One Last Day of Summer, page 23
In the suite, it had been easy to reallocate the beds. It turned out that one of the rooms had a king-size bed, which Bernadette was happy to give to Dev and Lizzy. The other room had two queens, perfect for her and Hayley. And no, strangely, it didn’t feel weird at all to be sharing with someone she’d never met before this morning.
They attempted to switch their body clocks to St Lucia time, so they had to stay awake for the next few hours as it was barely 9 p.m., even though their bodies were claiming it was 2 a.m. the following morning and they should be horizontal. As a sleep-delaying tactic they ordered pizzas and club sandwiches on room service. Bernadette was just about to change into comfy pyjamas when her phone beeped. She took it outside on to the terrace.
It was a text from Sarah.
Got to the hospital. Eliza fine, just sore and in plaster. We’ve arranged to get her home tomorrow. I’m so relieved I could cry. Thank you for being so understanding, Bernadette. You’re the best kind of friend. I hope you had a good flight, and you weren’t too bored on the journey. I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you, Sxx
Bernadette smiled as she typed her reply.
I’m so relieved all is well with Eliza. Please give her a huge but gentle hug from me. Please don’t feel bad. I promise I’ve had the most surprising but wonderful day. I’m at the hotel now, with new friends and lots to tell. I’ll fill you in tomorrow and I love you back xxx
She could hear the others chatting inside, so she took a moment to sit and watch the stunning sunset that was shooting flares of colour on the horizon. It was perfect. Beautiful. The suite was spectacular, with its white porcelain floors, cream walls, overstuffed beige sofas and the sumptuous charcoal and gold palette of the curtains and cushions. There was a sitting area, a dining area and a mini kitchen that had everything she could possibly need and more. It was bigger than her little cottage, and much as she loved her home, it did lack the champagne on arrival, the fruit basket and the chocolate-dipped strawberries that were laid out on the ebony sideboard. It was perfection. And that extended out here, to the whitewashed terrace, with the huge grey love seats and the sun loungers with cushions so thick she could probably float away on them. All of it, the room, the resort, the smell of the ocean, it was paradise. And Kenneth was the only reason she was here.
How things change, she thought. This holiday had been booked by Kenneth, as some kind of twisted gesture of love, and yet, here she was, alone, yet having seen a whole new kind of love today. Watching Dev and Lizzy come together had been an unforgettable moment and even as it was happening, she could feel something inside her shift. After Kenneth, she’d been so relieved to get away from him, so jaded with the concept of love and relationships and – God forbid – marriage, that she’d pulled the shutters down on that whole aspect of her life. No men. No flirting. No dating. It had suited her fine. She’d told herself that she’d been there, done that, got the ‘I’ve been burned’ T-shirt, and she would only be a fool to go there again.
Now she wasn’t so sure.
On the shoreline in front of her, she could see a silhouette of a man, standing staring out at the ocean, watching the sun go down too. For a moment, Bernadette felt her heart quicken. He looked so like Kenneth. Same height. Same build. Same grey hair, swept back, so distinguished and the perfect style to complement the square jaw of his handsome face.
Of course, it wasn’t him. His heart attack had claimed him before he could be that man, standing out there, watching something so beautiful. Bernadette wasn’t sorry he was gone. Not for a moment. She was just sorry that she never got to say goodbye. And if she had…
Her mind went back to Lizzy’s letter today, so honest, so brutal, so articulate in her emotions and she wished she’d had that opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings to the man who’d turned her love against her. Even when she’d left him, there had been little dialogue, just a calm explanation from her, and some furious, castigating insults from him.
She closed her eyes, so that the only things in her world were the sound of the waves and the smell of the ocean.
Dear Kenneth…
So you’re gone. And not one bit of me is sorry, except perhaps the mother in me, who knows that despite everything, you were a good father to our children, and you’ll always have a piece of their heart. But not mine.
