Black Diamond Heart, page 12
“Shadow?”
Felix knew their clan was called a shadow clan. Because they weren’t peaceful like others of their kind. They lived dark lives. Used their dual natures to intimidate and take what they wanted from people who were less powerful.
Power wasn’t an option, it was a requirement.
“You must become the darkest of all the young,” Pops said. “The meanest. A fuckin’ savage. Then you will be ready.” He pointed at the horizon. “See the gray of the sky? That’s you now. Pale, but darkening. By the time this city belongs to you, you’ll be like the blackest night.”
The satisfaction on his pops’ face was hard to look at. Felix had wanted to please his father for so long, and seeing that it was possible… if he was just a little tougher…
Pops said nothing else as the sun died and the darkness encroached, blotting out the remaining bloody fingers of light. Felix mourned the sun’s temporary death with a secret sadness buried in his gut.
When there was no sign of the sun left, Pops turned to him. His hard eyes felt like daggers to his chest.
“Never defend your brother again,” he snarled. “You’re not doing him any fucking favors. Gash is too soft, and one day it will be your job to make him harder. Better get used to it now.” Pops walked past him to the stairs, stopping to look back just before descending. “And if you do it again, I’ll kill you and start over with him. One of my sons will inherit this clan. It should be you, but it sure as fuck don’t have to be.”
Kill you, kill you, kill you.
His father’s words repeated in his mind as he stared at the space the man used to occupy, waiting to make sure he was really gone. Felix shook until his knees gave out and he fell to the cold roof. Get up, get up. He had to be stronger or his pops would kill him. Then what would happen to his brother?
My brother, my responsibility.
Somehow, he had to become dark as the night. Hard as his father’s fist. He had to shut off his feelings, his fear, and do what his father demanded. It was either that or death. And his life wasn’t the only one in danger. Gash would be destroyed if his pops tried to train him like he had Felix.
This was survival.
Struggling to get to his feet, Felix pushed the pain from his mind. His desires and dreams for the future, everything, got stuffed deep into a dark crevice of his heart where it would never touch him again. He stared out over the dark sky and envisioned it swallowing him up, like the sun.
He would become a savage, just as his father wanted. This was the way of things. There was no turning his back to his destiny.
Heat bloomed behind his sternum as he tried to convince his mind to give in. It grew and grew until it seemed like he would burn from the inside out. Pressing his palm to his chest, he stumbled toward the stairs, willing the pain down.
But it wouldn’t be denied.
Destinyyy, a voice whispered, won’t be denied. It wasn’t his jaguar. It was something else.
Firecat.
Before he made it to the edge, he exploded into a roaring, burning beast.
With a snarl, Felix came awake to a careful touch at his shoulder. Office. He was in his office, not the roof. On his couch. Skye’s note still in his hand.
And blue eyes staring down at him from a heart shaped face.
Chapter Sixteen
Skye looked around the spotless kitchen. Breakfast dishes were done. The counters cleared. She’d even wiped down the fridge, inside and out. There was nothing left to do. Mama Kitty said the guys were on their own for lunch today since she was planning pot roast for dinner. So there wasn’t even anything to prep.
Leaning her hip against the counter, Skye reached into the pocket of her jeans and retrieved the note from last night. She’d read it at least twenty times since waking this morning, and every time, it made her stomach flutter in mysterious ways. Butterflies is what Marlee had called it before.
Unfolding the note, she read each sentence again, trying to contain her smile.
She loved the words on this paper so much. Each time through, she found new ways to love them. This time, she appreciated how blunt he was when he wrote. How straightforward. Like he was transferring the thoughts in his head straight to the paper. Like she did when she was journaling.
The kitchen door swung open and Nyla flounced in, looking like a glowing beam of happiness. She and the others had really come so far. It fed the hope in Skye’s heart.
“Hi,” Nyla said brightly.
“Hey, Ny.” Skye bent her head back to the note.
“What’s this?” Nyla snatched it out of her hand and read the first bit to herself, a grin growing on her lips.
“Nyla, no. Give it back. That’s—”
She looked at Skye. “It’s a love note!”
“No, no.” Skye shook her head. “It’s… it’s something else.”
“Honey, I’m the one with a mate who leaves me poems in my sock drawer. I know love notes and this is definitely one. Is it from Felix?”
Skye pressed her lips together, nodding.
“That crazy man.” Nyla shook her head. “Who knew he had it in him to wax poetic about your smile.”
She handed it back and Skye carefully folded it before tucking it safely in her pocket.
Was she right? Felix’s notes were sweet and they filled Skye with so many good feelings. But maybe he didn’t think they were anything romantic like Nyla did.
Skye watched her cross over to the fridge with purpose. “Do you need help with anything? I’m finished with all my work, so…”
Nyla shook her head, curls bouncing with the motion, as she pulled out sandwich ingredients. “I’m just making some lunch to take Skittles.”
Oh. That was a good idea.
Skye grinned. She could do the same for Felix.
Her stomach went wild at the thought of seeing him. This was the perfect excuse. Kindness for kindness was how they seemed to be connecting, and she really liked the idea of doing nice things for him.
