Typhoon Toby, page 2
“Anyway, he says ‘This is inappropriate. We can’t do this.’ But he never said he didn’t want us to happen. And he was so much fun to be with. I made it my mission to make him smile. I was like a goddamned dancing monkey trying to make him laugh. Then we got drunk, or I did, and I tried my game of seduction again—”
Toby slid Reese’s drink away from him. He’d seen Reese drunk plenty of times before. He’d once watched Reese serenade a whole sorority after too much tequila. He ended up with two different girls that night, and then he woke up in Toby’s apartment with Jacob, Toby’s roommate at the time. Reese was a sexual beast when he was drunk. Toby waited for him to finish his tale of woe.
“I mauled him, Toby. And what did he do? He fucking made me breakfast the next day, like he enjoyed it. So he moved back in here, and I’m trying to do this right, but I can’t keep my damn hands to myself. I’m in so much trouble.”
“You love him,” Toby said with a smile.
“Desperately. I love him like I never thought possible. And he has no idea what to do with me.” He barked out a laugh.
To be loved by a man like Reese…. Toby might almost forget his lifetime ban on intimate relationships if he ever found a man like Reese. He was the best friend a guy could ever ask for—romantic and sweet and loving. Perfect. But he had no tact, no finesse in matters of the heart.
Reese went on to lament his current situation. Toby asked him if he’d had his way with Jude, and Reese just blushed.
“Oh shit, Mister ‘I Like Who I Like.’ You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
“I really fucking don’t. I just want him….” Reese dropped his head onto the table, and Toby patted his hair.
“Oh cheer up. Maybe he’ll, I don’t know, see past all of that and love you back. It could happen.”
When their discussion went from Jude’s Filipino family to Reese’s desire to have babies, Toby was sure his friend was done for. Good luck to him. Toby never intended to be fooled by love again. He’d had the hearts and flowers, and all he’d gotten out of the deal was scars—emotional and physical. And he’d given up on the one thing he thought mattered most in the world—his doctorate degree. He regretted the physical scars, but he could put the rest out of his mind. Truly.
Reese took him by the arm and led him to the player piano, where he proceeded to play him some of the most heartfelt music Toby had ever heard him play. Reese and his grandfather were musical geniuses. Toby added the embellishments, the panache, and the flair to Reese’s arrangements. Toby had talent—he could sing his ass off right along with the best of them—but Reese was the one with the passion. He had the raw edge that made him a superstar. Toby didn’t want that kind of spotlight, but he damn sure enjoyed being the silent partner. The money the two of them made together kept him living comfortably, and Reese was his best friend, the man who saw in him more than just the queer boy who liked to make music. More than anything, Toby wanted all of Reese’s dreams to come true.
Toby sat beside Reese and listened carefully as he absently twisted his fingers in Reese’s hair. He knew instantly that the next phase in their musical adventure was going to be huge. He knew it like he knew his own birthdate. He felt it like he felt the beating of his own heart. He grew excited thinking of the possibilities—
The door opened, and Toby turned to see Jude enter the cottage with a look of intense pain on his face. In that moment Toby knew his relationship with Reese was changed forever. Jude and Reese were in love. He just hoped that Jude would understand the unconventional communion the two of them had and wouldn’t be threatened by it. He’d never want to come between Reese and his lover, but he’d be damn sure their musical partnership survived.
“Jude! It’s good to see you, darling. Come on over here and see what Reese’s got cooking.”
Toby stood from the bench and gestured for Jude to sit down where he’d been, and the thick tension in the room dissolved. He had a knack for reading a situation and making it better. He always had.
Jude shut the door, moved slowly to Reese’s side, and sat down carefully on the bench next to him. Toby moved behind them and placed his hands on both of their shoulders.
“Now play it again, Reese. This time I’m going to add in the harmony.”
TOBY WASN’T surprised when he received a text several days later.
Be ready to work. We’re going to plow through this shit and get this story down. Everything has gone to hell, and the only thing that will make it better is music.
