Aerisian Refrain, page 42
part #1 of Beyond the Sunset Series
His chest had grown tight. He was finding breathing more difficult.
“Why do you say these things?”
She drew closer to him. “Because you deserve to know,” she said firmly. “You deserve to know that you’re worthy of happiness. If you ever find it, find it with someone else, you should hold onto it. Just—just please don’t…”
She was having a hard time producing words. Abruptly, she reached for his hand, pulling it towards her to place something in it.
“Please don’t forget about me,” she whispered.
He glanced down. The little figure he’d carved. She closed his scarred fingers over it. She was crying now, softly but openly. The first time he had seen her cry.
“I love you, Cole.”
He felt as if he’d been struck, a crossbow quarrel piercing his heart, stabbing into the center of his being.
“I know it’s crazy. I know it’s too soon and that it hasn’t been long enough. I know I shouldn’t tell you this, especially now, but I couldn’t leave without saying it. I love you.”
The world around them paused. With his heightened Simathe senses, he could hear the individual patters of the raindrops outside his window, hear her soft, quick breaths, hear the batting of her lashes when she blinked, hear the drip of the tear that rolled off her chin, splashing onto her collarbone, hear the rapid pounding of her heart and the wild thunder of his.
“Annie…”
“Can I kiss you, Cole?”
He was rarely at a loss, but his mind could not sort this out. He stared down at her as she stepped closer.
“I—”
He did not know what he intended to say. He would never know, because she reached up to take his face between her hands. Her fingertips trailed over the scars on his cheek, his ear, the side of his neck, exploring, healing. He felt himself surrendering to the softness of her touch. Then she looked back up into his eyes. For a fleeting second, she held his gaze, then broke the connection, closing her eyes as she drew their faces together. Her mouth found his, her lips claiming his. As a Simathe lord, he was seldom, if ever, caught off his guard. He was now, overcome by the softness of her lips, by the taste of her kiss, by how his body, his mind, his soul exploded into a riot of sensation.
Sheer wonder held him immobile. During that moment, he felt her step even closer, pressing against him until her body nearly melded with his. Some reflex, held down and suppressed, mastered and tamed for so long that it was as if it had never existed, abruptly thundered to life. Instinctively, he knew it was the same impulse that had stirred in her bedchamber, when he had unlaced her gown and touched her skin. Then, he’d denied them any admittance. Now, of their own accord, his arms went around her waist and he drew her in tight, so tight he could feel every inch of her form against his. One hand, the hand holding the dragon figurine, stayed on the small of her back, holding her in place, while the other slid into her hair, cupping the back of her head. She had been the one initiating the kiss, directing the caress, but as those instincts took over so did he. He angled his head, changing the slant of the kiss, altering the pace, heightening the fervency.
For the first time, he understood why mortal men acted as they did. Why they made fools of themselves over a woman, going to any lengths to obtain her, refusing to live alone and set apart. Kissing her, feeling the lines of her body crushed against him, he could only wonder that he had done it for so long. She had entered his life and changed everything. She was changing him now, touching every place in his soul that had never been touched, unleashing every desire he had never known he possessed.
Had she resisted, even in the slightest, he would have withdrawn, but there was no resistance in her. She accepted, returned everything he offered, and even when they finally broke apart she made no move to pull away.
“Why does it have to be this way?” she begged, her face still lifted to his.
“It doesn’t,” he murmured against her skin, trailing his mouth across her wet cheeks, to her ear, down the side of her neck. When he kissed her skin, he could taste the salt of her tears, but it didn’t put him off. “You needn’t go. Stay with me, lass. Stay with me.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed, whether consciously or unconsciously tilting her head, offering him access to her neck, her jawline, the hollow of her throat. All of those small, beautiful places he had seen but never dreamt of touching, kissing.
“Stay with me,” he murmured again, between kisses.
“How can I? This is torture.”
His head came up, and he cupped her cheeks, pressing his brow to hers.
“I want more than anything to be with you, Cole, but what am I supposed to do? What are we supposed to do? Are you going to marry me and take me back to Treygon? I’m sure your fellow lords would be real accepting of that.”
He stared into her eyes, regulating his breathing, quieting his thoughts, seeking an answer for her. He had none yet, but there must be a solution. There had to be a way. They could think of something.
“Besides,” she went on, pulling free of his hands to dash away her tears, her fingers toying with the collar of his shirt, sliding inside it, gliding across his collarbone, “nothing’s gonna change the fact that you’re immortal. I’m not. You’re Simathe. I’m human. I’m not Hannah. I’m not going to save Aerisia and be given immortality as a reward. This whole thing—it’s pointless. We should’ve acknowledged that from the beginning and never let it get this far. I should have—”
She broke off, dropping her head back so she could see into his face. Her eyes tangled with his, pleading for compassion, for understanding.
“I have to let you go. You have to let me go.”