In some ways, I’ve come so far since I walked away from you. I’ve built an independent life of peace and simplicity that I adore. I only allow people in my life who are caring and kind and who want the best for me, just as I do for them.
I’d be denying reality though, if I didn’t admit that the awful parts of us have helped me to help other people. At work, in A&E, I’m always the first to spot signs of abuse. I don’t mean the bruises and the broken bones, I mean the wounds that aren’t visible: the blunt force trauma to the self-esteem, the cuts to the confidence, the footprints that show where someone stamped out the light in the victim’s soul. Those are the ones I see, because those are the wounds you inflicted on me.
Today, our history seeped into the present yet again. A young woman on my flight was married to a man who reminded me very much of you. I don’t need to go over that all again – you know who you were. We both do. You’d probably have been friends with this woman’s husband had you met him. A surgeon. By all accounts, a very intelligent respectable pillar of society. By my own account, a reprehensible bully.
Do you know, Kenneth, thanks to you, I saw who he was. Thanks to you, I had the experience to step in and help his wife. Thanks to you, I had no fear of him, because I’d already lived with that person and survived. He was a pale imitation. An abuser who hasn’t fully grown into the cruelty of his skin yet.
Thanks to you, and thanks to him, today she walked away. And I supported her. Because thanks to you, I knew what to say and what to do to help.
Thankfully, not all men are like you.
Today I met a young man who was as far from you as it is possible to be. He reminded me a lot of our Stuart. Kind, gentle, the best friend and partner in any crisis or celebration. He had many wonderful traits, but the one I admired most was his courage. No matter how many times he’d been hurt, he was opening his heart again, to love, to trust and to hope.
Maybe it’s time for me to do that too.
Maybe I want to live my life having known two kinds of love. The kind that takes away and the kind that gives.
Now, I’m ready for the kind that gives, for someone who supports, someone who sees the joy in life and in the person that they give their heart to.
So thank you, Kenneth. Being with you for thirty years taught me what I didn’t want. Now I feel ready to go find the life and the person that I do want.
No longer yours,
Bernadette
The man on the shore was wandering away now, strolling off across the sands. Time for Bernadette to do the same.
Invigorated, she pushed herself up from the edge of the terrace, and inhaled, exhaled, then went back inside, feeling like she’d finally said goodbye, finally turned the last page on that chapter.
As she opened the terrace door, she heard laughter, she heard chat and she heard love. And she knew it was time for her to join the party. She just wasn’t sure where to start.
34
TADGH
Tadgh had insisted on getting a taxi alone with his father, and the others – Conlan, Shay, Cheryl and Cindy had found their own cabs. He wasn’t sure which of them were travelling together and he really didn’t care.
Tadgh stared out of the window, unable to speak. So it was true. It wasn’t a mistake. That much he’d established after Cheryl’s outburst. He replayed her words again and again.
‘Okay, if your brother won’t be honest with you, I will. Tadgh, I’m so sorry, but Shay and I have been… well, you can probably guess the rest. Forgive me, Tadgh, please – but I can’t marry you.’
Shay’s response played back in his mind too.
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Shay had groaned, then spat out an accusatory criticism in her direction. ‘Why the fuck would you say that now?’
It had taken every shred of discipline Tadgh had not to knock him out, and it wasn’t even for sleeping with his fiancée, it was for humiliating her now, for speaking to her that way, for acting like she was the only one in the wrong. He loved his brother dearly, but shit, he was a prick, who was completely undeserving of it.
Conlan had been the first to react, poking Shay in the chest. ‘But I thought you said—’
‘Conlan, don’t,’ Tadgh had pulled his mate back by the arm of his jacket and stopped him.
Conlan had met his gaze and Tadgh saw utter shock there. Okay, so at least one friend remained. Conlan genuinely hadn’t known. He’d believed Shay’s story about fooling around with Cheryl’s sister, Cindy. They’d both been taken for fools. Go, Shay. That was quite an achievement. But Tadgh wasn’t about to have Cindy dragged into this when she had been nothing but Shay’s decoy. What kind of immoral dick claims he’s having an affair with a married woman to cover up shagging her sister? Jesus, this was like a Greek tragedy playing out in the middle of the arrivals hall at Hewanorra Airport.
