Awakened Horror, page 16
“You’re back!” she whispered tearily, and I felt her chest heave as her sobs shook her body.
“I’m back,” I whispered huskily.
Another squeal split the air, and I opened my eyes to see Winona running towards us. I staggered as she collided with us and wrapped her arms around Adanna and me.
“You’re back!” she cried through her own sobs.
“Yes, yes! I’m back!” I replied as I choked on my words, tears streaming down my face.
“I’m back too!” came an insistent cry from Emma.
“Emma! Mum!” Winona exclaimed as she let go of Adanna and me and ran over to the awaiting ladies.
I put Adanna down, and she looked up at me. “We missed you.”
“I could tell,” I replied with a wink.
Adanna gave me a playful shove and we both laughed, and then she glanced past me at the other girls.
“I’ll give you another hug later,” she said as she squeezed my arm, then moved to join the others.
“Son?”
I turned towards the farmhouse where Father had appeared, and I was taken aback again. Unlike Adanna and Winona, who looked almost the same but had matured, Father looked older. His wrinkles had deepened, and his hair had gone grey at the temples.
“Is it really you?”
“It’s me,” I replied as I shook off my shock, then jogged over and pulled him into an embrace.
“Oh, thank the heavens!” Father exclaimed. “I’d feared the worst and had begun to lose hope of your return.”
“Ah, you know me. I was never one for conforming to the odds!”
Father chuckled and held me at arm’s length. His eyes scanned over my face and body as his hands squeezed my biceps. His expression twisted from relief to concern as he took in my fresh scars and the gauntness of my body.
“Oh, my boy … you’ve been through some kind of fresh hell, haven’t you?”
“Yeah,” I said with a solemn nod.
A pained expression crossed his face. “I’m so sorry, my son.”
“I’m okay.”
“Hmmm,” Father hummed, knowing the truth was quite different.
I glanced back at the ladies, still catching up with each other, then turned back to Father.
“How have you been? How’s Mother doing? How’ve the girls been? Did anything bad happen?”
“Whoa!” Father said as he held up his hands. “Slow down there, son. I’m okay, and the girls are fine. They’ve grown up frighteningly fast. I’ve chased off a bad boyfriend or two these last few years,” he said with a chuckle.
I watched his eyes glance behind me and move four times.
He’s counting.
“Speaking of boys, where’s Ichirō?”
I averted my gaze as shame flushed my cheeks. “The Empire is still alive. They cloned Tynan, and … Ichirō decided to join him.”
“Ah,” Father said, his simple word loaded with unspoken understanding. He gave the sentiment a moment to hang in the air, then continued. “As for your mother … your mother … her health is declining. Most days now, even the drugs don’t pull her out of her zoned-out state.”
I hung my head, feeling the weight of responsibility for my mother’s condition. “I’m sorry. If only I’d made different choices … our ‘quick’ diplomatic mission may have been just that – quick.”
“It isn’t your fault … I sometimes think we all end up in hell, regardless of whether or not the path is paved with good intentions. The difference between an outcome that’s intentionally bad versus accidentally bad is one’s ability to sleep at night.”
I gave my father a quizzical look.
Father sighed. “What I’m trying to say is you’ve got to stop beating yourself up. I know you. You’re always trying to do the right thing – and that’s the important bit. Negative outcomes probably would’ve happened irrespective of your actions, so stop punishing yourself for what has transpired and focus on what actions you’ll take from here on out.”
I nodded. “Ahh, now I understand.”
Father chuckled. “I’m glad. Come on, let’s go inside and get some food in you.”
[)
The week passed quickly, with the family playing distraction from the war preparations happening around the planet and in orbit, but I still found myself pacing back and forth in the kitchen, desperate to do something other than domestic chores – which had certainly built up in my absence.
“You know, if you keep pacing like that, you’re going to have to replace the floor,” Amorina said as she walked into the room.
“Hmm,” I grunted.
“Alternatively,” she said with a smirk. “You could pace somewhere that’s cheaper and easier to replace – like outside, for example.”
“I know, I know,” I replied and pulled out a dining room chair and sat down.
Almost immediately, my right leg began bouncing up and down, and my fingers tapped on the table, unable to keep still.
“You’re driving me up the fucking wall with all your tipping and tapping as well!” Father said as he walked into the kitchen. “What’s got you so increasingly wound up?”
“I feel so …” I throttled the air like I was choking some invisible individual as I tried to define my emotions. “Helpless – no, useless! I’m sitting here doing nothing while the Republic installs planetary defence lasers and coordinates the civilian evacuation and troop arrival. I want to help, but I’m told there’s nothing for me to do, and I know there’s nothing for me to do, but I feel like I should be doing something!” I ranted.
“I get that,” Father replied. “Wanting to be of use and having to sit idle.”
I nodded. “Yeah … it fucking sucks.”
Amorina walked over and gently caressed my shoulders. “If only we could escape for a few days, just to unwind, you know? Have some us time.”
“Maybe you can,” Father said.
Amorina and I both looked at him.
“What do you mean?” Amorina asked.
