Demetrius, page 14
I smiled sadly, hearing the truth under the gentle jab.
“We miss you too,” I sighed. “I miss you guys. I feel like my family left me.”
Dan sighed.
“It sucks, doesn’t it? But hey, you can still come visit, and we’ll come to you too.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, knowing it wasn’t the same.
“I’ve never heard you sounding so down,” he suddenly said. “Is everything else okay? Work? The new PM? What’s he like?”
Right on cue, Demetrius arrived, not seeing me as he climbed the steps to enter the house. I bit my lip, watching him.
“He’s like you said, a stickler for things being done right but… I like him.”
“Yeah?” Dan asked, not sounding convinced.
“Probably too much,” I admitted.
“Really?” Dan asked, interest piqued. “He must be pretty great to catch your eye, Miguel. You’re a serious catch.”
I knew he meant it, but it still made me laugh.
“Yes, well, he doesn’t seem to think so at the moment.”
“Then he’s not worth your time.”
Dan was good for offering all the platitudes a good friend would. I wanted to tell him the whole story if only so he could comfort me, but time was ticking and I was about to be late.
“I have to head in,” I sighed.
“Me too,” he admitted. “I’ve been sitting outside my work for the last five minutes.”
I laughed.
“Same.”
“Before I hang up,” he said, voice suddenly serious, “don’t get too hung up on someone who doesn’t give you everything, Miguel. Seriously, you’re a great guy and you deserve someone who sees that.”
I took a shaky breath and forced an agreement out of my lips before saying goodbye.
Maybe Demetrius didn’t see it in me, that I would be a good fit, but I saw it in him. How was I supposed to just forget that?
Collecting myself, I got up, unpacked my gear, and went inside.
Demetrius was like the man from his first week again, cold and stoic with a quick hello as he went straight to his office. He barely even glanced in my direction.
I was in darkness for the rest of the day. Sometimes I would get angry, but mostly I was just sad, deep-diving into thoughts about my past for some reason, seeing things coming together as though on a string.
I’d never wanted commitment. I’d burned Maria early, the same way that Demetrius was doing to me now. When Rodrigo had cheated, I’d taken it as a sign to remain easy and open to all that life had to offer. To not expect anything.
For years I’d remained single out of stubbornness, I now realized. If I didn’t get my hopes up, I wouldn’t get hurt.
But I’d thought Demetrius was different.
How was I just learning this about myself now? I was almost forty and just figuring myself out. Worst of all, it felt like I’d wasted years not understanding myself. Not understanding how much I wanted someone in my bed each night to hold and wake up with for breakfast and adventures. To travel with and love day in and out. The addition of a child too... that was the dream. A big happy family. The kind I’d never had.
I worked through lunch, unwilling to stop and pretend to be happy while Chris and Mike chatted away.
I managed to make it to the end of the day with barely a word to anyone. Relieved and exhausted, I packed my tools into my truck.
That was when the guys ambushed me.
I was still lost in thought, eager to get home, and didn’t notice either of them until they were blocking the way to the driver’s door.
I froze.
“What the hell is going on with you two?” Mike asked.
I knew exactly who else he was talking about. My lips parted to say something but nothing came out.
“Is everything okay?” Chris asked.
I swallowed and somehow managed a nod.
“Sure. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
They glanced at each other. Mike rolled his eyes and Chris shook his head, and suddenly, I wondered if we were as discrete as we’d thought we were.
“Okay, if you wanna keep pretending you’re not hooking up with Demetrius, that’s fine. Just tell us why you’re both so quiet today.”
I grimaced.
I could only imagine how Demetrius would feel if he heard them.
“Sh,” I hushed, gaze flying to the house. Demetrius hadn’t left yet and there was no sign of him.
Then I looked at their expectant faces and sighed.
“Look, he’s not out. Neither of you know any of this.”
“You might have wanted to think of that before making out against the framing in the basement. Seriously, there wasn’t even any drywall to hide you.”
I felt my cheeks heat and shook my head.
“You. Saw. Nothing.”
“Seriously,” Chris chimed in. “Hooking up at work. That’s way worse than drinking.”
“What did I just say?” I demanded.
He held his hands up innocently.
“I saw nothing.”
Just then the door opened and Demetrius stood on the top step.
He looked like a freaking angel standing up there in his clean-cut clothes, the sun on his shoulders and hair.
“Hey, Miguel, while you’re still here, do you have a minute?”
I shoved past the guys while they snickered. My chest and stomach were tight with nerves. Something about the look on Demetrius’ face set me on edge.
He didn’t look happy. Resigned maybe.
The second the front door was closed behind us, I turned to him.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, then, remembering what the guys had so easily spied us doing, added, “Let’s go to your office.”
He shook his head, not watching me.
“No. This won’t take long.”
“What is it?” I asked. I reached for him, unable to help myself, but he shifted away before I could.
My hand dropped.
“We have to end this,” he said, just like that. No lead in, no softening what I already knew was happening.
I swallowed.
“Demetrius—”
“I wanted to put it out there, make it official, that’s all.”