They finished the musical soon after, despite Hurricane Reese making a disaster of his fledgling relationship. In record time, really, compared to Ruby in Red Plaid, the musical that had landed them a Tony award. When Reese was focused, he was a madman. Toby kept things moving, and whenever Reese started to feel the feels, Toby was there to distract him. When Reese was ready, Toby knew he’d fix things with Jude. But for now the momentum carried them through an insane December. Besides, focusing on the musical and Reese’s mess kept Toby from thinking of his own heartache—the one he’d had since Bali.
He still thought about Hazel Eyes every time he tried to sleep, so eventually he even cut that back to only the necessary amount of time and supplemented with caffeine, energy drinks, and other medicinal substances, both legal and questionable.
Once they decided to produce the show themselves and found their venue and choreographer, they were golden. Then it was all TV appearances like the one they did on Ellen, and interviews in an array of lifestyle magazines. Toby was convinced they needed to spread the word far and wide about The Boy on the Corner. Toby ignored the exhaustion, ignored his pain, and poured it all into preparation for the show that would further the national discussion about equality for all loving relationships. It was important to Reese—it was important for him and Jude. At one point Toby would have wanted to live his life freely and love who he wanted to love. Now, he didn’t trust himself to love anyone. He couldn’t be trusted, and he would never go there again. After Bali? Shit, he’d probably have to become celibate.
Chapter Three
SPENCER HART’S life was changed drastically by his trip to Bali. Instead of spending a week there and then returning to work, he’d come back with a terrible virus. Coupled with his severe asthma, pneumonia soon followed, and he had to extend his time off for another six weeks. After the holidays he would return to his practice, and things would go back to normal. That’s what he told himself, anyway. But thoughts of his trip and the man he’d followed onto the beach were all he could focus on.
The vacation in Bali was supposed help him relax. He’d been so busy with his research for his book about gay teens and their alarming rate of suicide that he hadn’t been taking good care of himself. He needed to clear his mind and come back to his work with a renewed sense of purpose. He also really wanted to see what the fuss over the all-male resort was about. His friend Richard had recommended The Spartan, and the place certainly lived up to his praise. Beautiful men served beautiful men. And there was plenty to see. Many of the guests, frolicked in the common areas as well as in private and could be heard from all corners of the resort.
Spencer would have been content to watch. Instead, he’d had the time of his life with a stranger.
Living in Los Angeles as a gay man who didn’t quite fit the mold often made dating an anxiety-producing experience. Being a psychotherapist who specialized in adolescence, one would think he’d be beyond that kind of anxiety, but social situations were stressful for him. He was an introvert with a small circle of good friends. His sessions with the kids didn’t trigger his anxiety, because he loved kids. They gave him energy. Adults, not so much. And the thought of trying to find a long-term partner? Forget it.
But Tobias was different.
Yeah, they weren’t supposed to exchange names, but he peeked at the man’s wallet while he was in the shower. He could handle casual sex. Nameless sex was too far out of his comfort zone. But a first name was all he saw before Tobias almost caught him.
Tobias was exactly what Spencer needed. He made all of the moves and seemed to thoroughly enjoy schooling Spencer through the experience. Not that Spencer hadn’t been with other men, but he’d been extremely careful and only had trysts with men he knew would be discreet and didn’t require him to carry on a conversation.
Perhaps it was because Spencer understood human behavior so well that he knew the potential pitfalls. Or maybe he just preferred being alone. No. He could tell himself that he wanted to be alone, that he’d chosen it, but he simply didn’t know how to invite someone else into his life. His friends didn’t take no for an answer when it came to going out, which was the only reason Spencer had any sort of social life. They’d known each other since grad school, where they were all part of a cohort in counseling psychology. When they completed their licensing, Spencer and Javier bought into a practice in Beverly Hills. Charlie decided to stick with school counseling and got a job in Hollywood. Richard remained behind to teach undergrads at Pacific Coast University.
