One Last Day of Summer, page 19
He didn’t believe a word of it, but it would be enough to make him laugh, and shake his head, and spill out every detail of whatever was on his mind. After she died, he missed that. When something was troubling him, he’d write songs instead. The ache of watching his da trying to live without his mam, and the loss Tadgh felt every day without her too, was where ‘Everywhere Without You’ came from. ‘Yesterday’ too. Just a feeling, a pain that he wanted to release.
Back in the day, he would share everything with Cheryl too, but she’d been so busy lately with the wedding that their moments of conversational intimacy had tailed off. At least, he’d thought that was the reason. Maybe he’d called that one wrong too.
Christ, when did life become so complicated? He was a pretty simple guy. All he wanted to do was work, play music, love someone, be loved back. That was enough for him. Why wasn’t it enough for everyone else?
‘I think the woman I’m about to marry might be having an affair with my brother.’
There it was. He’d said it aloud. And the woman beside him was now choking on her coffee.
‘You what?’ she spluttered when she eventually caught her breath. Dev, on the other side of her, began thumping her back, while saying, ‘Bernadette, we might need the Heimlich here,’ to their fourth row-mate.
Shit, this had suddenly become a spectacle. Not what he had intended at all.
Hayley took charge, defusing it all. ‘No, really, I’m fine. Just some coffee went down the wrong way. Totally fine now,’ she assured the other two, before coming back to their bubble, eyes wider now, brow frowning. ‘I’m so sorry,’ her voice was low, almost a whisper, so that they couldn’t be overheard. ‘Why would you think that?’
Weariness made his sigh catch in his throat. ‘This morning, before we got on the flight, I saw a text on my brother’s phone from her. At least, I think it was from her. It might have been her sister. Sorry, I know this is confusing…’
‘Keep going, I’ll catch up,’ she said, and he could hear the genuine concern in her voice.
‘I thought it was from her. From Cheryl. But I was talking to my mate back there and…’
He carried on with the story, leaving out no details. He told her about his conversation with Conlan, about the story Shay gave Conlan about seeing Cheryl’s married sister, about the potential consequences of that for their family, their band, their future.
‘And you know what bothers me most?’ he said, half an hour later, when he’d told her the whole sorry tale from start to finish.
‘Tell me,’ she said softly.
‘Even if he’s done something awful, I still feel like I want to defend him. He’s my brother. I mean, I want to kill him, but I want to defend him too. What the feck is that about?’
‘I think it’s about how much you love your brother. I get it. Sometimes I feel exactly the same way about my husband. It’s because there’s love there, and care, and it’s almost like you want to save them from themselves, because no matter how low they go, it’s hard to let them drown.’
‘It’s not just for my sake. This will kill ma da’ too and I don’t want to hurt him. He’s a good man. He lost my mam a couple of years ago. I don’t want him to lose Shay too and I’m not sure he’d be able to forgive him. I don’t want to be responsible for that.’
A single curl had escaped from the knot as the back of her head, and she pushed it back. ‘You’re not responsible for that. It’s on them. It’s their relationship to work out.’
Tadgh nodded, appreciating the perspective she was giving him.
‘But I think that what you need first, more than anything, is the truth. Do you really think your fiancée would do that to you?’
‘If you’d asked me before this morning, I’d have said no. You know, me and Cheryl…’
He saw her flinch when he said that and wondered if she was about to have another choking fit, but it passed.
‘We’ve just been together forever. It’s the way it’s always been. I’m marrying her because I’ve loved her all our lives and because she wanted to do this. Why would she push for it if she was capable of doing something like this with Shay?’
‘Maybe she isn’t. Don’t give up on trusting her, because maybe this is all an innocent misunderstanding.’
‘I get that. And it scares me that I can even doubt her, because surely there should be no question in my head over whether or not this is even possible.’
‘Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up for questioning what you saw. You’re only human. Could you forgive her?’
Tadgh shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. I think I’d never understand it so couldn’t forgive it. I’d ask myself every day how it happened. How could someone do that to the person they love?’
‘Because sometimes we think we want something, and we’re so focused on making that happen that we lose sight of what’s best for us. Maybe she’s changed. Maybe she’s realised that she wants something else. Or maybe she just made a mistake.’
‘You sound like you’ve got some experience in this.’
The sadness on her face when she nodded made something in his gut ache with sorrow for her. What the feck was going on here? This woman was clearly having a shit time and he was banging on about himself.
‘Can you do me a favour?’ he asked. ‘Any chance we could stop talking about me, and shift our bubble over to you?’
27
HAYLEY
Hayley had been so immersed in Tadgh’s story that it had given her some sweet relief from thinking about her own. His bravery inspired her. Here was a guy who was confronting what could potentially be the worst kind of betrayal, but still thinking about the repercussions for others. His father. His bandmates. Even his fiancée and his brother, and if the worst was true, Hayley had already decided that Cheryl and Shay deserved each other. Or Cindy and Shay, if that’s what was going on here.
She couldn’t help contrast Tadgh’s compassion for others against the sorry reality that Lucas only saw the world from his own point of view. Not once had she seen him bend, seen him take other people into account. He was laser-focused on himself, on success, on his own targets in life.
