Filthy English, page 42
Clovers, The, 1(‘The Dirty Rotten Cocksuckers’ Ball’)
Cock Lane, 1(author pays visit)
Cocker, Jarvis, 1 (cunt)
Cormier, Zoe, 1
‘con’, 1
(vs ‘cunt’), 1(vs ‘vagin’ and ‘moyen’)
Coward, Noël, 1 (fanny)
Crouch End, 1 (author eats breakfast there)
Croydon, 1 (dwarf-throwing and breast size)
Czech, 1
(masturbation), 1
(clitoris), 1 (racial slurs)
Dahl, Roald, 1 (twat)
Daily Mirror, 1 (paraphrases Macbeth)
Dalmatian, 1 (clitoris)
‘darkie’, 1 (as used in educational limerick)
Deadwood, 1 (sets ‘fuck’ record)
Decline Of Western Civilization, The, 1 (‘Eat my fuck!’)
Dennis, Felix, 1 (behaves ‘abominably’)
Dickinson, Emily, 1 (pink and lacy vulva)
Doherty, Mick, 1 (caca)
Donne, John, 1 (cunt)
Douglas, John, 1
(changes course of US broadcasting)
Dunbar, William, 1
(first fuck), 1
(‘cunt-beten’), 1 (‘schit but wit’)
Dury, Ian, 1
(buttocks, disabled), 1
(arsehole, bastard, fucking cunt and prick), 1 (inspires author)
Dutch, 1
(vagina), 1
(testicles), 1
(faeces), 1
(cancer), 1 (vagina)
Dylan, Bob, 1
(masturbation), 1 (mother)
Edmonton, 1(author’s sexuality questioned)
Egyptian (ancient) 1 (donkey penises)
Egyptian (modern), 1 (whore)
Elizabeth I, 1 (purple vulva)
Emin, Tracey, 1 (cunt)
Esperanto, 1 (‘fuck you’)
Faithfull, Marianne, 1
(cunt first), 1 (cunt on record)
‘fanny’, 1
Farsi, 1
(cunt), 1
(fart), 1 (mother insult)
Fearnley-Whittingstall, Hugh, 1
(lunches at Cock Tavern), 1 (explains ‘felching’ to author)
Ferdinand, Rio, 1 (‘faggot’)
Ferenczi, Sandor, 1(views on obscene words)
Ferguson, Sir Alex, 1n (‘shit’)
Finnish, 1
(homosexuals), 1(vagina)
Florio, John, 1 (fuck)
Fortunatas, 1 (fucked Anthusa in Pompeii, c. 79CE)
Frankel, Dolly, 1 (considers author’s accent common)
French, 1
(vagina) 1
(breasts), 1
(vagina and penis), 1
(buttocks), 1
(menstruation), 1
(faeces), 1n
(disability insult), 1
(mother insult), 1
(whore), 1n
(bread), 1
(oral sex), 1
(sex between a woman’s breasts), 1
(condom), 1
(source of venereal infection, claim English), 1n
(kissing, with tongues), 1
(vagina), 1 (exclamatory euphemism)
French Connection, 1
(becomes FCUK), 1(stops being FCUK)
Freud, Sigmund, 1
(dream of sausages and purses), 1
(has problem with ‘sons’), 1(visits Coney Island)
Frost Programme, The, 1(first cunt)
Fugs, 1 (‘fuck’ on record)
Gass, William, 1n (chooses ‘another cunt’)
Gavron, Assaf, 1(Hebrew swearing)
Georgian, 1
(breasts), 1
(testicles), 1 (male vs female sexuality)
German, 1
(masturbation), 1
(breasts), 1
(clitoris), 1
(urination), 1
(faeces), 1
(condom), 1
(pig dog), 1
(vagina), 1 (vagina)
Gilbert and George, 1 (cunt, shit, bugger, cock)
Glitter, Gary, 1n (toilet)
