The Vexed Generation, page 17
Brewster shrugged. “It’s hard to. But everybody else who knows him seems to trust him.”
Mattie said, “And I’ve dealt with the Magnuses. I sure don’t trust them.”
“So we agree?”
“Brewster, neither of us has really answered the question.”
“If neither of us has, that means we’re on the same page.”
Mattie shouted toward the kitchen. “Okay, Phillip. We’ve decided to trust you.”
Phillip turned around on his stool at the kitchen island. “Already? That was fast. I only just sat down here.”
Brewster said, “Well, you can come back now.”
Phillip walked back over and sat down at the patio table with the twins. They told him the entire story of everything that had happened from the moment they’d been sent out of the room by their parents up until the moment they reconnected with Phillip in their living room one minute or three days later, depending on who you asked.
“So, can you help our parents?” Brewster asked.
Phillip said, “Yes. I’ll do everything I can.”
Mattie stood up. “Great! Let’s go unfreeze them then!”
Phillip said, “I can’t.”
Mattie just barely managed not to curse.
Phillip said, “Undoing someone else’s macros can be very difficult. You don’t just want to figure out how they’re changing the code and change it back. You don’t know how their macro and the macro you wrote to undo their macro will interact. You have to find their macro, analyze it carefully, and then figure out how to undo the damage as carefully as possible.”
Mattie said, “It sounds to me like you know how to do it. It’s just a lot of work.”
“Knowing the steps to do a thing is not the same as being able to do it. It’s your parents’ lives we’re talking about. I wouldn’t want to trust the job to anyone who hasn’t tried to undo someone else’s magic before.”
“Do you know anyone who has?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s call him!” Brewster said.
Phillip stared at the twins for a long moment before saying, “It’s not a him, and first I think we should contact the guys who are out looking for me, probably looking for all of us now. They need to know what’s going on, and that you two are all right.”
The twins both groaned.
“It’ll just take a minute. It’s the courteous thing to do, and maybe one of the guys will have a better idea.”
Mattie kept herself, Brewster, and Phillip on the magicians’ lawn, but teleported them all forward in time to a moment after Brewster’s escape from Roy’s lecture on the geopolitical forces that led to the Vietnam War. She had to guess as to the exact moment, as she hadn’t been looking at a clock, and time had seemed to slow to a crawl.
Phillip held up his left hand and put in a call to Roy. An image of a cartoon skunk, and the phrase “Lockheed Skunk Works” rotated in his outstretched palm while the sound of a phone ringing repeated five times.
“You say Roy was watching you when you escaped?” Phillip asked.
The twins nodded yes.
“Then you’d think he’d be quick to answer any calls, in case it’s news about you. And the others were all out looking for me?”
Again, the twins nodded.
“So the fact that the call is coming from me would make them even more likely to answer. Where was it you said Roy was watching you?”
19.
Gary’s living room at Skull Gullet Cave looked much as it had when Mattie and Brewster left. Upon materializing with Phillip, the only immediate difference they could see was that Roy and Jeff were standing next to the dining table, frozen in place just like Martin and Gwen.
Phillip moaned. “Just as I feared. The Magnuses were here.”
Brewster looked at Jeff, who stood motionless, his arms drawn in around his body, one leg raised defensively, teeth gritted.
“Whatever they did,” Brewster said, “Jeff didn’t like it.”
Mattie said, “Neither did Roy.” Roy’s frozen body was leaning forward; his eyes were open wide, his mouth open even wider, and he had his arm out with a single extended finger. “And he pointed at them as they did it, or made an important point about it.”
Phillip asked, “When you left, were Jeff and Roy the only ones here?”
Brewster said, “Jeff wasn’t here when we left. It was just us, Roy, and Hubert.”
Phillip muttered, “Hubert?” He looked around, sniffed, then used his hands to waft more air toward his nose. Finally, he pointed toward the hall.
