Abhaya, page 18
“Abhaya, all of Anagha’s monetary loss will be recovered from Avanti. But how can anyone get you back what you lost? No, you will need to tell me how the citizens of Anagha can be compensated.”
“Anagha’s loss cannot be compensated. My traders are not willing to return home, Subhadra.”
Subhadra nodded, guessing what had happened in the trade meeting. She sighed. “Traders are not loyal to the soil, Abhaya. They are loyal to their trade.”
“I know,” Abhaya nodded, turning away. “And I know that new traders will be ready to come and settle when I rebuild my city. The legacy of my great-grandfather cannot be doomed to dust and ruin. I will start again. From scratch, if I must.”
“And you will not be alone,” Subhadra said. “Abhaya, I know what it is to abandon one’s home and move to new shores. I was a girl of twelve when we left Mathura in fear of a vengeful king who invaded it several times. I know how it feels to bear the blame. But nothing lasts forever, Abhaya. Who knows? This empire of the Pandavas is on the rise now but the day may come when this too falls into a rival’s hand.”
Abhaya gripped Subhadra’s shoulder. “Mahakala forbid such a thing should ever happen! Do you think the possibility of your miseries will make me feel any better?”
“No, Abhaya, that isn’t what I meant to say at all. All I’m trying to say is nothing lasts forever. Faith in ourselves is what will see us through the highs and lows. And faith is what I can give you as a friend.” Abhaya smiled at these words and turned to leave. Subhadra caught her hand. “Another team of spies has gone in search of your brother. I know you would have wanted to join them. But, Abhaya, I do not want you to leave Indraprastha, at least not until the southern conquest concludes.”
It was hard to disagree.
Abhaya sighed, praying that Vikrama was alive and well.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Avanti is defeated?” Abhaya asked. Her grip on the sword and the shield tightened.
“Yes, Devi,” the messenger said.
“Is Anuvinda here? Was he sent here?” she asked. Her jaw throbbed as she threw a glance at the trainer who had engaged her in sword practice in the last two months that she had been at Indraprastha.
The messenger nodded. His face fell, realising the same time that Abhaya did, that her attire for sword practice carried no jewel that could make for a ready reward. The left end of her lips curved.
“Meet me tomorrow.”
The messenger grinned and left with a deep bow.
The trainer chuckled. “There goes your practice into the Yamuna, now that your enemy is already defeated even before you donned the armour! No, I was just joking. The skill of sword fighting is much more than seeking revenge. It is, more than anything, related to a battle. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know someone who used to think so,” Abhaya replied, placing the weapons back and collecting her long tresses into a loose bun.
“Congratulations, Devi,” the trainer bowed, averting his eyes from her lithe figure as she did her hair. “Let me know when you would like the next session.”
Abhaya bowed in return and exited the quadrangle, conscious of the emotions that threatened to break the walls within which she had carefully imprisoned them in her heart.
She insisted on meeting Anuvinda alone despite Subhadra’s offer to accompany her or send her with an escort.
Mrinalini had insisted that this was the occasion to deck up and show Anuvinda who the victor was. Abhaya refused but finally consented to wear a pearl string with a metallic signet medallion of Indraprastha. She did not respond to Mrinalini’s suggestion to pile her hair into a bun on her head and the maid took the liberty to implement her idea.
“This will make you appear taller,” she explained. Abhaya nodded absently. When she stepped out of her room, she saw women and men carrying in plates and vessels filled with coins of all sizes. Some carried jewellery, weapons studded with precious stones and other objects of value.
“Your rightful due from the conquest of Avanti,” the maid leading the group said with a bow. Abhaya took a step back, repulsed at the sight of the riches.
“I … I’ll look into that,” Mrinalini offered, noticing Abhaya’s clenched fists. Abhaya strode towards the guest house alone, past the guards who exchanged confused looks, unsure if they were meant to follow her into her meeting with Anuvinda or not.
