Wave-Touched, page 13
“You lacked conviction.” His smile had a solemnity to it that made her wonder if his thoughts had followed the same path as her own.
Ceris, apparently sensing that the evening was truly over, got up from his place by the fire, stretched, and joined Kyril.
“Goodnight, Khesran.”
“Goodnight.”
She watched him leave in the company of his guards. Breathing a heavy sigh, she refilled her glass with sweet wine. Taking it and one of the few remaining fruit tarts, she wandered out. She had little doubt her parents were aware they had dispersed for the night. Her father might not have checked on them inside the room again, but he would have some tiny creature lurking in the shadows outside. What would he think of Kyril not leaving with the others? At least they hadn’t lingered overly long.
She finished the tart by the time her unhurried stroll brought her back to her chambers. In the sitting room, her eyes caught a glint from something on the mantel above her fire. Relenting to its lure, she set her wine on the table and went to pick up the ornate dagger Jaysen had given her when he left Vanris before his fifteenth birthday. They had been so close back then. Nigh inseparable. When they reunited in Deepwater, the distance of those years apart had seemed to melt away. But had they really? He was here in the palace again, sharing this place as they had in their youth, and she had never felt so far from him.
Veyl startled, nearly dropping the knife when the subject of her thoughts stepped through the doorway from her bedroom.
CHAPTER TEN
Jaysen’s gaze took in the dagger before moving to meet hers. “I was beginning to wonder if you would ever show up.”
She set the weapon down, a faint flicker of lightning sweeping through her. Why? He had long been her best friend. What was it that made her so uneasy around him now? “What are you doing in my room?”
“I was out wandering the rooftops when I noticed your window was open and there were still sconces burning.” He smiled, though it wasn’t quite the amiable smile he usually had with her.
“My parents wouldn’t approve of your being in here so late.” And unlike Kyril, he had no way of knowing if her father was watching. She glanced around the room, noting the myriad places a rodent could hide. There were the windows too, through which a bird might easily observe them. If only her parents truly trusted her enough to let her be, but the incident in the dining room made it clear they didn’t, despite what her mother had said. Then again, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing in this case.
“I needed to see you, Veyl.” He came closer, stopping a few feet back from her. “Every time I think we’ll finally get to talk, you’re whisked away by the unfortunate role you have in these negotiations.”
She had only ever been this nervous in his company once, on that night in Deepwater, before they embraced, when she wasn’t sure if he was still the young man she had known growing up. Something in his bearing or tone was off. Almost menacing. She drew a deep breath, forcing the appearance of confidence before him. “This role is one I volunteered for. Who else in Vanris would stand up for the Thaelians? Who here would lend them a voice and push my parents and the council to acknowledge their humanity?”
He shook his head, brow furrowing. “How can you even want to after what they did to us?”
“The people of Thaelis are not bad, with a few obvious exceptions. Unfortunately, those exceptions have significant power there. Everyone in Thaelis doesn’t deserve to suffer for the actions of their leaders, and if we can help them change that leadership, we can make their lives better while also removing them as a potential threat to Vanris.”
“You have a remarkable ability to remain objective considering what they put you through. I hope what you say is true.” He took another step closer, his hand rising slightly as if he wanted to reach out to her. “But Kyril and Nalika? They are part of the rot we should be weeding out. How can you bear to stand beside them?”
Her defensive temper flared, and she clamped aggressively down on it, fearful of another incident like what had happened with Gannon. “How many times after your return to Sarket did you commit actions you knew were wrong? Things you felt you had to do to protect yourself from people bent on destroying you because of your time in Vanris? How many people did you hurt?” She pushed ahead when he averted his gaze. “Kyril and Nalika were following orders, doing what they were told was necessary to help their country after it suffered tremendous losses. Once the true cost of their actions sank in, they tried to mitigate some of the damage they had done by bringing you here.”
“All right.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and met her eyes. “All right. There may be an argument for giving them a second chance. We can all do awful things out of fear and desperation. But they helped Thrasser get me out of the way, and now he has a potentially unbreakable grip on Sarket’s throne.” He took his hand away, running it through his lengthening hair. “My people believe I’m dead. If Thrasser learns otherwise, he’ll stop at nothing to make it true. He could erase me from existence right now, and no one at home would even know to blame him. I doubt they would care if they knew.”
Guilt caused an uncomfortable pang in her chest. She pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to solve the situation between Thaelis and Vanris that I lost sight of what all this has done to you and your country, not to mention our relationship with Sarket.”
He put his arms around her and held on as if she were the only boat in a sea full of wreckage. “You were everything to me when I lived in Vanris, Veyl, and thoughts of you were all that kept me going most days after I returned to Sarket. I wish we had run away together that night in Deepwater.”
“You know I could never have abandoned my family like that,” she whispered.
“Yes. I do.” He drew back, though he didn’t retreat far. One hand came to rest on her shoulder again, closer to her neck this time, its presence there strangely uncomfortable. “Your family is the truest family I’ve ever had. I couldn’t ask you to hurt them.” He brought his thumb up, brushing it along her jaw, open affection in his eyes.
