Maybe One Day, page 9
Most important, though, I refused to give up on my studies—my long-standing dream. Nothing was ever easy, but that just made it even more rewarding. I was determined to stay, to graduate, to get to spend my days decorating and brightening people’s spaces.
I knew the value of a cozy, safe place to heal, to find yourself again.
“All I know is, I can’t go back to my dorm. Not right now,” I continued, an odd lump swelling in the back of my throat. “But I can’t just crash here on Owen’s couch. I don’t want to be a burden.
And I barely know him.” Or you, my brain added unhelpfully.
Piper chewed the sugary goodness slowly, her eyebrows knitting together. “You two have more in common than you think,” she said after a pause. “That’s why he’s been acting so weird today.
Owen’s sister—”
We both tensed at the sound of the sliding glass door opening.
Owen stepped inside from the balcony, lowering his phone and slipping it into the pocket of his khaki shorts. Something was off about his expression, and I immediately went on high alert.
“That was Jace.” His eyes darted between Piper and me.
Judging by the way campus police had combed through Thompson earlier, I knew what had happened would be common knowledge to most people by this afternoon. I’d called Jace and left him a voice message on the way here, grateful he’d texted me his new number after we’d hung up.
Last night, I hadn’t wanted him to make a mad dash back to campus, to swoop in and rescue me like I was some damsel in distress over what could’ve been a creepy, albeit harmless, note, but things had changed since then.
“Has he calmed down at all?” asked Piper.
I crossed my legs at the ankles, needing an excuse to prevent them from bouncing up and down restlessly.
“Nope.” Owen grabbed a beer from the fridge. It wasn’t even midmorning. He cracked the top off the edge of the counter, wisps of cold air floating up the neck of the bottle. He took a long, slow swig, like the conversation we were about to have demanded something to take the edge off. “Who wants to hear that some weird dude is stalking your girl? He understands how serious this shit is. He knows he needs to be here, and you need to file that restraining order. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
Sympathy gathered in Piper’s eyes, although I wasn’t exactly sure whom it was directed at anymore. Owen was obviously speaking from personal experience, and given what Piper had just hinted at, it had something to do with his sister.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay with me tonight either,” he added, filling the silence. “That, uh, didn’t go over too well.”
My stomach bottomed out. Great.
The caveman routine wasn’t attractive, and I hoped Jace wasn’t about to start acting like a jealous boyfriend. Especially when he claimed to have no interest in that title. Effectively, I’d been friend-zoned. Nothing justified his overprotective behavior. If I wanted that, I’d have called my father. I honestly just wanted the emotional support from my longtime friend when I’d reached out to him earlier. When it came to that—being there for me without question—he’d never let me down.
Piper gave a quick shake of her head. “See. This is why I usually stick to dating girls,” she said to no one in particular. “Jace is turning mixed signals into an art form. How are you not together already?”
She had a point, but I hadn’t worked hard to change the trajectory of our relationship either.
I couldn’t exactly tell them the truth. That for the last few years, I’d had bigger issues to deal with, like cremating my brother. For a while, Tom’s loss had consumed me. No amount of counseling, cute outfits, materialistic purchases, my monthly Architectural Digest, or boys—not even Jace—had been enough to make me feel even a fragment of happiness. Nothing had mattered. Nothing had made me feel anything, not back then.
I still had a long way to go, but I never wanted to lose myself like that again.
And I’d learned the hard way that not having Jace in my life was so much worse than not having him in the way I wanted.
Death had a way of changing your perspective like that.
“Right person, wrong time?” I gave them my very best one-shoulder shrug. None of this felt blasé in the least.
Satisfied, Piper twirled a lock of auburn hair around her finger, and her gaze trailed back to Owen. “Did you explain to Jace why she couldn’t stay at my place tonight?”
According to Piper, her roommate was unstable at the best of times, but she hadn’t been in a hurry to give me any more details.
“Jace knows,” Owen said, amusement flickering in his eyes.
“Which is why he’s driving back now.”
Piper choked on a laugh. “Isn’t the wedding he’s supposed to photograph happening this afternoon?”
Inhaling through my nose, I leaned my head back on the top of the chair, focusing on the exposed beams in the ceiling. My thought process was twofold. First, Jace was ditching work?
Things were already complicated between us. I wanted him to come back, but I would have been fine with his friends for the day. And second, I decided that someone up there was hell-bent on making my life difficult lately.
“Jesus,” she muttered under her breath.
“Okay, well, that’s just—I don’t . . .” I fumbled for words, speechless.
Owen frowned at me. I knew I wasn’t making sense, but then again, none of this was. “All I’ll say is, you’re fucking with his head, Donovan. I’ve never seen Jace act like this in all the time I’ve known him.”
“I second that,” Piper agreed, growing pensive. She scrunched up the candy wrapper in her hands. “Not only are you here on campus now, but also you’re a catch. It’s only a matter of time until you find someone else. I think it’s driving him a little nuts.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, momentarily stunned.
“I don’t get it,” she said, sighing. “I don’t get why you’re not dating.”