Mattie didn’t wait for Phillip, and crept slowly down the hall, Brewster following close behind. They passed two doors, both slightly ajar. They sniffed the air coming from each slightly open door until they reached the last one on the left. Instead of the deep inhalation she had given each other door, Mattie drew in a breath, then stopped abruptly, grimacing. Brewster, who had taken a large gulp of air through his mouth, fought a losing battle against his gag reflex.
Mattie pushed the door open just fast enough to make a small breeze blow in her and Brewster’s faces, a consequence neither of them relished. They stood just outside the doorway, leaning to one side, then the other, craning their necks, trying to see as much of the room as possible before entering. A round bed covered in black satin sheets and a blanket bearing the embroidered image of a tiger sat beneath a ceiling covered with mirrors. Black lacquered closet doors and built-in drawers covered one side of the room. A raised platform similar to a stage, complete with track lights and a mirrored backdrop, sat centered on the far wall. The third wall held multiple framed paintings of attractive women in various states of undress, all rendered in garish colors on black velvet. The thick, burgundy shag carpet bore discolored tracks where Gary walked on a daily basis. Brewster tapped Mattie on the shoulder and pointed almost straight down at another discolored track, which entered the room, then took a sharp right and disappeared.
Mattie nodded. They both stepped through the door and turned to the right, where Hubert stood beside the door with his back pressed flat against the wall.
Hubert sighed and sagged visibly when he saw Mattie and Brewster. “It’s you! Oh, thank the maker. I thought you were the Man-Gusses.”
“Magnuses,” Brewster said.
Hubert shook his head. “Whatever they’re called. I was afraid you were them.”
Mattie asked, “What happened?”
Hubert sat on the edge of the bed and nearly fell over backward when the mattress gave way beneath him, making a sloshing noise and sending a wave through all of the bedding.
“It was awful. After the two of you disappeared, Master Roy called Master Jeff. He came and they talked for a bit about where you might have gone and how to find you. Master Jeff received a call from a wizard I’d never met, asking to come talk. Two wizards, both named Man-gus, came over; I made one of them a sandwich. They asked Master Roy and Master Jeff to vote for them, then wanted to know why they wouldn’t. They argued, then they cast some sort of spell over Master Roy and Master Jeff that made them into statues.”
“Then what happened?” Mattie asked.
“They took the sandwich and left.”
Mattie asked, “They took the sandwich?”
Hubert looked on the verge of tears. “Yes. I was too stunned to stop them.”
Mattie and Brewster both walked over to Hubert, and each put a hand on his shoulder as he hung his head.
Without a word, Mattie and Brewster left the room, closing the door behind them. Once in the hall, Brewster reached into his hat, rummaged around, and pulled out a small squeeze bottle of hand sanitizer.
The twins walked back out into the living room, still rubbing their wet hands together. They found Phillip sitting on a dining chair, staring intently into his outstretched left hand while the motionless Jeff and Roy looked on.
Phillip glanced at the twins. “Hubert?”
Brewster said, “He’s shaken up, but they didn’t hurt him.”
Mattie added, “On the plus side, in a few hours one of the Magnuses might have food poisoning.”
“We can hope,” Phillip said. “I’ve been trying to reach everyone. Gilbert and Sid are both okay. Gary said he couldn’t talk and that he’d call back. Who knows what that’s about. I can’t get hold of Tyler, though. Sid said he thought Tyler was going to look for me at the tavern, so we should go there. Gilbert and Sid’ll meet us. If we don’t want the Magnuses to track us I’m afraid one of you’ll have to drive.”
Mattie took off her hat and reached in. “Same town you live in?”
“Yes. Leadchurch.”
“Why do they call it that?”
“Because the town’s church is covered with lead. It’s their biggest landmark, as you can imagine. We can go rub up against it and get a souvenir stain, if you like. The locals think it’ll ward off evil.”
“I’ll pass.”
“Smart girl. The kids in town used to lick it. Imagine that. They’d just run up and lick the church. We put a stop to it. Incredibly unhealthy, it caused brain damage and spread germs.”