The overwhelming truth of that realisation repulsed her, and she knew: right there and then, she knew. And she couldn’t stop herself from blurting it out. ‘I think I want to leave my husband.’
Tadgh’s response oozed nothing but concern. ‘Wow. That’s a big decision.’
Hayley nodded, not quite able to absorb what she’d just said, but with the absolute conviction that she meant it. The blinds on the cabin windows were still mostly down, yet – not to get too spiritual about it all – she felt like she was seeing the light clearly for the first time in years. ‘We used to be so happy. He was everything, or, at least, I thought he was. But I guess, in hindsight, I can see that I always felt that I didn’t quite match up to his standards. I always thought that was down to my own issues, but there’s no doubt he helped them along, made it worse. My husband is a doctor, a fertility specialist. He’s regarded as one of the best in his field. A few years ago, we started trying to have a family and…’ She paused. ‘Am I really discussing my reproductive system with you?’
Tadgh found this amusing. ‘As long as there are no diagrams or photographs, I should be fine.’
‘Aw, that’s a shame. I always keep my photo album handy for showing graphic images to strangers.’
She decided there must be some kind of weird oxygen in this bubble because they were pouring out their very own heartbreaks to each other and yet there were these moments of levity that came out of nowhere. She carried on, never more willing or more comfortable in sharing a piece of her soul.
‘The infertility journey put so much more strain on our relationship. I get it. In his mind, it was so much bigger than his wife’s inability to get pregnant. I see now that it was all tied up with his career. He saw it as being a personal attack on the thing that meant the most to him: his professional reputation.’
‘Jesus, that’s about as twisted as it gets,’ Tadgh sighed. ‘Just so you know, I really want to tell you that he’s a prick, but I’m trying to be the silent, supportive, bubble listener here.’
Hayley smiled gratefully. ‘Noted.’
‘But you know he’s a prick, right? The way he behaved here earlier—’
‘Yeah, I’m sorry about that.’
‘Don’t apologise. It’s not your place to be sorry. It’s his.’
‘I’ve realised I need to work on that. Actually, Bernadette helped me see a lot of things in a new light today.’
‘Did you know her before you got on this plane?’
Hayley shook her head. ‘No. That’s the crazy thing. I feel like something put us in the same place so we would meet today. It’s like she saw straight away who I was and who he was. She was married to a very similar man, and she stayed with him for a long time to protect her family, but now she feels she should have left before she did. I’d never thought things through from that perspective. If I stay with Lucas and we do manage to have a family, what will that look like? Will he go back to being the man that I married, or is this who he really is? I don’t think I want to take the chance on finding out.’
She watched as he pondered that thought. He didn’t tell her she was wrong. Or right. Or give his opinion. He didn’t tell her she was being ridiculous, or stupid or rash. He just listened without judgement. When was the last time her husband had done that?
When Tadgh spoke, it was only to ask, ‘What’s next then? Have you got a plan?’
‘Not really. I think I need to talk to him tonight while I’m feeling brave enough.’
The buzz of an incoming text interrupted the conversation and he retrieved his phone from the seat pocket.
‘Cheryl?’ Hayley asked, feeling strangely protective of this man she didn’t know.
He read the words on the screen. ‘Yep. She says she’s on the way to the airport. She wants to meet me there.’
Hayley felt a twinge of anxiety. Cheryl would be at the airport. Tadgh would be there. Shay would be there. That situation already had an explosive potential for disaster. Add in Dev and – if by any chance her suspicions were right and he was crossing the globe to track down the same Cheryl – then they’d be as well all diving for cover. Surely she couldn’t be having an affair with his brother and picking up one-night stands too? Or maybe she could.
Hayley felt she needed to get ahead of the situation. ‘There’s something I want to ask you. Is there anyone else in your bridal party with the same name as your fiancée?’
‘No, why?’
Disappointment and dread made Hayley’s shoulders slump. Damn. ‘Oh, it’s nothing. I heard someone else on the flight say something about meeting someone on the island with that name.’ More than anything, she wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. The thought of putting more worry in his mind made her shiver. It couldn’t be the same woman. Surely the universe wouldn’t do that to someone as sweet as him? Come on, karma, do your stuff. Sort it out and take the pressure off this guy – he has enough to deal with.
The voice of the cabin crew manager, Marian, took very definite charge as it came over the airwaves. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we are now beginning our approach to Hewanorra International Airport, St Lucia. We’d ask at this time that you fasten your seatbelts, close your tables and put your seat back in an upright position. Our flight attendants will be coming through the cabin to collect any items you may have for disposal. Thank you for flying with us today. We hope you’ve had an enjoyable flight and we look forward to seeing you again in the future.’
Hayley carried out all the instructions, then sat back and exhaled, her hands on the armrests, thinking about the announcement that had just been made. Something about travelling again in the future. ‘You know what’s crazy?’ she pondered aloud in Tadgh’s direction. ‘I’ve got no idea what the future is going to hold. I don’t even know what’s going to happen in the next few hours, but for the first time, I’ve got a feeling that’s okay. Maybe that’s the way it’ll be for you too. Maybe you’ll both come to the same decision at the same time, or maybe you’ll see each other and realise that all this stuff that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours is nothing to do with you both and it’s just there to throw in a curveball and test your relationship. Do I sound really wise? I’m feeling like I sounded a bit Oprah there.’
