The Vexed Generation, page 11
Brewster scowled as he swept through the long left-hand turn. “Figures. How does he con them into that?”
“He doesn’t con them into anything,” Gilbert said. “From what I hear, he doesn’t even want the job.”
Sid said, “Phillip has, very much, had power thrust upon him. I suggest the two of you land now. I sense your concentration is slipping.”
As the twins touched down, Mattie asked, “Why on earth would anybody choose Phillip to be their leader?”
“That’s the thing,” Gilbert said. “Phillip ain’t perfect, but he’s quite a bit better than you two seem to think.”
Brewster said, “We’ll see.”
Sid shook his head. “We will, but will we accurately perceive it when we do? At this point, I suspect we could show you a picture of Phillip saving orphans from a fire, and you’d call it proof that he’s a kidnapper and an arsonist.”
Gilbert put a hand on Sid’s shoulder. “Look, this is no good. We’re working at crossed purposes. If we go on this way, we’ll just spend all our time telling each other what we think probably happened instead of finding out what really did. Do any of you need to go to visit the restroom?”
“Why?’ Mattie asked. “Can your powers help with that?”
“As a matter of fact, they can, but that’s not why I asked. Please just answer the question. Do you need to go to the restroom?”
Both twins shook their heads. Mattie asked, “Why?”
Gilbert said, “Because we’re going on a trip.”
“Where?”
“To get on the same page.”
“So, we’re traveling to the same page?” Brewster asked.
“We’re going to show you why we don’t think Phillip’s an enemy.”
“And how are you gonna do that?” Brewster asked.
“By snooping on your parents.”
“Oh. We’re cool with that.”
“Of course, you are,” Sid said. “You’re teenagers. Your thirst to know all of your parents’ secrets is only topped by your disinterest in telling them any of yours.”
12.
Centuries earlier (and surprisingly near the spot where Gilbert and Sid moored their dirigible), in the immense, window-lined grand gallery of a massive golden castle, Martin and Gwen celebrated their just-completed wedding vows, aided by their closest friends. All of them wore costumes themed to David Lynch’s 1984 film Dune.
In an out-of-the-way corner of the upper gallery, well out of the wedding party’s line of sight and concealed by shadows, Gilbert and Sid stood with Mattie and Brewster, watching the festivities.
“What year did you say this was, again?” Mattie asked.
“It’s 1157,” Gilbert replied.
Brewster asked, “And how did Mom and Dad get here?”
“They found the file.”
“Separately,” Sid added. “My understanding is your father found the file, made some sort of hideous mess of it, and had to go hide in Medieval England. That’s where he met your mother.”
“Mom’s from Medieval England?” Brewster asked.
“No,” Sid said. “I believe she’s from the twenty teens. She was just living in Medieval England at the time. So was Phillip, come to think of it.”
“That’s where you all met,” Brewster said.
“No,” Gilbert said, “We don’t visit the Dark Ages much. Not very fond of roughing it. No, we’ll meet your parents a few years later on, and hundreds of years earlier, in Atlantis.”
Brewster said, “I’m sorry. What? You don’t really mean Atlantis? Not the ancient lost city of Atlantis?”
“Yes. When I said Atlantis, I meant Atlantis. That’s why I called it Atlantis.”
“It’s real?”
Sid said, “That depends on what you mean by real, and what you mean by Atlantis.”
“But yes,” Gilbert said. “There was, at one time, a city called Atlantis. I believe your mother lived there for a while.”
“That’s where your parents first met us,” Sid said.
“We’d met them before,” Gilbert added. “But that was later on.”
“You two enjoy confusing people, don’t you?” Mattie asked.
Sid smiled. “Would we have become magicians if we didn’t?”
“Why would a guy from the future think he could hide in the past?” Brewster asked.
“Good question. He came here, they all came here, to pose as wizards as a cover for using the file to give themselves powers.”
Mattie furrowed her brow. “They hid their powers by. . . claiming to have magical powers?”
