A Quiet Dissonance, page 22
This was the most that Varsha bua had ever told her about her past. Anu stayed silent out of respect for this confession, unwilling to break this sudden mood between them.
“Whatever your Mama did or didn’t do, remember she was only human. Forgive her if you can. It will make your path ahead easier.”
Anu blew on the tea and took a cautious sip. Her eyes filled with tears that she tried hard to blink back.
“Anu beta, you have always been very reserved with me, and I cannot blame you. I think I judged you harshly in the beginning without knowing what lay behind your diffidence. Over the years, Ravi has told me a few things. But last night, before your arrival, he called and explained it all to me.” She placed a hand on Anu’s shoulder. “I lost my mother young, but you never had one even while she lived. And now, you have lost her once again. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but beta, please believe me when I say, you will survive this.”
❖
The taxi took them through the leafy boulevards of Central Delhi towards the Arya Samaj Mandir 5where the prayer meet was to be held. Anu and Varsha bua sat at the back, each lost in their own thoughts.
The cool morning had given way to warmer weather as the sun rose in the sky. Delhi had started waking up, and as they fought the rush hour traffic at 10 a.m. Anu watched the passing scenes with a disembodied interest.
Over-crowded bus stops awaited over-crowded buses. People were clinging on for dear life out of doorways on the heaving buses, whilst others fought for a foothold as the bus moved away, leaving hordes of frustrated passengers behind. A woman stopped to fix a broken chappal,6 while two friends cycling side-by-side conducted a leisurely conversation as motorists honked angrily behind them. Vegetable hawkers pushed their trolleys with weary resignation, labourers squatted in front of an unfinished building waiting for the thekedar 7to arrive. Some men walked with purpose towards their destination while others loitered aimlessly. Car horns sounded between the hubbub of conversation and music blared out of an auto-rickshaw. Peddlers called out, inviting people to sample their wares. Maids rushed from one house to another to complete their morning chores.
The hum and throb of daily living surrounded them as they journeyed on to honour the dead. Anu had once belonged to this city, her life in sync with its rhythm. Now it seemed like a distant entity, at once attracting and repelling her with its chaos, its noise, its overpowering identity.
The driver turned left through a gateway, signalling that they had arrived. As she disembarked, she wondered where her mother had gone to. Had she finally found the peace that had eluded her her entire lifetime?
* * *
Nirav stood outside the hall, speaking to someone on his mobile phone. Dressed in a white kurta-pyjama8, he waved absently to her as she entered. Inside, the hall was cool and dark. Clusters of people stood around talking to each other. Right next to a small dais, a marigold garland adorned a large photograph of Mama. Anu went up to it, curious to see which picture they had selected. Mama must have been in her thirties, still strikingly beautiful, perhaps married to the girls’ father then. Dressed in a pink sari, she smiled out of the frame, the smile not reaching her eyes. Had she already been planning her escape then - from the arms of one lover to another, far, far away from the responsibilities that homes and children entailed?
“Isn’t she beautiful?” Kaveri said.
Anu turned around and hugged her younger sister. “You look so much like her, Kav.”
“How are you, didi9? You look exhausted.”
“I am. Thank you for organising all this.”
“Bhaiyyas10 did it. We’ve organised the family lunch afterwards. You are coming?”
“Yes, of course I am. Isn’t the will going to be read afterwards?”
“We already know that the Nainital house is going to the boys. The jewellery and saris have to be split between us. Mama told us all the time.”
“When did you see her last?”
“She came down to Delhi briefly last year, but wouldn’t come to any of our homes. We had to pay obeisance to her at The Imperial Hotel. You know what she was like... ”
“Was she back with him?”
“Abhishek? Who knows? She didn’t mention him then. But just be warned that he is here.”
“Oh.”
Just then Kriti came up and hugged Anu.
“Glad you could make it, didi. We were worried that with Neha being so young, you wouldn’t be able to come.”
Nitin and Nirav came over to her as well. Talking in an undertone, they told them to take their places at the front as extended family, Mama’s friends and acquaintances from over the years started filling the hall.
“Who would have thought she was this popular?” Nitin remarked, scanning the room with one raised eyebrow.
“How many jilted lovers here, do you think?” Nirav grinned at them.
It was ironic how for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was bonding with her siblings. It had taken a death for them to band in this way. Anu felt her grief dilute itself with tentative hope.
* * *
The Arya Samaj was an institution that was formed in 1875 by Maharishi Dayanand Saraswati. Its purpose was to move the Hindu Dharma away from superstition, idolatry and all forms of social oppression, and take it back to a more simple, logical and contemporary thinking on God and spirituality based upon the teachings of the Vedas. Anu’s maternal grandparents had been Arya Samajis, and although Mama had displayed no spiritual leanings, it was only fitting that her prayer-meet be conducted here.