Jace’s desire to be single was a total mystery to me too. Out of my peripheral vision, I felt Owen watching me, and I got this feeling he knew more than he was willing to let on. That he understood Jace in a way that Piper and I didn’t.
The urge to shut this conversation down rushed through me. I really didn’t want to talk about this—about him—anymore. Baring my soul to his best friends wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time.
“You know what Jace is like.” My voice was surprisingly level considering my heart was pounding off-kilter. “He has no interest in a relationship. Not with me, anyway.”
Owen gave me a weird look, like I was seriously failing to see something. Then he quirked a brow and mumbled, almost inaudibly, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
• • •
Thinking back on everything that had happened this morning made my stomach hollow, but a degree of numbness had settled over me. I was curled up on Owen’s sofa under a ridiculously soft throw blanket, nursing a mug of hot chocolate, and watching an old episode of The Vampire Diaries. It was only noon and the sun was yet to reach its highest peak, but sleep still beckoned. I was longing to stretch out in my bed back in the dorm—something I thought I’d never say.
Piper had left a little over an hour ago, and Owen was at the library on campus, claiming he had a paper due midweek. I had the distinct feeling that their impromptu departures were the result of a hidden agenda. Owen didn’t exactly strike me as the kind of guy who had a close relationship with the student library.
Not that I wasn’t grateful they’d made themselves scarce. With them gone, Jace and I wouldn’t have an audience. But that also meant until he arrived, I was alone with no distractions.
It had been two weeks since we’d had a meaningful conversation, and I wasn’t sure what to expect when he got here.
One thing I was sure of was that I really needed to explore the option of dating other guys. I had to move on from him, for good this time, if he couldn’t offer me what I wanted.
Pressure built in my chest when it occurred to me that maybe I wouldn’t be in this position if I hadn’t dragged my feet so much every time Amelia had tried to play matchmaker. Coming from such a small town, single guys were slim pickings, but now that I was in college and trying to be more social, there was no excuse anymore.
But regardless of whether I found a boyfriend or not, I couldn’t keep depending on Jace. That wasn’t fair to either of us.
I cut those troubling thoughts off and tried to sidetrack myself by focusing on Ian Somerhalder’s six-pack.
Good God, I’m lame.
My thumb paused over the remote when I thought I heard something move outside Owen’s front door. I flicked the TV on to mute. All that greeted me was silence.
Explaining it away as hearing things, I pulled my gaze from the entrance. Remembering my phone was switched to silent on the armrest beside me, I picked it up. I hadn’t been obsessively checking it. The dread that knotted my insides about Levi and this entire situation outweighed the need to see if Jace had been trying to contact me.
When I hit the screen, revealing two text messages from him, it shouldn’t have surprised me—I should have known he’d be checking in.
Halfway back to Delaware. You good?
I’m downstairs. Be up soon.
The knowledge that he was here did stupid things to my composure. The last text had come through over five minutes ago—ample time for him to park his truck, climb the stairs to the second floor, and knock at Owen’s door.
The unmistakable rattle of keys in the lock resonated in the quiet apartment. For a split second, I’d thought it might be Owen coming back, but then I saw Jace’s familiar outline and exhaled.
He lingered in the doorway, his intense stare latching on to my face, and the duffel bag slung over his shoulder dropped to the floor with a soft thud.
I pushed myself into a sitting position, suddenly self-conscious.
With the curtains drawn over the large windows, the faint glow of the muted TV illuminated Owen’s entire apartment, and there was no avoiding the look of utter devastation Jace wore, like someone had kicked a puppy in front of him or taken a flame-thrower to all his framed photographs.
Something in me coiled tight, and I pushed the comforter aside, feeling hot all over. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I waited for him to say something. A moment passed. More silence.
The anticipation was slowly killing me.
“Hey,” I managed.
“I left as soon as I could.” His voice was deeper, rougher than I’d ever heard it, and I shivered involuntarily. “I had to see for myself that you were okay.”
Although he was still standing in the entrance, the space between us felt like it was shrinking.
“Well, aside from being pretty freaked out, I’m all right. You didn’t have to rush back here,” I replied. “As much as I appreciate it, I know you had work. I would’ve been fine.”
“I know. I guess I just didn’t like the thought of you spending the night at Owen’s.” Jace scratched the back of his neck. “He’s one of my best friends, and I trust him with my life, I just—it bothered me.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it. I had no idea how to respond to that. I knew him well enough to know this was all coming from a place of concern, but he was also being way too overprotective for my liking, and confusing. I didn’t have the emotional reserves for this.
“It’s not like I want to be here, feeling this way,” I said, a tad defensively. I climbed to my feet and walked toward him, noting his pinched, somber expression. “It’s embarrassing, being stuck on Owen’s couch, having nowhere else to go.” My voice unexpectedly cracked, and I inhaled, trying to regain my composure. “I can’t go back to my dorm room because Levi might still be around. And you weren’t here. So, tell me, Jace, what other option was there?”
“Fuck. I’m going about this all wrong.” He closed the distance between us in one stride. Tucking me against him, he hugged me and let out a shaky breath.
