A Quiet Dissonance, page 5
In one house a man stood with an axe in his hand while a wraith-like figure watched from a window above, motionless and creepy. In another, three witches seemed to cackle over a smoking cauldron.
“Wow! I’ve never seen anything like this.” Anu whispered to one mother walking beside her.
“I have to admit this is definitely better than last year, but people love Halloween here. You wouldn’t know it’s an American festival, the way they carry on.”
“Soon we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving too,” another mother chimed in.
“Nothing wrong with that. The more festivals the merrier, I say.”
“Ummm, do you celebrate Diwali as well?” Anu asked.
“Tivali? Is that the one you do fireworks at? No, not really. But it’s always around Guy Fawkes, isn’t it? Gets very noisy, I have to say.”
“My poor dog just hates it. I wish they’d outlaw all fireworks. It’s just wrong.”
Anu looked over at the children to see how Neha was getting on. She seemed happy to skip along with Rebecca, Sylvie and another girl, exchanging sweets out of their pumpkin-shaped baskets.
Helen saw her watching and laughed.
“They’ll be trading all evening long. That’s half the fun of it. Just be prepared for a sore tummy tomorrow after all that sugar.”
At one house, a man stood ladling mulled wine into paper cups for the frozen adults.
“This is always our last stop. Go on, take one; don’t be shy. You’ll find it helps.” Helen chuckled at her reservations. Never a big drinker, Anu accepted the cup graciously, taking a tentative sip. The warmth spread from her core to her frozen limbs in an instant. This was delicious! She nodded happily to the man, who tilted his head in acknowledgement.
Later, at home, as Neha chatted happily about their walkabout and all the sweets she’d bartered, Anu silently admitted to herself that it had been a very nice evening. Barring the frosty duo of Zoe and Jill, everyone else had been pleasant enough. Maybe they were finally accepting them into the fold of the community?
❖
The Autumn leaves drifted down onto the grass in her garden, copper and gold glinting in the pale morning sunlight. November had brought chilly winds and constant rain in its wake. Anu shivered in her dressing gown, nursing her second cup of coffee for the day.
For the first time in months, Ravi had agreed to take Neha into school, giving Anu the unexpected pleasure of lounging at home in her PJ’s. Today she felt like doing nothing.
A sadness had been coiling within her all week long. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it reminded her of the time that Ravi had come home and found her curled up and sobbing on the floor. Even back then, she’d been unable to articulate why she felt the way she did. It was a sense of being completely and utterly alone in the entire world. Not logical because of course she had her little family, a few friends from her past and the tentative relationships she was building here. But it was a feeling that persisted for days on end.
Today she felt the same feeling rearing its head.
To distract herself, she decided to cook a complicated dish from scratch. But even as she pounded the meat, then spread the masala3 marinade over it, memories pressed upon her, insistent, unwilling to be ignored.
Mama’s laughter, cigarette ends ringed with crimson lipstick, memories of Anu's isolated upbringing and her inability to form friendships with her half-siblings, Nana’s disappointment tingeing everything, Nani’s withdrawal into her religious texts, a childhood of sorrow and silence - wave upon wave of images, sharp and blurred, crashed into one another.
Exhausted, she went to bed, but lay awake recalling her childhood yearning to belong, to be accepted. Had her life been forever tainted by a past she had no control over?
Forcing herself out of bed at 2 p.m. she showered and changed into a bright yellow jumper and blue jeans. Noni had always told her to wear happy colours when she felt sad. As she stepped out of the house to go pick Neha up from school, she noticed a Removals truck parked outside Number 11. Furniture was being carried into the house by men bustling in and out. A young and heavily pregnant woman came out to supervise. Glancing over towards Anu, she gave her a friendly little wave. The new neighbours were finally moving in. Anu waved back with a smile, then got into her car, reversing carefully into the street.