Brewster said, “We’re going to a tavern? You do realize we’re both under twenty-one, right?”
Phillip said, “Relax. We aren’t going to drink. Anyway, it’ll be centuries before liquor laws are invented.”
* * *
The three of them appeared in the middle of the dirt road in front of the tavern, a squat timber-and-thatch building with a sign reading “The Rotted Stump.”
Mattie put her hat back on and looked at the tavern, the road, the huts across the way, and the woods beyond the edge of town. “This is where you fought Dad.”
Phillip laughed. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that I fought him. No, this is where I trounced your father. If I’m honest, it wasn’t a fair fight, but I’m not the one who started it. How do you know about that?”
Mattie said, “We were there. Gilbert and Sid brought us. We hid in the woods. Saw the whole thing.”
“Well, look, kids, I love your father, I love both of your parents, but nobody’s perfect, and the first time he came here, your father made a bit of an ass of himself. Please, don’t follow in his footsteps. We’re just going to pop in to see if anyone knows where Tyler is, so let me do the talking and follow my lead. Okay?”
Brewster and Mattie both nodded.
Phillip led them into the tavern.
Most of the bars and taverns Brewster and Mattie had seen were in TV shows and movies, and as such were either glossy and idealized or cartoonishly dicey. Their only real-world experiences of such places consisted of walking past their entrances in shopping malls and airports. They’d never been inside one before, and as such, they didn’t know what to expect. Still, they were surprised to find the tavern bright, lively, and smelling of roasted meat and spilled beer.
There were eleven or twelve people sitting around, eating, talking, and drinking in the middle of the day, enough people that it made both Mattie and Brewster uncomfortable when all conversation stopped and every head in the room turned to look at them. The world seemed to pause for a moment, then the patrons decided that Phillip and his young, oddly dressed friends weren’t as interesting as what they had been discussing or drinking.
Phillip led the twins around the tables, past the seemingly unmanned bar, to the back of the room where a largish man in a leather apron whose right arm was missing from just above the elbow stood facing away from the customers, looking into an open door.
Phillip said, “Hello Pete. How are things?”
The one-armed man glanced over his shoulder, smiled, then turned back to what he was doing. “Looking up, Phillip. I hope you’re well. I was just about to send someone to fetch you.”
Phillip looked over Pete’s shoulder into the storeroom and nodded. “I can see why.”
Mattie and Brewster looked past the man in the apron. Inside the storeroom, they saw the expected barrels and crates. They also saw a very large woman moving the barrels and crates as if they weighed nothing. She placed one large crate in the center of the room, then reached to the side of the room and grasped Tyler around the waist.
Tyler stood motionless, holding his wizard staff out in front of his body, his face frozen in an expression of confusion and shock. The large woman lifted him easily. His robe hung down and flapped back and forth as she placed him on the crate, facing the door.
“Well done, Gert,” Pete said. “Now adjust the lanterns to shine up at him from below.”
Phillip asked, “What happened?”
“Tyler came in asking about you, actually. I told him I hadn’t seen you in a while. He decided to have a quick beer before moving on. Then two wizards I’ve never seen before appeared.”
“Horns on their hats? Lots of fur?”
“Exactly. They talked to Tyler. It all sounded friendly at first, but then they start yelling about boats.”
“Might they have said votes, not boats?”
“Maybe. It all got heated, and they put a spell on Tyler that left him like this.” He pointed at Tyler, standing motionless on the crate, shadows swaying wildly on his face and behind him as Gert moved the lanterns at his feet.
“Gert and I, we decided to move Tyler into the storeroom, you know, for his own safety, while he can’t defend himself.”
Phillip stepped into the storeroom and walked around Tyler, studying him from every angle. “And him being in a room with no windows makes it easier for you to charge people who want to come gawk at the frozen wizard.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure that since we’re protecting Tyler and keeping him inside, out of the elements, he wouldn’t mind earning his keep.”
Phillip said, “Of course. And what happened to the other two?”