Sid said, “Exactly. If you’re in the modern world and someone happens to catch you levitating in thin air, you’ll end up drugged in a government lab somewhere. In the Dark Ages, if someone catches you levitating, they’ll assume you know magic, and while they may desire to burn you at the stake, they’ll be far too afraid of you to attempt it.”
Gilbert said, “And if they do, you can levitate away without having to worry about some chav with a smartphone uploading you to YouTube and making you famous. Yeah, the only people who got burned at the stake for witchcraft were the ones who didn’t have magic.”
Sid nodded. “Such is the irony of life.”
“And that’s why you pretend to be magicians,” Mattie said.
Sid’s eyes went wide, and his voice raised an octave. “I beg your pardon! We may hold your parents in rather high esteem on a personal level, but what we’re doing is a very different thing from what they do. They deceive people and pretend to be wizards to cover for their powers. We went to the trouble to learn stage magic and develop an act. We aren’t pretending to be magicians. We genuinely are magicians, and we take it seriously.”
Gilbert put a hand on Sid’s shoulder and took over talking while his partner calmed down. “We take a different approach than your folks. Let’s just leave it at that for the moment. So, kids, not everybody gets to see their parents’ wedding. What do you think of their big day?”
Mattie said, “Our parents’ big day, Gilbert, was at Blood Ridge on Glapflap’s third moon, against the Gromflomites.”
Gilbert and Sid both stared at Mattie.
Brewster said, “It’s from a show. Rick and Morty. They were at a wedding and—”
Gilbert cut him off, “Yeah, we’re familiar with Rick and Morty. Being a time traveler means infinite free time to binge-watch cartoons. It’s just, hearing you say that made me realize you two don’t make a lot of pop culture references.”
Mattie motioned toward the wedding below. “Look down there.”
Down below, Martin used his powers to make a piñata shaped like Baron Vladimir Harkonnen rise up and down as a blindfolded Gwen swiped at it with a wizard staff, and all of their friends cheered and ate pieces of a cake shaped like a sandworm.
Brewster said, “When you’re raised by our dad, not constantly referring to some TV show or movie is a way to rebel.”
“What a bunch of dorks,” Mattie said.
“Quite,” said Sid.
Brewster said, “I don’t know. They aren’t hurting anyone, but it’s all kind of self-indulgent, isn’t it?”
Mattie shrugged. “It is their wedding day.”
“I understand that it’s their wedding. I just didn’t expect it to be a big, extravagant party like this that’s just meant to impress their friends.”
Mattie laughed. “You didn’t expect that? Are you sure you understand what a wedding is?”
“I just didn’t think they’d be so . . . frivolous.”
Gilbert put a reassuring hand on Brewster’s back. “Don’t judge ’em too harshly. They were young.”
Mattie glared down at Phillip, who stood by smiling and joking in his Mentat costume. “I’m just surprised that they invited an enemy to their wedding.”
Sid said, “Just because they might be enemies now doesn’t mean they always were, does it? Anyway, we promised to show you how Martin and Gwen were when they were younger. We didn’t promise that you’d like them, or that what you saw would make sense.”
Gilbert nodded. “You need to have a real understanding of who your parents are if you’re going to have a chance at saving them.”
“And some conception of who your enemy is, or at least the person you believe to be your enemy,” Sid said. “Look, kids, we’ve known both your parents and Phillip for quite some time, and looking at this, can you see why we’re both certain that Phillip wouldn’t hurt your parents? Or, at least, if he did, he’d need to have a bloody good reason. He’s an old, dear friend to both of them. He’s your father’s best man.”
“Or,” Mattie said, “he’s just been pretending to be their friend the entire time, and he’s fooled Dad into making him best man.”
“Yeah,” Brewster agreed. “And that makes all this even worse, doesn’t it?”
Gilbert and Sid both sighed.
Sid said, “This certainly seems to have boomeranged on us.”
“Yeah. Oh well. If one thing doesn’t work, you try something else. C’mon kids. I’ve got an idea. And the best part is, you’re going to get to take a break from learning about magic to help us perform an illusion.”
