Maybe One Day, page 29
I sighed. He was mostly right.
“It’s not out of guilt, you know,” Owen considered. “It’s because you’re it for him. That one girl we’re all actively searching for, whether we realize it or not. The girl who holds all the power.
The girl you spend your life with.”
There was a beat, and then he revealed, “Honestly, I don’t see how Jace could’ve handled it any better. Yeah, he does dumb shit sometimes, but he was trying to make up for it. As always, he was just trying to protect you. I’m not making excuses for him, Hayley, because I would’ve done the same for the girl I love. And I’d do anything to keep my sister safe, too, even if that meant forgoing my own happiness. That’s what being a big brother’s all about.”
He noticed my quizzical look, and his expression became a touch uneasy. “Fuck. He still hasn’t told you.”
It wasn’t a question.
I frowned. What was up with the abnormal number of secrets in my life? I was so over it. “Told me what?”
“A few months ago, Jace’s phone stopped working, and he got a new—”
“I know.”
“There was nothing wrong with his phone, Hayley. He kept it.
He only needed a new number.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Levi, or wait—Aaron . . . I’m still getting my head around that . . . had been threatening Jace. Trying to scare him off, to get rid of him, and to stop him from being with you, ever since you showed up at UD,” Owen explained. “Jace tried ignoring it, changing his number. He thought, like me, that it was handled, until that day in the parking lot. You ran into us. We were talking about something. Do you remember that?”
“Of course.” Jace had broken up with me. How could I forget?
“Jace woke up to a text message from Aaron, the morning after the frat party. Somehow, he’d gotten a hold of his new number. It was a photo of Amelia. He must’ve known that only threatening Jace wasn’t enough to get him to do what he wanted. That sick fuck broke into Jace’s parents’ house and took a photo of her while she slept,” he all but growled. “Aaron threatened her. He said if Jace didn’t break up with you, he was going to . . .”
The fine sprinkling of hair on the back of my neck prickled.
“What was he going to do?” I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know where he was going with this, but my curiosity outweighed my reluctance.
“He told Jace if he didn’t end things with you”—he tightened his right hand into a fist, his knuckles blanching white—“he was going to hurt her. Kill her. And after what he did to you, I can see it wasn’t an empty threat. Aaron was hell-bent on isolating you from everyone who loves you. He wanted to be the only one left.”
Another chill moved through me. The knowledge that Aaron had intended to go after my best friend, and that she’d been in danger, too, had terror resurfacing. Thankfully, Jace hadn’t let that happen. And, with a burst of clarity, I realized just how wrong I’d been. How wrong I’d been about everything.
The night of the attack, Aaron had hinted at it. When I’d woken up in the hospital, Jace had tried to talk to me about it too. He’d said he regretted the way things had ended between us. I’d had a feeling—even that day in the parking lot—that Jace hadn’t wanted this, but I’d dismissed it. It’d been easier to think this was just history repeating itself. To fall into my old pattern of thinking: that the happily ever after I so desperately craved would always be out of reach.
My brain snapped into overdrive, processing. The more I thought about it, the more I digested what Owen was saying, the more questions I had. A tiny flare of anger spiked, pushing down any lingering disbelief. I wished Jace had just told me himself, that he hadn’t let Aaron blackmail him into ending things with me. We could’ve faced it, figured out our next step, together. He hadn’t given me that chance.
And I wished Jace had taken credit for what he did that night—saving Aaron’s life. I was sure if he knew that Jace had been the one who rescued him, he wouldn’t have been so quick to blackmail him.
“Jace wasn’t going to go through with it at first,” Owen said, as if he’d read my mind. “But the texts kept coming, and it got too much to ignore, so he went to the police. Showed them all the text messages. He was done, willing to lay it all on the line, if it meant that no harm came to you or Amelia. Officer Bedford explained that they’d assigned an undercover officer ‘to protect you.’” He used air quotes over those last three words. “He put his faith in them. I think he thought if he appeased Aaron, he’d be keeping his sister safe as well until she left for Europe. It was a win-win.”
That explained Jace’s coldness toward them. Not to mention, I’d made him promise me that afternoon in the dining hall that he would stay out of it—to let the police do their job. As reluctant as I was to admit it, his latest string of decisions made perfect sense.
“I don’t know much more than that; Jace only ever told me bits and pieces,” Owen went on, and I swallowed dryly. “He probably tried to tell you, too, in his own cryptic way. But I know he didn’t want this, Hayley.”
My heart tripped about in my chest. Jace had been willing to sacrifice himself, his happiness—our relationship—to protect me.
To keep Amelia safe as well. It didn’t matter that I’d ended up getting hurt in the process. The intention was there. He’d walked away from me, yes. But he’d come back. As per usual, he’d shown up when I’d needed him most. He’d saved my life. Jace’s recent actions lessened that anger pretty quickly.
“Jace did what most people would’ve done. What I wasn’t brave enough to do for my sister,” Owen admitted quietly. “I should’ve encouraged her to go to the police. I shouldn’t have been so reckless and arrogant. I thought I could put an end to it, that I was enough to protect her from that monster, but I wasn’t.