“That’s all?” I repeated.
He nodded.
My eyes suddenly stung, but I blinked it back, fighting to remain calm.
I had to bite the insides of my cheeks and take a deep breath to summon the ability to react calmly, but I could barely keep it together even then.
Finally, I shrugged, backing towards the door, eager to get the hell out of here before he had to deal with me in tears.
“Whatever makes you happy,” I said.
I didn’t slam the door behind me this time.
The guys were gone, thankfully. Maybe they thought I would have been in there longer. Maybe they thought me and Demetrius were going to have sex on the new marble countertops before moving to his office for more.
I felt a little sick when I got in the driver’s side door.
Making a breakup official was the decent thing to do. That was what everyone said. but it hurt like hell and I wished he’d just let me wallow without saying it.
I started the engine, taking off even though my sight was blurry with stinging tears.
Demetrius would come outside any second now, and I didn’t want to be here blubbering like an idiot when he did.
CHAPTER 21
DEMETRIUS
Work was hell for the rest of the week, all the way up to Friday evening. There was no other way to put it. I kept my head down, stayed on the phone, doing anything but dealing with what I had caused.
It didn’t make me happy to end things, far from it; I was fucking depressed.
But just as easy breezy as he strode into my life, Miguel had walked out, shrugging his shoulders, and that was that.
He was angry, I could tell. Anyone could see that, even the guys who I had to force myself to pretend didn’t know something was up.
Yes, angry, but not overly emotional past that. We kept our distance. Got the job done. And went home without a word. We finally factory reset our relationship, only we ended up blowing up the TV in the process.
How a month-long fling hurt almost as much as a divorce was a mystery to me. Maybe because I’d placed so much hope on this working out after everything else came crashing down.
At least I ended things on my terms, I told myself as I packed up to leave. It was a cold comfort, but it made me feel less pathetic to keep holding out hope for some Hollywood production where he stepped up and said all the things I wanted to hear. Or I grew the balls to say it instead.
I shook my head. No point dwelling on things that weren’t going to change.
It would take time, but I’d come to terms with it all soon enough. Things had moved too fast, and I got too caught up in my emotions to see reality.
Now I was back in control, fully, of my life. For better and for worse.
Leaving as soon as I could, I was happy to switch back to dad mode for a change. Meechie had been so busy between after school activities and soccer practice that he hadn’t had much time to relax with me.
“I’m home,” I said, my smile faltering when I saw Denise’s face greeting me at the door.
I halted by the door in shock, only recovering when I noticed Meechie bouncing off the walls.
He held up his tablet with her face on it, grinning ear to ear. “Mom said she’ll be here in time for my away game! And Halloween!”
I quickly forced a huge smile, nodding, and thankfully Denise did the same. Though hers looked more sincere. She’d always been better at masking her emotions.
On top of avoiding Miguel, I’d been avoiding Denise’s calls for a week as well. She’d already sent over her flight information, her hotel, and all the details that I needed. It was cowardly, I knew, but I just didn’t have it in me to call her back and potentially face a meltdown.
But now we were face to virtual face, and there was no avoiding her.
“Dad! Mom’s coming this weekend.” He repeated himself, like I didn’t hear him the first time.
Though I had zoned out, so it might have seemed like it. I closed the door behind me gingerly, fidgeting with the doorknob.
“That’s… wonderful! I can’t wait.”
I was lying through my fucking teeth.
But Meechie didn’t seem to notice, flipping the tablet around as he rambled about soccer practice, and his new friend Quinten and how cool his older brother Kordell and dad Nate were, and how much he missed Denise, Grandpa, and Grandma. Asking if they were coming to Gaynor for Christmas, or if we were going back to Bethesda. If my parents would move closer to Gaynor too, so we weren’t so far away from each other.
A ragged sigh tore through me that I muffled with a cough, shuffling towards the kitchen while Meechie roamed around the hall.
I made myself busy in the kitchen, making dinner, trying not to listen but forced to anyway. Meechie decided to sit in the living room, making me in earshot of their call, my back probably visible to her.
Denise responded in an upbeat tone, but a little withdrawn. Probably just as aware of the fact I could hear them chatting away as she could.
Locking my gaze on the sizzling chicken on the stove top, preparing chicken alfredo, I tried to ignore them just for a little while. Until Meechie unknowingly set a disaster in motion.
“And… Oh, oh! When you come, you can meet Miguel.”
My heart skipped, nearly knocking over my tongs as I went to stir the pasta.
“Who’s Miguel?”
And there it was. The other shoe dropped. I could practically hear her teeth grinding over the line, though I knew Denise was probably still wearing a sweet smile.
Had she noticed how deep the other voice was on the phone? She must’ve, because she wouldn’t sound upset over me having a male friend otherwise.
“Dad’s new friend! He’s really nice. You’ll like him. We go everywhere together. He drove us around when Dad crashed the car. Miguel took us to the fair and this haunted house thing. Dad, is Miguel coming to my away game?”
I swallowed hard, calling over my shoulder, “No, he can’t make it.”