Let her go? Now that he had just found her? Now that he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what she thought, how she felt? How was he to let her go? It was difficult to think with her hand on his skin, her mouth so close, but he said, “There must be a way. The Artan’s magic is not the only magic. We can seek help. Scraggen created the Simathe. Perhaps the Scraggen…”
“No.” She was shaking her head, withdrawing her hand. “It won’t work. It’ll never work. I hate this. I hate how it’s tearing me apart, but there isn’t—there isn’t any other way.” Her voice cracked on a sob. “I shouldn’t have come here. It was selfish of me. But I love you, and I wanted you to know that.”
A shudder wracked her slim frame. He put both arms around her, drawing her into his chest. She laid her head on his shoulder, and he could feel her hot tears bleeding through his shirt.
“Let me come with you,” he offered.
“Your High-Chief will never agree to that.”
“I will convince him.”
“Even if you did,” she pointed out, her voice quivery, “they’ll send someone after us. We’ll be watched. They sure don’t trust me. If you go with me, they won’t trust you, either. They’ll think I corrupted you. You’ll lose everything you’ve gained with Tregyon, your standing with the other Simathe, for what, a few years with me? I can’t let you ruin your future over me. I can’t let you do that. It’s no good, Cole. It’s no good. We have to say goodbye.”
Raising her head, she looked him in the face, lifting a hand to trail her fingertips over his mouth.
“I don’t regret knowing you or loving you. Not for an instant. I’m only sorry that I—that I caused you pain.”
Pain, he could live with. Pain, he could bury so deep it did not trouble him, as he had done for the entirety of his long existence. Losing her, however…
“Please, Annie.” He made a final attempt to dissuade her. “Please. Grant me a little more time.”
“There isn’t any more time.” She shook her head sadly. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I really am, more than you could ever know.” She drew several shaky breaths, gathering her resolve. “I have to go. I love you. Please forgive me for…” She broke off, clamping her lips together. Turning, she pulled free of his embrace. “I have to go.”
His hands flew out, capturing her. “Wait, lass.”
She half-turned, and the pain he saw in her eyes he could not have felt more deeply had he been Joined to her and actually felt it as she felt it.
“I have to go.” Stepping forward, she grabbed the front of his shirt. Rising on her toes, she pulled him down for a quick, hard kiss. “I love you so much.”
She didn’t say anything else, simply tore free and fled. His final glimpse of her was as she ran out his door, slamming it behind her. The echo of that slam thundered through his room, his heart, his entire being. For several minutes, he did not move, simply stood there staring at the closed door. It was as if a whirlwind had burst into his chambers, wreaking havoc, causing untold turmoil, then leaving as hastily as it arrived. He scarcely knew where one thought ended and the next began, but he strove to separate and order them.
She had said she loved him.
She had asked to kiss him.
She had kissed him.
She had refused to stay, to even attempt to decipher the riddle of their connection. True, no easy answers could be found, but because they were not easy did not mean they didn’t exist. Every objection she’d raised—Light helping him, he could find some resolution. He simply needed time to think, to plan. Why did she feel compelled to leave so quickly? If she did not depart with the Sanlyn, she could always go with another. Kurban, perhaps. There was someone he could trust. In fact, the longer Cole dwelled on it, the better the idea seemed.
Kurban would help them. He could rely on the Tearkin prince. Not only would the man delay his return trip, were Cole to ask, but, provided Annie still insisted on leaving this part of the realm, he would surely take her with him when he travelled. Doubtless she would be far safer with the giant than the Sanlyn.
At least, he will not be pressuring her to accept his hand in marriage. I should have considered this before.
Relief filled him. Here was a readymade solution. He had but to share it with her. She could not fail to see the sensibleness of the plan. Only, when he knocked on her door a few minutes later, there was no response.
“Annie? Lass?” He tried again, knocking harder. “Annie?”
No reply. That was odd. Where would she be if not in her rooms? She’d not been dressed to return to the celebration in the Grand Chamber. The Sanlyn would not sail tonight; so far as he knew, they were still merrymaking. She was not likely to be with them. Waiting no longer, he let himself into her chamber, thinking after all they had shared this evening she would not be offended by that. One sweep of the space confirmed his suspicions: she was not there.
A frown creased his features.
Where had she gone?
Chapter 55
Confrontation
I took Cole’s horse and rode out of the stables into the rain. Luckily for me, the palace gates were open because of the flow of people joining and leaving the party. I simply used my voice to wrap myself and the Restless in invisibility and no one was any the wiser. I felt a little bad about taking Cole’s mount, but it was the horse I was most familiar with and he’d seemed happy to see me. At least he hadn’t resisted or shied away as I saddled him and got ready to ride. As I did, I couldn’t help but be thankful for having grown up on a ranch, around horses, learning about grooming and tackle and saddling and unsaddling from a young age. Daddy had insisted I learn, and even though it had been nearly a decade since I lived that lifestyle, the motions were second nature.
