Buried (Heavy Hearts Book 3), page 34
His blue eyes soften as he gazes at me before they flick to my lips.
“Can I kiss you?” His question confuses me. Why would he ask that? He should know he can kiss me whenever the hell he wants.
Studying him, I realise just how nervous he is right now too, and then it hits me. We haven’t kissed, not romantically, since Saturday morning when he dropped me home. That was before Mike nearly succeeded in raping me. Before I killed him. I can’t believe Ayden has stuck around through all this bullshit. Over and over, I’ve been assaulted in some form, and we keep coming back to this moment where the poor guy is unsure if he should touch me the way lovers do.
“Please kiss me.” I don’t whisper this time. The confidence flows from me easily, and he grins before that delectable tongue of his flicks out to wet his lips.
We step forward to meet each other, and his lips are gentle as they brush over mine, tasting me before deepening the kiss. It feels so good to have him close. To taste his kiss. To be wrapped in his scent. I never want to be apart from him. At least not for long.
After a minute, Ayden slows the kiss before it gets too heated. Then he breaks it softly, nipping at my bottom lip before pressing his head against mine.
“We need to talk.” His words are like a cold bucket of water, and I pout.
“Do we, though? We could just skip the talking and fool around.”
He chuckles, pulling back, his hands rubbing up and down my arms. “No. That’s exactly what we need to talk about, Lex.”
“I plead the fifth,” I say seriously, and he laughs, grabbing hold of my hand.
“We’ve been through this. Pleading the fifth isn’t an Aussie thing. You watch too many movies.”
As Ayden tugs me towards his couch and not his bed, where I think we would have much more fun, I pout again.
“Is there an Aussie equivalent?” I ask in all seriousness, but Ayden shakes his head.
“I don’t think so. I don’t really know. But what I do know is that we need to talk about what happened and what we should and shouldn’t be doing.”
“Nope.” I shake my head. “We don’t need to talk about that at all. I’m quite happy never to bring up what happened again. Let’s look forward, not back.” He wants to talk about the finer details of what Mike did to me. He knows Mike got close. He knows I have grazes. I just want to forget it ever happened.
“Lex.”
“Ayden.”
“Come on. You know we need to talk about this. It’s serious.”
“I’m aware, Ayden!” I snap, and when I see the hurt in his eyes, I sigh, dropping my head forward, wishing we weren’t about to have this conversation.
“Lex, we don’t have to talk about the exact details, but the doctor said that there was… slight penetration.” Ayden’s words are strangled before he bolts up from the couch and rakes his hands through his dark hair, turning away from me.
“Ayden,” I whisper and stand, taking the two steps to get to him and wrap my arms around him from behind.
“I’m sorry, Lex. The thought” Ayden shakes his head and turns in my arms to face me.
“Don’t think about it, Ayden. It will only bring you pain.”
I watch as he swallows the lump in his throat, his eyes dancing between mine, nerves making him look the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen. “The doctor said they had to do STD testing. Doesn’t that mean he- he…”
My breaths come quickly as I work myself up to say the words I don’t want to say. But Ayden is right. We need to talk about this because I did need to have tests taken to check for any STD’s that Mike may have passed on, and since Ayden is the guy I love, and I’m intimate with, he needs to know.
“His… bit, the top bit, kinda went in a little.” Hot tears spill as I say the words. It isn’t even a proper explanation. I can’t say the right words. I can’t say that the head of my brother’s dick penetrated me a little. I just can’t say it.
Anger fills me from head to toe at the reminder. I leap back from Ayden, bending at the waist as I grip my head tight, right before I let out a guttural scream and drop to the floor.
“Fuck, Lex. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m sorry.” Ayden’s panicked words meet my ear as he falls to the floor with me and pulls me to his chest as I scream again.
“Ayden, what’s going on?” Marcus’s voice floats across the loft, but I ignore it as I cry, trying to force my memories to the back of my mind.