Spencer worked with some of the most heartbreaking kids and consulted with the school district on a case-by-case basis. He was an expert, yet he had no clue how to have a happy, healthy relationship or how to ask for what he wanted. And he hadn’t met anyone who made him want to risk it all—until Tobias. But when the time came to ask, he chickened out. Rejection would have been too painful.
His family described him as everything from shy to aloof to pensive. He was an observer of life, always afraid to engage. But when Tobias extended the invitation to join him on the beach, Spencer took that leap. His only regret was that they’d only had a week.
One afternoon three weeks into his recuperation, Spencer found himself sitting on the couch, channel surfing. As a lifelong asthmatic, Spencer was familiar with pneumonia, and he hated being sick all the same. But then, if he hadn’t been sitting on that couch using a nebulizer machine to clear his uncooperative lungs, he’d probably never have seen his lover’s face again.
He almost didn’t recognize him with bleached-blond hair, but he couldn’t say he was disappointed. Tobias was sinfully handsome—the kind of guy Spencer normally would only watch from the sidelines and never have the guts to approach. He exuded sex. Spencer was captivated as he watched him on Ellen with his friend, pop star Reese Matheson. Tobias was dazzling as he smiled and laughed like he’d done with Spencer in his hotel room. Spencer turned off his nebulizer so he could hear better.
He’d written a musical—about young men in love. Spencer was in such shock at seeing Tobias again that he could barely follow the conversation.
Tobias had hinted at being some sort of musician, but he was very vague with the details. Spencer almost thought his fever had returned when the men started to sing. Tobias’s voice was a perfect complement to his friend Reese’s. The music was very much influenced by the Sinatra/lounge/big-band sound of the fifties and sixties.
Then the song was over, and they mentioned GLSEN, an organization he was familiar with. When he heard the name of their choreographer, a plan started to form in Spencer’s mind. Could he push past his sheer terror of rejection? Would Tobias hate him for making contact? Was he willing to take the chance?
Spencer reached for his cell and dialed his good friend Charlie.
“Hey man, are you out of your death bed yet?”
“No, not quite,” Spencer said, hating how out of breath he sounded just being on the phone. “Did you happen to catch Ellen today?”
Charlie laughed. “Not all of us have the luxury of couch surfing, my love. Nah, I’m still at school. Parent conferences to set up, you know. Trying to get caught up before break.”
It was now or never. Charlie would understand. “Does that woman, Jesse Martin, still work with you?”
Charlie was the counselor for an independent-study program in Hollywood. Spencer had done some consulting for the school district regarding students at Charlie’s school. Charlie had introduced Spencer to Jesse, and they’d chatted a few times. When he learned she was a dance instructor, he confided to her that he had been a tap dancer as a young man, but when he hit puberty and it was like shining a gay spotlight on him, he was uncomfortable with the attention.
His mother didn’t understand his reluctance, but Spencer’s social anxiety grew worse, and he couldn’t handle it. He could barely handle going to school, by that point. But since his mother was a teacher and insisted he attend, he had no choice.
“No, Jesse doesn’t work here anymore,” Charlie said. “She quit after she married her rock star. Remember? You were supposed to go with me?”
Charlie never hesitated to call Spencer on his aversion to social situations. It would have been cool to meet Danny Black.
“I think she takes on the occasional sub job or home instruction,” Charlie continued. “But she’s, ah, busy now. Why? You looking for dance lessons? I hear she still teaches at a studio in LA.”
Spencer took in a weak breath, and a coughing fit interrupted their conversation.
“Shit, man. You sound terrible. Hey, why don’t I bring you over some dinner tonight? I haven’t seen you since you went to Bali. I want to hear all about your trip.”
Spencer didn’t know if he had enough energy for Charlie, but now that he’d decided to do something about Tobias, he was going to need help.
“I’d kill for some pho, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“You got it. I’ll be over in an hour. Let me finish up here.”
