Chronicles of a Rockin' Mess, page 4
Lincoln
What the fuck did I just do? Gretchen screeches at me, but I don’t hear a goddamn word of it because all of my attention is on Lark’s face as it disappears from my view. I did what I planned to do. I knew she wouldn’t leave if I didn’t. I knew she would stay and never pursue her own dreams. Her words only confirmed what I thought. But the look of total devastation on her face as Gretchen sucked my cock was worse than anything I could have ever imagined.
I may have single-handedly just broken her, not just her heart, but her. What the fuck was I thinking?
I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I should have told her that I loved her. I should have told her I needed her and not just to deal with stupid band shit. But instead, I just killed any chance I ever had with her.
I’m half-aware that Gretchen just got in her car and left. I stare down at my phone and press the only number I want to call…her. She doesn’t pick up, and I feel my heart breaking in two. I call Kade, but it goes to voicemail. I call Harry, but he doesn’t answer. I sit in a crumpled pile on my front porch.
I’ll never be able to make this right. I swallow the emotion threatening to rise. I stand up and solidify a wall around my heart. It’s over, but I’m a motherfucking rock star, and the show must go on.
Chapter 7
Eighteenish months later…
Lark
I close my eyes and let the final words of the song come streaming out of my mouth. I feel those words. I love singing the blues. It’s like my deep, jagged voice was made for it, and my soul is one with the sad lyrics. My voice fades as I hear the final notes of the melody on Leo’s saxophone. The room is momentarily silent before the crowd breaks into applause. I open my eyes to look at the small crowd gathered at the bar. It’s jazz night, and we just finished our set. I take a bow and turn to head off stage.
“Nice job,” Hank says and gives me a fist bump before pulling me in for a hug.
“Let’s go grab a drink at the bar,” Joe says. Leo nods and puts away his saxophone.
We all walk over and grab the attention of the bartender, who hooks us all up with a round of beer.
“To a great night,” I say as we clink glasses.
“So, Corvin scheduled us for a festival next weekend at the lake,” Joe says.
“Cool, man. Just put it on my calendar,” Leo says.
I zone out as Joe starts talking about a few other upcoming shows Corvin got for us, and I look at a band currently playing on the stage. I met them when I worked for Lincoln. I shake my head subtly. It’s like I can’t escape him. It’s been almost eighteen months, and I still think of him at least once a day. I try to focus back on Joe. Joe Brown, Leo Mitchell, and Hank Jones are my friends, my family. I slept on Hank and Mimi’s guest bed for three months while I got myself sorted out. I managed to get a job as a waitress, and then the band offered me a singing position. Hank still sings too, and we have another woman, Andrea, who does backup for us when she can. She’s got her son tonight though, so it’s just us four. Magnolia Tear is a local New Orleans jazz band. Leo, Joe, and Hank are all around seventy years old now. They used to tour full-time, but now they play a handful of festivals and otherwise they just park it here in their hometown. They don’t need me in their band, and I guess that’s what has made this even more special, because I’m truly wanted. They listen to me. We collaborate. I’m a part of something for the first time in my life, and it feels amazing.
Plus, I’ve lost a ton of weight, which considering the mantra of food and drink in these parts, is pretty impressive. I like to think that Mimi made me do it. She’s diabetic and finally listened to her doctor last year. “Get in shape or die,” he said, well, he basically said. His tough love was what she needed. She dragged my butt to the gym, got us a personal trainer, threw out all the junk food in the pantry, and off we went. She’s a great workout buddy. I don’t know what I’d do without her. For a girl whose mom split when she was a kid, and a dad who worked crazy hours at a factory, she’s the most parent I’ve ever had.
“Earth to Lark,” Joe says, waving a hand in front of me. “You in for a set next week. Same time, same place?”
I pull out my phone. “Yep, let me just text my boss and let her know I can’t work that night,” I say.
“Good. Well, folks, I better get home before Sharon sends out a search party,” he says and puts on his hat.