God, 1
(destroys five cities), 1 (‘silly sod’)
Golden Globes, 1 (‘fucking brilliant’)
Grant, Cary, 1(gay)
Greek, classical, 1
(hangover cure), 1 (racial slur)
Greek, modern, 1 (religious and sexual swear)
Greer, Germaine, 1
(cunt), 1 (cunt)
Gresswell, Lucinda, 1 (‘scuzzbag’)
Gropecunt Lane, 1
(history and location), 1 (author pays visit)
Grose, Francis, 1
(‘a nasty thing’), 1 (‘money’)
Grundy, Bill, 1 (‘sod’, ‘bastard’, ‘fucker’)
Guardian, 1,
(fuck, shit, cunt) 1
(first fuck), 1
(first cunt), 1 (cunt and fuck)
Harrison, Rex, 1n (‘shit’)
Hartley, Mark, 1
(mother insult), 1 (bans ‘your mum’)
Haughey, Charlie, 1 (‘cute hoor’)
HBO, 1
(‘fuck’), 1 (‘cunt’)
Hebrew, 1
(foreplay), 1
(breasts), 1
(mother insult), 1
(homosexuals), 1n
(kissing, with tongues), 1
Hell, Richard, 1 (nigger)
Hemel Hempstead, 1 (author learns to swear)
Hildegard of Bingen, 1 (stained glass vulva)
Hindi, 1 (mother insult)
Hooson, Rob, 1 (cunt)
Humphries, Barry, 1
(masturbation), 1(homosexuals)
Hungarian, 1
(mother insult), 1
(anal insertion), 1
(whore), 1 (vagina)
Hunt, Berkeley, 1 (cunt)
Hunt, Charlie, 1 (cunt)
Indonesian, 1 (oral sex)
infixing, 1 (absofuckinglutely)
Inspector, Yoram, 1
Italian, 1
(masturbation), 1
(clitoris), 1
(penises), 1
(faeces), 1
(oral sex), 1
(sex between a woman’s breasts, oral sex), 1
(pigs, the devil), 1
(disease), 1
(vagina, penis, homosexual), 1
(two pigs), 1 (vagina)
iTunes, 1
(‘fuck’ statistics), 1 (‘cunt’ statistics)
Jackson, Millie, 1n (‘Phuck U Symphony’)
Jack Straw’s Castle (London), 1(cunt)
Jacobson, Howard, 1 (‘motherfucker’)
Jamaican, 1
(‘a fuckery dat’), 1
(vagina), 1
(buttocks), 1
(sperm), 1
(sanitary towel), 1(homosexuals)
Janowski, Damian, 1 (‘the cunt of the female parrot’)
Japanese, 1
(masturbation), 1
(orgasm), 1
(oral sex), 1
(vagina), 1 (fart)
Jean-Charles, Jean, 1
(‘your mum’), 1
John, Elton, 1
(cunt), 1 (cunt)
Johnny and the Hurricanes, 1 (introduce author to sexuality in popular music)
Jones, Steve, 1,
(‘dirty sod’, ‘dirty old man’, ‘dirty bastard’, ‘dirty fucker’), 1 (‘Never Mind the Bollocks’)
Jordan, Pearl, 1
(‘your mum’), 1 (‘nigger’)
Kali, 1 (purple and white vulva)
Keane, Roy, 1 (‘English cunt’)
Kennedy, John F, 1 (‘prick’)
Kingston, Kate, 1 (Slit)
Knightley, Keira, 1 (‘fuck off’, ‘shit person’, ‘absolute cunt’)
Kray twins, 1 (and author’s grandmother)
Kuntz, Fred, 1 (edits family newspaper)
Lacan, Jacques, 1n (‘un con’)
Lady Chatterley’s Lover, 1
(fuck, cunt), 1
(cunt), 1 (penis name)
Lane, Thomas, 1
Latin, 1
(swears), 1
(vagina, clitoris), 1
(vagina and penis), 1 (oral sex)
Le Fanu, Sheridan, 1 (fuck)
Lemmon, Jack, 1n (‘cocksucking motherfucker’)