At school she smiled at the few mothers she recognised now, side-stepping Zoe and her clique. Neha came out holding a drawing and looking happy.
“Mummy, look what I made!”
“What’s this baby?” She tried to make sense of the many figures that populated her daughter’s sketch.
“It’s all of us, on Halloween.”
“Oh, of course! I see it now. That’s you as the witch, Jacob as a mummy, and Rebecca and Sylvie as zombies...”
“Mummy, can I please call Sylvie over after school?”
“Umm, yes. Sure, we can do that.” Anu’s mind raced to find an excuse, but settled on nothing. “Has she been playing with you?”
“Yes, mummy. Mrs Pellow made Sylvie sit next to me at story-time and she braided my hair. Look!”
This could be a good thing, Anu thought to herself. Maybe the most popular girl in class could teach her daughter something that Anu couldn’t impart: how to make friends in this new and uncertain world.
“We need to stop by Sainsbury on the way back, Neha. Do you want anything as a snack?”
“Are we picking up milk for Susan again?”
“No,” Anu smiled at her daughter’s recall, “I’m getting flowers for the new neighbours across the street.”
* * *
An hour later, having deposited Neha in front of the television with her milk and biscuits, she walked across to Number 11 with a colourful bouquet. Ringing the bell, she hoped this wouldn’t be seen as an intrusion.
“Hello!” The young woman from before opened the door.
“Hi! I’m Anu from Number 4. Just wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood and wish you well in your new home.”
“That is so sweet of you! What a lovely bunch of flowers.” She smiled at her prettily. “I wish I could call you inside for a cup of tea, but as you can see, the entire house is a mess...”
“Please don’t worry about it. I can’t leave my five-year-old alone in there either,” Anu indicated the partially open front door of her house. “When are you due, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Not till February, but look at me! I’m a whale.”
She was anything but a whale. Tall and slender, with waist-length chestnut brown hair and cornflower blue eyes, she could have stepped out of a woman’s clothing catalogue. She was that pretty.
“I have such a baby brain! I completely forgot to tell you my name. I’m Cathy, the bump is going to be called Melanie, and my fiance’s name is Andrew. You’ll see him this evening. He’s just out sorting last minute stuff.”
“Well, it’s nice meeting you, Cathy. We are pretty new to the area ourselves. I only know Susan two doors down. The rest of the residents are mostly pensioners or working couples, so I have seen little of them.”
“Anoo, right? You’ll just have to come over for a drink once we’re settled in. It’ll be nice to get to know people in the area.”
Anu smiled as she said goodbye. A weight seemed to lift off in the presence of this happy, pretty woman.
A red maple leaf drifted onto her shoulder as she crossed the street, and she cupped it in her hands, placing it gently on the grass. Looking down her tree-lined street - a riot of green, gold, rust and red - her sadness dissipated just as suddenly as it had descended.
* * *
❖
Diwali was late this year, but it also fell on a weekend, so Ravi was home to help her clean up and sort the house out. They had already been to Southall to buy their Indian sweets and the earthen diyas 4she planned to dot around the house. Her grandparents had had a simple tradition of wearing at least one new item on Diwali day. She had bought some colourful bangles for Neha and herself, and Ravi had bought himself a fresh shirt.
As she cooked the vegetarian meal she planned to serve in the evening, Anu hummed to herself. This was the first time they were going to have guests over for Diwali. Cathy, Andy and Susan were coming over for the Lakshmi Puja,5 and staying for dinner and drinks. She so wanted it to go well. If she were honest, she wanted to wow them with a cultural experience beyond their imagination.
Ravi had swooped down on all the fireworks on sale after Guy Fawkes night, the one advantage of Diwali falling later than usual. Anu had taken out her blue silk sari and the kundan jewellery that complemented it. Neha would be in the red and gold lehenga6 they’d purchased in India the last time.