As I left the cobbled courtyard for the dirt road leading away from the palace, I noted the gentle spring rain from earlier had slowed to a mere mist. The clouds seemed to be thinning, and a hazy moon, high overhead, was fighting to break free. My light jacket was enough to keep me warm, not that it really mattered. In all likelihood, before this night was out I would never have to worry again about being cold or wet. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything—especially, hopefully, the Raven and the male fairies.
My battle plan was fixed, even if it lacked any strategy whatsoever. Instinct or memories or both were propelling me through the darkness towards that strange clearing in the woods, the same one so close to where I’d awakened after the plane crash. The same one I’d seen in my dreams, and the same one where I’d met the Raven himself for the first time. If someone had asked me why or how I knew to go there, I couldn’t have said. Never mind the gloom and my relative unfamiliarity with the area, I was being led there like a magnet seeking its mate.
At the edge of the forest, I dismounted and looped the Restless’ reins over a tree branch.
“Wait here, boy,” I said to him, looking him in the eye. “Cole will come get you, or someone will get you back to him.”
I knew people wending their way home from the party would see the animal, or else I would be found missing and a search would begin. Either way, I wasn’t worried about the horse having to wait long. In fact, the busy stable workers were likely to notice the empty stall soon enough.
I struck out into the trees, walking uphill. The forest was darker than the night itself. My senses were heightened, whether from magic or fear or sheer adrenaline. I could hear the water dripping from the saturated foliage. Wet branches slapped me in the face, shaking off their dewy load all over my clothing. I was getting wet and a little chilled, but it didn’t matter. All of that faded into secondary importance in relation to what I was walking into—and I really had no idea what that might be.
I wish Cole were here.
Being in the forest at night reminded me of the first time I’d met him. How he’d pulled me from the freezing river, and I’d opened my eyes to his, told him, “You heard me.” How he’d offered me his hand as we trudged through the trees, and I’d accepted it; how he’d guided me easily through the dark woods. I hadn’t known then what I knew now about his unique Simathe capabilities, such as seeing in the dark, but I’d trusted him. I’d trusted him from the instant we met. That trust had been rocked when Aureeyah told me about the Simathe setting him to watch me. However, understanding the difficult situation in which he’d been placed had stirred up forgiveness. Compassion, even.
Love.
Pain shot through my core, like I’d been stabbed through the heart.
Why? I asked the dripping sky and any Powers or fates or beings that might be in control, might be listening. Why did you bring me here and let me fall in love with a man like that? Why, after all of the shallow jerks and the bullies and the creeps who just wanted to take advantage of me, would you put me with such a good man?
Not to mention him being immortal, and as far out of my reach as the moon and stars.
It had to be a sign of how messed up my heart was right now that even as I crept through the forest, preparing to face down my ancestor and possibly die tonight, all I wanted to think about was Cole and how it had felt to be locked in his arms, pressed against his hard body. The feel of his mouth on mine, then on my face, my neck… The slightest memory gave me chills, and not from the cold. Walking away from him was by far the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do in my life. Every bit of my being screamed at me to stay and let him be my strength, my safety. Rationality told me there were some things nobody, even a Simathe, could protect me from.
This is my battle. This is my war. Nobody can fight it except me.
Bolstering my courage, I let instinct guide me uphill through the chilly, dripping trees until I reached the place where the ground slightly levelled. Alarm bells clamored inside my head.
I’m here.
I stopped outside the outer circle. Stopped to gather my courage and remind myself why I was here and why I was doing this.
Because I’m tired of being manipulated. I’m tired of being accused of things I’ve never done and won’t do. I’m tired of being watched. I’m tired of other people controlling my life. This is my life. This is my magic, no matter where it came from, and I won’t let it be used in a way that I don’t want. I won’t allow the Raven to use it against Aerisia, against Hannah, against Cole. Because I love him, I love her, and I’m done having them stand in the middle for me. This is me taking back my life.
That last line meant the most. I even said it aloud. “This is me taking back my life, taking control of my life.”
Nobody answered. I didn’t expect them to. Pushing aside branches, I slipped into the clearing.
The first thing I noticed was the cold, almost thick sensation as I passed whatever barriers had been erected around this place. I shoved through and kept going. As I entered the clearing itself and glanced around, weak moonlight finally pierced the clouds, revealing the dead tree shining wet and black against the darkness of the space. A strange, hazy grey light filled the clearing. The wind still blew gently, backwards from the direction it blew outside the clearing. Ripples on the pool disrupted the film of black scum.
Like I’d done before, I walked over to the tree. It stood alone, sentinel, its bare branches spread sadly to the sky.
“If only you could talk,” I murmured to it like I’d done before, stroking a hand over its rough, damp bark. “I bet you could tell me how to end this. You could tell me the secrets of this place and how to defeat the Raven once and for all.”
There was no answer from the tree, of course, but inspiration struck. What if I could use my magic to sort of travel back in time, like I’d done with Aureeyah? I wasn’t sure how the male fairies were tied to this place, but maybe if I could go back a little I could find out. Maybe finding out would give me an idea of how to finish this fight and overcome them.
