Secrets of Our House, page 11
At the house, she was the first through the door. She locked herself in her room and started the shower, peeling off her bathing suit and shorts and throwing them in the trash. She didn’t want any physical reminders of this day. She climbed into the shower and watched the water turn pink as she scrubbed herself clean. Ava’s blood rinsed into the drain, and Jules let herself come undone, sliding down to the tile floor. She rested her head on her knees and cried.
After an eternity, she stood, her limbs heavy, and turned off the shower. She changed into pajamas and climbed into her bed with Will’s present. She opened it slowly and found a small steel heart on a thin silver chain. There was a little card that read:
I had this made from scraps of my first plane. You are my entire heart, Juliette. This is a little piece of it to carry with you, always. Happy birthday.
The tears continued to flow as she studied the delicate heart. She traced her fingers over the steel and then fastened the chain around her neck and stood to study herself in the mirror. She adjusted the heart until it landed right in the center of her clavicle. She stared into her own eyes, wanting Ava to be okay, wanting to just go back and redo that one part of the afternoon.
There was a soft knock on her door.
She sighed and turned away from the mirror, preparing herself for a pep talk. “Come in.”
“May I?” Uncle Tommy stood at the threshold, and she nodded. She climbed onto the bed and he joined her, crossing his long legs at the ankle.
“Have you ever worn matching socks a day in your life?” Jules joked.
Tommy pointed and flexed his toes, showing off the drastically different pair of socks. “Nope.” He turned to her. “So, how you really doing, kid?”
She shrugged. “I’m okay.”
“Listen, what you saw out there.” He cleared this throat. “That’s pretty big stuff. It’s important to talk about it, so you can process everything.”
“What, so I don’t get PTSD?” She knew all about PTSD. Her dad had suffered from flashbacks, waking with night terrors, jumping at loud noises. For years, she and her mom had walked on eggshells, until he got professional help.
“Yes, exactly.”
She leaned back against her headboard. “It was so gnarly. I’ve never seen an arm like that. It made me realize how fragile we all are.”
“Or resilient, right?” Tommy added. “I mean, because you found Ava’s arm, they were able to reattach it and she might not have to go through life as an amputee. And that’s all thanks to you.”
“You mean the fact that she even had an arm ripped off to reattach is all thanks to me.” Jules pressed her palms into her eyes. “God, I’ve cried more today than I have in years.”
“Hey.” He rubbed her shoulder. “Don’t do that. It wasn’t your fault. That could have happened anywhere, anytime. Ava knows the risks when going into the woods. We all do. Plus, you saved her life.”
“No, you saved her life.”
“I’ll fight you.” Tommy put up his fists, and she slapped them away.
No matter how serious things were, he always found a way to defuse the situation. It was an endearing but quirky trait and reminded her of so many good memories with her uncle. She turned to him. “Why haven’t you been around lately? I miss seeing you.”
He offered a sad smile and something passed behind his eyes. “I’d love to see you every day if I could, kid.” He scratched his nose. “I’m just trying to figure out my life.”
Jules looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Personal stuff. Adult stuff.”
She bumped his shoulder. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m an adult now, so I can totally handle it.”
“Oh, that’s right, that’s right.” Tommy tapped his chin. “Well, see if you can handle this.” In one fluid motion, he grabbed the pillow from behind her back and whacked her on the head.
Jules screamed in protest and grabbed another pillow, smacking him square in the chest. They both hopped off the bed and faced off.
“You don’t stand a chance, Grandma,” he said. He lurched right and left, trying to fake her out.
“Oh really?” Jules feinted, then went high, catching him right in the temple. Tommy gripped his head dramatically and collapsed onto her bed.
“Victorious!” she screamed, pumping her fists in the air.
Her door opened, and her parents stood there, concerned, until they saw Tommy on the bed, the pillows by their feet.
“She started it.” Tommy pointed to Jules.
“Lies.” She scooped up her pillow and looked at her parents. “Want to join?”