His touch only made her yearn for Kyril again. Veyl turned away and walked to the window, searching the sky for any of the raptors her father used in his scouting.
Jaysen came up behind her. “When Kyril had you pinned against that wall, I feared he was going to kill you. I can’t forget that. I will always hate that man for hurting you, and for severing a cherished bond that had only just reformed.” He rested his hands on her shoulders, stepping in close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body against her back. “If we aren’t honoring the council’s agreement, why haven’t you had them remove the zenyal bond with Ahndhomen Jinau?”
Her gut clenched. She took one of his hands as she moved out and turned to face him. “You know as well as I do that if our bond reforms, they’ll have to sever it again. I don’t want either of us to have to go through that. Twice was enough. It can’t happen while the zenyal bond is in place.”
Adoration softened his gaze and warmed his smile. “You’re putting up with that indignity to protect us?”
For the briefest instant, she feared she might have to reject him, but he cupped her cheek with one hand and leaned in to kiss her forehead. Had he also realized they should never have taken their relationship beyond that of spirit siblings?
As he moved away, his gaze drifted to her lips. Then he started leaning in again, and she shied back from him, running into a small table behind her. When she threw her hand out to catch herself, she struck the candleholder there. Pain tore a cry from her when liquid wax spilled across her wrist, burning the skin as it rapidly started hardening there.
Veyl snatched her arm to her chest, startled by the searing pain. Jaysen grabbed the hand and went to work peeling away the drying wax. He barely had time to remove one large portion before the door flew open and her father rushed in with her mother close behind. Their swift arrival making it obvious her father had been spying on them.
“Out of the way,” he snapped, and Jaysen immediately obliged, holding up his hands as though declaring surrender. Her father’s gaze locked on the wounded arm she held before her, the remaining wax clinging to red, blistering skin on the inside of her wrist.
“I knocked over a candleholder.”
The glare he shot at Jaysen told her who he blamed.
“Bring her to the couch,” her mother ordered, emerging from the bedroom with the basin, a towel, and a pitcher of water from the bathing room.
Her father took her other hand and guided her to the couch as her mother set the basin on the table and poured water into it.
“Submerge it in this. It will help ease the burning,” she advised. “Then we can take a better look at it.”
The moment Veyl had sat and done so, her father turned to Jaysen. “I should not have to say this, but our daughter is not for you. I expect you to get that through your head immediately.”
Even with the cool water, the pain was searing, but Veyl couldn’t leave Jaysen to fend for himself. Not after all the times he had defended her mistakes over the years. “Father, please don’t. Nothing happened. Besides, if we wish to cast judgment here, you should also face some for spying on me at dinner and again in my own rooms.”
Velara narrowed her eyes at him. “At dinner? Even after our talk?”
Before he could respond, a guard raced in through the doorway, her gaze picking out Veyl. “Khesran, are you all right?”
Her mother’s brows pinched. “Are you not supposed to be watching Ahndhomen Jinau?”
“Yes, Khevarin.” The guard offered her mother a deep bow. “The ahndhomen insisted Khesran Veyl was in pain and that one of us should check on her.”
“He felt it through the zenyal bond,” Veyl murmured, gazing down at the angry blisters rising on her skin beneath the water, bits of wax still clinging in places.
Her mother nodded to the guard. “Please send someone for one of the palace healers and return to your post. Let Ahndhomen Jinau know she is being cared for and that we appreciate his concern for our daughter.”
As soon as the guard left, her father turned to Jaysen again. “You are like a son to me, but that does not give you permission to take liberties with Veyl. She is heir to the Vanrian throne, just as you are heir to the Sarketi one. I don’t know what freedoms they allowed you in your homeland but, no matter the bonds that have grown from your experiences together, there can never be an intimate relationship between you. Do you understand?”
Jaysen’s gaze flickered to her, frustration and a hint of anger in the set of his jaw, but she gave a tiny shake of her head, pleading with her eyes for him not to make matters worse. “Yes, Khemron,” he answered.
“Good. You may leave us. Her mother and I have things handled here.” Once Jaysen had stalked out, her father came to sit next to her. “How is your wrist?”
“Far more in need of attention than my virtue,” she snapped.
“Have the two of you been intimate?” her mother asked.
The question made the burn hurt worse somehow. The water was no longer helping, so she pulled it out, her parents grimacing at the injury. Might a little truth here gain her some leeway in the future? “We kissed once, but it was a long time ago. I don’t feel that way about him. I was just… curious, I guess, and perhaps naively thought it wouldn’t lead to anything.” Now it felt as though her wrist was burning anew. The water had been helping more than she realized. She dunked it back in.
“It never doesn’t lead to something.” Her father’s contemplative gaze lingered on her mother.
“Your father was my first kiss—”
“And we all know you weren’t supposed to be kissing him any more than I was supposed to kiss Jaysen. If I recall correctly, you were being considered for a political marriage at the time.” She shot a look at her father. “And I know Mother wasn’t your first. Nerith has told me a few stories.”
“Oh.” Nerith stood in the doorway, her cheeks flaring pink, a satchel hanging from one hand.
