Going Overboard, page 9
‘I guess we’re just going to have to make this work,’ I say, sighing as I finally close the door behind me. ‘For Kelsey and Neil. We’re all adults.’
‘Ha!’ Nikki snaps, flopping back down onto the sofa like a stroppy toddler. ‘We’re adults. You tackled me the last time you saw me.’
‘I didn’t tackle you,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘I fell.’
‘Fell into me,’ she says, folding her arms.
‘Enough. Jessa’s right,’ Todd snaps, causing Nikki to visibly recoil with horror. ‘We just have to learn to share the space. We’re all here for the same reason, our friends.’
‘That’s easy for you to say,’ Nikki huffs. ‘It’s your bloody ex who’s here, not mine.’
Right on cue, the door swings open again… and in walks Brody.
And then there were four.
He’s wearing one of his trademark tight t-shirts (or maybe they’re just t-shirts, but his muscles stretch them out) and he’s got what looks like a beer, something he’s carrying like a prop, to show just how cool he is.
When he sees the three of us all together, staring back at him, he bursts into a fit of laughs.
‘Oh, mate, what is going on here?’ he asks through a grin.
‘What are you doing here?’ Todd snaps, puffing up his chest in a way that is frankly embarrassing.
‘This is my room,’ Brody says. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘This is our room,’ I tell him – meaning mine, Todd’s and Nikki’s too, but Nikki misunderstands me and flies off the handle.
‘Oh my God. Are you two sharing a room together?’ she says, gesturing between me and Brody, her jaw briefly hanging in disbelief. ‘Seriously? I know you spent the night together at the wedding but are you, like, a proper couple now?’
I glance at Brody. I know, I misled people into thinking we had slept together, and I probably shouldn’t have done so without telling Brody, but this is different. This is a much bigger lie.
He glances at me and I can see the mischief in his eyes. Oh, God…
‘Yes,’ Brody says smoothly, without missing a beat.
I try not to react in any way but I feel like steam might be about to shoot out of my ears.
‘So you’re in that bedroom,’ Nikki says, pointing. ‘And we’re in that one. And we all have to share this suite?’
‘Erm, yeah, I guess so,’ I reply as casually as I can.
‘I can’t believe you’re together,’ Todd mutters, clearly deeply unhappy about it.
‘Well, you pushed us together,’ I tell him sweetly. ‘At the wedding. So thank you. Both of you.’
Brody glances at me again, one eyebrow raised like he’s trying to decide whether he’s impressed or bemused or what. I can’t tell if I’m enjoying this or freaking out. Maybe it’s a bit of both.
I jump as a voice booms through the room – presumably from a speaker somewhere – interrupting our epically awkward moment for us.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, please report to your designated muster stations for the mandatory safety drill.’
‘Come on, Nikki, let’s go,’ Todd says as he offers her his hand.
‘This is literally horrendous,’ she tells him – not at all in hushed tones.
Brody and I hang back a second, until it’s just the two of us.
‘Erm, right… so what exactly is happening?’ Brody asks me, still oh-so cool about it.
‘It would seem that, given our situation, the wedding planner has had to shove us all in here, to figure out sleeping arrangements for ourselves,’ I inform him.
‘How thoughtful of her,’ he replies. ‘I had to speak to her – she didn’t seem like a happy person.’
‘No, she didn’t, did she?’ I reply. ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Not just in this suite – at the wedding. I didn’t connect the dots.’
‘I’m the best man,’ he says, holding his hands out, ta-da style.
‘Yeah, in hindsight, I remember Kelsey saying Neil’s best man was one of his old friends,’ I reply. ‘Because I was surprised it wasn’t…’
‘Todd?’ he replies. ‘Not surprised now, are you? He’s a tool, I’m a delight.’
I can’t help but laugh, just a little.
‘So we’re sharing a room?’ he checks.
‘Unless we get off the ship,’ I reply.
‘There’s no getting off now,’ he replies. ‘I was one of the last to board. They’ve shut the door or whatever. No turning back now.’
