Creatures Here Below, page 25
Gail wondered if she might not still be asleep. Like Scrooge she was being visited by a queue of haunts from her past. First her father had returned to her bedside, and now Dan was performing early-morning chores in their house.
“How many eggs do you want?” she asked to test the dream.
Dan’s head jerked upward. The thump it made against the bottom of the sink sounded painful. “Oh, shit.”
“Sorry,” Gail said, but she smiled.
Dan scooted from under the sink. He rubbed the crown of his forehead. He looked at her a moment before saying, “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“How did you know?” he asked. “That’s just what I needed. I can hardly see a damn thing under here.”
Gail looked at the lamp in her hands.
“Sit it there.” He pointed to a spot next to him and near his toolbox. “We must be on the same wavelength, like they say.”
Gail did not move except to turn the lamp right side up. “I don’t think we are. What are you doing here?”
“What’s it look like? Knockin’ this old kitchen back in order. I’m thinkin we don’t have to redo the cabinets, just the doors and handles. It’ll work.” And then he grinned and said, “Three.”
Gail frowned, then realized he’d answered her question about the eggs. Great, she thought, now I’m cooking for him again. She placed the lamp at his side. The cord barely reached the outlet next to the sink. “If you bump it, it’ll fall over,” she warned.
He stared at her.
“What?” Gail knew she probably looked a mess. Her hair was always flattened to the right side of her head when she rose from bed.
“We’re still young,” he said. “You’re still in your thirties. A thirtysomething, as they say.”
“I haven’t been young since I was fourteen,” Gail said and tied the belt of her robe.
He seemed at a loss briefly, then said, “We’re going to need the extra money the kitchenette and the room next to it can bring in with Ty going to college. Can’t count on a full scholarship. Boy is smart, though, gets his smarts from me, don’t you think?”
“Yes, and his good looks too. Don’t forget that.”
Dan grinned. “Sure. But I didn’t want to say and have you feeling bad. You must’ve contributed something; the kid does get cranky now and then.”
“Stick your head back under the sink so I can slam the cabinet door on it, please.” Dan laughed and Gail felt herself smiling.
He sat up and examined his fingernails. “I’m putting in a new trap, and washers,” he said.
“Good,” Gail said. “Better ten years late than never. I’ll bring your breakfast.” She turned back toward him before getting to the door and noticed he’d been watching her walk away. “I wanted to thank you for helping to look for Mason.” Gail met his eyes. “It means a lot to me. I know he’s an adult, supposed to be, but I think about Lillian, you know, and I think I’ll never—”
“He’ll show, Gail. Problem is it’ll be on his schedule. You know how hardheaded he is. He’ll run out of money or options and come straggling back.”
Gail’s arms crossed in front of her. “I’m going to shake him so hard when he comes back his teeth will fall on his feet. Or maybe I’ll choke him.” Briefly, her hands formed a circle in front of her as if she had someone by the throat. “I’ll choke …” Gail remembered the last time she’d seen him. His red eyes glared at her and his hand locked with all his strength on her wrist, trapping veins and flesh against her bone, bruising her skin. He’d said, “I don’t take a hit so easy anymore.” She had been afraid of him, the boy she’d raised. “If you had seen him the last time I did,” Gail said. “You might not be so sure he’s going to come home. I think I pushed him out the door, Dan. I told him he was just like his father.” Her breath came quicker.
Dan looked down at the tool in his hands. “Did you ever find out what they fell out about? Him and Pony? I know for a little while there, Pony used to come by and pick him up. Then, nothin’.”
Gail shook her head. “Uh-uh. Guess I assumed he finally figured out what kind of man Pony was. I should have done more to keep them two apart.”
“You did the right thing. You let him find out on his own. Trying to interfere woulda just made him want to hang out with Pony more. Don’t you think? Those two ain’t seen each other in years and years, right?