I froze.
“I don’t mean to act like an ass. I was just so worried about you. Honestly, I don’t think it would have mattered where you were staying or who you were with; I just needed to be here,” he murmured, and I practically melted into him.
“Hmph. Well, thanks for coming back,” was my muffled reply.
“You should’ve led with that.” I hugged his waist tightly and pressed my face into his shirt. I got another whiff of him, the familiar, comforting scent of his cologne filling my lungs.
“What did the cops say? What are they doing about Levi?”
“I need to file for a restraining order while they try to gather more evidence,” I told him. My unease was back, growing in intensity. “You might be able to corroborate my statement, but no one saw him grab me that night or show up at my dorm. It’s all just circumstantial right now: my word against his.”
“I hate that you have to go through this again. It’s fucking bullshit.”
“Mm. Surely one traumatic-as-hell event is enough.”
“Are you hurt?” he asked, and I shook my head, feeling his second sigh of relief. “Hayley, please, for my own sanity, when shit like this happens, I need you to answer my texts. When I didn’t hear from you just now, I—”
“Hang on a minute,” I croaked, pushing my hand against the hard ridges of his chest. “I don’t need to do anything. You were gone. I left you a message this morning. I told you about Levi, even though I’ve hardly heard from you over the past few days.”
My expression must have been pretty damn fierce, because Jace let go of me, his entire posture changing.
“Not true,” he stated. “I spoke to you last night before I organized a new phone. After what went down at my apartment the other week, I wasn’t just going to ignore you.” His voice lowered to a husky whisper. “But I know. I wasn’t here. I feel like fucking shit about it.”
“That’s the point, though. I’m not your responsibility, Jace.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about living your own life. Besides, you’re always showing up for me when it counts, which makes this so much harder.” I looked away, swallowing. “I used to think that there was no harm in pretending our . . . connection didn’t exist, but now that I’ve moved here, it’s too much. Nothing about this feels casual anymore. We both know things haven’t been the way they used to be for a long time now.”
He didn’t deny any of it. “I care about you, Hayles. Please, don’t shut me out. Keep talking to me. I just . . . I need you. You’ve been there since I was just a kid.”
My muddled head tried to make sense of what that meant, and as my thoughts whirled, they automatically drifted back to the night Jace had told me he wasn’t interested, that he didn’t do complicated. However, here he was, blurring the lines between friendship and something more.
“What am I supposed to say to that?” I asked, my gaze moving back to him. “You keep blowing hot and cold, Jace. One minute, you’re saying you don’t want to complicate things, and the next, you’re doing that all on your own.” A warning siren went off in my head, but I didn’t listen. “And there was absolutely no reason I couldn’t have crashed at Owen’s tonight, aside from your misplaced jealousy, that is.”
A loaded minute of silence passed.
“You’re right,” he said quietly, and my stomach flipped. “I could barely think straight when Owen told me you planned to stay the night. Felt like I lost something I never really had. How messed up is that?” His steely blue eyes were storming with something I couldn’t identify. “Even though I don’t quite understand it, it doesn’t change the fact that when I look at you now, I see a hell of a lot more than my baby sister’s best friend.”
Whatever I’d expected his response to be, it hadn’t been one fueled by such fierce honesty. There was something in that tone—a combination of fear, but also a degree of powerful intensity—that erased any shadow of a doubt.
Jace felt this too. It wasn’t just me.
It was next to impossible to gather any semblance of calm when he was looking at me like that, like he was considering whether to hightail it out the door or to take a step closer. His stare was unnerving, like I had been stripped bare and he was seeing everything there was to me.
Ever since I could remember, Jace had always had that effect on me. All it took was one discerning glance and he knew every little thing I was feeling. But, like that night in his truck, I was getting glimpses of what he was hiding underneath too.
“What exactly are you saying?” I asked, needing to know what was happening here before rational thought escaped me.
Jace didn’t reply. Not verbally, anyway.
He hooked his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans and slowly pulled me against him again. His other hand reached out and cupped my face. The way he was touching me was the furthest thing from platonic, and my heart, Lord, my heart was going crazy.
I watched as his gaze jumped from my mouth to my eyes. I was so caught up in the feel of Jace’s hands on me that I barely noticed he had backed himself up against the nearest wall in Owen’s living room.
“What are we doing?” I gulped, a tantalizing mixture of nerves and excitement fluttering inside me.
I waited for Jace to change his mind, to release his grip as soon as reality settled in. But those heavy-lidded, pale eyes seared into mine, and when he spoke, his voice was gravelly. “What we probably shouldn’t be doing.”
White-hot lust distorted some of my thoughts, but my mind still spun high with confusion.
Jace leaned in, his thumb brushing my bottom lip. “This okay?” Maybe he expected me to do the same—to put an end to whatever was about to happen. Or maybe it was because he knew the last time a guy was this close to me, it hadn’t been consensual.
I cut that line of thinking off as quickly as it popped into my head, refocusing on the moment I’d been dreaming about for so long.