“A mate of mine, he’s got a cabin tucked away in one of Gaia’s remote, mountainous regions … I forget which one – it’s either the Limingnora or the Lantou Alps.”
“And we could use it?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m sure of it. I’d just need to make a few calls, and then you could enjoy its serenity. I’ve taken your mother up there a few times – a truly spectacular and peaceful place.”
I glanced up at Amorina. She didn’t utter a word, but her eyes were full of a silent plea for me to accept the offer. I looked over towards Father again.
“We’d love to, but what about the kids? Your hands are full with Mother as it is,” I said as I cast a glance at Mother staring vacantly into the distance.
“There’s only one kid, and that’s Emma. Winona and Adanna have been, and will continue to be, of great assistance in caring for your mother. Adding Emma into the mix will be trivial. Go! Take some time for the two of you.”
A warmth spread through my chest as my heart swelled with pride and gratitude. Father was right, of course. Winona and Adanna weren’t children anymore, and I’d seen that first hand this week, not only looking after Mother but keeping Emma busy as well. I knew they’d be alright for a few days while Amorina and I took the time we needed.
“Okay, thank you!” I said with a relieved smile. “If you can arrange the cabin, I’ll let the Republic know where we are, should we be needed.”
“Of course! I’ll call my mate now.”
I looked up at Amorina again.
“Thank you,” she whispered down to me.
“Of course, mi amor. We need this.”
“Yes … yes, we do.”
[)
Father wasn’t kidding when he’d said the cabin’s location was spectacular and peaceful.
I lay on a king bed and looked out through a set of open French doors onto a splendid wilderness. In the background were the majestic snow-capped peaks of the Limingnora Alps. As far as the eye could see, the vast mountain range stretched from left to right, blanketed in thick, alpine forests, the trees looking like tall, grass-covered poles. A large glacial lake dominated the mid-ground, its pristine blue waters shimmering in the bright sunlight. The lawn was a lush, emerald expanse that occupied the foreground, stretching from the lake’s edge to the patio of the holiday home.
The view quickly captivated you with its beauty, but Amorina, washing herself in the outdoor shower at the patio's edge, was the most beautiful part of it all. The sound of the water flowing over her body was calming; she was radiant in the sun's warm rays, its light glistening in the droplets that ran through her hair and down the soft curves of her body. She looked like a goddess, a personification of Gaia herself, surrounded by life-giving water and light. Watching her, set against this stunning wild backdrop, it was almost easy to forget the frightening reality we’d briefly escaped from.
High above, in orbit and all around the planet, the Republic war machine was busy at work, preparing for a horror the likes of which few had encountered, and fewer had survived. Even here, as far away from civilisation as one could get, you couldn’t escape the in-progress preparations. Any time of day, you could look up into the sky and see Republic or Empire ships passing overhead, and sometimes I could even spot the orbital laser making a flyby.
Tynan was out there too, of course; his existence allowed to perpetuate due to the unprecedented circumstances. Our recent interactions looped through my mind like a background process I couldn’t terminate, and the more I thought about it, the more I concluded he was an imperfect copy, still dangerous but not on the same level as the original man. This version of Tynan had too much of Raith in him to truly be as bad as he had once been. But the inverse thought sent shivers down my spine – that too much of Tynan was in me. Part of me had known that for a long time, but it wasn’t until my outburst with Tynan that I’d acknowledged that fear that Tynan, the real Tynan, was still inside me. If I was pushed hard enough, if I went past the breaking point … would it be possible for him to resurface?
“You have your thinking face on.”
I snapped out of my concentration and realized that Amorina was lying beside me on the bed.
“I have a thinking face?”
“You sure do,” she said softly, and then her expression darkened. “Sometimes I look at you and it’s like your body is sitting there, but your mind,” she paused, glancing around as if seeking the right words to say, then shook her head and continued, “Your mind is who knows where, and you have this thousand-yard stare that just seems to cut through everything in its way. Your body will look so … heavy, like it’s bearing the weight of the universe upon its shoulders.”
“Huh.” I replied, taken aback by this sudden confession. “I didn’t realize I did that.”
Amorina’s face was a portrait of concern, her brows furrowed with worry, and her shoulders slumped in sadness.
“Does it worry you?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied with a sombre nod. “I want to help you, I want to support you, but when I see you so deep in thought, it often feels like I can’t help. I feel powerless, like if I were to take the weight off your shoulders and put it onto my own, it would crush me.”
Amorina looked away, and I watched a tear streak down her face.
“I wish … I wish we could bring the kids to a place like this and never leave. To never have to deal with the universe and all its bullshit ever again. To just live a good, simple life, but it feels like that’s an impossible dream, like we’re not destined for peace or something.”
I felt a palpable ache in my chest as my heart sank like an anchor. She wanted what I wanted, yet, because of who I was – who I am – the simple happiness we sought was unobtainable.
“Do you regret getting to know me? Do you – ow!” I cried out and clutched my arm where Amorina had punched me.
“What was that for?” I exclaimed as I rubbed my tender flesh.