‘How long? How long has it been going on?’ It was a cliché, but Tadgh had felt he needed to know. He had to understand how long he’d been lied to, how many times they’d sneaked around behind his back, made an absolute mug of him.
Cheryl had waited for Shay to answer, to take some of the heat off her, but he was standing, hands on hips, staring down at the floor.
Tadgh had waited. Refusing to fill the silence.
Cheryl had cracked first. ‘Just the last couple of weeks. We’ve met a few times. I swear, Tadgh. That was it.’
The arrivals hall was emptying out now and their group was pretty much alone in the corner. It was probably just as well.
Conlan had shook his head, walked away, presumably to get his own cab to the hotel. Tadgh didn’t blame him for wanting no part of this. Truth was, he didn’t either.
So then there were five. His dad. Two brothers. Two sisters.
Cindy didn’t say a word, just stood beside her sister, holding her hand. Tadgh had wished he could feel that kind of loyalty and support for his brother right now, but there was no chance – and he didn’t think he’d ever have it in him to feel that way again.
That said, Tadgh’s reaction had been one that he hadn’t anticipated and he’d surprised himself. He’d shaken his head, feeling a strange sense of relief. ‘You two fecking deserve each other.’
‘Tadgh, please don’t… I’m so sorry. We couldn’t help it. It just—’
He’d shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t care. I don’t need to know any more details. Look, you lot – sort this out among yourselves. Cheryl, I’m sorry you did this, I really am. More than fourteen years. That’s a long time to throw away. But then, I’d rather know who you are now, than find out when it’s too late to escape unscathed. I tell you this out of respect for the time we had together, though – good luck getting this guy to commit to you. Good luck making him stay faithful. The fucker will break your heart and he’ll ruin your life, but you made that choice. Good luck with it.’
Tears were overflowing, streaming down her face now.
‘And Shay,’ Tadgh had swung to face his brother, who still wouldn’t look him in the eye. ‘Go fuck yourself, bro.’
He’d taken two steps away, when he stopped, something else bothering him. A realisation. A possibility. He turned his gaze back on Cheryl and Cindy.
‘I know it’s going to be a stretch to ask you two for honesty, but I met a guy today on the plane. Said he’d met you guys in London last week. Took someone from your party back to his place. But strangely, he thought the woman’s name was Cheryl.’
His ex-fiancée’s face had immediately swung round in the direction of her sister. ‘You gave that guy my name? Why would you do that?’ she’d asked, confirming every suspicion Tadgh had. They used to do that to each other all the time when they were younger. Every time one of the sisters had got themselves in trouble, they’d give the other one’s name so that they could deny it later. Some habits just never changed.
‘I’m sorry, I panicked. I’m married! I could have wrecked everything. You were already shagging around, so what was the problem?’
Cheryl was furious. It was difficult to feel any sympathy for her, so Tadgh had simply walked away and left them all to it. His dad had walked with him, saying nothing, just being there, shoulder to shoulder with his son. He didn’t speak until they were in the taxi.
‘Tell me, son. Tell me what you need me to do. You know I’m not the best in these situations. Your mam was always the one that sorted this kind of stuff out. What I will say is that Shay was wrong. As was Cheryl. What they’ve done is inexcusable and I’m not telling you to forgive them. To be honest, I’m just telling you that I’m sorry your mam isn’t here to say and do the right thing, but I’m here for you. Whatever you need.’
A piece of Tadgh’s heart chipped off right there. His dad was fifty-five years old, a man who was set in the ways of a life he loved, one that he lost when Mam died, and yet here he was, trying to fill the gap that was left when she was gone. That was love. That was the kind of man he wanted to be. Someone who loved, who cared, someone who built a world around him and didn’t just think about his own happiness. That reminded him of someone else.