The priest was a man of around forty dressed in a simple green khadi kurta11 and white pyjama, a red pen sticking out of his kurta pocket. As he spoke about death, karma, samsara and reincarnation, Anu drifted into a dreamlike state, where his words washed over her, but her mind wandered through the annals of her past, memories of her mother pressing upon her. Mama laughing, Mama angry, Mama remote and unreachable. Moments that were vivid and faded strung themselves together until she halted at that last image of her mother at the train station, seeing her off. Could either of them have known then that that would be the last time they saw each other? Would it have mattered?
Quite without knowing how, the tears came unbidden. She felt Kriti squeeze her hand and looked over to see her own sorrow reflected in her sister’s face. She squeezed her hand back in acknowledgement.
* * *
Varsha bua called for a taxi, heading back home.
“This is a family lunch Anu. No place for me there. I’ll see you later.”
Anu got into a car with Nitin, her eldest sibling, the one she knew the least.
“Bhaiyya, what do you make of the maid’s story?” she asked tentatively, not sure how he’d respond.
“Rubbish! You don’t want to get into all this conspiracy nonsense now, Anu. Mama’s dead and that’s all there is to it.”
She stared out of the window as he drove her to the restaurant, his own wife and kids having gone home too. Maybe he was right. What was the point in lending credence to a story none of them had any way of proving?
* * *
❖
“We chose a Chinese restaurant because it was her favourite food.” Kriti announced, leading them to the table that said ‘Reserved.’
“Remember all the birthdays where she insisted we started every meal with chicken sweet corn soup?” Nirav asked.
“Only because she loved it!” Kaveri supplied, pulling out her chair.
“That was the only time all of us met up, on Mama’s birthdays.” Anu noted, softly.
“Yes, she never really gave us a chance to get to know one another.”
Nitin and Nirav’s father had remarried, as had Kriti and Kaveri’s. Aside from the girls’ father, who had attended the prayer meet, none of the other parents had come. Anu looked at the extra chair at the table.
“Are we expecting someone else?”
“Mama’s lawyer. We thought it would be better to meet in informal surroundings. He was insistent we meet today.”
“Did he say why?”
“No, but we can ask him now. There he is.”
A bald, rotund man walked in, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a large, white handkerchief.
“Mr Madan,” Nirav called out to him. “Here, here. We’ve saved this seat for you. You will join us for lunch, right? No, no, we insist! Please sit here.”
Mr Madan squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. His voice was high-pitched, an unexpected contrast to his person.
“Thank you, but I cannot stay. All I’ve come to tell you is that your mother, Mrs Chauhan, had changed her will last year.”
“Changed her will? What do you mean?”
“She came to see me in October when she was here. It’s quite simple,” he cleared his throat noisily. “She left everything - the house, her personal effects, her jewellery and clothes to Abhishek Gulati, her partner of the last few years.”
There was pin-drop silence at the table. Anu looked around at the shocked faces of her siblings.
“Uh, Mr Madan, did she say why?”
“No, I’m sorry, but she didn’t. She was very insistent that I tell all of you together, which is why it was important to meet you today.”
“So, nothing? She’s left us nothing?”
“Anything she may have given you in her lifetime is yours to keep, of course. But, nothing else, I’m afraid.”
Nirav started laughing.
“Oh Mama, you just had to find one other way to show us how little we meant to you!”
“I must get going now.” Mr Madan stood up. “I’ll leave you a copy of the will to look at. The original will stay with me.”
Numbly, they watched him leave.
“Chicken sweet corn soup, anyone?” Kriti asked.
“He has to have been behind it. That scoundrel, Abhishek!” Nitin exploded. “He must have brainwashed her, gotten her to change the will and then poisoned her before we got wind of it.”
“But bhaiyya, you’d said that the poisoning theory was nonsense!” Kaveri pointed out.
“Because there was no motive! Now, there is a motive, don’t you see?”
Anu watched them discuss things angrily, their voices rising in a babble. Once again she felt herself excluded. She had wanted nothing from her mother except love, and that she’d never had. What did it matter if she had written them out of their inheritance too?
* * *
Lunch had been a silent affair, with the food ordered hurriedly and consumed half-heartedly. A pall of gloom hung over them as they explored the various options ahead.
“We could challenge the will.” Nitin said.
“How? It’s clear that’s why she came down last year, so it’s not like she was being influenced by anyone. He didn’t come down with her.” Nirav countered.
“I suggest we meet with Abhishek,” Kaveri reasoned. “Let’s get to hear his side of things. Suss out just how much he knows.”
“I’ll call him to the club tomorrow. Let’s get the bastard drunk!”
Anu looked at all of them. The anger and vitriol she understood, but why had no one spoken of their memories of Mama? Could it be that they had none to share?
* * *
Abhishek was only a few years older than Nitin and had been a very handsome man when Mama had first started dating him. Now, he looked seedy, his days-old stubble adding to the general dishevelment of his appearance. He’d flung an old jacket on top of his checked shirt and jeans in a nod to the club’s dress policies. When Anu arrived, he was already a few whiskeys down.
Nitin had ordered platefuls of kebabs, and Abhishek was biting into a tangdi kebab12 when she arrived, the orange juices running down his chin. She caught Kaveri’s delicate shudder as she folded her hands together in a namaste to greet her mother’s lover.