‘Then yep, we’re sharing a room,’ I tell him.
‘Unless we go boys in one, girls in another,’ he suggests – presumably joking.
‘I’d sooner swim back to shore,’ I reply. ‘So, you’re just down for this? This whole weird situation, telling people we’re a couple, sharing a room – and sharing a living space with our exes. You’re the kind of guy who just puts his name down for shit like that?’
‘Well, I didn’t want to embarrass my girlfriend in front of her ex,’ he jokes. ‘And you didn’t seem like you weren’t up for it – for pretending, I mean.’
‘Yeah, obviously, because I don’t want to look like a loser in front of them,’ I reply. ‘Not because I’m so keen to share a room with you again.’
‘You could have fooled me,’ he replies.
God, he’s infuriating. He strolls to the kitchenette like he owns the place, running his hand over the sleek worktops.
‘You started this,’ he tells me.
‘Erm, how do you reckon?’ I reply.
‘Showing up for breakfast in my clothes was always going to get tongues wagging,’ he says.
‘You gave me the clothes,’ I snap back.
‘Because you didn’t have any,’ he replies. ‘It’s not my fault people think we slept together.’
I guess I didn’t help put that rumour to bed.
‘No one is going to believe I’d date someone like you,’ I tell him, not meaning it to come out as offensively as it does.
‘Ouch,’ he replies with a chuckle. ‘Why not? I’m a catch.’
‘Crabs are a catch,’ I reply. ‘I just mean… you’re very… I’m more… I don’t know.’
Brody leans against the counter, his arms folded, looking way too entertained by all of this. At least he’s decided not to take any offence.
‘I mean, it would be sort of fun, right?’ he says. ‘Our exes are here, they’re together, that sucks. Don’t you want to mess with them? Us just being in that room is going to ruin their whole trip.’
I laugh.
‘That does sound nice,’ I reply.
‘It sounds really nice,’ he agrees. ‘And I’m sure we can be believable. We can pretend to love each other. Nikki was really good at it, with me, so I’m just going to channel her.’
I laugh, just a little. It’s interesting to see Brody’s vulnerable side for a second. And I suppose we are in the same boat.
‘So we’re madly in love?’ I check.
‘Deeply,’ he replies. ‘And if they don’t buy that, well, we’ll just say it’s a sex thing.’
‘Will they really believe that?’
‘They will if they see me,’ he jokes – at least I think he’s joking.
‘How far are we willing to take this?’ I ask.
‘How far are you willing to go?’ he replies as he approaches me.
The door beeps – a telltale sign that someone is about to open it – so Brody pushes me back on the sofa and throws himself on top of me.
‘Oh my God,’ Todd blurts. ‘I forgot my ID card. If you’re going to do that can you at least do it in your room? We all have to sit on those sofas.’
He grabs his card from the coffee table and leaves again.
‘See, easy-peasy,’ Brody says with a laugh.
He’s still lying on top of me, his face inches from mine, the weight of his body pressing down on me like a seriously sexy weighted blanket.
And then he jumps to his feet, switching it off, just like that.
Wow, maybe we can do this.
‘You are possibly enjoying this way too much,’ I say, standing up, smoothing out the creases in my outfit.
‘Maybe,’ he replies. ‘We’ll see.’
‘We’re not seriously doing this, are we?’ I say again, giving him one last out.
‘We have to,’ he says with a shrug. ‘Just like we have to go do this safety bullshit.’
‘Remind me not to rely on you in an emergency,’ I tell him as we head for the door.
Okay, so this feels like going completely overboard – no pun intended, I promise – but what else can I do? We’re just going to have to give it a go.
Sadly there’s no safety drill for emergencies like this one though.
15
I know that the ship has multiple dining rooms but this one that we’re walking through now is exactly what I think of when I imagine a cruise ship dining room. Elegant as hell, high ceilings, chandeliers, white tablecloths with polished cutlery. I thought it sounded silly, when I heard you had to dress for dinner here, but now that I’m in it I would feel so out of place in anything but my finery – well, my fine-ish-ery.