Ligurian, 1 (vagina)
Lithuanian, 1 (religious swear)
Logan, Nick, 1 (cunt)
Love Thy Neighbour, 1
MacColl, Kirsty, 1 (‘faggot’)
Macedonian, 1 (mother insult)
MacGowan, Shane, 1
(shite), 1 (‘faggot’)
MacNeice, Louis, 1 (‘a bit of skirt in a taxi’)
Maori, 1
(clitoris), 1 (penis)
Madeley, Richard, 1(wanker)
Mailer, Norman, 1
(fugger), 1
(can’t spell fuck), 1
(white nigger), 1 (‘intellectual treat’)
Manning, Bernard, 1 (****, **********, ****)
Marvell, Andrew, 1 (cunt)
mat (Russian language), 1
Maugham, Somerset, 1(arse)
Maxwell, Robert, 1n (‘shit’)
Mayes, Ian, 1
(‘fuck-free’), 1
(as Guardian’s arbiter of swearing), 1 (internationally isolated)
Menominee, 1
(clitoris), 1 (testicular insult)
McVitie, Jack, 1 (murdered next door to author’s grandmother)
Memphis Minnie, 1
(penis song), 1 (motherfucker song)
Mexican Spanish, 1
(masturbation), 1
(breasts), 1
(penises), 1
(testicles), 1
(menstruation), 1
(legitimacy insult), 1
(lesbians), 1
(vagina), 1
(illegitimacy insult), 1 (racial slur)
Mitchell, David, 1 (‘fuck-up’, ‘pile of shit’)
Monkees, The, 1(‘Randy Scouse Git’)
Morton, Jelly Roll, 1(runs club, records sex songs)
Moyles, Chris, 1 (‘faggot’)
Mozart, 1(coprographia)
Murdoch, Rupert, 1 (occasions increase in fucking)
Musico, Inga, 1 (onevegetarian lesbian, cunt)
Myerscough, Morag, 1(cunt)
National Theatre, 1 (‘cunt’)
Neidhart, Tanja, 1
New York Times, 1 (no ‘faggot’, no ‘nigger’, no ‘shit’)
Newsweek, 1 (no ‘pussy’)
Nicholson, Jack, 1
(cunt) ‘nigger’, 1
(worse than masturbation), 1
(not in Stoke Newington), 1
Nil By Mouth, 1(swearing record)
Nitecka, Agata, 1, 2
Noah, 1(has sex with daughters)
Norden, Denis, 1
(first fuck), 1n
(rhyming cunt), 1(bleeper)
Norwegian, 1
(‘Fuck Deg’), 1 (devil)
Nottingham, 1 (bollocks)
O’Keefe, Georgia, 1 (vulva)
Oedipus, 1
(universality of complex), 1
(fuck), 1
(cunt), 1
(legitimacy insult), 1 (applicability in China)
Ofcom, 1, 2
(reports on language and sexual imagery), 1 (investigates and reports on answerphone message)
Old English, 1
(judges), 1 (penis),
Old Norse, 1
(fuck), 1
(cunt), 1
(twat), 1 (shit)
Olins, Ben, 1 (‘quite shocking to my young ears’)
Oliven, Tamara, 1 (vagina)
Orr, Deborah, 1
(cunt), 1 (vulva)
Oz magazine, 1 (complaint about absence of fuck)
‘paki’, 1
(worse than masturbation), 1 (preferred to Turkishness)
Pearce, Vicky, 1 (‘cunt’, ‘fuck’)
Penavin, Dr Olga, 1 (links swearing with capitalism)
Penzance, 1 (assertion of sex with animal)
Phair, Liz, 1 (‘fuck you like a dog’)
Philadelphia, 1 (‘motherfuckin’ sons of bitches’)
Pillet, Ariel H, 1
(breasts), 1
(mother insult), 1 (geographical insult)
Polari, 1
(‘charver’), 1 (genitalia, hairdresser, Morrissey)
