No More Fear, page 15
Her lips part, and I think that she’s going to kiss me, but instead she places her index finger on my lips, as if to gently stifle me. “Chad, I…I don’t know how else to tell you this.” She starts, her voice hesitant. “Something has changed in me, and I’m not sure how you’re going to react.”
I’m not sure what she means. Does she want to end it? Does she want to start something again? What? I’m so confused. “Well, there’s only one way to find that out, Rachel.” I pause. “Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind.”
She swallows, and I can see her eyes well up with tears.
“What is it, baby?” I ask, trying to keep my own emotions at bay. Is she sick? Is something wrong? I can’t help but feel the worry build up inside me.
Gasping, a tear falls down her cheek. “Chad, I’m pregnant.”
For a second, it feels like my breath is cut off. In a million years, I never expected her to come out with that. I tip my head forward. “You’re…pregnant? For real?” I ask, numb. But I can feel the corners of my mouth curl upward.
She nods and swallows. I can see the fear in her eyes.
Why I ask this, I have no idea. It’s a stupid question, but in my shock, it fires out before I can stop it, and it’s not intended at all to sound the way that it does. “With my baby?”
The question doesn’t faze her and bless her for that. “Yes.” She answers, and then she holds her breath.
Why this also comes out of my mouth, I have no idea. It’s like I’ve taken leave of my senses. “And you…want to keep it?” I nod, as if encouraging her.
Another gasp as she wipes her eyes. “Of course. I’m thirty-five years old, Chad. And God, I couldn’t bear to give it up.” She whimpers. “I...I saw it…you know…when I had the ultrasound. It’s little heartbeat. I heard it, and my God, Chad, right then I feel in love with that baby as hard as when I fell in love with you.”
Hearing her say this makes my heart swell. Sliding my hand down to her belly, I place it there. “Really?” I ask, in wonderment, feeling her taught skin. And my God, she is a little swollen. It’s not flat like it was the last time I saw her. “My baby’s in there?” I ask like a fool.
The look she gives me is disarming. It’s a combination of love and trust and conviction, as she corrects me. “No…it’s our baby.”
Kneeling down, I place my hand flat on her belly, and then I place my ear on it, as though trying to hear something. What, I don’t know. I hug her tight around her waist, and then I kiss her belly and nuzzle my face into her. Rachel is gasping, crying tears that I’m guessing are joy, as I love my girl and my baby, all at the same time. “I can’t believe it.” I say finally. “I can’t believe that there’s a little person in there. My son or my daughter.”
“I couldn’t believe it, either, baby. But I’ve seen the sonogram, I’ve been puking for weeks and I thought it was goddamn stress, blubbering like a baby thinking I was just losing it, and then Tammy comes and asks me when I had my period last, and to hell if I could remember.”
Chuckling, I kiss her belly. “How long have you known, darlin’.”
“Just a week. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”
Lifting, I stand so we’re nose-to-nose. “I don’t blame you there. And to be honest, I’m so glad you’re here to tell me yourself. Least this way…I can kiss you.” And I do. I kiss her sweetly. “And how long has this little tyke been here, baby?”
“Doctor says I’m eleven weeks.”
My eyes widen but I’m smiling. “Jesus Lord, we must have made him or her on the first go, baby.”
She laughs. “Well, we didn’t use a condom the first time.”
Remembering the night at the motel, the first time we made love, she’s right. “Yeah, you got it right there.”
We both sigh together, and then chuckle for it, holding each other close. Rachel’s voice is a murmur. “So, I take it you’re happy about this?”
I wipe my mouth with my hand. “Well, I’ll admit I was a little shocked at first.” I nod.
“That’s fair.”
“But I’m happy. Real happy, baby. I always wanted to have a family, I just forgot how much in these last few years with everything that’s been going on.”
“I get that. I’m the same.”
I smile, thinking about something. “God, this is gonna make my mama burst.”