“Anu! So nice to see you,” he boomed. “Missed you the last time you came to Nainital.”
She nodded, keeping her smile neutral. Had they already pumped him for information or was this still the softening-up stage?
Accepting her gin and tonic, Anu leaned back on the sofa, waiting to see how this developed. Ravi’s words from last night still rung in her ears. “Anu, you need nothing. Don’t get involved. You’ve done what you had to do, now just come back. We miss you.”
“So, Benares, hey? You are really planning to take her ashes there?”
“That’s the Hindu vidhi.13”
“But Mala couldn’t care less, you know that! You could scatter her ashes under some anonymous tree and she’d be just as happy with that.” Abhishek chuckled.
“You knew Mama the most out of all of us, didn’t you, Abhishek?” Kaveri probed gently.
He grinned at her, revealing browned teeth. “I knew her all right - in more ways than one.”
“When, ummm, did she decide to change her will?” Kaveri asked, ignoring his tasteless remark.
He took the napkin, wiped his hands carefully, then took a big glug of the whiskey, letting out a noisy belch, delighted to see the women flinch.
“Ah! So it's down to business now, I see.” He surveyed the room. “I wondered how long it would take.”
❖
“Such selfish brats all of you are, just as she’d said.” He sneered at them . “Look at you, gathered like vultures, wanting to pick her apart. Who was there with her in her last days? Who? Me, that’s who! Who took care of her? Me! And now you’re questioning why she left everything to me.”
“Abhishek, we just want to know when she decided this?” Kaveri asked politely. Anu could see Nitin clenching his fist, his face turning white in anger.
“When? What does it matter when? It was all done legally. That motu14 showed you the will, didn’t he?” Abhishek looked around at them.
Nirav spoke slowly, biting out each word.
“So, you’ve got your claws into the property. At least let the girls have Mama’s jewellery and saris.”
“There is no jewellery left. She sold it all to pay for the upkeep of the house, and all her medical bills.”
“More like you sold it, Abhishek.” Kriti lashed out.
He leaned back once more, using a toothpick to clean his teeth.
“I didn’t expect these two to be nice to me,” he said, glancing at the men, “but I expected better from you.”
Sighing, he dropped the toothpick on the table.
“I’ve brought some saris that your mother had set aside for you three. You can sort them out between yourselves.”
He kicked a duffle bag over in Kriti’s direction.
Then he stood up and looked at Nitin and Nirav, who glared back at him.
“You both are well off enough. What did you need that villa for, anyway? Mala’s memories linger there. Let me live in peace and quiet with those.”
“You liar! Murderer!” Nitin’s control snapped as he jumped up, reached over and grabbed Abhishek’s collar. “You gave her something, didn’t you? The maid was right. You poisoned her!”
Abhishek threw his hand off, staggering back.
“Don’t touch me, you chutiya15! Never try to get in touch with me again. I have lawyers too, and I’ll wrangle you in so many cases you’ll spend a lifetime fighting them!”
Then he adjusted his jacket, gave them one last smirk and walked out.
* * *
“It was ugly, Ravi!” Anu sobbed into the phone. “And the worst part is that we got no answers at all. Nothing to tell us why Mama did what she did, and if she was really murdered. He certainly seems capable of it.”
“Anu, shhh, calm down. Surely the doctor wouldn’t have provided a death certificate if it was murder?”
“Ravi, he could have bribed him for all we know!”
“Anu, listen, these are all theories. You have nothing but the maid’s words to go on. No matter what you say or do at this juncture, your mother is not going to return. Let it go. Leave that entire sorry mess behind and come home.”
“Y…yes, I’m packing right now.”
“How are your brothers and sisters doing?”
“Everyone is in shock. Nitin is so furious with Mama that he keeps regurgitating everything from the past. The girls have just withdrawn once more. But we went through all the saris Abhishek had brought down from Nainital.”
“Did you take any?”
“Just one. The one she got married to my father in.”
* * *
❖
As the plane took off from Delhi, Anu looked outside the window, watching the city lights recede. Unlike her brothers and sisters, she felt no anger towards Mama. She couldn’t pretend to understand her motives, but for what it was worth, this entire episode had brought her a little closer to her half-siblings. All of them had come to see her off at the airport, promising to stay in touch, to meet and call more often. She took consolation from the fact that what Mama couldn’t do in her life - bond them as a family - she had accomplished in her death.
Varsha bua had been a tower of strength, quietly helping Anu pack, buying the few extra things that Anu hadn’t had the time to shop for, and trying to remain discreet with her opinions. This new side of hers warmed Anu towards her. There was a sense of new bridges being built with the people she’d always assumed to be on a different shore from her.
As she closed her eyes to drop off to sleep, she recalled her mother’s face from the picture. How beautiful she had been, and how troubled too. She just hoped that Abhishek had given her some kind of happiness in her later years. And if he had, then he deserved whatever she’d bequeathed him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Neha clung to her the entire evening of her return.