Polish, 1
(swearing on London buses), 1
(breasts), 1n
(disability insult), 1
(vs English and French), 1
(disease), 1(whore insult)
Portalington, County Laois, 1
(fuck this, fuck that), 1 (gobshite)
Portman, Natalie, 1
(cunt), 1 (maternal vagina insult)
Portuguese, 1
(foreplay), 1
(vagina), 1
(vagina, penis), 1
(menstruation), 1
(legitimacy insult), 1
(prostitute’s service), 1n (kissing, with tongues)
Pret a Manger, see Gropecunt Lane
Punch magazine, 1 (author fails to prevent obscenity)
Punjabi, 1 (mother insult)
Québécois — see Sacré
Radford, Tim, 1 (cunt)
Rambali, Paul, 1n
(‘more exciting in English’), 1n
(bastard), 1 (attends football match)
Rankin, 1 (cunt)
Rawlins, Charlotte, 1(cunt)
rhyming slang, 1
(vagina), 1
(paedophile and toilet), 1
(penis, teeth, hair, buttocks, breasts), 1
(vagina, penis, erection, breasts, homosexuals), 1
(urine, gin, mistaken), 1
(buttocks, faeces), 1 (person with special needs)
Robbins, Ira, 1 (dick)
Roberts, Julia, 1 (cunt)
Robinson, Dave, 1 (finds label name in Kensington pub)
Robson, Richard, 1 (‘putain’)
Rock, Chris, 1(‘motherfucker’)
Romanian, 1
(breasts), 1
(penises), 1
(mother insult), 1
(clitoris insult), 1
(oral sex), 1 (whore)
Ross, Jonathan, 1 (complained about)
Russian, 1 (oral sex) — also see mat
Rykener, John, 1 (has sex in market)
Sachs, Andrew, 1 (complains)
Sacré, 1
(faeces), 1
(religion-based swearing), 1
St Augustine, 1 (shit and piss)
Samoan, 1 (clitoris)
Sanchez, Hugo, 1 (insult)
sausages, see Freud, Sigmund
Scarlett, Mariella, 1 (pig)
Scunthorpe, 1(has problem)
Serbian, 1
(‘I fuck your God’), 1
(whore), 1 (vagina)
Sex and the City, 1 (features ‘cunt’)
Sex Pistols, 1
(swearing on TV) 1
(masturbation on vinyl), 1
(Bollocks in shop window), 1
(‘shit’, ‘shithouse’), 1
(‘lazy sod’), 1
(‘screaming bloody fucking mess’), 1(Never Mind the Bollocks)
Shakespeare, William, 1
(in tabloid newspaper), 1
(fuck pun), 25
(sex joke), 1
(cunt joke), 1
(cunt and piss joke, vaginal pun), 1
(wanker), 1
(penis joke), 1
(penis joke), 1
(penis joke), 1
(bum joke), 1
(in ‘shitting’ graffito), 1
(legitimacy insult), 1
(and Ian Dury), 1
(Russian penis insult used for Hamlet), 1 (‘foul-mouthed’)
Silverman, Sarah, 1 (swears, wets bed, fucks Matt Damon)
Skinners’ School, 1 (toilet)
Sklar, Jonathan, 1 (‘mind-fuck’)
Slovene, 1 (vagina)
Sobule, Jill, 1 (offers own bush for presidency)
Sounds magazine, 1 (employs author)
South American Spanish, 1
(penises), 1
(lesbians), 1 (vagina, anal hair)
Spanish, 1
(masturbation), 1
(vagina), 1
(breasts), 1
(menstruation), 1
(faeces), 1
(homosexuals), 1
(oral sex), 1
(sex between a woman’s breasts), 1