‘Definitely Oprah. Couldn’t agree more.’
The noise of the landing gear coming down almost drowned out Tadgh’s words. But not quite.
‘I hope you’re right about the test thing. Just hope we pass it.’
Hayley reached into the pocket in front of her for a bottle of water she’d put there earlier, aware that even talking about this was making her throat tighten and her mouth dry up. Was she losing her mind? Was Lucas actually right when he said that she was crazy? Who got on a plane, married and trying to have a family, and then, nine hours later, got off the flight having decided to leave their husband?
She took another sip of water and her swallow reflex threatened to go on strike through sheer fear at the prospect of how Lucas would react. That said it all. Why was his reaction the thing that was worrying her most?
Tadgh leaned towards her. ‘Okay, I have a suggestion. Hear me out here. Could you stay and make one last go of it this holiday? I’m not saying for a second that you should. Like I said, the guy didn’t impress me, but you must have had something once. Maybe it’s not too late to get back to that place.’
‘This from the guy who is considering bailing on his wedding,’ she teased him, and he shrugged, acknowledging her point.
‘You’re right. You see, this is why you’re Oprah, and I’ll just always be a guy in a band.’
Hayley didn’t want to admit that she’d thought about the plan that he’d suggested. If she was being brutally honest with herself, it had been sitting there, in the corner of her reasoning, since this holiday was booked. But now she saw that there was one huge, potentially catastrophic consequence of doing that – what if it worked? What if she got pregnant? Wasn’t Bernadette the cautionary tale of why that wasn’t a great idea? Hadn’t she ended up tied to a man of cruelty for half her lifetime?
Tadgh was still considering all her options. ‘What will you do if he refuses to accept your decision?’
‘I’m not sure. Leave anyway, I guess. I can’t see any scenario that would make me want to stay now. Urgh, the thought of all of this is making my stomach churn. I’m not even 100 per cent sure that I’ll have the guts to do it. At least Bernadette is staying at the same resort as us, and it kind of makes me feel better to know that I have someone else there that isn’t a complete stranger. I think that going by our newly established boundaries, nine hours on a plane makes us practically family.’
‘Okay, I hereby nominate her to be an honorary member of our bubble, should you require to add to the group.’
‘Excellent,’ she agreed. ‘And we’ll let Dev in too because he looks so much like Ryan Reynolds that he’ll get us great tables in restaurants.’
‘Did I hear my name being mentioned there?’ Dev asked, leaning forward so that he could see into their bubble.
‘Yes. We’d like you to hang out with us because you look like you’re famous.’
Dev nodded. ‘My services can be bought. Throw in some chicken wings and a few beers and I’m yours. Just as long as I can bring Cheryl. Assuming she hasn’t had me arrested by then.’
Hayley held her breath. She saw that Bernadette’s eyes had widened too and as their gazes locked, she sent up a silent prayer.
Dear Universe, just on the highly bolloxed off chance that both of these men are on their way to meet the same woman, please don’t let Tadgh have heard that last comment. Thank you and sending love, Hayley and Bernadette.
She slowly, painstakingly turned her head to her right, expecting to see Tadgh in a full state of shock, on the cusp of throwing out furious questions and demanding answers. Instead, she saw that Stefan was standing at the end of the row, distracting Tadgh by clearing a tube of Pringles and several bottles of beer off Tadgh’s tray, while attempting to tie down an audition for the band.
Panic averted.
But for how much longer?
28
DEV
The plane’s descent was making Dev’s ears pop and, like the perfectly prepared mother, Bernadette handed him a couple of huge mints to suck on to make it better.
Dev wondered if he could persuade Bernadette to come home with him and live with him forever. Given the erratic nature of his current adventure, he might have to explain it wasn’t a hostage-type situation. He was just enjoying every minute of her company and he was fairly certain that Lizzy would love her just as much as he did. Unless, of course, Cheryl had other plans for their romcom ending.
He realised that he hadn’t given a single thought to what happened next. Definitely a flaw in the plan, but one that he wasn’t going to worry about right now because he could see the potential issues. She lived in Ireland. He had no idea where. Should probably have asked that. He was fairly sure she told him what she did for work, but that information had been wiped by too many beers. Anyway, those were all technicalities. Small details. No one ever wrote about what happened after the final romcom moment. They didn’t worry about where to live or how they were going to split the electricity bill, or whose family they were going to go to on Christmas Day. The only thing that would matter was that Lizzy and Cheryl had to like each other because that was non-negotiable.
Thinking of Lizzy took his mind back to the email she’d sent him earlier. He was sure that Bernadette had interpreted it wrong, not understanding the nuances of their relationship. Lizzy loved him. He loved her. That was true. But she couldn’t possibly be ‘in love’ with him. There was no way on this earth that Lizzy Walsh would have kept that to herself.