“It’s okay. I mean, she’s not okay, but she…” Ayden can’t even finish, and a moment later, I feel the warmth of another body as Marcus wraps both Ayden and me in his arms.
No more words are exchanged as we stay huddled together, riding out the storm of emotions. My screams turn to excruciating tears, and eventually, the river dries up, and I find myself content in the embrace of two cousins, knowing that Marcus is giving Ayden the comfort that I can’t.
Even though Mike is dead, what he did is going to linger long after the town stops talking about him and forgets the time when a monster was in their midst. Like a ghost haunting me, I’ll have to endure the moments that arise in the future where I’m reminded of what he did and how he made me and the others feel. Ayden will face this problem, too. I just hope that it’s not something he thinks about every time our bodies are desperate to meet in the closest way possible.
“We need to finish the conversation.” I rasp, trapped between Marcus and Ayden.
They both pull back from me at the same time, looking down at me before looking at each other. As if they have a silent conversation, Marcus nods to Ayden, places a gentle kiss on the top of my head, and leaves the loft.
I suck in a breath, mentally pulling up my big girl panties, and finish the conversation, still huddled with Ayden on the floor of his loft.
“We haven’t been using protection lately because I’m on the pill, and it’s safe to say we are exclusive, but given what’s happened, even though the chances are low, you will need to wear condoms until I’m cleared.”
Tilting his head, Ayden cups my cheek and gently strokes his thumb back and forth.
“Of course, beautiful.”
I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I feel like I’m damaged goods or something.”
“Lexi. No. Never. I just want to be careful. And I know you have been hurt; you know.… down there.” Ayden shakes his head too and bites back a grin. “When we came up here, you had that look in your eye. It’s your I want to fuck you look, and as much as I fucking love that look, we can’t do that until you’re better.”
“What?”
“The doctor said you need time to heal,” Ayden explains, dropping his hand from my face.
“What the fuck does that doctor know?!” I hiss, and Ayden chuckles.
“Come on, Lex. I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s talking about.”
“Ah- no, he doesn’t! The arsehole has no idea, and it’s going to leave me with the girl’s equivalent of blue balls, Ayden!”
“Then we can have blue balls together.” He smiles.
My mouth drops open, and I stare at my addiction before me.
“You know, all I’m getting out of this conversation is a challenge, which I accept.”
“Oh no, you don’t. You’ll make it worse for both of us if you dangle that bit of candy between us.” Ayden frowns in all seriousness.
I grin, “Let’s see how long you can hold out on me.”
He growls and grabs me by my hips, pulling me against his body where I can feel the steel of his erection.
“Lexi West, you are going to get spanked.”
I flash him my teeth. “A girl can hope.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The next couple of days are pretty cruisy. I spend any alone time with Ayden, trying to coax him to fuck me. He’s stronger than I thought he was, and all I’ve successfully been able to do is make myself sexually frustrated.
Since my dad is still on the loose, the police decided to keep us under police watch. Not that I have any faith in that now. The guys have spent most of their time with us. Even Jared made an appearance, even though his mum cried when she dropped him off.
Today, the guys are all here for a Taco Tuesday lunch. Simon’s idea, but it’s a brilliant one! It’s about 3 in the afternoon when Andrea comes out to the backyard where the guys are playing some made-up game with a golf club and ball.
“You have a call.” Confused, I look at the phone she is holding out and then back to her in question. “It’s Ringo. He wants to have a chat.”
My face drops, but she shakes her head. “It’s okay, sweetie.” She holds the phone closer, so I take it and reluctantly hold it to my ear. Is he about to tell me how his brother should never have died, and it’s my fault? Because if that’s the case, I totally agree with him.
“Hello?” I say, my voice sounding more like a child’s than a teenager’s.
“Hi, Lexi. It’s Ringo here. How are you feeling?”
The gruff voice of the scary-looking biker holds nothing but warmth.
“Hey Ringo. I’m doing okay, thanks. I uh… I’m sorry about Muz. I mean Bobby.”