Entering the guest house, which could not be called modest by any standards even if it was housing a rival defeated in war, Abhaya saw Anuvinda seated on the carved master seat.
His eyes fixed on her as she walked in and he rose to his feet. Anuvinda was too proud to bow and Abhaya knew that even the act of rising was a wound to his pride. Her right brow arched up and her lips curved into a measured smile.
“Welcome, Yuvaraja.” Abhaya took the seat opposite his. “As the daughter of someone who considered Avanti his ally, it doesn’t please me to see you in this state, a defeated prisoner.”
“And it doesn’t please me to see you as a refugee when you could have ascended the throne of Avanti.”
“A friend in distress may be a refugee to you, Anuvinda, but thankfully Indraprastha thinks differently. I see the battle has done little to change you.”
Anuvinda shrugged. “Not that it matters now but I regret letting you fall into the crocodile moat that day. It did not have to come to that.”
“I could have believed you if you hadn’t killed our soldiers after that.”
“Your pride stops you from realising the truth, Dhaarmaseni. You could have saved them, your father and many more had you consented to come with me.”
Abhaya’s fingers curled as she lifted her left hand to her lips. “This method of making the woman feel guilty for the actions of men is fast becoming stale, Yuvaraja. Even a child could guess that your motive was control over trade routes and highways of Saurashtra. I was just a means to conquer Anagha without risking your army, wasn’t I?”
“You could have seen yourself as the future queen too, Dhaarmaseni. But then, I was right about your pride.”
“Future queen? Or the bride of a defeated prince?” Abhaya’s brows arched higher.
“It might upset you but, despite the defeat, I am still the soon-to-become king now that I have pledged my allegiance to Indraprastha.”
If Abhaya was disappointed, she did not show it. It was also a war code of those times to reinstate the defeated king once he accepts the overlordship of the victor. Anuvinda saw her chuckle instead. “Chivalrous enemies are an asset, aren’t they? I wish I had been as lucky with enemies as you, Anuvinda.”
The silence that followed was heavy. Abhaya had hoped to see his conceit destroyed. But his lack of remorse challenged her faith. Abhaya knew that she was no longer feeling vengeful but something inside her seemed to shatter. They glared at each other until finally Anuvinda blinked and looked away.
“Dhaarmaseni, there can be new beginnings. I shall compensate your loss.” He raised his hand to stop her contemptuous words. “Now, I think you can do better than asking dramatic questions like, ‘Will you help me get back my father?’. Both of us know I didn’t kill him either.”
She remained unimpressed. “At least you realise that lost lives can’t be brought back.” She leaned against the backrest of her seat. “Perhaps it is too much to ask you to think about innocent commoners who died because of you or your soldiers. And I suppose no one told you about a nineteen-year-old who was raped and killed by your soldiers that night.”
She saw Anuvinda’s eyes close for a moment. “I shall punish those soldiers myself if you can identify them. I hope you don’t think I am capable of stooping to such levels as to order the rape of women.”
“If a prince approves of the covert raiding of forts of his ancestral friend and the capture of his daughter as ransom, what can one expect from his soldiers, Anuvinda?”
“Boys will be boys, Abhaya.”
Abhaya rose to her feet in fury. At that moment, they heard a metal plate fall in the adjoining room. The clang startled her as much as Anuvinda’s words did. A maid emerged from the room. She begged their pardon and hurried away.
Abhaya sat back and stared back at Anuvinda. How can one expect a change across Bharatavarsha if the likes of Anuvinda continued to wield power? Her disappointment now directed itself at the Pandavas who had pardoned and reinstated Anuvinda. Reasoning with him about the brutal insensitivity in his words was pointless. Her hand gripped the side of the seat tight enough for her veins to show.
“Identify them for me. I shall see that they are punished,” Anuvinda repeated. “I am prepared to go the distance for the new beginning, Abhaya. Can we put the past behind us?”
Abhaya’s response was a hostile silence. She did not need anything from him, especially when he made it look like he was doing her a favour.