“I should go too,” I say.
Hank gives me a fatherly look. “Let me walk you to your car.”
“Sure, Dad,” I groan. He gives me a stern look, and I giggle and give him a peck on the cheek.
“Night, Leo,” I say as I turn to hug the hulking man. He’s a huge guy, and I can’t even wrap my arms around him.
“Night, pumpkin,” he says and kisses my cheek.
I walk arm in arm with Hank down the street to the parking lot, where we both parked our cars.
“So, what’s eatin’ you tonight?” he asks.
I shrug. “Just contemplating life, I suppose.”
We reach my car, and he gives me a hard look. “Listen, Lark, you know you’re more than welcome to stay with the band as long as you like, but don’t let a bunch of old fuddy duddies hold you back. Our time came, and it’s going, we’re on the downhill part of the ride now. You though, you’re just getting your wings, gal. So, you let us know when you’re ready to stretch ’em, and we will gladly help you,” he says, patting my cheek.
I blush. “Thanks, Hank,” I say softly. “I appreciate it, but I really am happy here right now. I get to sing, and I have my own space, my own car, friends…” I trail off.
“Boyfriend?” Hank asks with a raised eyebrow.
I shake my head.
“Why not, sugar? You’re easy on the eyes, you got a voice to die for, you’re smart as heck, you’re an amazing catch. Any guy would be lucky to have you!”
I shrug. I don’t want just any guy, I think to myself.
“Well, you just think about what I said, OK?” he says as he pulls me in for one of his famous Hank hugs.
“Thanks,” I mumble against his chest.
“Now get on home, and text me when you get there.”
I roll my eyes. “Yes, sir.”
My car is old, and Joe helped me fix it up, but it runs and gets me from point A to point B. My apartment is really just a studio on the top floor of an old house near Tulane. The neighborhood is mostly college students and some older folks, but it’s home, and it’s mine.
I crawl into my bed, set my alarm for the morning, and fall fast asleep.
Chapter 8
It’s the constant chirping of my phone that wakes me. I groan and look at the time. I still have thirty minutes before I need to be up. Today, I’m doing voiceovers for a radio commercial. Joe got me the gig a few weeks ago, and I’ve done a few since then. It’s not a ton of money, but it helps.
I’m about to place my phone back down when I see the chirping is from a bunch of text messages…from Kade Lewis.
“Fuck,” I groan. I’m about to place my phone back down when it rings. Kade Lewis’s name flashes on the screen.
“For the love of…” I know he won’t stop until I talk to him.
“What?” I answer.
“Well, good morning to you, too,” Kade says but there’s something off in his voice. I sit up in bed.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly feeling panicked.
“Calm your tits, nothing…OK, nothing horrible. We’re all alive.”
I take a breath. “Then why the fuck are you calling me at…seven thirty on a Friday morning?” I grumble.
He sighs. “I need to ask you a favor.”
Oh, this ought to be good, I think to myself.
“Well, make it quick, I have an appointment in an hour,” I say to him.
“Lincoln needs you back,” he says. I’m fairly certain that my heart stops beating for a moment, before my brain function catches up to his words.
“Uh, no,” I say quickly without even considering it. “Remember, I quit.”
He sighs again. “I know, but…listen, I wouldn’t ask this of you if we didn’t have a dire situation on our hands.”
“Meaning?” I ask.
“Meaning, Lincoln’s been a complete fucking mess since you left.”
“I thought Brittany was handling things. Last I spoke to her, she said everything was fine,” I say. Alright, that’s sort of a lie. She did point out that Lincoln is a pain in the ass. She also pointed out that Lincoln tends to use women as a means of hiding from his feelings.
“Well, I’m telling you everything is not fine,” he says. “At first, Lincoln acted fine, but then he started doubling down on women and booze. Then, he almost ended up in jail while we were over in Japan because he was a jackass and got in a bar fight. Needless to say, the label is not happy with him. I’ve tried everything…and…Brittany quit yesterday,” he adds quickly.