When Nyla was finished making Skittles’s lunch, Skye went to work on Felix’s. She could cook him something warm, but he’d probably prefer something quick and easy so he could get back to work.
Sandwich. That made sense. Nyla was the smart one, after all.
Minutes later, Skye had a roll stacked high with meats and cheeses, and slathered with toppings. She filled the plate with chips and added a piece of chocolate cake leftover from yesterday’s dinner. She stood back, nervously tapping the counter. Something to drink…
Coke. He liked coke, didn’t he?
She grabbed a cold bottle from the fridge and added it to a tray along with the overflowing plate. What else…?
Napkins. Yeah, napkins. A fork. And… there.
Felix’s lunch was ready. Just in time. It was noon.
Skye carried the tray downstairs to the place he’d most likely be. His office. Balancing it in one hand, she knocked softly, and then a little harder when there was no answer. She was just about to head outside to see if his truck was parked in its usual spot out front, when the low rumble of his voice filtered through the door.
“Felix?” She wasn’t sure if that was a come in, or something else entirely. Another spate of muttering could be heard, so she decided to chance it. Twisting the handle, she pushed inside, carefully maneuvering the tray through the door. “I brought lunch—”
She stopped when she saw the couch. It was cluttered with blankets and pillows, like he’d used it for a bed. Even now he was sound asleep there. Why wasn’t he using the spare room like he was supposed to?
Quietly, she tiptoed to the desk, setting down the tray before turning to watch him. He was sitting straight up, his head leaned against the back of the couch. His black hair hung over his forehead, partially shielding his eyes, but not enough that she couldn’t see the way his dark lashes rested peacefully on his cheek.
She’d never seen this side of him. So relaxed. Not even when they shared a room. He was always awake before her. If not awake, gone. She’d never had the chance to watch him sleep. She let her eyes roam over him like they never could before.
His intensity under normal circumstances made it impossible to explore him for too long, so all her observations came from secret stolen glances. Now, she soaked in every detail as if she might never get another chance. The creases that barely showed now on his handsome face. The claw scar on his cheek that was mostly covered by his scruffy beard. His full lips looked like the softest thing on him, and she had the absurd urge to run her finger across the lower one to feel it.
Stop it, Skye.
She took her time with the rest of him. He was all hard edges and ripped muscle. Broad, sturdy shoulders that bulged from his tight black t-shirt. His arms were strong too, and scarred from hard work… or something else she didn’t want to think about. She’d heard rumors of what the Fathers put them through as children. She pushed the thought from her mind and replaced it with something better. She remembered what it felt like for those arms to hold her. The way he did when she first realized he wasn’t dead. Felix was like a fortress that she could run into and hide.
Just dangerous enough to be safe. Just safe enough to be dangerous.
Her eyes danced over his chest, watching it flex as he breathed. The ripples of his abs could be seen beneath the cotton of his shirt, and she traveled even lower, stopping at his waist. At the bulge in the front of his jeans.
Skye swallowed hard.
She’d never been attracted to this part of the male anatomy. The first time she saw one was the first time Bastian sold her to a customer. That night symbolized the loss of a lot of things. Her innocence for one. The authority over her own body. The hope for a normal life.
She’d seen too many of them since then, and had no wish to see another.
But this was Felix, and she liked everything else about him. Maybe things were different when love was involved. The other girls seemed to think so.
Did she love him?
No. She didn’t even know what love was. All she had to go by was what the others said. Nyla said the notes were love notes. Marlee said Skye was confused because she loved him. They liked to throw that word around but there was no proof.
Right?
She thought of the vision she’d used so many times to calm down when things seemed hopeless…
A husband who loved her more than anything else. How would she even know if she had that?
Several kiddos who hugged her and called her mommy. Did kids automatically love their parents? She’d loved her mom more than anything, so maybe they did.
Family dinnertime and lemonade summers and warm snowy evenings in front of a fire. Felix couldn’t give her any of that, could he? And even if he could, she’d never fit into that picture-perfect life. Not with what she’d been through.
Skye blew out a hard breath, realizing how bad her chest hurt. Or was it her head. Both. They both ached with that deep sadness that she’d almost forgotten about over the past few days.
She closed her eyes, grappling for control of her feelings. She hadn’t always had control of her body, but she was plenty good at being numb on the inside. Or… she had been, before Felix. Now there were new feelings swirling around with all the old shitty stuff. Things she wanted to feel mixing with things she didn’t. And she had no idea how to sort it all out. How could she keep them from mixing into one messed up tangle?
Opening her eyes, she found his face again. Peaceful Felix was new and very, very appealing. Like this, he was almost… beautiful. Boyish, in a way he could never be when he was awake. Her heart squeezed with affection.
The desire to touch him was hugely overwhelming. He’d never let her this close if he was awake. What if she just ran her fingers over his cheek? Barely. Just to feel him once.
She stepped closer, watching his chest rise and fall with each easy breath. She was drawn to him like a magnet to metal, and when her fingers made contact with his warm skin, it was like finding home for the first time. Dragging her touch along his temple, she twisted her fingers into his hair. It was softer than she expected.