At my blubbering and tear-filled eyes, Ayden hands his golf club to Marcus and comes to sit next to me, taking my free hand.
Ringo chuckles. “He’d hate that you called him Bobby. So, we should definitely refer to him that way from now on.”
A giggle escapes while tears spill from my eyes. “Okay. Sounds good.” Muz would definitely hate us using his real name. If he were still here, I’d tease him about it. Get him all worked up until he nearly blew a fuse. We probably would have been great friends in the end.
“I’m calling to invite you to his funeral tomorrow. Please don’t feel obliged, but he spoke of you a lot in his last days, and I know you two had been chatting. I just want you to know that you are welcome to attend if that’s something you would like to do.” Ringo clears his throat, and then his voice comes out a little unsteady. “He wasn’t the kindest of people. Started getting into trouble at a young age and probably deserved a thousand beatings, but I’ve never seen him fight or care for anyone but himself before. Not until you came into his life and stirred things up. He was always going to die young, Lexi. Many bullets had his name on them, but in the end, the bullet that ended it all for him was because he was actually trying to do something good. He was really proud of that, Lexi. In his own twisted way, he died thinking he was your hero. I’m glad he got to experience doing something good before he left this world.”
I’m sobbing. I’m a mess with snot coming out of my nose and my tears making it impossible to see anything. Ayden pushes a tissue into my free hand, and I make use of it quickly, trying to find the right words to say.
“T-thank y-you for s-saying that.” I stutter out. “H-he s-saved me m-more than o-once.” I suck in a deep breath, trying to control myself. “I would be h-honoured to come to B-Bobby’s funeral.”
“That’s great, Lexi. Thank you. I know it would have meant a lot to him. I also have something for you that he asked me to give you. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
Ringo and I say our goodbyes, and when I’m able to see past my tears again, I notice the guys sitting on camp chairs close by, with their concerned eyes on me. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have such caring friends, but I hope they know that if they ever need the same kind of support from me, I’ll be there for them, no questions.
We spend the rest of Tuesday preparing to leave for the city in the morning. Even my mum is coming, as well as the guys. They didn’t know Muz like I did, but they were grateful for him, and they want to be there for me.
Just after dinner, Jason pops by to see me, out of uniform. Now, he’s a good-looking guy, but without that uniform, he just looks like a regular person. As much as I miss the uniform, I feel so much more comfortable around him when he just looks like a regular guy. After all, the uniform reminds me of a certain day that I keep trying to push to the back of my mind.
We take a seat at the small kitchen table in Marcus’s kitchen. Ayden on one side, and my mum on the other, while Andrea pretends to wipe down the kitchen counter, over and over.
“I thought I’d swing by and see how you are recovering.” Jason smiles from across the table, and Ayden squeezes my hand that’s resting on his leg.
“I’m doing okay, thanks. My body is kinda used to getting beaten up, I guess. It’s beginning to feel normal.”
Jason frowns. “It’s not normal, and you will never feel like this again.”
I nod. “I hope so. I’m okay.” I shrug.
“You will be advised officially, but I wanted to put your mind at ease. We are closing the case on Mike’s death. We have determined that it was self-defence. With yours and Natasha’s statements and the evidence at the scene, it’s evident that there was a clear intent by Mike to harm you fatally.”
My mum releases a breath before grabbing my other hand under the table, squeezing it.
“Natasha has admitted to harbouring a fugitive and even conspiring to get you alone, but she remains determined that she didn’t know Mike’s true intent.”
I nod. “Yeah, I could tell after a few things Mike said to me that she was shocked. I remember hearing her begging him to stop hurting me.”
Jason nods. “There are grounds to press charges against her if that’s something you feel you need to do?”
“No.” I shake my head. “She’s a bitch and all, but she really didn’t know what he was really like. She believed his lies. I don’t want to punish her for that.”