“They left. Seemed to be in a hurry to get out of here. One of ’em left that.” Pete pointed. It was hard to see in the dark, but a black fur hung on the wall beside Tyler. “We’ll get some light on it once Tyler’s squared away. He’s the main attraction, er, I mean, priority. What do you make of that fur the wizard left, Phillip? I assume it’s the hide of some famed mythical beast.”
“I don’t know. It may be from a wolf.”
“A famed, mythical wolf?”
“Perhaps, Pete. Perhaps.”
“What would such a beast be called, Phillip?”
Phillip thought for a moment. “Wolfie?” He winced apologetically.
Pete stroked his chin. “We can do better. Why do people fear wolves? What are they afraid of?”
Mattie said, “That the wolves will bite them.”
Pete turned and looked down at the twins.
Phillip said, “Oh, where are my manners. Pete, this is Mattie and Brewster. They’re Martin and Gwen’s kids.”
“You don’t say! Hello! Good to meet you! Your parents and I go way back. In fact, I once locked your father in this very storeroom. Perhaps I’ll tell you all about it later. Maybe lock you two in there, if you play your cards wrong.” He glanced down at their empty hands. “And now I’ll tell you about an invention of mine I call the two-drink minimum.”
Pete turned back to the pelt on the wall. “Hmm. People biter. Folk gnawer. Man chewer. Manchewer. That’s not bad. Gert, make sure one of the lanterns is aimed up at The Mantle of Manchewer.”
Gert nodded at Pete and continued moving the lanterns around.
The twins heard a faint screeching—it sounded like a distant electric guitar. Phillip stiffened, glanced at his left hand, and blurted, “Oh, I should take this call. One moment.”
He held up his left hand. A KISS logo rotated in the empty space above his palm for a moment, then faded out, replaced by a miniature re-creation of Gary’s head.
“Phillip! Where have you been?”
“It’s a long story. Where are you?”
“I was looking for you. I’m at Martin’s place in London.”
Brewster asked, “Dad has a place in London?”
Phillip said, “Yeah. By your time the real estate’s probably worth a mint, as if he needed money.”
Gary said, “Sorry I didn’t answer your call earlier. The Magnuses were here. Phil, you’re never gonna guess what they wanted.”
“Oh, I have an idea.” Phillip put a hand on Tyler’s frozen shoulder. “I’m here with Tyler. They froze—”
Phillip disappeared midword, taking Tyler with him.
Brewster and Mattie both jumped, looked around frantically, and saw the Magnuses materializing near the door.
Magnus Rex said, “I’m pretty sure I left it here.”
Magnus Galka said, “I suggest you ask the innkeeper. Mayhap they have a lost and found or some…” Magnus Galka trailed off as he spotted Mattie. He blurted several half-strangled consonant sounds before he managed to choke out, “You!”
20.
Both Magnuses pointed at Mattie. Magnus Rex said, “You’re the girl from that crappy museum!”
Mattie glanced back over her shoulder at Tyler’s empty makeshift plinth and the fur hanging on display and said, “The other one, yes.”
Magnus Rex asked, “Who are you?”
Mattie looked at Brewster, then back to the Magnuses. “The girl from that crappy museum.”
Magnus Galka closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What’s your name, and why are you following us?”
Brewster said, “We were here first.”
Mattie said, “Yeah. We were at the museum first, too. If anything, you’re following us!”
Magnus Rex said, “We don’t even know who you are!”
“Just makes it creepier that you’re following us, dude!”
“Creepy,” Magnus Galka said. “You dare call us creepy? Let’s see if you think we’re creepy when we drag you out of here and whisk you both back to our hidden lair!”
Mattie said, “I’m pretty sure we will.”
Brewster shook his head. “I mean, the fact that you call it your hidden lair . . .”
Magnus Galka waved dismissively toward the twins and looked at Magnus Rex. “This conversation is pointless. Seize them!”
Magnus Rex didn’t move. “Was that a command?”