As she draped the sari around her body, she marvelled silently at how it transformed her figure. Plump in her usual uniform of jeans and jumpers, she looked hourglass-like in her sari. Truly, it was a garment meant to enhance and flatter the more generously endowed. She did a twirl in front of the mirror.
“Someone’s happy today,” Ravi grinned from behind her.
“It feels nice to be celebrating something with our neighbours.” She smiled at him in the mirror.
He came over and hugged her from behind.
“I like to see you this way, Anu. Smile more, it suits you.”
She turned around and placed a light kiss on his lips.
“I love you, Ravi.”
“I love you too-too,” he said, using the old code from their early days of marriage.
* * *
They stood in a respectful semi-circle around the little makeshift temple she’d constructed on the side table. Cathy, in a black flowing dress with red roses on the hem, had covered her head with the red shawl Anu had given her for the purpose. Susan had tied a scarf around her head as a mark of respect for the prayers. The men stood at the back with their hands folded, as Ravi had shown all of them.
They watched wide-eyed as she conducted the prayers, singing her bhajans7 in a light, breathy voice. Ravi joined in with his baritone, and as she propitiated Goddess Lakshmi to bless their homes with happiness and prosperity, she wondered what her English neighbours were thinking as she performed the rituals of her festival.
Later, Cathy followed her into the kitchen to help with the snacks.
“It’s so beautiful... the colours, the singing and all these lights. I love what you’re wearing too.”
“Thank you, Cathy. I’d hoped you’d enjoy watching something traditional.”
“It’s fabulous,” she breathed, taking the plate of pakoras8 out to the living room. “Thank you so much for having us over. We still haven’t settled in, but once we do, you have to come over as well.”
In the living room, Ravi was pouring Susan a glass of wine.
“What’s your poison, Andy?”
“What are you drinking, Ravi?”
“This. It’s an Indian rum and I mix it with Coca Cola.” He picked up the bottle from their small bar in the corner.
“Old Monk? Interesting name. Go on, pour me one too. I’ll give it a try.”
Once everyone had their drinks, Anu passed the plate of pakoras around. They sat together chatting and sipping on their drinks.
“I’ve never been to India,” said Susan, “but today I feel as if I’m there.”
The Indian flute music playing in the background added to the ambience of the evening. Anu looked at her sparkling home, the guests in their finery, the diyas twinkling everywhere, Neha sprawled on the floor drawing and felt a deep sense of contentment.
Andy and Ravi seemed to get along well, discussing work, cars, football and world affairs. She turned towards Susan and Cathy, who were chatting quietly in the corner.
“We were planning to get married, but then I found out I was pregnant, so we postponed the wedding. I didn’t want to be waddling down the aisle.”
Anu figured that Susan’s generation probably found the whole children-before-marriage idea pretty unorthodox, but then heard Susan say, “My dear, it’s the most special day of your life. You must do it when you’re ready. Right now you have to prepare for this little one’s arrival.” She leaned forward and patted Cathy’s stomach.
Dinner was an unmitigated success. Andy laughed uproariously when he realised that he’d eaten an entire meal with no meat in it and enjoyed it too.
* * *
That night as Ravi helped her clear up after their guests had left, she said, “Aren’t Cathy and Andy adorable? What a good-looking couple they make. Their baby is going to be beautiful.”
“What say we go make a baby of our own?” He dropped the kitchen towel and pulled her towards him.
Their lovemaking was tender, and Anu hoped they had made a baby again. Neha had been a blessing. Could she hope to get lucky a second time?
* * *
The next day two thank-you cards sat on her floor mat, having dropped in from the letter box. Happily, she skimmed the messages and then displayed them on her shelf for Ravi to read when he got home from work.
It had taken three months, but suddenly she believed she could belong here, amongst people who may not be like her, but liked her nevertheless.
CHAPTER FOUR
Anu’s CRB verification came through exactly six weeks after she had applied for it. The same afternoon she approached Mrs Pellow at the door, after she had finished speaking to another mum.