* * *
Centuries later, and about halfway across town, Gilbert and Sid stood on the stage of their theater, resplendent in their customary tuxedoes, top hats, and capes. Sid stood straight and tall on his mark, behind the closed curtains, while Gilbert stood where the two curtains met, using his hands to simultaneously hold the curtains closed while opening a small gap to peek through. In the wings to the magicians’ left, Mattie and Brewster stood, wearing black velvet robes and white porcelain masks pulled up on their heads like hats.
Sid said, “Our audience of one shall arrive at any moment. We’ve rehearsed. You both know what to do, and when to do it. Stay relaxed and you’ll be fine. There’s no need for nervousness.”
Mattie said, “We aren’t nervous. We’re irritated.”
Gilbert said, “No problem there. I’ve done some of my best shows while irritated.”
Sid said, “And I while irritating him.”
“True that.”
Mattie asked, “Why didn’t you tell us that we’re doing this trick as a favor to Phillip to begin with? There’s no way we’d have spent all afternoon practicing if we’d known that.”
Sid said, “I do so love it when they answer their own questions.”
Brewster scowled. “When did Phillip put you two up to this anyway? You said he hasn’t been in contact in days.”
Gilbert said, “He asked us to do this years ago.”
“And you’re only just doing it now?” Mattie asked.
Sid said, “He told us that there was no rush. He knew for a fact that we would get around to it eventually, because Martin had told him we already had.”
Gilbert said, “As Brewster pointed out before, time travel makes it easy to procrastinate, which is good. You usually need the extra time just to figure out what’s going on.”
“Besides,” Sid said, “we couldn’t perform the illusion as it was described to us until we procured two assistants we could fully trust. Life’s irony never ceases to amaze. We were unable to do this favor for Phillip until you two came along, and you wouldn’t be here if not for your deep and abiding distrust for Phillip.”
Mattie and Brewster both opened their mouths to speak but stopped short when Gilbert said, “Oop! Martin’s here!”
Gilbert stepped backward to stand on his mark beside Sid, and he pointed at the twins.
Mattie gritted her teeth as she threw a large knife switch bolted to the wall. As the points made contact, the house lights went out and two spotlights blazed to life. Brewster hauled on a loop of rope stretched between two pulleys on the floor and ceiling, making the stage curtains part, revealing Gilbert and Sid in all of their glory.
Out in the seats, Martin groaned, “Oh, Lord.”
Sid addressed Martin with his customary verbosity, interrupted occasionally with a few friendly syllables from Gilbert or an angry question from Martin himself. Brewster and Mattie listened intently to all of it, waiting only for their cue.
Finally, Sid waved his walking stick/magic wand in the prearranged pattern while flourishing with his free hand. Mattie threw a second knife switch that flooded the entire stage with light, and Brewster hit the play button on a large, CD-powered boombox that blasted out a recording of a small brass ensemble performing the song “The Final Countdown” by Europe. They both lowered their white porcelain masks, raised their hoods, and rushed out onto the stage, pushing a steamer trunk on casters and a wheeled frame suspending a red velvet curtain.
In the ensuing two minutes, the four of them performed a complex, carefully choreographed magic trick that involved locking Gilbert in the trunk, swapping masks, Gilbert and Sid switching places through a false back, and a lot of arm waving. At the end of the trick, Sid stood in the now open trunk with a message to Martin, from Phillip, embroidered on the back of his robe. Gilbert sat behind Martin, in a position carefully chosen to allow Gilbert to “accidentally” startle him. Brewster stood in the wings, and Mattie hid in a secret compartment beneath the stage.
She stayed crouched beneath the trapdoor, listening to her father talking with Gilbert and Sid until she was given the signal that Martin had left and it was okay to come out. The curtain made opening the trapdoor a bit of a challenge, but she managed it. She removed her mask and the robe as she stood up and stepped out of the hidden compartment beneath the stage floor.