“Pony left town. None too soon. That had to be eight or nine years ago.” Gail went back to Dan’s side and squatted down on the backs of her calves. Her errand to fix breakfast had been forgotten. Right now, Dan seemed willing to listen and Gail wanted to talk. “I don’t think any of us did right by Mason. He got ignored when Tyler was born. Even back then he started cutting up to get attention. Everything seems so connected. You do something wrong and you don’t get a lot of chances to fix it. Remember the Christmas you got Ty that new ten-speed? I let you talk me into that one. I shouldn’t have allowed it. I think that hurt Mason bad. It’s twenty-twenty we shouldn’t have done that. You said, ‘Why should both boys suffer because money is tight?’ Because they’s brothers. They should have went without together because they were brothers.”
“So it’s my fault. I tried to do right by my son. But this is all my fault now.”
“Oh, no, baby. I ain’t saying that at all.” Gail reached out, held Dan’s right forearm, and let the hand linger. “I didn’t mean … it was just as much me.” This wasn’t doing any good. She had wanted to defend Mason, not attack Dan. She’d wanted to tell him everything that had happened had a reason, everything connected to something else and could be traced back from one event to the next. Plus, she somehow had believed that if she shared her thoughts about Mason and Lillian, she could be closer to Dan. “I’ll get your breakfast,” she said, and quickly retreated.
Her hair brushed back and tucked behind her ears, and wearing matching sweat top and pants, Gail returned with a full tray of breakfast. He seemed not to have made much progress while she’d been gone. She’d made herself a little something too and remembered Tabasco for his eggs, a touch for which he smiled broadly. The sun had finally come in strongly and they ate on the cold floor together, mostly to the sound of forks scraping on plates.
“Did I tell you I’ve been living alone for more than a month now?”
Gail looked up from her plate to see Dan pretending not to be intently eyeing her. She sipped her coffee.
“Yeah,” he said, “That didn’t last too long. She wasn’t the girl for me. I told her it’d be for the best.” Dan’s fork chased the last piece of egg across his plate. “She didn’t mean nothin’.”
Men always say that, Gail thought. How can it not mean anything? Dan looked uncomfortable. Finally, she said, “Well, I have to get my day started. Lots of errands and chores to catch up on.” For a second, Dan looked disappointed by her reaction to his news, or Gail supposed she only imagined he did.
“All right, but I need someone to hold the new pipe up while I fit it in place. I’m having a dickens of a time with it.”
Gail collected his plate. “You want me to send Ty in?”
“Naw, it won’t take a second. Come here.” He retrieved his monkey wrench and shoved himself back under the sink. “You’ll have to squeeze in here too,” she heard him say, and he moved to one side, making a pitifully small opening for her.
“Dan, I’ll get Ty.”
“Won’t take a sec,” he said.
Gail rolled her eyes, exhaled, and stuck her head under the sink. “Dan, I can’t see a thing under here. And it smells. Or is that you?”
“Your eyes will adjust,” he said. “Your nose will too. Now hold this.”
She had to push her arms between her and Dan to get them under the sink and she squirmed deeper into the dark hole, pressing against Dan’s stomach, then his chest. The lamp did no good with both of them blocking its light. “I can’t see shit,” she said, but she could feel Dan’s breath against her left cheek and eye. She remembered now how unusually deep the space under this sink was. Dan had her right hand now and pushed the cool pipe into it.
“Gonna need that right here,” he said and guided her hand along the rough bottom of the sink.
“Here?” she asked.
“No, up,” he said, and it seemed he pressed tighter against her than he had to. “Don’t move. I’ll just tighten this bad boy right down.”
Gail held the elbow joint over her head. Her arm grew tired. Something, maybe the cabinet latch, stabbed her in the back. “Dan,” she said.
“Just a sec. Hold it still.” He was tightening the ring over it now and Gail had to grip the pipe hard so it wouldn’t move with the ring.
“Is that it?” she asked when she felt no more force against the pipe.
“Let me check.”
She waited. His chest breathed against hers. She felt something brushing against her neck.
“Let me check,” he repeated and his mouth was near her ear.
Something brushed over her cheek.
“Are there bugs under here?”