Brody has scrubbed up really well, in his black suit, his unruly hair slicked into something neat for the occasion. All of the men in here are wearing dinner jackets – even the waitstaff. There’s a bloody string quartet in the corner, which is waaaay too Titanic for my liking, but oh-so fancy at the same time.
The air smells like wine and food and money – not literally like coins, just, like, expense. Expensive booze, expensive food, expensive perfumes and aftershaves. God, I hope the food is as nice as everything else is leading me to believe.
We’re meeting Kelsey and Neil, Al and Kira, and Todd and Nikki. I suppose it was always going to be the eight of us at the table, before we went all wife-swap. Kira is a friend of mine and Kelsey’s – she’s Kelsey’s other bridesmaid – and Al and Neil are friends. Brody is friends with them both, and I guess Todd knows him, but Nikki has never been a part of our group. I guess she was in the mix, as Brody’s girlfriend, and now as Todd’s – otherwise she wouldn’t even be here. I’m not even sure Todd would have a seat at the table, had he not been with me for the last year or so.
At least I have friends here, real friends, unlike Nikki. I might not have a boyfriend but I do feel secretly glad that I have Brody here by my side, my bodyguard – I’m literally wearing him like armour right now. I just feel like while we’re pretending to be together he’s like a shield for me, someone who – just by standing next to me – shows people that I’m over it, and I’m doing well, and I’m moving on. I’m unflappable – even if I am flapping on the inside.
It’s just such a mess, and I suppose it’s only going to get messier before it gets better – sort of like when you empty the contents of your wardrobe, to tidy it, only to make your room look like a bomb has hit it. Take tonight, for example. Not only do we have to navigate convincing our friends that we’re the hot new couple on the scene (hopefully stealing Todd and Nikki’s thunder) but we still need to have a conversation about sleeping arrangements. There’s only one bed in our room, because of course there is, so I’m not sure what we’re going to do about that one. A problem for future Jessa, let’s leave it at that.
I glance at Brody as we walk arm in arm. He looks so chilled out, like he was born to be here, and super composed. Whereas I am bricking it about putting on a show for my best friends, because surely they can see right through me, especially Kelsey. You would think there was no way I could convince her I was in love when I wasn’t.
‘You look… smug,’ I mutter as we approach the table.
He just laughs.
‘You look… terrified,’ he replies. ‘And like you’re punching.’
‘That’s because I am,’ I tell him. ‘Terrified, I mean. Not punching.’
I know he’s just saying it to wind me up, because exchanging insults is apparently our thing now, but I will be punching if he doesn’t knock it off.
‘Just try to relax,’ he says, giving my arm a bit of a squeeze. ‘It’ll be easy. We’ll just ad-lib some bullshit, they’ll lap it up.’
I whip my head around to face him.
‘Oh my God, no, that’s an awful plan,’ I tell him. ‘Some bullshit isn’t going to cut it. just leave the talking to me, yeah?’
‘But I’m so good at it,’ he says with a playful pout.
‘You’re really not,’ I reply. ‘Quality, not quantity.’
Brody just shakes his head.
We’re nearly at the table. Kelsey has spotted us, she’s waving us over, and Neil is smiling beside her. Al’s already got his jacket off, so no surprises there, and Kira’s on the wine already. And then there’s them. Todd and Nikki. Ugh. I still can’t believe they’re here, together, and I’m having to put up with them.
Nikki is wearing a red silky dress that is hugging her like it loves her. Her body is probably as close to perfect as a person can get, so it’s no surprise she has men falling at her feet. Brody is perfectly chiselled too, they make sense together. Not me though. Nikki looks like she could model for Versace. I look like the lass from the logo.
We all exchange hellos as Brody and I reach our table. He steps forward to pull my chair out for me, tucking it in as I sit down. Okay, so maybe he’s not so bad at this stuff after all.
‘Look at you two!’ Kelsey says, smiling widely. ‘I can’t believe it.’
‘None of us can,’ Nikki chimes in.
I ignore her.