Brewster walked out onto the stage, also shedding his mask and robe as he went.
Sid stepped out of the steamer trunk and began removing his robe with the special message embroidered on its back:
Martin—
You’re embarrassing yourself. Just drop it.
—Phillip
This was the first time the twins had seen the younger version of their father up close and not wearing a Fremen stillsuit. Sid couldn’t help asking, “So that was him. What did you think?”
Mattie said, “He was so young.”
“And angry,” Brewster added. “Really angry.”
Sid said, “Indeed. I’m sure he’s mellowed with age. Most men do.”
“They get wiser, and stop letting things bother them?” Brewster asked.
Gilbert said, “No. Things bother them more. It’s just they don’t have the energy to act on it like they used to.”
“Whatever. I just don’t see what the point of this was. Why did you show us this? We got to see Phillip tormenting Dad. What does that prove?”
Mattie said, “It’s worse. We saw you torment our dad for Phillip, and you got us to help.”
“What?” Gilbert sputtered. “Did you not read the writing on my back? Could you not hear what Martin said? I mean, they do have a tendency to mess with each other, but at the end of the day, they are the best of friends. Even here, as you just saw, Phillip jerked Martin around and wasted his time, but he did it because Martin’s making himself look foolish, and Phillip’s trying to warn him off of it.”
Brewster said, “Or maybe Dad’s getting close to figuring out what Phillip’s up to, and he’s trying to throw Dad off.”
Sid smiled down at Gilbert from the stage and said, “I believe the proper American vernacular for this scenario would be strike two.”
* * *
Mattie, Brewster, Gilbert, and Sid materialized. At first, all the twins could see was that they’d appeared outside, in the dark, behind a tree. A quick look around revealed that they had also appeared in front of another tree, and beside one as well. They both spun around for a moment, taking in the forest that almost surrounded them. The trees and ground plants thinned in front of them, and in the distance a few hundred feet away, there appeared to be some buildings with a dirt road between them that stretched off into the woods. They found it hard to see, as it was dark, and there were no exterior lights aside from a couple of flaming torches. They stared at the quaint buildings and could just make out the sound of raised voices from inside them until Sid made a hissing noise to draw their attention.
Gilbert and Sid both looked up from their position, crouching behind a bush, holding on to their satin capes so they wouldn’t drag in the mud.
“Get down,” Gilbert said. “You don’t wanna get seen.”
Mattie dropped into a squat, then reached up and pulled Brewster down as well. They waddled over next to Gilbert and Sid.
“Welcome back to Medieval England,” Sid said. “It’s a few years before the wedding, on what is undoubtedly the single most eventful day of your father’s life.”
Gilbert said, “Yeah, so far, he’s gone on a shopping spree, bought a new car, gotten arrested, escaped, led the police on a high-speed chase, crashed his brand new car, fled to the distant past, and now he’s about to fight in a duel.” He pointed toward the buildings.
Sid nodded. “And it’s in times of stress, such as this very much is, that one finds out who one’s true friends are.”
All four of them adjusted their positions to raise their eyes and peer over the bush.
What at first glance appeared to be a few small huts clustered together in the woods, now, as their eyes adjusted to the dark, seemed to be the edge of a smallish town. Beyond them, many one- and two-story buildings, all made of drab materials, sat soaking up the light from the moon, stars, and occasional torches without reflecting much of it for anyone to see.
The sound of raised voices from inside the nearest building grew both louder and angrier, although it sounded like only one person was doing all of the talking.
Gilbert said, “Any second now, they’re going to come out into the street. That’s when the real fun begins.”
“How do you know all of this?” Brewster asked. “Were you there?”
“Not as such,” Sid said. “We weren’t involved, or present as far as your father knows. But when we heard the story, we had to come back and witness the spectacle for ourselves. In fact, even as we speak, we’re somewhere over there, lurking in the bushes.”
Sid motioned toward an area on the far side of the path. All four of them looked in the general area he pointed and saw the crowns of two top hats sticking up from behind a shrub.