“Hello Mrs Dhawan. I was hoping to get an opportunity to speak to you. Neha was telling the class about your Diwali celebrations after the girls asked her about the henna patterns on her hand. It sounded wonderful. Maybe someday you could come in and explain your traditions to the children?”
“Actually Mrs Pellow, I wanted to tell you that my CRB check has come through. I can come in to do reading or anything else you’d like.”
“Well now, that is good news. You can liaise with Miss Davenport, our Teaching Assistant. I’m sure she’ll be pleased to get an extra pair of hands on board.”
Mrs Pellow called out to the young, dark-haired woman at the back of the classroom.
Anu got Neha to sit outside the room while she went through the schedule with Miss Davenport.
“Tuesdays at 11 a.m. and Thursdays at 2:30 p.m. are the best times to come in for reading. The other slots have been taken by Mrs Frobisher.” Miss Davenport raised her eyebrows ever so lightly, leading Anu to assume that Zoe Frobisher wasn’t exactly her favourite person. “Are you any good with artsy-craftsy things?”
“Yes, I was a painter in another lifetime. You know, before Neha and all that.” Anu laughed.
“Then I have the perfect project for you! We are going to be making a large mosaic for the outside wall, and perhaps you could help with it?”
“I’d love to!”
“That’s settled, then. Do come in on Thursday. I’ll put you down in the diary.”
* * *
On the walk back to the car, Neha stopped to pick up more leaves for her collection. Anu watched her daughter as she bent to examine a leaf. The two pigtails were a bit askew, her shirt had come untucked from the skirt, there was dirt on her pink coat, and she had lost another glove from the umpteenth pair that Anu had bought her. But for the first time in months, Neha looked happy. The knot around her own heart eased slightly.
* * *
At home, Neha sat quietly at the dining table reading the book assigned as homework. Anu went through her school bag as normal. She smoothened out a crumpled paper invite, reading it to herself.
“Baby, who is Gina Davies?”
“Oh, that’s Sylvie’s best friend.”
“And she’s invited you to her birthday party?”
“She’s invited all the girls, Mummy.”
“But that’s wonderful! Aren’t you happy, baby?”
Neha just shrugged, returning to her book immediately.
This was the first birthday party Neha had been invited to, and Anu wanted to make sure that she got the nicest present she could find. She didn’t want them being labelled as cheapskates, knowing that excessive frugality amongst her own kind often led to that assumption.
* * *
All of Anu’s baking experiments had ended in disaster. Even with all the advice and tips that Susan had offered, often being the guinea pig and sampling the varieties of cakes and bakes from Anu’s kitchen, she still hadn’t mastered this particular skill.
“Susan, the Christmas bake sale is only two days away. What do I do?”
“I think you’re getting unnecessarily bothered. Just buy some cakes and take them with you. What does it matter as long as you’re contributing something?” Susan poured her another cup of tea, offering her a slice of walnut cake.
“But Zoe is so judgy! She’ll just give me one of her looks and I’ll want to crawl back under a rock.”
“Anoo dear, why are you so worried about that woman’s opinion? How does it affect your life?”
“Not my life, but it does affect Neha’s. Zoe’s daughter is the most popular girl in class, and right now she’s being nice to her. So all the other girls are being nice too. If anything upsets that balance then Neha will suffer.”
“I see. Well, the only alternative is that I come over and show you how to bake these cakes, if that is all right with you.”
“Oh Susan, you’re a lifesaver! Please, can you come tomorrow? I’ll buy all the ingredients and have them ready.”
* * *
The next day Susan turned up at 4 p.m. sharp and took her through each step of baking the vanilla cupcakes. When the cakes had cooled, she showed Anu how to layer the different colours of icing inside the piping bag so it swirled out rainbow-like on the cakes. Finally, like a fairy godmother, she sprinkled edible glitter on the cakes, making them look even more beautiful.