“Wait, what? She quit?” I ask. Suddenly I’m awake. While I’m still angry as fuck at Lincoln, I know he needs a PA. I start racking my brain for who might be available to help them.
“Yep. I guess she got tired of Lincoln treating her like complete shit and comparing everything she did to you and how you did it,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “Well, get Gwen to find a replacement.”
“Please, if I thought that’d work, I would totally do it, but we need you, not a temp,” he says.
“Kade…I…” I trail off.
“Listen, Harry and I will hire you. You won’t report to Lincoln. We’ll double your old salary and get you a car. Please, I’m begging you, Lark. We need you…the band needs you!” he begs.
“Kade, begging is really beneath you,” I say on a sigh.
“I’m desperate,” he says in a low voice. “Harry said not to call you, but, Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope.”
I can’t help the giggle that escapes my mouth. “Kade, seriously, that’s low, quoting Star Wars? You know I can’t say no to that,” I say. Our love of Star Wars is how Kade and I first bonded. He knows I’m a sucker for him when he quotes those movies. I really want to be annoyed with him, but he sounds so desperate, which is unlike him. That has me worried.
“Please! Even if it’s only temporary! We’re about to go on a short tour, just a few weeks, we need you, and then if you’re done, you’re done, but at least find a decent replacement before you go,” he begs.
I sigh. Kade is my friend. He checks in on me weekly still, another reason I can’t let go of my past. But I do value his friendship.
“OH! I really hate you!” I scream, trying to sound angrier than I am.
“So, it’s a yes?” he asks. His voice sounds so hopeful. It’s a like a punch to my gut.
“Fuck you, Kade! This is the one and only time that I’m letting you pull the friend card! You got that? One time only, nonrefundable!” I say loudly.
“OK, deal! I’ll have Gwen call you with deets. We need you out here in a week max, OK?” he asks.
“Fine, but you’re also covering my rent until I can get a sublease,” I say.
“Done,” he says. “And, Lark?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks,” he says quietly. “I owe you big-time.”
“Fuck yeah, you do,” I say as I hang up and fall back down on my pillow. I stare up at the ceiling and wonder why the universe is cursing me.
Chapter 9
I look at the gate. I didn’t bother trying to buzz my way in because I needed a minute to compose myself as I contemplated my decision to come back here a mere four days earlier. That, and Kade had promised to meet me here, and his car was nowhere to be found.
I sigh and look down at my phone.
Lark: I’m here
Kade: Coming
Kade: What? No “that’s what she said”?
Lark: (eye rolling emoji) get your ass over here
A minute later, Kade pulls up and opens the gate. He gets out of the car and tosses my two bags into the back of his Jeep and pats the seat next to him.
“Come on, I won’t bite.”
I hop in and he drives up to the garage.
“Is he here?” I ask him.
“Uh, about that…he…sort of…he doesn’t know you’re here,” Kade replies, running the last few words together.
“What? What the hell do you mean ‘he doesn’t know I’m here’?” I say, glaring at him.
“Well…we sort of haven’t told him yet,” Kade says with a sheepish look.
“Oh no…nope. I am not getting in the middle of this,” I say, and I grab my bags and start schlepping them to the front gate.
“Wait!” Kade says and runs after me. “Hold on.”
“Kade, this is not OK. I can’t work for someone who doesn’t even know I’m going to be here.” He grabs my arm and swings around to face him.
“And to think that I dropped everything to be here at a moment’s notice for what? He doesn’t want me here. And you’re too much of a chickenshit to tell him,” I grumble, yanking my arm free.
“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to the airport,” I continue as I start to lug my bags down the driveway.
“Lark! Wait, please!” Kade begs.
I keep walking, and he runs to catch up to me.
“Please, just come in and hear me out! If you don’t agree with me, then I’ll drive you to the airport myself, OK?” he says.
I stop and turn to him. I cock my head and really look at him. It’s then that I see the worry. Shit.