She put her trust in me, and all I did was make it worse. Libby might be alive, but the sister I had . . . the bond we forged as kids, is gone. I still lost her that night, in all the ways that count. That decision will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.”
Emotion built at the base of my throat. Losing a sibling—or at least living with the guilt, knowing you’d played an instrumental part in something awful that happened to them—was something I understood all too well. “I’m so sorry, Owen.”
“It is what it is.” He shrugged one shoulder. All casual again.
“We can’t change the past, but we can vow to learn from it.
Anyway, you understand what I’m saying, what I’m asking, don’t you?”
I did. Owen wanted me to walk a mile in Jace’s shoes, to forgive him and be thankful for being the person he was.
Wasn’t that just the definition of love, anyway?
• • •
The following evening, I was discharged from the hospital with an astronomical health-care bill and a plethora of pain medication in tow. Per the doctor’s suggestions, I wasn’t driving myself home. Jace was.
My parents had been on standby, ready to make the round trip, but he’d insisted on giving me a ride. He was heading in that direction, anyway. The closing date on his family house was the day after tomorrow, and he had some loose ends to tie up with the new buyers.
After Owen’s impromptu visit last night, Jace and I had only made small talk. I was still trying to figure out how to broach a real, meaningful conversation with him. I’d relied on one of his best friends to fill in the blanks for me, and I knew, right after Owen had left, that that had been a mistake. I should’ve summoned the courage to ask Jace myself. We’d grown up together, been to hell and back so many times. In theory, no subject was too awkward or off-limits. It almost felt like I’d betrayed Jace, talking about everything behind his back. And maybe that was stupid, but it was a hard feeling to suppress.
“You ready?” he asked, his voice coming from behind me. He crouched to pick up the small bag I’d packed, drawing my attention away from the empty hospital bed.
“Yeah,” I whispered, turning around to face him.
My pulse sped up, hammering away at me until it was all I could hear. Every time I saw him now, it was the same reaction.
Jace was waiting patiently by the door, my tote bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder. His blue-gray eyes settled on mine, weighty, searching. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and they were slightly rumpled, having been slept in.
I wasn’t sure how it was humanly possible, but even after days of disrupted sleep and massive doses of caffeine, Jace was even more gorgeous. His dark hair was a mess, sticking out in sharp pieces. His features were mesmerizing, but it was his vulnerability that really drew me closer.
Something was changing between us. It had been ever since I’d woken up, since the attack. I knew we couldn’t undo everything that had happened in our past and that made it so much easier to focus on the present.
Heading down the narrow hallway, I thanked the nurses for all they’d done to assist my recovery. I gave them the edible hamper my parents had organized and told them to share the goodies in their staffroom. Slowly, we made our way toward the hospital parking lot. I was still weak, but there was something empowering about walking out of the hospital in one piece. I felt strong, healed, in a way that I hadn’t before, and the irony wasn’t lost on me.
The sun had set, and the air was cold, hinting at a fast-approaching winter. Thunderclouds rolled in low, their bellies full of rain, but it was so nice to be outside again, to feel the wind on my clammy skin.
Jace’s Chevy was a chore to climb into at the best of times, and I had to tamp down a smile when he wordlessly followed me around to the passenger side. He placed his hands on my hips and, in one smooth motion, hoisted me into his truck. His grip on my waist tightened, and he didn’t step back immediately.
Every cell in my body was aware of him, of his proximity. The warmth from his touch spread through me, thawing the perennial chill that had seeped in, and melting the layer of ice that had encased my heart lately.
“Thank you again for this,” I murmured, staying there a moment longer, “and for everything else you’ve done for me.”
His chin lowered, resting on top of my head, and he breathed into my hair. “You’re welcome.”
When Jace held me like this, it should’ve dredged awful memories to the surface. Memories of how close Aaron had been to breaking me beyond repair. But it didn’t. Days later, there was nothing. Just the hollow ache of acceptance, the remnants of fear.
“Come on.” His voice eased into the stretch of silence. He pulled back, and I glimpsed an ocean of sadness in his eyes. “We should get going. We’ve got a long journey ahead.”
He was speaking the truth in more ways than one.
The newfound intimacy retreated as Jace put more distance between us, and we were suddenly worlds apart again. There had always been this intense pull for us to come together, but for some reason, we just couldn’t get it right, like quiet ships passing in the night. Close, yet so frustratingly far.
With time, we’d become experts at this.
twenty-seven
Jace and I hadn’t been on the road for long when the mother of all storms hit us. The rain was coming down so hard that I could barely see through the windshield anymore, and I felt the unmistakable swell of anxiety in my chest.
Usually, I loved thunderstorms, but whenever they touched down, I tended to be safely indoors—preferably huddled up in bed. Now, I was sitting in an all-metal vehicle, flying along the Route 1 highway.
I’d already had one brush with death this week and I didn’t particularly fancy another.