‘Da, I need you to come with me. There’s someone I want you to meet.’
Tadgh knew where he wanted to be right now.
He picked up his phone and dialled the number.
35
HAYLEY
When the bell on the suite’s door dinged, Hayley felt her heart begin to race with anxiety, before she talked herself down. It couldn’t be Lucas. He didn’t know where she was, and he didn’t have Bernadette’s name, so he wouldn’t even be able to grease any hands at reception to get her room number. And she’d turned off her phone locator too, just in case he decided to use it. Not that she thought for a minute that he’d want to do that tonight anyway. Right now, he’d be in the hotel bar, drinking their most expensive whisky, telling himself that he was right about everything and she didn’t deserve him. Lucas wouldn’t chase her yet, because he’d be sure she’d be back in the morning. That was a whole lot of arrogance. It would be followed by rage when he discovered she was gone for good, but she would deal with that later. Right now, she was happy just to relax, enjoy her surroundings, to let him believe that he was right. In some ways, he was. She didn’t deserve him. She deserved someone a whole lot better.
If she’d ever thought about this moment, she’d have anticipated that she’d be devastated, distraught, beside herself and falling to pieces, but no. All she felt was a strange sense of calm. Of peace. Of thanks for the people she’d met today, who had deliberately or inadvertently helped her make the decision to leave her marriage. And of happiness that grew as she realised who was pressing the doorbell.
‘No, no, you two sit there! I’ll get it,’ she teased Dev and Lizzy, both of them showing absolutely no signs of getting up to answer it. They’d been on the sofa, intertwined, staring at each other with goofy smiles pretty much since they got back from the airport. They’d only broken off to consult the room-service menu, to grab a couple of beers and to fill Hayley in on the letters they’d exchanged and all the other stuff she’d missed on the plane because she’d been too busy living in the bubble at the other end of the row. Dev and Lizzy were swelling her heart though. This is what love should look like. It had been a million years since she and Lucas had looked at each other like that.
Bernadette, meanwhile, was in the shower, freshening up after the long flight. Hayley knew she would never stop being thankful for whatever miracle had brought Bernadette her way today.
The doorbell rang again just as she reached it and she felt almost shy when she opened the door and saw Tadgh standing there, that easy, chilled smile on his way too gorgeous face. In a strange way, this meeting was out of context for their relationship so far. A bubble in a plane, just the two of them, with dim lighting, and the rest of the world on mute was one thing. Seeing each other on solid ground, interacting with other people, felt a bit… different. More real. And she liked it.
‘Hey,’ she said, matching his grin with her own. ‘Come on in.’
He stepped into the doorway, and his height almost filled it. That’s when she noticed the other person at his side. Of course. That had been the reason for his call to her. And not at all what she’d expected.
It was only half an hour ago that he’d rang her. She almost hadn’t answered it, because it was an unknown number, but at the last minute, she’d picked up.
‘Hey Oprah, this is Tadgh.’ His voice had made her smile and there was something going on in her stomach that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Was it suddenly hot in there? Had the air conditioning switched itself off?
‘Hey. How are you? How did it go with Cheryl?’ She’d felt herself hold her breath as she waited for the answer.
A sigh. ‘Not great. She’s been seeing Shay, right enough. It’s pretty safe to say that the wedding is off and I’m feeling like I might want to be an only child.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she’d said, meaning it.
‘I don’t think I am though. At least about the wedding part. It feels like it was just meant to be this way and I’m cool with that. What about you? How are things going with Lucas?’
Of course, he wouldn’t know. He was already gone when she’d had the showdown with Lucas at the baggage area.
‘It’s over. And not that I want to steal your lyrics, but it feels like it was just meant to be this way and I’m cool with that.’
His low, sexy – yes, sexy – chuckle came down the line to her, followed by, ‘Where are you now? Do you need somewhere to stay?’