“I was given an estimate of the losses Anagha suffered. You should have, by now, received treasures valued at double the estimate. Still, this offer is from me. Let me know of anything more needed to rebuild the city.”
Abhaya’s nod was a formality. Only she was conscious of the urge she fought back in the later part of the conversation. Walking back towards Subhadra’s mansion, she felt like she was swimming against a current. Determination built up within her but it lacked direction.
The female guard at the door of Subhadra’s mansion heaved a visible sigh of relief as she entered. She had received an earful from Subhadra for not accompanying Abhaya.
When Abhaya passed through the door of Subhadra’s room, she heard a voice that instantly made her smile. She entered the room and then halted just inside the threshold.
“It’s good that Anuvinda was spared. His killing would not have helped our cause.”
“I am only worried about how Abhaya will take it.” Subhadra’s words showed concern.
“We will have to convince her, Subhadra.”
“Why don’t you first go and check if she is safe? She went to meet Anuvinda alone.”
Laughter met Subhadra’s words. “Is Indraprastha that unsafe that a prisoner, sorry, guest, can harm your friend?”
In the silence that followed, Abhaya could see that Subhadra was annoyed. She chose not to interrupt the conversation between the siblings and turned to leave.
“Why don’t you marry her?”
“What?”
“You have to move quickly, or I shall start extolling the virtues of my brother-in-law, Sahadeva, in her presence.”
Abhaya froze at the threshold. The silence that followed Subhadra’s taunt made her throat go dry.
It was Subhadra who broke the silence again. “Why can’t I? Sahadeva knows swordplay well enough to beat the best of swordsmen across Bharatavarsha. He conquered Avanti and defeated Anuvinda. Don’t you think he is a good match for her?”
“If you wish, I will speak to her about Sahadeva myself,” came the cheerful response.
Abhaya’s nostrils flared. She bit her lip to keep the retort that came to her mind from escaping. “Just go away! You aren’t worth a woman’s love!” Subhadra spoke the very words she wanted to say. Without a sound, she strode out, instructing the maid to inform Subhadra about her return.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The usual song of the visiting milkmaid did little to cheer Abhaya at sunset. Despite multiple attempts by Mrinalini to find out what transpired between her and Anuvinda, Abhay remained inscrutable. She looked blankly at the pile of jewels, gems and coins made of different precious metals. The estimates of the riches that lay before her had been recorded in the scrolls that were presented to her that morning.
Then, to Mrinalini’s surprise, she began to examine each of the jewels.
“Why are you surprised, Mrinalini? Is it a crime to try these jewels?” In her smile, the maid sensed something wrong.
Age and experience had taught Mrinalini to gauge minds. “Why would it be a crime to wear what belongs to you, Devi? But when you evince an unusual interest in things that you spurned till now, I think it would certainly be a reason for surprise.”
Abhaya sighed. She had grown to like the maid. And, to Mrinalini’s credit, Abhaya did benefit from her unsolicited advice. “Do you want to know what is wrong with me all of a sudden?”
Mrinalini cleared her throat and was about to say something when a shadow at the door made her pause.
“Girls will be girls! What is wrong with that?”
Abhaya’s eyes closed at the voice. She had to swallow hard to keep her emotions in check. She gestured to Mrinalini to leave.
“Those giving me refuge will want me to look presentable when they talk about my wedding, won’t they?”
“Dhaarmaseni.”
Abhaya expected to hear a quip but the ensuing silence made her look up. “Why, Vaasudeva?”
“That is just Subhadra grabbing the first opportunity to play the big sister. You can fight her off, can’t you?”
“It is not Subhadra that I am disappointed with.” Abhaya’s brows knitted and she threw a glance at the treasures piled before them.
“How did the meeting with your dear friend go?”
“You know already. Your spies were there, eavesdropping.” There were no traces of accusation in her tone but her eyes betrayed annoyance.
Krishna’s lips curved. His remark about girls as he entered, he knew, had clued her into his spying. He sighed and settled down on a seat. “The conquest did little to change him, didn’t it?”