Spencer looked around his apartment and realized he should take that hour to decontaminate some surfaces and maybe clean himself up. He’d showered the night before, but his hair was sticking up in five different directions, and his clothes were stuck to him after his latest bout with fever.
Charlie knocked exactly an hour later. Spencer let him in but refused a hug.
“I’m not contagious to you, but I can’t afford to pick up anything else right now.”
Charlie held up the soup. “Consider this my offering,” he said with a laugh as he headed for Spencer’s tiny kitchen. Charlie had one of those laughs that turned heads. It was a tad louder than average conversation and had a sort of nervous quality to it at all times despite his level of comfort. When they first met, Charlie had been self-conscious about it, but with the help of their tight-knit friend group, he’d learned to accept that it was one of the things his friends loved most about him. It made him easy to find in a crowd, and that was always handy.
Spencer shuffled over to the couch, plopped down, and wrapped a blanket around himself. Cleaning up had wiped him out. Charlie joined him a few minutes later with a serving of the Vietnamese soup that he’d been craving. Their friend Javier had brought him groceries over the weekend and said he’d be back the next weekend. Spencer was grateful to have these friends, especially now.
Charlie sat across from Spencer with his soup and made himself comfortable. “Bali. You gotta tell me, man. Was it great? Richard said that Spartan place is phenomenal.”
Spencer smiled to himself. “It was exactly as he said—a life-changing event.”
Charlie had been lifting a spoonful of broth to his lips, but he paused at Spencer’s words. “Did you…? Are you…? Tell me everything!”
Spencer took a shaky breath and told Charlie the basics.
“That’s why I asked about Jesse. He said we could only have the week. But I saw him. On Ellen. He’s written a musical, and Jesse is choreographing it.” He had to stop talking for a moment to catch his breath.
Charlie looked perplexed. “Holy shit, Spence. This is for real. He’s local then.”
Spencer held up a hand. “He didn’t want to exchange information. He didn’t want to see me again. But at the end? When I left? He seemed… I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone.”
“Is that what you want?”
Spencer smiled and shook his head. “He’s the first person I could relax around, Charlie… besides you guys, of course. I could talk to him without freaking out.”
Charlie pulled out his phone. “I gotta see this. You said it was on Ellen today? Give me some other keyword.”
“Tobias—wait…. She called him Toby Griffiths.” A name. Spencer felt as though he were cheating. But it wasn’t his fault the guy was on national television. He could search for him now. He could find out….
“Holy hell, Spencer. He’s gorgeous. It says here he—”
“No. I don’t want to hear. I want to hear it from only him. It’s not fair. I don’t feel right. I want to know him on his terms or not at all.”
Charlie looked at him in disbelief. “You’re not even curious?”
“Wait. Does it say he’s married?”
Charlie shook his head.
Spencer held up a hand. “That’s all I need to know. Don’t tell me anything else. Now, can you put me in touch with Jesse?”
IT WAS all set. Jesse remembered Spencer and was excited to talk about the musical.
“It’s going to be fantastic, Spencer. And Danny and I are sponsoring a fundraiser party at our house. You should totally come. I know you’re a big fan of tap dancing, and I’m putting tap in the show.”
“I….” Shit. Spencer looked to Charlie in a near panic, but Charlie gestured for him to answer.
“I… I don’t want to intrude, Jesse.”
“Oh no. To be honest, I’d love to have some of my peeps there. Some of the people who come to these…. Seriously. Please come. You’ll be my special guest. Bring Charlie with you. It’ll be great.”
He couldn’t do it. He felt so dishonest.
“Jesse, I need to tell you something first. I—”
“Oh, Spencer, I’m sorry. I gotta go. Legs is barking at someone, and Danny’s got the music so loud…. The party is on December thirtieth. It’s semiformal, so wear a suit or something, and tell Charlie to please not wear that obnoxious tie. He always wears it to staff parties.”
Spencer frowned at Charlie.