“Mine, too. Gosh, she just got one grandchild delivered by surprise, and another one is in the works, and now me. She’s gonna burst, too.”
“How was Kurt’s wedding?”
She’s resigned. “I don’t remember. I was too busy thinking about how this was going to go down.”
“You were worried.” I state, as if it needs to be stated.
“Scared like hell is more like it.”
I draw in a deep breath and then let it go. “Well, darlin’, I’ve spent the last bunch of weeks thinking about you, wondering if I’d ever see you again. I’ve missed you so much it made me ache, and as much as I tried to move on, I knew it was hopeless. I never stopped loving you for a second and I could’ve died trying. This baby is not only a blessing by its own right, but it’s also God’s way of making you something permanent in my life, which is exactly what I wanted.”
Her eyes are on all points of my face as she searches for a response for me. The only one she comes up with is a dozen playful kisses on my lips and face. “God, Chad, leave it to you to say the sweetest things to me when I’m already an emotional wreck.”
I’m chuckling as she kisses all over my face.
“Y’all think Gary would want to give me a job?” she asks, half joking.
“You mean…you want to…live out here in Dallas with me?” I ask, thinking that this is, hands down, the best goddamn day of my life.
“Well, Chad, honey, I didn’t plan on raising this child on my own.” She’s matter-of-fact and flippant, a combination that only Rachel can pull off so successfully.
“And you don’t want to find another job in El Paso? You want to stay here with me?”
“If Robert has his way, sweetheart, he’ll bad mouth me all over El Paso. I’d rather not suffer that.”
“But you hate Dallas.”
Her lips find mine. “Any place where you are it’s impossible to hate.”
My lips envelop hers as I slide my hand under her hair, pulling her closer. When our lips part, I tilt my head and plant the most spine-tingling, knee-weakening kiss on her that I can. My tongue dips inside her mouth, gently battering hers, and I hear a tiny moan come from her. Arms wrapped around her, I drink her in, having missed her so much. Her fingers are in my hair and her body is telling me that she wants more. Much more.
I pull back gently. “Baby, is it safe…because I don’t want to start something I can’t finish.” My voice is low, and my breath is short.
“It’s perfectly safe.” She nods.
“Thank God.” I say against her lips, and then I kiss her like it’s the last kiss we’ll ever enjoy together, and I carefully lower her to the bed, only parting from her lips for safety, and I hover over her, staring down at her beautiful body. “God, you look so beautiful. I almost don’t want to take all this off.”
“Well, I gotta tell you, love. I’m just about bursting to get out of this thing.” She chuckles. “I swear to God I’ve blossomed in the last few hours.”
“I did notice a little pot south of your navel, sweetheart. This baby’s going to be a monster.”
“Or a princess.” She says with her finger on my lips.
I nod. “Yes, yes, you’re right.”
My eyes are on her lips. She takes the cue and slides her mouth over mine, giving me shivers in all the right places. “Help me get this dress off.” She breathes as she takes her lips off mine.
“Gladly.” I wink.
Sliding off her, I lay next to her, and unzip her dress from the back. Wiggling out of it, I watch as her body appears from under the fabric. When the dress is completely off, she pulls my shirt out of my pants and I slip it off. Her hands are in my hair as we kiss voraciously, like lovers, and then I make a trail from her neck, chest, belly, kissing all areas, stopping just below her navel, kissing the spot where my baby is, sweetly.
Palms down, I push her panties down, and wrap my lips around her folds, sucking gently. She cries out instantly, and I feel it to my toes. My hands cup her rear as I gently, lovingly, pleasure her until those cries finally subside to satiated mewls. Giving her one final kiss, I trail kisses back up her body and I undo her bra, paying special attention to her nipples, being very careful as I feel her body shudder while I’m there, taking the hint that in her delicate state, that those are very sensitive.