“Fine, five minutes, I’ll give you five minutes,” I say.
“Good. OK. That’s all I ask,” he answers as he grabs my bags and walks back toward the garage entrance.
Once inside, I follow Kade to the office. I have to say not much has changed. There are a few new pieces of art, the living room furniture is updated, but the office looks the same. I sit down on a chair, and Kade takes the one facing me. He runs a hand through his hair.
“He’s bad,” Kade finally says.
“Meaning?” I ask.
“Meaning, since the day you left, it’s like…it’s like you took a part of him with you. He’s incomplete,” Kade tries to explain.
“Not. My. Problem,” I say through gritted teeth.
Kade holds up his hand. “I know, I know.”
“This is different though. He’s been…unhappy. Honestly, I’m worried about him,” Kade admits.
“Like, how worried?” I ask.
“Like, I’ve been sleeping here worried,” he says.
I let out a breath. “Shit.”
“Yeah,” he says.
He looks at me. “You look fucking amazing, by the way,” he says with a grin.
I roll my eyes. “Seriously, you want to small talk now?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “How have you been?” he asks.
“Good,” I say. “Actually, really good.”
“I’m glad. I’m happy for you,” he says and places his hand over mine, giving it a squeeze.
“Kade, your five minutes is almost up,” I remind him.
He leans back in the seat and looks at me. “You know him better than anyone. We have to finish in the studio in two weeks, and then we have a press tour before heading out on the road for eight shows. If we can make it through that, we’ll have our contract renewed by the record label. We just need you for two months. Just give it two months. You don’t have to report to Lincoln. You’ll be working for Harry and me. We’ll be paying you. And if Lincoln does anything wrong, you tell us—not Gwen, not Gary—Harry or me. I’ll double what Lincoln was last paying you, and if you end up staying, I’ll double your vacation time,” he says and then stops and looks at me.
I take in a breath. I could use that money. I’ve been thinking about recording my own stuff. Hank has been trying to talk me into it for months now, but I’m just not sure yet.
Kade studies me carefully as I weigh my options. “If I take the position, I want a bonus once the label re-ups your contract,” I say to him.
He swallows. “How much?” he asks.
“Twenty percent of my salary, regardless if I stay after that,” I say.
He nods. “Fine,” he agrees.
I hold out my hand. “Then you have my services for the next eight weeks,” I say to him as he shakes my hand. He stands up and pulls me into a hug.
“It’s great to see you, Lark,” he says.
I smile against his chest because it actually is damned good to see him, too.
“Well, where is my ‘charge’?” I ask, looking around.
“He’ll be here—” Kade starts but is cut off by Lincoln who is standing in the doorway of the office.
“What the…” Lincoln trails off and stares at me. I don’t mean staring like “wow, great to see you,” I mean staring like “get the fuck out of my house now or else.”
“Hi, Lincoln,” I say softly.
Lincoln looks over at Kade, and for three seconds, I think I’m gonna have to call the cops when he pummels his ass. But then Lincoln steps back into the hallway.
“You can both leave,” he says as he walks toward the kitchen.
Kade looks at me. “Wait here,” he says as he follows Lincoln. He shuts the glass French doors. I don’t bother telling him that they will not block any of the yelling that I’m anticipating is about to take place.
“What the fuck, Kade?!” Lincoln’s voice booms through the house. I cringe.
“You need help! You haven’t been able to keep a single PA long enough to see if it can work. We need the contract, and if you can’t get your shit together…” Kade trails off and lowers his voice. “Listen, I’ve hired her to help us. She can stay here. Use her however you see fit. She knows you.”
I hear a thump, and for a second, I think maybe Lincoln punched Kade. “Fine, but only because I don’t need you guys getting all pissy with me right before we tour,” Lincoln snarls.
“Well, please don’t feel you need to bend over backward on my account,” Kade clips as I hear him walk back toward the office. I quickly sit down and look around to see if there is anything I could be looking at.