Desi opened her mouth, but then she sprinted off. Jules looked at Tommy and her dad before they all crept down the hallway. Her father put his finger to his lips outside the bedroom door.
He threw it open and her mother balanced on the bed, with every pillow piled in her arms. “Don’t come any closer.” One slipped from her arms, and she kicked it away.
“Attack!” Jules screamed.
Desi squealed as Tommy and Peter ripped most of her pillows away, and they all went at it, smacking and batting each other, laughing until Jules couldn’t breathe.
After endless pounding and a lot of laughter, the pillow fight died, and Tommy and her parents led her to the kitchen, where her pine tree cake was ready to be lit. Eighteen candles strategically placed in the pine’s leaves were also green.
“Feel like a slice?” her mom asked. She was still winded, her hair free and loose around her shoulders, her cheeks flushed.
Jules wanted to hold on to this moment just a little bit longer—all of them together, as a family. “Sure.”
Her mother got to work pulling down plates while her father lit all the candles. It looked like a Christmas tree. When they were ready, they launched into an out-of-tune version of “Happy Birthday.” When it was time to make a wish, she prayed for Ava.
She closed her eyes and blew.
13
Desi
DESI adjusted her wide-brimmed hat and gazed at the water.
Lake Medley sat at the edge of town, surrounded by a pebbly coast. The parched, sunbaked earth cracked beneath their shoes. Despite the lack of rain, the lake seemed full and endless.
She hadn’t slept in weeks. The night Carter had stayed over, she’d been so excited to see him the next morning, she hadn’t even bothered to get dressed in proper clothes. But when he wasn’t at breakfast, or in his room, or on the grounds, a sinking feeling pushed in. She tried calling, but his phone was turned off. She’d scoured the guest room for a note or some other hidden clue of where he’d gone. But there was nothing. No trace. She’d had too much time to think. Perhaps it wasn’t fair to ask him to wait, when really, hadn’t he been waiting for decades?
Desi gazed at the water, trying to forget the image of their kiss that slithered through her brain like a snake. She’d been checking her phone religiously, practically willing him to call or text. Something that would allude to why he’d suddenly left when she’d just asked him not to give up on her.
Restless, she stood on the edge of the dock and snapped a photo of Lenore. Her reflection gleamed off the mirror-smooth water: her green scarf knotted at her crown, the flowing flower-printed tunic, ruffled from the breeze, and a handful of healing crystals clutched in her upturned palm. Her chin lifted toward the sky. Desi clicked the shutter, perfectly capturing her long, elegant neck and look of contentment.
Lenore turned to her and smiled. “Let me see.”
Desi brought her camera over.
“Oh my goodness.” Lenore smoothed a hand against her chest, settling the fabric into place as it fluttered from a sudden, gusty wind. “You’re talented.”
“It’s all about the subject,” she insisted. “So where’s William Sr. flying to today?”
She waved a hand. “I forget. After so many years, you stop asking.” She smiled, her teeth almost translucent from her constant bouts of nausea, heavy antibiotic usage, and lack of nutrients.
Will was helping Jules with her fishing pole, baiting it with slippery worms. Lake Medley was well known for its black bass and redbreast sunfish. Jules yelped as one slipped from her fingers and splashed into the lake. Ava sat cross-legged on a towel, her healing arm bound in a sling. It had been less than a month since her accident. Her scar was red and puckered and formed a jagged zipper around her entire bicep. She patted it self-consciously and obeyed Lenore’s commands to keep it out of the sun.
Peter and Tommy were sitting on the edge of the dock, drinking beers and chatting. Their feet dangled over the edge. Tommy’s long limbs skirted the surface, then disappeared beneath the black.
She set her camera down. Between Carter and Ava, her nerves were fried. This summer, with all of its quiet moments, had become a rampage of tragedies, interruptions, and lies.
Her phone buzzed and she jumped in anticipation. But it was just a text from Beth. They’d only spoken a few times the entire summer. She scanned the text. Have you heard? Carter is missing! What in the world is going on?