His head poked over the couch, frowning. I quickly turned away; Denise’s eyes narrowed on the tablet screen.
“Why not?”
“He just… can’t.” It was all I could manage.
“What about the picnic? The parade? Trick-or-treating?”
What happened to turning off the implosion of my relationship with Miguel and just being dad for a change?
Oh right, that would’ve only worked if he hadn’t woven himself into the fabric of our new lives. If I hadn’t encouraged it and longed for it.
Shit.
“He can’t. We’re, um, really busy with the house and he’s pretty busy too with other things. How about you say goodbye to Mom for now. We’ll see you Sunday, okay?”
I was practically begging Meechie to hang up, stuff his face, and forget about Miguel for just one second. Plus, it was getting late back on the East Coast, given the time difference. A perfect excuse.
But he pressed on. “I think he’ll come. He always does! Just call him and see. Maybe we can trick-or-treat later in the day so he can make it. Or me and Mom can, and we have a picnic in the morning? Whatever. He just has to come to the parade with us at least!”
“O-Okay. We’ll figure it out. Let’s say goodnight. You know it’s really late back home.”
Finally, Meechie relented. We said our goodbyes, and then he grabbed himself a plate for dinner and got to work inhaling his food.
I sat at the dinner table picking at my food, mind a mess. My eyes flicked to the top of the fridge, where Meechie demanded I display the scarecrow pumpkin doll from the Autumn Fair.
A beautiful day, and memory, that just happened to also be with Miguel. There were so many of them now, too many fond memories of us, together, and this town. Pieces of him scattered throughout our lives now. But then one mistake ruined it all.
The weekend dragged on, almost as painful as my week at work. I was fleeing one battle for another, worried that I was going to get into a fight with Denise.
All I could do was pray she had enough sense to save it for when we were alone and not in front of our son.
The trip from Gaynor Beach was largely uneventful. The vibrant evening sky I’d grown used to faded to a brilliant shade of blue once we made it to San Diego.
Then, we arrived at San Diego International Airport about thirty minutes earlier than Denise's flight. I listened mutely as Meechie talked up a storm in the backseat, asking about every five minutes where Mom’s plane was.
Then, finally, the moment of reckoning was here.
Denise stepped through the doors, just as I remembered: dark-skinned with thick, kinky black locs, sharp brown eyes, and curves for days. She was dressed more stylishly, though, a form-fitting red dress that looked vaguely like an airplane attendant uniform. Very different compared to her usual airport attire of sweatpants and a graphic tee. She was balancing a carry-on and two rolling suitcases with a huge smile.
Meechie and I got out at the same time, and I had to snatch him back from running into oncoming traffic. We waited for her to come to us, and then I let him go.
“Mommy!” Meechie buried his face in her waist, buzzing with excitement.
It caught me by surprise. He’d woken up one day and we suddenly went from Mommy and Daddy to Mom and Dad. I suspected he got teased at school. Despite not showing it, Meechie was a sensitive kid, overly aware of what others thought of him. A lot like his dad.
So to see him shouting “Mommy” made me smile and feel sad. They’d been separated for far too long. A month didn’t seem like a long time, until now.
“I missed you, baby. I got you an outfit for trick-or-treating,” she said, dropping her suitcases as she scooped him up in a tight hug.
My fingers flexed by my side. Any other time, I’d join them, sandwiching them both in an even tighter hug. But I kept second-guessing myself until their moment was over, and I was helping her pack bags into the trunk and getting Meechie strapped back in for the ride to her hotel.
Denise paused by the passenger side door, tugging it open. I didn’t know if I should say something, anything really, other than hello.
She closed the door suddenly, walking to me with slow, deliberate steps.
“Um, let me explain!” My voice strained, trying to stay quiet.
But instead of going off on me, her shoulders sank, and Denise sighed so hard she folded a little.
“You know, I sat on that plane the whole time, not sure what to do or what to say once I landed. But seeing Meechie, I guess that’s all that really matters. I was just so… I know you’d never do that to me. Over one picture. And we… I don’t know but just know it happened after us. But then… A man… I couldn’t believe it! Ugh!”
Oh, oh, oh.
Things were happening too fast. There was so much I wanted to explain, but I was tongue tied.
Yes, I could tell something was going on with her and her co-worker.
No, I didn’t think she cheated. She met her co-worker after we separated, after we divorced. Maybe they got together too fast, but who was I to talk, seeing as I had been with Miguel?
I would never do something wild and outlandish like record myself having sex to get back to her. This wasn’t reality TV.
Yes… My new partner was a man. Maybe, seeing as we weren’t together anymore.
Fuck.
But I couldn’t force any of that out of my mind past my throat, cotton mouthed. My eyes darted to Meechie, who looked at us impatiently from the back window.
Slapping both of her cheeks, Denise rolled her eyes skyward like she was sending up a silent prayer.
“...We can talk, when you’re ready. When we’re both ready. Okay? For now, let’s just… let’s just have some quality family time, and give me some time to get my shit together, too. For him.”