“Don’t you ever think that I regret being with you!” Amorina snapped. “Who else would’ve travelled across the stars to rescue me? Hell, if it hadn’t been for you, I’d probably have died a sex slave on Earth many years ago!”
“I’m sure you would’ve gotten out.”
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t have a beautiful daughter … daughters, or a son, misguided as he is. I wouldn’t have had so many passion-filled nights and quickies among the hay bales.”
I snorted with laughter. “The barnyard quickies are a highlight of your life, are they?”
“Oh, shut up – you know what I meant!”
“No, I don’t think I do,” I chuckled. “Please explain it to me.”
That earned me a glare.
“My point is,” Amorina said as she moved right on past my question, “the time I’ve shared with you has been amazing. And sure, I wish life was simpler or that we didn’t have to face the uphill battles that we do, but you know what?”
I shook my head. “What?”
“There isn’t anyone else I would want to face them with,” she said as she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled Amorina close. I leaned in and kissed her lower neck, then rapidly peppered her neck with kisses and ended with a few pecks along her jaw, causing a fit of laughter that was music to my ears. She gently pushed me away and looked into my eyes.
“As I said on Tynan’s ship: I’m sorry I didn’t believe you earlier. It’s … recontextualized times when you’ve seemed absent or been in a particularly long thinking session. I have a better idea now of some of the things you might’ve been turning over in that head of yours.”
“Thank you, mi amor. You and your support and companionship … they mean the world to me. I will never stop fighting for us, to make sure we have the simple life we envision.”
Amorina smiled, and suddenly the world seemed brighter.
“Well, you know what I’ve been dreaming about today?” she asked, her smile becoming coy.
“I don’t, but you should absolutely tell me about it. I might be able to make a few dreams come true.”
“I dare say you can,” Amorina said as she reached out, running her hand down my chest and onto my already hardening cock.
“I’ve been dreaming about … stroking things,” her words matched her actions, and I felt myself becoming fully erect, a small groan escaping my lips.
“What else have you been thinking about?” I gasped, rolling onto my side and running a hand down the side of her body.
“Many things. Rubbing. Grasping. Grabbing. Licking. Kissing. Sucking,” she replied, biting her lip suggestively.
“Is that all you’ve been dreaming about?”
“That was just the foreplay … I was also thinking about penetration. Thrusting. Pounding …”
[)
As the sun set and the stars glittered in the night sky, I left Amorina sleeping peacefully and made my way to the lakeside. I settled on a conveniently placed bench and watched the water's steady ebb and flow, bringing my reflection in and out of focus. As I caught glimpses of myself, it was hard for me to see the farmer, the father, the husband – these identities seemed … absent, somehow.
In its place was a different someone, a person moulded by torture and stress, in a thin body that bore many fresh scars and bruises. But the battle-hardened leader that looked back at me was wrong – this wasn’t who I was supposed to be – it wasn’t who I wanted to be. It was as if I’d become a caricature of myself, twisted and exaggerated into some grotesque monster.
You see it now, don’t you? You see the monster!
As my words echoed through my mind, I felt my skin grow hot and prickly with … shame? Guilt? I couldn’t even tell what I was feeling.
“Yes,” I whispered in response to my thoughts. “I see the monster.”
My mind recalled further moments from that earlier conversation with Tynan. How do you destroy a monster without becoming one? The monster looking up at me in the lake water didn’t know. How could it? This twisted man with a scrambled brain, definitely not Tynan but not quite Raith either – some sort of hybrid – a personality with elements of both.
When all of this was over – if all of this was over – would my family recognise who I was becoming … what I was becoming? This place was stunning, but it was a temporary distraction.
A beautiful wilderness that masks the frightening reality out there.
I looked at the night sky and saw the orbital laser passing by. I looked past it at the distant stars that shimmered and shone. Somewhere out there, maybe still devouring Akka or maybe on its way to Gaia, was the Horror – that mechanical monstrosity that threatened humanity’s very survival. The personal threat, of course, was that it would take a monster to defeat a monster.
I stood up and spread my arms, offering myself to the universe. “Here I am – here’s a monster I prepared earlier,” I shouted as if I were some dish on a cooking show. “A few years in a pressure cooker of torment and pain, and you too can have your very own monster, ready to fight the battles you cannot, a man who can make the impossible choices no one else wants to!”
The night sky looked down silently, as unaware of me as I was of microbes beneath my feet. I slumped back down onto the bench, weighed down by a feeling of isolation and hopelessness. If I had a choice, I’d just stay here with Amorina … forever. I’d bring the rest of the family out, and we’d live out our days in peace. The fleet would defeat the Horror, and Tynan would be imprisoned – and I wouldn’t have to deal with any of it. But every fibre of my being knew that couldn’t come to pass; my fate was interwoven with Tynan’s. There was no escaping any of this while he was alive and well.
“Why does it have to be me?” I whispered. “Why is the champion required to fight the approaching menace me?”
I was tired of the politics, the existential threats, and the power struggles between the wolves within. Couldn’t one of them surely win by now? Let me retire to the fields of Gaia and farm them with my family for the rest of my life, seeing out my days in a peaceful and harmonious existence.
Is that too much to ask, Universe?