“Could be,” he said and kissed her on the mouth. It was not a gentle kiss. At first, his mouth covered hers. He held the back of her head in the crook of an arm. He sucked in on her top lip and ran his tongue under it. Passively, Gail allowed him to continue, then responded with movements of her own. But when a hand covered one of her breasts, she knocked it away and wiggled herself from under the sink. She slammed the cabinet door on him but he didn’t even notice. He followed her out. She got to her feet while he remained sitting on the floor, looking boyishly mischievous, despite his white-haired temples.
“I hope you enjoyed that more than I did,” she said. “You don’t get it, do you, Dan? Too much time has passed for us. What did you think, we’d start kissing and everything would be rosy again? Negro, please. You waited way too long. I used to think we’d …” Gail shrugged. “It’s gone. Got it?” She noticed he’d left grease from his hands on her sweatshirt. She wagged a finger at him. “And the next time you bring your sorry butt around here, keep your hands on your goddamn monkey wrench and off me.”
She left him and the breakfast dishes, she realized, behind and stormed down the hallway.
Tyler had just emerged from his bedroom and he grinned at Gail. “What that on your shirt?” He pointed.
“Grease. I leaned against a dirty—”
“It looks like a handprint, Mom,” Tyler said.
“Have you cleaned your room up yet?”
“Yes.”
“Well, go get it done. Why do I always have to ask twice?” Gail went into her room and pulled the sweatshirt over her head. Two fingers and the palm of Dan’s dirty hands showed distinctly on the shirt. Always was a good kisser, she reflected, behind her closed door.
Gail had the receiver trapped between her right shoulder and cheek. She listened to the rings; it was all part of this perfunctory exercise. Next to the phone, on a stand that stood in a small alcove off the living room, lay open her pocket-sized spiral notebook with a dozen or more names and phone numbers written in it. Some of the names had more than twenty checks next to them, some neatly entered, others stabbed onto the paper like little daggers. Mason’s friends and acquaintances had checks for each time they failed to duck her calls. “Naw, he never said a word to me, Miz Neighbors. Yeah, I been asking around like you told me.” Some had given to hanging up at the sound of her voice—those who really hadn’t run with Mason, or those whose compassion could not extend to a mother searching for a wayward son. She, having grown as tired of the calls as they, took the hang-ups and rudeness in stride. Although today, she had new information. Perhaps someone on the list knew Ken Gamble or knew someone who knew him.
Before picking up the phone, Gail recalled the details of her conversation with Gamble. What could she reasonably believe of his story? She hesitated to trust any of it. Gamble had seemed cocky, nasty, and useless. Useless, Gail decided, because he looked as if for all his days on earth he’d never been of much use or help to anyone but himself. The idea that Mason and he could be friends did not sit well. It made her feel as if she hadn’t really known her son at all, that he had gotten away from her long before he left.
“Hello.”
“Hello. I’d like to speak to Cindy Reese, please.”
“This is Cindy. Mrs. Neighbors? I haven’t heard anything, Mrs. Neighbors. Like I said, he ain’t gonna call me.”
“I understand. But I have a lead I want to check with you. I know he left town with a boy named Ken Gamble. A big, kinda stocky guy. Real short hair.”
“Gamble? No. I ain’t heard of him, I don’t think. I got to go, Mrs. Neighbors.”
“Yes, Cindy. Thank you for your time. If you hear—” A monotone buzz hummed from the receiver; Cindy knew the rest of the routine already.
The fourth call put her in contact with Jamal Jenkins, the first person who knew or had heard of Ken Gamble.
“Actually, my brother knows him, but he don’t live here anymore and where he stays ain’t got a phone. He lives with his girlfriend and her mama, and he’s got a baby by both of them. Believe that.”
“Gamble?”
“No, my brother. Gamble and him, they … well, they hang out. You know. Neither one worth a shit. Scuse me, Miss Neighbors.”
“Did you hear anything about where Gamble went last September? He left town with Mason and a girl. I think they were going to Detroit.”
“I don’t know nothin’ about that. I heard he was going to DC. But I don’t know about Mason goin’ along.”