Desi almost dropped the phone. She reread the text, her breath rattling around in her chest. She glanced over at Tommy, who laughed at something Peter said. She pulled up a browser, thankful for service, and punched in the phrase Carter Abbott missing and waited. Sure enough, there was a short article in the local paper.
Carter Abbott, celebrated Marine veteran, was reported missing by his girlfriend, Haley Shanks, on Thursday, July 25th. Authorities are looking into Mr. Abbott’s whereabouts. He was last seen in late July. Haley reported Mr. Abbott had been going on a road trip. If you have information, please contact …
Desi searched for more information, but it was mostly vague. She reread the article, unsure of what was more shocking: the fact that he had a girlfriend or was presumed missing. Her hand landed against her chest in a futile attempt to slow her heartbeat. Lenore glanced over.
“You okay?”
“Excuse me for a second.”
Desi approached Tommy and tapped him on the shoulder. “We need to talk.”
He peered at her, his cheeks ruddy from the alcohol and sun. “Now? We’re having bro time.”
Peter laughed as Tommy bumped his shoulder.
“Yes, now.” She gestured to the end of the tidy dock that jutted several feet over the lake. Tommy made a production of standing up and followed her until they were out of earshot.
“What’s shaking?”
“This.” She handed him her phone. His eyes skimmed the report, then darkened.
“Is this for real?”
“Have you talked to him?” she asked. “Did he tell you where he was going?”
He didn’t answer and instead took her phone. She waited, chewing on her cuticle, just like Jules. Though Desi had peppered Tommy with questions those first few days after Carter left, she’d stopped so as not to make him suspicious.
Finally, he shrugged and gave it back. “Maybe he just went off the grid for a while. His girlfriend can be a little nuts. I’m sure it’s fine.”
So he did have a girlfriend. She ignored the pinprick of jealousy and glanced at Peter. “You’re not worried about him then?”
He shrugged. “Have you checked his social?”
“No.” She had, but there was nothing new. “Has Peter said anything?”
“Nope.” He didn’t look at her when he said it, his eyes skimming the water instead.
“Tommy.” Her brother was a terrible liar. He forgot that she’d been trained to spot his lies: when he sneaked out of the house and would bribe her not to tell, when he lied to their parents’ faces about a grade, and especially when he was trying to impress a girl.
He looked her square in the eye. “There’s nothing to worry about, Desi. Drop it.”
How could she possibly drop it? One second, she and Carter were finally discussing being together, and the next, he was officially missing? Something didn’t add up.
He crossed his arms over his bare chest. “Why are you so interested in Carter? I thought you’d be glad to have one less visitor.” He scoured the lake again and his jaw twitched. “Unless there’s more to that story?”
She turned to go and he latched onto her wrist. “What aren’t you telling me?”
She opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. He waited, but she said nothing and yanked her wrist free.
She once again saw Carter knocking on her door. His mouth on hers. Their entangled limbs in bed. She’d worked for years to keep Carter away, but now she wanted to know where he’d disappeared to. “Nothing.”
He hiked a shoulder and carelessly dropped it. “I’m just saying … you seem really bent out of shape over a friend.”
She pushed past him, irate. Her sandal snagged on a wooden plank and sent her flying forward, but she righted herself before her knees smashed onto the dock. A searing pain shot through her back, but she massaged it and kept moving forward.
Back at the other end, Jules whooped and jumped to her feet. A fish tugged on her line, bending the pole in her capable hands. Will coached her through it, and after a bit of a struggle, Jules cranked up a gorgeous striped bass. Its heavy body sprayed droplets of water as she hoisted it up like a prize. The fish flopped and bucked, silvery scales glinting in the sunlight. Never one for cruelty, Jules unhooked the fish and tossed it back in. It sliced through the water and disappeared from sight.
“What’d you do that for?” Tommy goaded, walking toward them. His flip-flops slapped the dock, and he extended his arms dramatically. “That was dinner!”
Jules rolled her eyes and baited her line again, hooking the worm and casting it back in.