“Susan, this is genius! Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you could bake so well?” Anu sighed with happiness, taking another bite of the leftover cupcake.
“Wow! I’ve never seen anything like this.” Anu whispered to one mother walking beside her.
“I have to admit this is definitely better than last year, but people love Halloween here. You wouldn’t know it’s an American festival, the way they carry on.”
“Soon we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving too,” another mother chimed in.
“Nothing wrong with that. The more festivals the merrier, I say.”
“Ummm, do you celebrate Diwali as well?” Anu asked.
“Tivali? Is that the one you do fireworks at? No, not really. But it’s always around Guy Fawkes, isn’t it? Gets very noisy, I have to say.”
“My poor dog just hates it. I wish they’d outlaw all fireworks. It’s just wrong.”
Anu looked over at the children to see how Neha was getting on. She seemed happy to skip along with Rebecca, Sylvie and another girl, exchanging sweets out of their pumpkin-shaped baskets.
Helen saw her watching and laughed.
“They’ll be trading all evening long. That’s half the fun of it. Just be prepared for a sore tummy tomorrow after all that sugar.”
At one house, a man stood ladling mulled wine into paper cups for the frozen adults.
“This is always our last stop. Go on, take one; don’t be shy. You’ll find it helps.” Helen chuckled at her reservations. Never a big drinker, Anu accepted the cup graciously, taking a tentative sip. The warmth spread from her core to her frozen limbs in an instant. This was delicious! She nodded happily to the man, who tilted his head in acknowledgement.
Later, at home, as Neha chatted happily about their walkabout and all the sweets she’d bartered, Anu silently admitted to herself that it had been a very nice evening. Barring the frosty duo of Zoe and Jill, everyone else had been pleasant enough. Maybe they were finally accepting them into the fold of the community?
❖
The Autumn leaves drifted down onto the grass in her garden, copper and gold glinting in the pale morning sunlight. November had brought chilly winds and constant rain in its wake. Anu shivered in her dressing gown, nursing her second cup of coffee for the day.
For the first time in months, Ravi had agreed to take Neha into school, giving Anu the unexpected pleasure of lounging at home in her PJ’s. Today she felt like doing nothing.
A sadness had been coiling within her all week long. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it reminded her of the time that Ravi had come home and found her curled up and sobbing on the floor. Even back then, she’d been unable to articulate why she felt the way she did. It was a sense of being completely and utterly alone in the entire world. Not logical because of course she had her little family, a few friends from her past and the tentative relationships she was building here. But it was a feeling that persisted for days on end.
Today she felt the same feeling rearing its head.
To distract herself, she decided to cook a complicated dish from scratch. But even as she pounded the meat, then spread the masala3 marinade over it, memories pressed upon her, insistent, unwilling to be ignored.
Mama’s laughter, cigarette ends ringed with crimson lipstick, memories of Anu's isolated upbringing and her inability to form friendships with her half-siblings, Nana’s disappointment tingeing everything, Nani’s withdrawal into her religious texts, a childhood of sorrow and silence - wave upon wave of images, sharp and blurred, crashed into one another.
Exhausted, she went to bed, but lay awake recalling her childhood yearning to belong, to be accepted. Had her life been forever tainted by a past she had no control over?
Forcing herself out of bed at 2 p.m. she showered and changed into a bright yellow jumper and blue jeans. Noni had always told her to wear happy colours when she felt sad. As she stepped out of the house to go pick Neha up from school, she noticed a Removals truck parked outside Number 11. Furniture was being carried into the house by men bustling in and out. A young and heavily pregnant woman came out to supervise. Glancing over towards Anu, she gave her a friendly little wave. The new neighbours were finally moving in. Anu waved back with a smile, then got into her car, reversing carefully into the street.
At school she smiled at the few mothers she recognised now, side-stepping Zoe and her clique. Neha came out holding a drawing and looking happy.
“Mummy, look what I made!”