Todd isn’t saying much. He’s staring down at his whisky, swirling it like the instructions for how to deal with this situation might be lurking in the bottom of the glass.
I notice Kelsey grinning at me from across the table. It makes me happy and sad to see that she looks so, so happy for me. I’ll bet she has a lot of questions, like why didn’t I tell her that Brody and I were a thing, and while the answer is quite obviously that the reason I didn’t tell her is because it’s not true, I need to make her believe it, just for now, just until the wedding of her dreams is over. Then Brody and I can break up, I’ll say he cheated on me, or had super gonorrhoea, or got super gonorrhoea while he was cheating on me – bottom line, it will be his fault, because while he might look like more of a catch on paper, he also looks like the one more likely to cheat. As far as I’m concerned, he’s got ‘dump me’ written all over him. I’m not surprised Nikki ditched him for Todd – I was going to say sweet, dependable Todd, but he wasn’t fucking sweet or dependable for me in the end. Perhaps he’ll do better with her.
‘So… this is new,’ Kira says, eyeing the two of us over the top of her wine glass.
‘So is that,’ Al adds, jerking his head towards Todd and Nikki as he smirks to himself.
Kira jabs him in the ribs with her elbow, hard. He doesn’t look like he even feels it.
Brody smiles like he’s enjoying this far too much.
‘Well, we just hit it off,’ he says casually. ‘At your wedding, actually. We’ve been inseparable ever since, haven’t we, princess?’
Ugh, I wish he wouldn’t call me princess. I know, it sounds sweet, and it’s probably good for the act, but I know it’s him teasing me over the stupid valet parking thing. What can I call him that he’ll hate just as much?
‘Yep, inseparable,’ I reply.
‘In all ways,’ he announces.
‘Okay, boo, they don’t need to hear about that,’ I say, placing a hand on his arm, squeezing it just hard enough to tell him to cool it on that front for now.
‘I find that hard to believe,’ Nikki chimes in.
‘Do you though?’ Brody replies, his dimples deepening as he tries to stifle his smile.
‘That you’re so serious, so quickly,’ she adds.
I tilt my head and smile.
‘Well, it’s only a week less than you and Todd have been together,’ I point out, saying it like I really do believe that true love can take hold in a week or two.
Except I don’t. Not at all. There is just no way that Todd and Nikki got together after they broke up with me and Brody. That would be wild, to figure it out in a couple of weeks, fresh out of their perfectly synchronised break-ups. Come on!
‘Go on then, what could you two possibly have in common?’ Todd asks, folding his arms as he leans back in his chair. ‘You hate sport.’
‘So what?’ I reply, shrugging it off.
‘So I didn’t think you’d ever date a professional sportsman,’ Todd says.
I can’t help but turn to look at Brody because I obviously didn’t know that about him. He gives me a wink.
‘I mean, who wouldn’t want to date a professional sportsman?’ I say, turning back to Todd, keeping my game face on.
‘I’m sure Brody won’t mind me saying this,’ Nikki pipes up, ‘given how we’ve all moved on… but he’s the self-proclaimed bad boy of cricket.’
‘No, the press call me that,’ Brody corrects her.
Can that even be a thing? I thought cricketers were sensible and posh. I definitely didn’t think it had bad boys.
‘The point is…’ Nikki continues, looking me in the eye now. ‘…he’ll never settle down. That’s why we broke up.’
‘Okay, come on,’ Kelsey says quickly, nipping it in the bud. ‘It doesn’t matter, does it? We’re all adults here. We can do what we want.’
I need to say something, to speak up for myself, to defend my man, to take control of the situation. And I know just the thing.
‘Maybe he was just waiting for the right girl,’ I suggest as I straighten up my cutlery.
I daren’t even look at Nikki. I’ll bet she’s furious. Serves her right though – both of them – because supposedly they’ve moved on, so why is it me and Brody who are the main topic of conversation?
‘And the right girl is right here,’ Brody adds, reaching out to take my hand. ‘And we have loads in common. Like, the fact that you come to the gym with me every morning without fail. The couple that trains together stays together, don’t they?’