Felix’s lips moved, and she froze.
“Kill you, kill you…” The words were soft, barely audible. Kill you? Geez. At least he wasn’t saying it to her. He must be having a nightmare.
“Shh,” she murmured, continuing her gentle touch. Whatever was happening beneath his eyelids didn’t need to reach them here. She would wake him carefully. Tenderly. “Felix? Hey. Wake up.”
He didn’t stir. And no more whisperings of murder.
“Felix.” She breathed his name this time, and even that sounded loud in the silence. “Wake up… my heart.” The words felt right. He used them for her, why shouldn’t she do the same?
Felix came awake with a low snarl, and she gasped, jerking her hand back.
“Hi,” she said quickly, but the sound didn’t make it past her throat.
He blinked, staring up at her, looking angry and disoriented for a breath before something else painted his features. Something that stirred her, lighting her up with awareness. They were very close. And her fingers tingled from touching him. She wanted to do it more.
Would he let her?
Inching her hand closer to his face was daring, but she couldn’t let this moment pass.
Quick as a lightning strike, his fingers circled her wrist. His grip was soft, but firm enough that when he jerked, it tipped her off balance and she caught herself against his chest. But Felix was faster, dragging her across his lap and lowering his lips to hers in a single move. The whole thing happened in the span of time that it took her to blink, and then he was kissing her.
Completely and totally kissing her.
Viciously and tenderly kissing her.
His hot tongue licked along the seam of her lips until she opened and let her own meet him halfway. He tasted… good. Like cinnamon and something darker. Richer and sweet. Like honey whiskey.
This was like no kiss she’d ever experienced before. There was no panic, no revulsion. No fear of what was coming next. Only a sense of exploration. She wanted to know more of this… of him.
As if he could read her mind, his hand came up to tilt her head back for a deeper connection. His tongue plunged in, stealing taste after taste and feeding her curiosity until she was burning for even more. Her hands threaded into his hair, determined to keep him there, while she let her tongue explore every intimate corner of his mouth.
Her heart pounded. Her breath came faster.
This shouldn’t be happening, should it?
Her feelings and body were separate pieces. They’d had to be.
But not anymore. With Felix, the two were coming together. Emotion was mixing with desire.
His hand moved around to the back of her neck, gripping her there, pulling her even closer. His touch felt good. Everything felt good. She wasn’t used to feeling this safe with a man, and the relief of finally feeling normal was more than she could keep inside.
She moaned into his mouth, kissing him back with all the emotion she was experiencing in the moment. She didn’t have a name for it yet, but she wouldn’t hold it back. Not if it could make Felix feel as good as she did right now in his arms.
In the next breath, he loosened his grip and pulled away. “No,” he growled. The separation was violent and shocking, leaving Skye gasping for air as he jumped to his feet and started pacing the office floor.
She stood too. Something was wrong.
“Felix? Wh-What? What is it?”
He shook his head, ignoring her question. “This is not going to happen. The witches fixed this. I just have to… I have to…”
What was he talking about?
“Did I do something wrong?” Her mind raced to figure out how she could have soured something so absolutely sweet. She would fix her mistake, whatever it was. She just needed to know how.
But when he looked at her, it was with regret. “No. I did.”
She shook her head, but he didn’t see because he turned his back to her. Fists clenched. Shoulders so stiff they seemed like they were set permanently in place.
“You didn’t,” she said, trying to make him understand what her kiss apparently didn’t portray. “For the first time ever, nothing about that felt wrong.” It was hard to hide the amazement in her tone. She felt like she was bubbling with it, from the inside out.
Felix turned to her, a deep frown creasing his brow. “You liked that.”
It wasn’t a question. And she swallowed hard, trying to keep from looking away.
“No one’s ever kissed me in a way that felt good. In that, you’re my first.”
He took a step toward her. Like he meant to do it again. But then he stopped just as suddenly.
“Skye, leave. Leave now.”
Leave? After she’d just confessed how much the kiss meant to her?
“But—”
“You have to go.” He backed up until he hit the desk, nearly toppling the tray of food she’d brought.
She stepped forward. Maybe she hadn’t made it clear enough that she wanted more. More closeness. More of these good feelings with him.
“I want to stay—”
He shook his head. “I need a-a minute. A thousand fucking minutes. Skye, baby. Please. Walk away. Before I do something we’ll both regret.” The pained rasp of his voice was almost more than she could bare.
She knew that sound well. Regret.
Did he regret what they’d just shared? She didn’t think she could stand it if he did.
“Okay.” She would do what he asked. Keep their deal. But… “I want you to tell me why. The truth. Like you’ve been doing. In a note. Tell me why you would regret things with me.” Because if it had anything to do with her past, then she was right all along. She would never have her dream life. Not even a messed up version of it. And Bastian will have truly stolen her future from her.
Even in death, he will have won.
Felix nodded, not waiting for her to finish her thought. “Deal,” he breathed hard. “Now, go.”
She lingered for another moment, trying to commit to memory the way his lips felt, knowing there might never be more kissing between them. The thought made her so sad tears poked and prodded at the back of her eyes. Her first real kiss and it might be the last.