“What’s this baby?” She tried to make sense of the many figures that populated her daughter’s sketch.
“It’s all of us, on Halloween.”
“Oh, of course! I see it now. That’s you as the witch, Jacob as a mummy, and Rebecca and Sylvie as zombies...”
“Mummy, can I please call Sylvie over after school?”
“Umm, yes. Sure, we can do that.” Anu’s mind raced to find an excuse, but settled on nothing. “Has she been playing with you?”
“Yes, mummy. Mrs Pellow made Sylvie sit next to me at story-time and she braided my hair. Look!”
This could be a good thing, Anu thought to herself. Maybe the most popular girl in class could teach her daughter something that Anu couldn’t impart: how to make friends in this new and uncertain world.
“We need to stop by Sainsbury on the way back, Neha. Do you want anything as a snack?”
“Are we picking up milk for Susan again?”
“No,” Anu smiled at her daughter’s recall, “I’m getting flowers for the new neighbours across the street.”
* * *
An hour later, having deposited Neha in front of the television with her milk and biscuits, she walked across to Number 11 with a colourful bouquet. Ringing the bell, she hoped this wouldn’t be seen as an intrusion.
“Hello!” The young woman from before opened the door.
“Hi! I’m Anu from Number 4. Just wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood and wish you well in your new home.”
“That is so sweet of you! What a lovely bunch of flowers.” She smiled at her prettily. “I wish I could call you inside for a cup of tea, but as you can see, the entire house is a mess...”
“Please don’t worry about it. I can’t leave my five-year-old alone in there either,” Anu indicated the partially open front door of her house. “When are you due, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Not till February, but look at me! I’m a whale.”
She was anything but a whale. Tall and slender, with waist-length chestnut brown hair and cornflower blue eyes, she could have stepped out of a woman’s clothing catalogue. She was that pretty.
“I have such a baby brain! I completely forgot to tell you my name. I’m Cathy, the bump is going to be called Melanie, and my fiance’s name is Andrew. You’ll see him this evening. He’s just out sorting last minute stuff.”
“Well, it’s nice meeting you, Cathy. We are pretty new to the area ourselves. I only know Susan two doors down. The rest of the residents are mostly pensioners or working couples, so I have seen little of them.”
“Anoo, right? You’ll just have to come over for a drink once we’re settled in. It’ll be nice to get to know people in the area.”
Anu smiled as she said goodbye. A weight seemed to lift off in the presence of this happy, pretty woman.
A red maple leaf drifted onto her shoulder as she crossed the street, and she cupped it in her hands, placing it gently on the grass. Looking down her tree-lined street - a riot of green, gold, rust and red - her sadness dissipated just as suddenly as it had descended.
* * *
❖
Diwali was late this year, but it also fell on a weekend, so Ravi was home to help her clean up and sort the house out. They had already been to Southall to buy their Indian sweets and the earthen diyas 4she planned to dot around the house. Her grandparents had had a simple tradition of wearing at least one new item on Diwali day. She had bought some colourful bangles for Neha and herself, and Ravi had bought himself a fresh shirt.
As she cooked the vegetarian meal she planned to serve in the evening, Anu hummed to herself. This was the first time they were going to have guests over for Diwali. Cathy, Andy and Susan were coming over for the Lakshmi Puja,5 and staying for dinner and drinks. She so wanted it to go well. If she were honest, she wanted to wow them with a cultural experience beyond their imagination.
Ravi had swooped down on all the fireworks on sale after Guy Fawkes night, the one advantage of Diwali falling later than usual. Anu had taken out her blue silk sari and the kundan jewellery that complemented it. Neha would be in the red and gold lehenga6 they’d purchased in India the last time.
As she draped the sari around her body, she marvelled silently at how it transformed her figure. Plump in her usual uniform of jeans and jumpers, she looked hourglass-like in her sari. Truly, it was a garment meant to enhance and flatter the more generously endowed. She did a twirl in front of the mirror.