“Could you ask your brother, Jamal?”
“I suppose. I’ll have to see. We don’t talk much.”
The remainder of the calls proved less useful and the familiar frustration burned in Gail as she flicked the last check mark in her notebook. She allowed herself to calm down while making breakfast for the second time, this time for Annie and Tyler. The burner in the furnace ignited with a whoosh; soon the vents were exhaling their dry heat into the kitchen, though the floor remained cold even though she wore slippers. She pondered what Jenkins had told her about Gamble going to DC and not Detroit. The possibility presented itself that what Gamble had told her bore not the slightest resemblance to the truth. And then there was the curious thing he’d said to Dan, “Mason said he was going to look for you.” By that he’d probably meant Pony, mistaking Dan for Mason’s father. Mason looking for Pony? That worried Gail very much.
Out front, the engine of Dan’s Buick raced to a pitch before settling into an uneasy idle.
Annie came down for breakfast, followed by Ty.
“Is there orange juice?” Tyler asked.
Annie said, “I’ll get it for you.”
Gail walked hesitantly to the front door and looked out to see Dan load his tools into the car’s trunk, shut it on the third try, and climb back behind the wheel. White exhaust obscured him and half the car.
Absently, her left hand traced over her lips. The presence of his kisses, the pressure, the sharpness, still lingered. She had wanted to ask him if he might again take her around to Gamble’s. Perhaps, if she were cleverer than she’d been at the first confrontation, she might catch Gamble in a lie, or even exact the truth from him. Dan’s Buick pulled away from the curb, giving her an odd feeling of relief. After all these years, what could he have been thinking? Certainly, the years must have engineered on him what they had on her: dissipated regrets, healed wounds, cooled passions.
Not yet sorted, the mail from yesterday lay in a short stack on the little secretary in the foyer. One envelope from the bank caught her attention and she sliced it open with a thumbnail. She peeked into the envelope, not drawing the letter out. “Notice of Insufficient Funds” it proclaimed, stapled along with a check in Jackie’s handwriting.
This was the last thing she needed now. Her credit could be ruined just when she’d need to apply for tuition loans for Tyler. Jackie and Cole were sitting on the bed with the newspaper spread out between them when Gail stepped in. She hadn’t bothered to knock and noticed the slightly surprised look on Jackie’s face. Later, Gail would not be able to recall word for word what she said to Jackie, but she made it clear she would not allow Jackie to drag her down with her. “You don’t have your head on straight, Miss. You abandon your baby. You traipse off after some boy who won’t give you the time of day … I need this money! You straighten up your act or this one,” she pointed to Cole, “this one is the one who’s going to suffer.” She stepped up to the bed and tore the bad check in half right in Jackie’s face.
“Get out of my room,” Jackie shouted.
Gail was already walking out. She said more to herself than she had to Jackie: “Now I have to figure out how many of my checks are going to bounce because she bounced one on me.” Monday she could call a few of her creditors, warn them, maybe straighten this mess out in advance.
By the afternoon, Gail finally decided on a return trip to the house where Ken Gamble lived. She’d also decided not to ask Dan to go with her, though she’d lifted the phone up twice during the day. He had made it impossible for her to ask anything of him.
Gail brushed her hair in her mirror. She noticed how long it had grown, and how the ends were splitting. She noticed, too, how her oval face had gotten thinner; the bones in her cheeks now lifted up, leaving shallow valleys between them and her jaw line. Dark swaths spread just under the puffy bags beneath her eyes. The overall effect made her eyes appear more deeply set and her face more gaunt than it had since she’d last taken a long look in a mirror, instead of just a rushing-out-the-door glance. She wondered when this had happened to her. Her fingers lightly followed the shadow between her eyes and nose. Except for them, she acknowledged, her face might look better than before. Had Dan Neighbors noticed the change? She fought a brush through her hair, tugging it through the ends. “We’re still young,” he’d said. Gail held the brush at her neck and stared eye to eye with her reflection, searching for what youth he might have seen.