“If you’re just tuning in, folks, this nor’easter isn’t letting up anytime soon, so try to stay off the roads tonight if you can,” the radio host announced between songs, and I swallowed, pushing my hands down my thighs.
“Shit,” Jace muttered under his breath. He sat forward, squinting as he focused on the road. “I don’t think I can keep driving through this.”
His admission caught me off guard, and I willed the knots in my stomach to untie themselves.
A deafening clap of thunder rumbled above us, so loud it literally shook the truck.
“Yeah. You’re probably right,” I admitted, pulling my legs up. Resting my chin on my knees, I tried to concentrate on the country music that was playing on the radio and not on the sharp streak of lightning that lit up the sky.
The farther we drove, the more cars we spotted spun out in ditches, or parked along the side of the highway, waiting out the storm—the smart thing to do. But at that moment, I didn’t care that the sky had opened above us, or that we were right in the center of it. All I wanted was to get home, for the thick, gray clouds to part and the rain to cease, but it was incessant. Droplets beat down on the roof like thousands of tiny bullets, and I could barely hear Jace when he eventually turned to me.
“Did you see how far away the next exit is?”
“Uh, I think it’s only a few miles ahead. Why?”
“We’re going to have to stay the night somewhere.”
I glanced over at him.
“I can’t see anything.” A muscle jumped in his jaw. “There’ll be a place we can stay not too far from here.”
While it was a completely rational explanation, the thought of spending the night with Jace in an interstate motel tore at my nerves. I could practically hear Amelia’s voice in my head, too, calling me out for being a total chickenshit. Maybe she’d been right.
For years, Jace and I had both been so paralyzed by fear, afraid to make the first move. This was an opportunity to fix that mistake.
Three very slow and agonizing miles later, we’d taken the next exit, venturing into the closest town, but every motel we passed had their no vacancy signs lit up, flickering in the darkness. Most of the streetlights were out, damaged by the storm, and our quest to find someplace to stay was becoming even more dangerous.
Jace’s truck bounced roughly along the road, splashing through potholes that had formed deep puddles. Eventually, the strips of shops and Victorian-style buildings fell away, and we were surrounded by trees and vegetation again.
“Well, that was Middletown,” Jace commented. In my peripheral vision, I noticed his eyes assessing me, then dropping to where I’d clasped my hands together.
“What do we do? If we keep driving this way, we’re going in the wrong direction.” Air hissed between my teeth. “Should we turn back?”
The forest was eerie and noisy. The storm thrashed the trees, and the wind howled, whipping up the fallen foliage. The distant rumblings of thunder were a reminder that we still needed to find somewhere to take cover. Somewhere we would be safe. That was something I always longed to feel, and the closest I ever got to it was when Jace was by my side. I reminded myself of that now.
After a beat, he spoke. “Hang on.” He straightened in his seat, and I blinked, focusing on him, his shadowed profile. “I think I can see something.”
As we carefully rounded the next corner, there was one last motel just up ahead, down a narrow dirt road. The wooden sign was hanging crookedly but I was willing to overlook that, because much to my relief, they had vacancies.
“This all right?”
Taking my silence for assent, Jace pulled into the driveway, following the winding gravel road until we reached the clearing.
There were only two other cars in the guest parking lot, and Jace idled the truck in the circular driveway, directly outside the reception.
Something flickered across his expression as he glanced at me.
“I can spring for two rooms.”
It hadn’t really sounded like a question, more a statement, but the idea of sleeping alone in a dark, unfamiliar room, possibly seeing shapes out of the shadows, I just couldn’t.
“No,” I said, a little too quickly, and my cheeks flushed. “I mean, I just don’t want to be alone right now. Can you—can we please share a room?”
His eyes betrayed nothing, but his hand stilled on the door handle. “No problem. Sit tight.”
As I waited for Jace to check us into a room, I got out my phone, exhaling a pent-up breath. I quickly tapped out a message to my mom, knowing she’d be worried, especially when I didn’t come home.
The storm has us staying the night in a motel outside of Middletown. See you in the morning. Love you.
My stomach flipped over as I read and reread the text I’d just sent her.
Jace and I were going to be stranded together all night in a cozy motel room, and I probably wasn’t going to get a wink of sleep. I would be kept awake, but not due to recurring nightmares. I’d be lying next to him, having to clench my jaw around words. Words I could never take back. I’d be falling asleep beside the person I spent every minute loving, every minute missing.
My brain started to obsessively break down and sort through all the possibilities that brewed alongside the storm. Did this mean we would share a bed, as well as a room? Was this some form of divine intervention, Mother Nature showing us the full extent of her powers? Forcing us to finally confront the situation and talk about what really mattered. Spending the night together, it shot holes in the walls I’d meticulously fenced around me. It was going to be easier for Jace to break through, I realized. For him to find me again. Maybe loving him had been so easy before because I hadn’t completely trusted it to last.
If we did get back together, it wouldn’t be like it was before.
That much I was sure of.
Countless moments later, he climbed inside the Chevy again with the room keys. “We’re down just a bit farther.” He was shivering, his hair and clothes soaked.
“Shit. You’re drenched, Jace.”