“Someone’s happy today,” Ravi grinned from behind her.
“It feels nice to be celebrating something with our neighbours.” She smiled at him in the mirror.
He came over and hugged her from behind.
“I like to see you this way, Anu. Smile more, it suits you.”
She turned around and placed a light kiss on his lips.
“I love you, Ravi.”
“I love you too-too,” he said, using the old code from their early days of marriage.
* * *
They stood in a respectful semi-circle around the little makeshift temple she’d constructed on the side table. Cathy, in a black flowing dress with red roses on the hem, had covered her head with the red shawl Anu had given her for the purpose. Susan had tied a scarf around her head as a mark of respect for the prayers. The men stood at the back with their hands folded, as Ravi had shown all of them.
They watched wide-eyed as she conducted the prayers, singing her bhajans7 in a light, breathy voice. Ravi joined in with his baritone, and as she propitiated Goddess Lakshmi to bless their homes with happiness and prosperity, she wondered what her English neighbours were thinking as she performed the rituals of her festival.
Later, Cathy followed her into the kitchen to help with the snacks.
“It’s so beautiful... the colours, the singing and all these lights. I love what you’re wearing too.”
“Thank you, Cathy. I’d hoped you’d enjoy watching something traditional.”
“It’s fabulous,” she breathed, taking the plate of pakoras8 out to the living room. “Thank you so much for having us over. We still haven’t settled in, but once we do, you have to come over as well.”
In the living room, Ravi was pouring Susan a glass of wine.
“What’s your poison, Andy?”
“What are you drinking, Ravi?”
“This. It’s an Indian rum and I mix it with Coca Cola.” He picked up the bottle from their small bar in the corner.
“Old Monk? Interesting name. Go on, pour me one too. I’ll give it a try.”
Once everyone had their drinks, Anu passed the plate of pakoras around. They sat together chatting and sipping on their drinks.
“I’ve never been to India,” said Susan, “but today I feel as if I’m there.”
The Indian flute music playing in the background added to the ambience of the evening. Anu looked at her sparkling home, the guests in their finery, the diyas twinkling everywhere, Neha sprawled on the floor drawing and felt a deep sense of contentment.
Andy and Ravi seemed to get along well, discussing work, cars, football and world affairs. She turned towards Susan and Cathy, who were chatting quietly in the corner.
“We were planning to get married, but then I found out I was pregnant, so we postponed the wedding. I didn’t want to be waddling down the aisle.”
Anu figured that Susan’s generation probably found the whole children-before-marriage idea pretty unorthodox, but then heard Susan say, “My dear, it’s the most special day of your life. You must do it when you’re ready. Right now you have to prepare for this little one’s arrival.” She leaned forward and patted Cathy’s stomach.
Dinner was an unmitigated success. Andy laughed uproariously when he realised that he’d eaten an entire meal with no meat in it and enjoyed it too.
* * *
That night as Ravi helped her clear up after their guests had left, she said, “Aren’t Cathy and Andy adorable? What a good-looking couple they make. Their baby is going to be beautiful.”
“What say we go make a baby of our own?” He dropped the kitchen towel and pulled her towards him.
Their lovemaking was tender, and Anu hoped they had made a baby again. Neha had been a blessing. Could she hope to get lucky a second time?
* * *
The next day two thank-you cards sat on her floor mat, having dropped in from the letter box. Happily, she skimmed the messages and then displayed them on her shelf for Ravi to read when he got home from work.
It had taken three months, but suddenly she believed she could belong here, amongst people who may not be like her, but liked her nevertheless.
CHAPTER FOUR
Anu’s CRB verification came through exactly six weeks after she had applied for it. The same afternoon she approached Mrs Pellow at the door, after she had finished speaking to another mum.