“It did nothing! But why would it change him? Did your dear relatives throw him out of power after he lost? His is not the sort of arrogance that melts at chivalry. And…”
“His lack of remorse is a concern not just for you, Abhaya. It is a concern for the whole of Bharatavarsha.”
Abhaya met his gaze defiantly. “What was the inspiration behind the Rajasuya, Krishna? Wasn’t it to usher a change from the oppressive rules emerging from power-thirsty kings who seek to command their smaller neighbours by hook or crook, from the quasi-marital alliances that look upon women only as a means to consolidate power, from the attitudes that consider the lives of others as lesser than their own?” Abhaya had to pause to catch her breath. “My problems are not those of the whole of Bharatavarsha, but...”
“They are,” Krishna retorted. “No kingdom can be called prosperous till every kingdom is so. No woman can be considered safe unless every woman is.”
“How is that possible if people like him get to rule even after a crushing defeat, Krishna?”
“The change we talk about, Abhaya, if it can be brought about overnight simply by changing rulers, how much time do you think it will take for things to revert to the present rot?”
“Do you still believe that he will change?”
The nod that came in response spoke more of a vision than of faith. “Dhaarmaseni, it is easy to rebel and call for a revolution. What is difficult is to inspire evolution. That happens with transforming hearts, not by condemning people. That happens with challenging their thought and not by provoking their egos.”
“What will challenge and transform the ‘thought’ of the likes of Anuvinda? I know the answer. Nothing. But probably some like me need to die at his hands for you to get rid of blind faith and realise the bitter truth.”
Krishna gripped her wrists instinctively but his words were measured. “Never hope to make death an example, Abhaya. Make your life one instead. You must prevail, not perish, during the transformation.” He saw the spark of curiosity in her face and smiled inwardly. It was this curiosity that had endeared her to him years ago and, in his heart, Krishna acknowledged the bond that had developed between them ever since. He released her wrists and noticed the impressions his fingers had left on her skin. It was a compelling moment but he knew they had to wait.
He leaned back and arched a brow. “Think about what makes Anuvinda’s arrogance prevail over this defeat. He hopes that the conquest will not succeed. He may be right. The northern and eastern conquests will not prove easy.”
“So, you feel if the conquest continues to succeed, he would eventually change his outlook?” Abhaya queried. But the possibility of Anuvinda being neutralised by a power much larger than him, she had to admit, was not non-existent. “And how long would it take for you to say the same thing with greater confidence?”
“This is a hypothesis. A year more to prove its possibility and another year to ensure it. It is not faith that makes me say this, Abhaya; it is the study of his mental construct. Transformation of his kind is possible when we can defeat his methods. When what he believes in fails, when he sees those concurring with his line of thought fail, one after the other, he will be compelled to change. This is the reason why we should aim to persist and prevail.”
Abhaya avoided his eyes. She realised that what he spoke of was a well-thought-out plan to teach Anuvinda a lesson. But it was a long-term one that required a lot of things to come together. Strategy, ideology, execution and fate needed to unite. It was beyond the personal rivalries and limited scopes of rights and wrongs. She dearly wanted it to succeed with all her heart. But what would she do until then?
“Are you planning to return to Anagha?”
The question made her look up. Her instinct was to say an unequivocal yes but Abhaya shook her head. “The soldiers are now joining the ranks of Indraprastha, the traders are settling here. Other citizens too are settling into a safer life after that traumatic exit from Anagha. I cannot put their lives into that uncertainty again by foolishly asking them to prove their loyalty. But…”
“Indraprastha gives you no peace, does it?”
“Emperor Yudhishtira, his brothers, Empress Draupadi, Subhadra and every other member I have met has been more than warm and welcoming. Call me egoistic but I feel unable to return the warmth and settle here for so long, Krishna.” Abhaya let her frustration speak. “I have to do something, find my purpose. I don’t know what it is. I want to explore further and I don’t think that is possible being at Indraprastha.”