Desi occupied the empty chair beside Lenore. A stew of emotions warred through her brain. She knew panicking wouldn’t help, but what else was she supposed to do? She had to find Carter.
“This is heaven,” Lenore said. She rolled her head toward Desi, the skin of her forehead suddenly pinching in concern. “What’s wrong?”
Desi forced herself to appear relaxed and offered a smile. “Oh nothing.” She laughed. “Just my brother.”
“I loved being an only child,” she said.
“I can imagine,” Desi joked.
“Don’t stress,” Lenore offered. “Whatever your worries are, they’ll go away.”
If only it were that easy. Her worries had started as simple omissions. Little gaps that had turned into years of secrecy, and now they seemed irreparable. They fell into a comfortable silence, and then Lenore coughed and sat up.
Desi placed a hand on her back. “Are you okay?”
“Fine, fine.” She waited until it passed, her knuckles taut as she gripped her chair, her body seizing and racking in angry, relentless spasms. Lenore rode the wave, her eyes bulging and watering, her face cranking from red to purple. Desi watched helplessly, knowing by this point that Lenore couldn’t resist what was happening to her. She had to allow it, in all its brutality. Sensing her distress, Will and Ava jumped up to help, but Lenore waved them away.
Finally, she settled back, a thick blue vein bisected her forehead.
Desi rummaged in the cooler and offered her a bottle of water.
Lenore unscrewed the cap and took a healthy sip. “Thank you.”
She sipped again and patted her mouth. Desi searched for blood and spotted a few drops.
“You know, I always heard when you were on your deathbed, life would become clear,” Lenore continued. “We hear it all the time—what’s important, what we should focus on, what really matters, blah, blah, blah—and then we live our lives with all these trivial concerns and worries anyway.” She sighed, took a raspy breath, and sifted her crystals from one hand to the other.
“Now, I see how silly I’ve been in my life, how much time I’ve wasted. Every stressful day. Every time I complained about William or the kids. My false sense of urgency.” She paused. “When the kids were young”—she cast a woeful look at Ava and Will—“I was desperate for them to just go to sleep so I could be alone with my thoughts. When they went to school, I could breathe a sigh of relief. And now…” Her voice died and she steadied her shallow breath. “Now, I would give anything to have that time back, to snuggle them close, to tell them everything, to spend every second that is going to be robbed from me.” She placed a hand on her chest. “I’m not angry. I’m really not, but I am heartbroken.” Her voice cracked and she took a moment to compose herself. “How can I miss all this?” She knocked a bony hand toward the lake and then around to the group.
Lenore seemed like she wanted to say more, but Desi stayed quiet, the unsaid truth passing sorrowfully between them. Why me? It’s not fair. Life is devastating.
“I know I have to be brave now,” Lenore said.
“You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met,” Desi said. And she meant it. She reached for Lenore, and they sat, hand in hand, watching the water. Desi’s mind spun on an infinite loop. Life was so fragile. She closed her eyes, wishing she could make her own worries disappear, but instead, they scraped and taunted. Suddenly, Tommy and Peter jumped in the lake.
“You’ll scare away all the fish!” Jules exclaimed in outrage.
Tommy broke the surface of the water and tugged on Jules’s ankle. She slid into the water, fully dressed, and screamed. Will ripped off his shirt and did a cannonball, while Ava laughed from her place on the dock. She couldn’t get her arm wet—not yet.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Ava announced.
“Okay, sweetie.” Lenore watched her walk away. “I’m worried about her,” she said after a minute.
Desi waited for her to explain.
“She’s taking too many pain pills. She hasn’t seen her friends.”
“She’ll be okay. She just has to heal,” Desi said. “It takes time.”
Lenore smiled woefully, knowing she probably wouldn’t be around to witness it. She turned her attention back to Desi. “Why don’t you go on in and swim?”
Desi removed her hand. “I’m just fine right here.”
Lenore’s eyes searched Desi’s. “Be with your family, Desiree. Every moment you can.”