“Hello Mrs Dhawan. I was hoping to get an opportunity to speak to you. Neha was telling the class about your Diwali celebrations after the girls asked her about the henna patterns on her hand. It sounded wonderful. Maybe someday you could come in and explain your traditions to the children?”
“Actually Mrs Pellow, I wanted to tell you that my CRB check has come through. I can come in to do reading or anything else you’d like.”
“Well now, that is good news. You can liaise with Miss Davenport, our Teaching Assistant. I’m sure she’ll be pleased to get an extra pair of hands on board.”
Mrs Pellow called out to the young, dark-haired woman at the back of the classroom.
Anu got Neha to sit outside the room while she went through the schedule with Miss Davenport.
“Tuesdays at 11 a.m. and Thursdays at 2:30 p.m. are the best times to come in for reading. The other slots have been taken by Mrs Frobisher.” Miss Davenport raised her eyebrows ever so lightly, leading Anu to assume that Zoe Frobisher wasn’t exactly her favourite person. “Are you any good with artsy-craftsy things?”
“Yes, I was a painter in another lifetime. You know, before Neha and all that.” Anu laughed.
“Then I have the perfect project for you! We are going to be making a large mosaic for the outside wall, and perhaps you could help with it?”
“I’d love to!”
“That’s settled, then. Do come in on Thursday. I’ll put you down in the diary.”
* * *
On the walk back to the car, Neha stopped to pick up more leaves for her collection. Anu watched her daughter as she bent to examine a leaf. The two pigtails were a bit askew, her shirt had come untucked from the skirt, there was dirt on her pink coat, and she had lost another glove from the umpteenth pair that Anu had bought her. But for the first time in months, Neha looked happy. The knot around her own heart eased slightly.
* * *
At home, Neha sat quietly at the dining table reading the book assigned as homework. Anu went through her school bag as normal. She smoothened out a crumpled paper invite, reading it to herself.
“Baby, who is Gina Davies?”
“Oh, that’s Sylvie’s best friend.”
“And she’s invited you to her birthday party?”
“She’s invited all the girls, Mummy.”
“But that’s wonderful! Aren’t you happy, baby?”
Neha just shrugged, returning to her book immediately.
This was the first birthday party Neha had been invited to, and Anu wanted to make sure that she got the nicest present she could find. She didn’t want them being labelled as cheapskates, knowing that excessive frugality amongst her own kind often led to that assumption.
* * *
All of Anu’s baking experiments had ended in disaster. Even with all the advice and tips that Susan had offered, often being the guinea pig and sampling the varieties of cakes and bakes from Anu’s kitchen, she still hadn’t mastered this particular skill.
“Susan, the Christmas bake sale is only two days away. What do I do?”
“I think you’re getting unnecessarily bothered. Just buy some cakes and take them with you. What does it matter as long as you’re contributing something?” Susan poured her another cup of tea, offering her a slice of walnut cake.
“But Zoe is so judgy! She’ll just give me one of her looks and I’ll want to crawl back under a rock.”
“Anoo dear, why are you so worried about that woman’s opinion? How does it affect your life?”
“Not my life, but it does affect Neha’s. Zoe’s daughter is the most popular girl in class, and right now she’s being nice to her. So all the other girls are being nice too. If anything upsets that balance then Neha will suffer.”
“I see. Well, the only alternative is that I come over and show you how to bake these cakes, if that is all right with you.”
“Oh Susan, you’re a lifesaver! Please, can you come tomorrow? I’ll buy all the ingredients and have them ready.”
* * *
The next day Susan turned up at 4 p.m. sharp and took her through each step of baking the vanilla cupcakes. When the cakes had cooled, she showed Anu how to layer the different colours of icing inside the piping bag so it swirled out rainbow-like on the cakes. Finally, like a fairy godmother, she sprinkled edible glitter on the cakes, making them look even more beautiful.
“Susan, this is genius! Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you could bake so well?” Anu sighed with happiness, taking another bite of the leftover cupcake.