“Okay, well, we are still working on finding your father. There’s a possibility we can flush him out by using Mike’s death as a lure. Even though Mike’s mother has asked for his body to be returned to her in Queensland, we have had the local funeral home advertise a viewing for local friends to say their goodbyes. We will have plain-clothed police in the vicinity to keep an eye out for your dad and extra patrols near your house.”
“When is that happening?” My mum asks the question I was thinking.
“Tomorrow afternoon,” Jason responds, offering my mum a warm smile.
“Oh, good. We will be out of town tomorrow for Bobby Musgrove’s funeral in the city.” My mum’s words make Jason smile and nod.
“Good. It’s safer if you aren’t in the area in case he shows.”
As my mum and Andrea walk Jason out, I stay seated at the table, feeling a mix of emotions. This isn’t over yet. My dad is still out there. I still remember the look on his face when he realised that I’d killed his son. He’s not going to just want the damn file anymore. He’s going to want revenge. I can’t bear to think of going through all this crap again with him. I’m so sick of looking over my shoulder or my heart nearly leaping out of my chest when I hear a noise in the dead of night. I just have to hope that he falls for the trap the police set.
Ayden and I retreat to the loft a little while later. My mum was hovering, and it was making me cagey. I know it’s because she cares, but it’s just a reminder that things are still unresolved.
Locking the loft door behind us, Ayden leads me to his bathroom and turns on the shower.
“A nice warm shower should help you sleep.”
“You know what would help me sleep?” I ask innocently, and Ayden doesn’t pick up on my fluttering lashes because he’s too busy testing the temperature of the water.
“What?”
“A good hard fuck.”
Ayden’s head whips in my direction, and he growls, “No.”
I stomp my foot just like a toddler. “Yes!”
“No, Lexi!”
“Yes Ayden!”
He sighs and looks up to the ceiling, sucking in calming breaths. He should know better than that. I’m not giving up this battle.
“If you don’t fuck me, then I’ll fuck myself right in front of you.”
“Stop it!” His glare catches me off guard, the anger in his eyes not at all playful.
Shit. I wasn’t expecting that. I’ve been on his case about this subject for the last couple of days, but maybe I’ve pushed too hard. Now I feel like crying again, like the prissy girl I am. My shoulders drop along with my face, and Ayden’s glare turns into a frown.
“Lex.” Taking me by my shoulders, he pulls me to his chest, hugging me close and planting a kiss on top of my head.
“I feel fine, Ayden.”
“You know what the doctor said. You need to let yourself heal. The grazes…”
When he doesn’t finish his sentence, I pull back to see the tears in his eyes.
“You still find me attractive, right?”
His eyes widen, like I’ve just said something unthinkable. “Fuck yes! Always Lexi.”
My heart is racing so fast. It never occurred to me that maybe what happened to me might change how he looks at me.
“Hey, I fucking love you. Every single part of you. I just need to make sure you’re healed, so when we do that again, you’re not thinking of.…”
I nod. “So, no therapeutic sex?”
He chuckles, “Not tonight.”
“How about a bit of fooling around? Just a little orgasm.” I give him my best puppy dog eyes and add extra sweetness to my tone.
“What the fuck am I going to do with you, Lexi West?” Humour laces his tone, and he pulls me to his chest again.
“I mean… you can fuck me. Or how about some more arse play? I’ll let you go all the way.”
I feel the rumble of Ayden’s laughter in his chest before he pulls back and tries to cover his laugh with a straight face.
“Stop it. Not tonight. Now get your sexy arse in that shower.”
“If I say no, will you spank me?” I wag my brows, and he growls before lifting me in his arms and depositing me under the stream of water, fully clothed.
I squeal, trying to push past him to get out of the water, but he is a wall of muscle that won’t budge. Huffing, I glare at his smug grin and then pull the showerhead off the hook and aim it towards him. Ayden swears, trying to duck out of the water, but it’s no use. Water is everywhere, including all over him, soaking his clothes.