Her mother smiled a welcome at the healer. “I imagine she has. Come in, Nerith. You are part of the family, and this young woman could use your expertise.”
Nerith brushed a few strands of unruly silver hair away from her lavender eyes and came to join them, shooing Kasiel out of the way so she could take his spot next to Veyl. The healer glanced at her submerged injury and winced, then began pulling items out of her satchel.
“I’ll have a longer conversation with Jaysen tomorrow,” her father said.
“Please don’t. We’re not children anymore. Let me talk to him.”
Her parents shared a look, and he reluctantly nodded. “All right, but be firm. If something like this happens again, there will be repercussions. We didn’t hesitate to shelter him from his enemies in Sarket despite the political volatility of the situation because he is like family to us. Taking advantage of that to indulge an apparent infatuation with you is unacceptable.”
“I understand that, and so will he.”
Nerith laid the towel across her lap and reached for Veyl’s arm. “Let’s look at this burn, shall we?”
***
Veyl walked past the guards through the open door to the drawing room the next morning to find the three Thaelians already waiting for her. She had slept longer than intended, largely because of the sedative painkiller Nerith had given her to ensure the burn didn’t keep her awake through the night.
When she shut the door behind her, Kyril walked over, worry etching lines in his brow. “Are you all right?”
Her gaze flickered briefly to Jinau before she nodded and held her bandaged wrist up between them. “I spilled hot wax on my arm. It’s nothing serious.”
“How?”
She met Kyril’s eyes. “Does it matter?”
“Jin said he felt a moment of panic from you before the pain.”
She gave Jinau a searching look. “How much can you feel through the bond?”
“The longer it remains, the stronger it becomes,” he answered.
“Not the most helpful response. Why is it I only have a faint sense of you?”
“There is always a moderate amount of sharing both ways, but this bond is intentionally imbalanced, designed to give the holder more control and awareness of their zenyal.” His expression was unexpectedly apologetic. “I do not want or deserve to have that power, Seh’hali, but if we wish to misdirect the council upon our return, it might be wise to let it remain for now.”
Kyril had obviously been speaking with them already. Veyl pushed aside her discomfort. “Yes. You’re undoubtedly right.” And there was the complication of her tehnaak bond with Jaysen to consider.
“Why the panic?”
She frowned at Kyril’s persistence. “It doesn’t concern you.” A touch of guilt stung her at his faintly wounded look, but she couldn’t involve him in this. The relationship between him and Jaysen was fraught enough. “We should get to work. The afternoon will be upon us all too soon.”
She sat at the table, avoiding the inquisitive looks they gave her. None of them joined her. Veyl glanced around at them. Nalika stood with a hand on one hip, giving a slight shake of her head.
“What?”
Kyril held a hand out to her. “Come with me for a moment… please.”
She blew out a breath and stood, taking his hand and allowing him to guide her to the far corner of the room amidst some tall bookshelves.
“What is going on?”
“By the Break,” she snapped, the heat of anger flashing through her. “It doesn’t matter. It isn’t like this is a genuine relationship. You don’t need to know every detail of my life outside these meetings.”
His silent, steady regard worked its way rapidly under her skin.
She blew out another breath. “We have no future together. We both understand that.” She couldn’t help the yearning in her chest that wanted him to tell her she was wrong, and she despised it.
“Let’s worry about the present then. This has something to do with Prince Jaysen, doesn’t it?”
His perceptiveness dumped water on the fire of her anger. “Why would you say that?”
He answered with a patient smile. “Because I have eyes. I saw how you two were on the ship heading to Thaelis, and I see how your energy toward him has changed, but his toward you has not, at least not in the same way. Tell me what happened.”
“We shared a few poorly considered intimate moments in Deepwater before the…” She caught the tightening of his jaw and rushed ahead. “He visited me in my room last night and tried to kiss me. I knocked over the candleholder when I moved to avoid him. The injury isn’t his fault. It was just an accident,” she added when his expression darkened. “I opened that door as willingly as he did, but I need to make him understand that isn’t what I desire from our relationship. And yet, I don’t want to hurt or alienate him. He has fewer genuine allies here than you do, despite all the years he lived within these walls. He will always be Sarketi, and the new friction between our countries isn’t helpful.”
“Lying to him will only make it worse, as I’m sure you know. The two of you were tehnaak. Tell him you care, but not in that way. Be his tehnaak.” He reached out and brushed his fingers across her cheek.
For a second, she almost gave in to the temptation to lean into that caress. Instead, she caught his wrist and moved his hand away. “Even if I wanted that from Jaysen, he would not be an appropriate partner, but neither are you. I can’t keep doing this. Sneaking these moments with you when I can never truly be with you. It’s too painful. I’m sorry.” Her throat tightened, nearly choking off those last two words before she got them out.
“We face a great deal of uncertainty about the futures of our two countries. I find it easier to confront each day knowing that every once in a while, I might have a moment alone with you, but if this is hurting you, maybe it is time to end it. Is that what you want?”
She stared into his silver-blue eyes, a desperate ache spreading through her chest. “No,” she whispered. “I want you to be the ocean I drown in.”
