’ laughed Betty, letting out a little snort.
‘Was it for that?’ asked Gloria, ‘I thought it was for the time she wrestled a ghost in the main street, claiming it was old Larry remember? Margo’s daughter filmed it on her phone…’
Arghh.
‘Okay ladies!’ I exclaimed, ‘no time for um… spreading fickle rumours, let’s all get seated,’ I said in my best authority type voice.
‘Okay so as you all know we have the 100 year celebrations coming up so we have a lot to organise. This is our chance to really showcase our town as a welcoming, open-minded community,’ I said, glancing at the camera and owning the meeting like a boss.
‘So first things first, Daniel has got a couple of samples of the designs for the signs you proposed,’ I handed the floor to Daniel hoping to buy enough time as I quickly opened my laptop documents to try and find the meeting’s agenda that Gloria had emailed to me the night before. I was so wrapped up in worrying about the preview episode I completely forgot about the agenda, I have to show leadership in all areas. Okay, the Country Woman’s Association is not exactly the United Nations but still, I am the centre of this reality television show, I have to demonstrate at all times I have what it takes.
Oh here it is, I quickly scanned through it as Daniel continued to show them some designs of rainbow coloured sheep, I glanced at Marline and she looks like she is trying not to burst at the seams with laughter. Grrrr why are old ladies insisting on embarrassing themselves with outrageous signs!
Hold on a minute, item four on the agenda is proposed mine, what proposed mine? Oh god it’s probably the same thing Betty was panicking about this morning. I bet you she has forced Gloria to put it on the agenda.
Daniel ended his painful discussion about the sign and got confirmation about which sample to go for, I really didn’t see what the outcome was, I just nodded in agreement. Daniel moved off to sort the ordering of the sign as Gloria satisfactorily ticked that one off the long list she has in front of her.
Item two was just as tedious as Mary was running down the list of sponsors and local business willing to put a float entry into the parade. Even though I looked official and nodded in all the rights places I couldn’t help but glance at the film crew occasionally to see if any of them had fallen asleep. Marline seemed to be concentrating on a device attached to the sound microphone and I couldn’t really see John’s face behind the camera. Matt is pretending to read but his eyes are fixed on Marline. Hmm I really should get a spray bottle to remind him to stop staring, it’s embarrassing, thank god Marline hasn’t noticed. I shot a glance at Daniel after I wrap up item two and read out item three on the agenda,
the advertising, which I hand over to Maggie. Daniel is looking straight at me like he is contemplating something, in fact his gaze is really intense. I cannot work it out, in fact it’s so strong I quickly tore my gaze away.
This meeting is going really well, in fact it’s one of the best ones yet, no interruptions, no outrageous suggestions, this is the quietest I have seen the CWA ladies during a meeting for a long time. The fact that they are all glancing and waving at the camera may have something to do with it, Gloria gave me a little nudge with her elbow.
‘Oh okay, sorry, which brings us to item four,’ I said, coming to, ‘which is, oh god, the coal mine, who brought this up?’ I asked in my exasperated voice.
‘I did!’ snapped Betty, ‘remember Lisa, I came to see you about it this morning, you said you also had concerns about this, honestly, between this and trying to run me off the road, anyone would think you have baby brain.’
I swear I just heard Daniel swallow hard as my insides stopped working for a split second.
‘She has to have a man first to have baby brain,’ giggled Mary to Fran.
‘Yes okay Betty,’ I said quickly before they all wind up in a game of “why Lisa doesn’t have a man”, ‘but what has a proposed mine got to do with the CWA?’ I pressed, feeling a headache coming on.
‘Well it involves one of our members,’ Betty said, trying to say it in such a way the camera wouldn’t hear her.
‘What member?’ I asked.
‘I thought Betty showed you the proposal,’ Gloria said, also keeping her voice low, ‘the proposed coal mine on a property of a certain ex member of ours.’
‘Pamela?’ I queried, as I saw Daniel take a brochure Maggie handed to him.
‘Lisa honestly,’ scolded Betty, ‘why do you tell us you know these things when it’s clear you’re not really paying attention.’
‘Well I think it’s disgusting,’ Fran said, ‘what will become of our community with a great big gaping hole at the edge of the town!’
‘Do you think that’s why… you know?’ whispered Mary.
‘Oh definitely!’ said Fran firmly.
What the hell are they all carrying on about? And it’s obvious they don’t want the camera to hear as they are all whispering and making sure their backs are turned to John and Marline. Honesty if they didn’t want to talk about it in front of the camera, then why put it on the friken agenda.
God I wish they would stop beating around the bush and come out with it. I’m over guessing.
Oh that’s right, I still have the brochure in my bag from Betty, I glance at Daniel again and he is reading the flyer with such concern on his face it must be important. I reached in my bag and pulled it out, it fell open to the map of the proposed mine site.
I studied it for a moment before it hit me.
The mine is proposed right across the Crankshaw’s Farm.
~~~~~~
5
Back home, still with John and Marline in tow.
I’m exhausted. I have to be on my “A” game at all times cos I never know if John is filming me or not. One minute I am in the zone feeling good and putting on a star performance only to turn around and find out he hasn’t even got the camera out, but the second I am doing something uninteresting like making a cup of tea and checking my spam folder on my emails for any special shopping deals I may have missed, he is all in my face with the camera.
But still, whatever I do I have to do it with grace and style. Even after learning about the proposed coal mine going across the Crankshaw’s farm. We got through the meeting without too much drama, until, of course, the subject of the mine came up and all of a sudden old women’s opinions were flying everywhere. Daniel ignored the hysteria that was item four on the CWA agenda to look up the website of the company who put out the information. And sure enough, there is a coal mine being proposed for the area, at this stage it seems it’s still in the early stages and they have only just put in a permit for samples. I’m a bit surprised that they have gone over the Crankshaw’s farm, and can’t help but wonder if Jake knows.
Well he must do, it’s his Aunties farm still, I think.
The Crankshaw’s farm house and sheds burnt down only a couple of months back, this was back when Jake and I well… were… kinda dating again. It was horrible and they lost everything except the dairy shed and a couple of smaller out buildings. Apparently it was started by an electrical fault, then spread by fuel catching alight, which would be plausible, except for the fact that the buildings damaged were nowhere near each other really so it seems a little strange that the fire was started in one building but managed to damage the sheds. Of course one of the buildings was the Crankshaw’s family home which had been in the family for two generations. The CWA did a collection for them through the now famous lemonade stand, after rumours went around that they were not insured, on the day of the presentation and after they received their cheque, the Crankshaw’s left town with their shiny new caravan in tow leaving behind a bewildered Jake and a suspicious community. Of course everyone pointed their finger at Jake deliberately starting the fire to begin with but after Jake’s Aunty and Uncle bolted, leaving him behind to deal with the police and the community, everyone’s suspicions turned to the senior Crankshaw’s themselves.