Her hands move down to my pants, as she undoes them, feeling my girth from behind the zipper. Her hand against me is heavenly. It feels more like it’s been a year since I’ve been with her, and her touch is almost too much. I wiggle out of my pants and underwear and remove my socks, while kissing her nipples and belly. When I’m naked, our bodies connect, and I speak softly to her. “Is it okay that I’m on top of you? I’m not going to hurt you, am I?”
She gives me a look. “Chad, I’ve waited weeks to make love with you, so I could have you on top of me. If you move from that position, I swear to God.” She adds a chuckle on the end to make her feigned threat softer.
“Alright then.” My voice is low and sultry. Pulling her legs upward, she hooks her feet around my waist, so our sexes are aligned. It’s like our bodies are magnets as I slide inside her effortlessly. “Doesn’t hurt, does it, baby?”
All I can see is the whites of her eyes before they close, and a breathy moan comes from her. I’ll take that as a no. I start to move slowly, but she’s loosening her grip around my waist, begging me to go faster. Ever so gently, I speed up, as our skin slaps together softly, and her lips meet mine as we nip and suck each other’s lips and tongue. We’re both so hungry for each other. It feels like it’s been a thousand years since we made love. Her hands are all over me; in my hair, up and down my back, on my chest, and she’s tightening already, making me lose control.
“God, I love you so much, baby.” I pant, feeling her body start to quiver, as she grazes her hands over my nipples, taking me with her in her moment of release. We kiss softly, cushioning each other’s cries, until the last wave of pleasure takes over, and I gently place my full weight on her.
“I love you, too.” She says through ragged breaths, reciprocating my earlier sentiment. Grasping her body, I slide my hands under her, holding her tight. Our heartbeats race together as we come down off our natural high.
Moments later, I lay on my side, next to her. “Tomorrow, I want to take you over and meet my family.”
Her fingers comb through my hair. “I’d love to.” A pause. “You know, my family will be here until the day after tomorrow, visiting with Laura and the new baby. I’d love for you to meet them, too, before they head back to El Paso.”
“I’d love it, baby.” I kiss her lips once, twice, a dozen times tenderly, before saying. “Are you able to stay with me for a while? Did you bring some things with you?”
“I brought as much as I could fit in my car. Everything I’ll need for a while. I didn’t know what to expect coming out here, but I figured it was best to be prepared.”
“I don’t know what you had in mind, sweetheart, but my home is your home now, if you want it.” I say softly, sliding a finger down her cheek. “We can change whatever you like, or we can move somewhere if you don’t like it here.”
She smirks. “You want the truth?”
I chuckle at her expression. “Sure.”
“Your house is better than mine.”
I smile. “Okay, so, what do you want to do with yours?”
“I’ll give it to my brothers. Let them live in it. Mama will probably thank me for that. The place was always too big for me, and they love it there. Always taking care of it more than I did.”
“And do you want to come work with Gary and I? Or do you want to find another law firm here in Dallas?”
She touches my cheek. “Well, I don’t know, sweetheart. What do you think about me working with you? We only did it for a short time before, but it wasn’t any mind then, was it?”
“It’s whatever you want, darlin’. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”
Another smirk. “You think the women there will be jealous?”
My face turns pink and I scoff a laugh. “Not with you carrying my baby, no.”
“Well, how are they going to know that?” she points out.
“Depends on how I introduce you, I suppose.” My voice is low and I’m kissing her between talking.
“How would you like to introduce me?” her tone is teasing. “Hi, so and so, this is Rachel, the woman I impregnated, or the woman I knocked up, or the woman carrying my baby…”
She trails off.
“How about the woman I love, who just happens to be having my baby?”
“Too long.”
“My girlfriend?”
“Too corny.”
“My…partner? Spouse?”
“Partner sounds like we’re going to dosey-doe.”
I chuckle. “I think we just did that, baby.”
She elbows me with a smile.
“Spouse?”
“Come on, Chad. You’re a lawyer. You know spouse means we’re either married or living common-law.”
I decide to test the waters. “How about fiancé?”
She gives me a sideways glance, lifting an unsatisfied brow. “Are we engaged?”
“Not officially.” I kiss her again. “But I’m yours and you’re mine and we’re having a baby together. You want to get married?”
She plays along. “Twenty bucks says you’d marry me just to keep in the good graces of your Christian mama.” She comments. “After all, we did get pregnant without being married first, and I don’t know about your mama’s bible, but I’m sure that that’s frowned upon in any church.”
“Trust me, darlin’, mama’s going to be so tickled about having a grandchild, she’ll make an exception.” I chuckle indignantly.
“And what about us living together without being married?”
“She won’t mind.” I kiss her. “But I might.”
“What…you don’t want me to live with you unless we’re married?” her face scrunches, but I can tell that she can tell that I’m joking.
“Naw, I just…I’d much rather call you my wife than any of the above, that’s all.”
“I tell you what. After I move in, we’ll talk.” She winks.
“Sounds like a good deal, baby.” I kiss her lips and hold her tight. Then I place my hand on her belly, feeling the hardness of her under the skin. “I just…I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t believe that there’s a person in there. A tiny person…but a person, nonetheless.”
“I’m surprised I haven’t barfed since I’ve been here.” She says, her tone facetious.
“Has it been that bad?”
“I hope you don’t have a weak stomach, partner, because I’ve been puke-a-riffic.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “Puke away, babe. I’ll be there to hold your hair.” I kiss her on the mouth and rake a hand through her hair. “God, my mama’s gonna love you to bits.”
“Never mind yours, mine is going to be in hog heaven. She always wanted me to find another lawyer, don’t ask me why.”
“Maybe one day we’ll open up our own firm…name it Hedger and Hedger. That’s assuming you’re taking my last name.”
“We’ll see about that.” she yawns.
“Tired, baby?” I ask softly, searching her face. She definitely does have that glow, but I’m not sure if that’s an after sex glow or what.
“I’m always tired.”
“Let me go get your things out of the car so you can get ready for bed.”
“Like I said, sweetheart.” She says, holding me tight. “I’ve got everything I need right here.”
Chapter 14
Rachel
Chad’s hand is in mine as we pull up to the hospital, where all my family is, visiting the baby. Mama is in the waiting room, as she’s told me that we’re only allowed to go in to see little baby Grant in fours, and Laura and Grayson are glued to him, so really, we’re visiting in twos. Huttonville is a half hour drive from Dallas, and I can’t help but feel a sense of warmth thinking how close I’ll be living to my favorite brother. He and Lisa have gone on a short honeymoon to a little resort further south. They plan to go on a bigger voyage when the baby comes, but for now, because hers is a high-risk pregnancy, they’re staying local.
Mama gives me a look when she sees Chad and I come off the elevator. There was no preamble given about Chad. I figure it’s best to treat it like a Band-Aid and just rip it off all at once. A smile comes across her face once she gives Chad a once-over. “I was going to ask where you slipped off to last night, but I think I figured it out.” Mama says.
Hawk grins. Mitch and Luke both stand and stick their hands out for Chad to shake. I make the introductions, and each takes a round shaking hands. “This is Chad. He’s also a lawyer.”
“That how you met?” Hawk asks, shaking Chad’s hand.
“Yes, sir.” Chad nods. “I was up in El Paso working with Rachel for a time.”
“He lives in Dallas.” I add.
“What in hell were you doing all the way out in El Paso then, amigo?” Hawk asks.
“It’s…kind of a long story.” Chad explains. “I’ll tell you one day over coffee.”
“Fair enough.” Hawk nods, satisfied.
There are voices behind us, coming from a door that has a sign above it, emblazoned with ‘NICU’, and then Carson and Luke appear.
“Hey, hey!” Carson says to me, but he’s eying Chad.
“Carson, Luke, this is Chad.” I say and they shake his hand, exchanging pleasantries.
