Magic Incarnate the Box Set 1-3, page 71
“Not really. You?”
“Nah.” He shakes his head. “Was visiting Tommy. I talk to him like he can here me. Strange, right?”
“No stranger than me.”
He bends down and touches the top of my birth father’s gravestone. “I’m sorry you never got to know him.”
“Me too.”
“You didn’t even get to know your other dad. Step-dad. Uncle? What was he really?”
“Uncle.” It’s still a little weird that my mom raised me as her daughter instead of as her niece, but she’s been there for me every step of the way, even throughout my whole being magic incarnate, that I’m glad she did. She might only be my aunt, technically, but she’s my mom and she always will be.
Even throughout my whole being magic incarnate… I haven’t seen any sign of Mom using magic inside of the vial. I haven’t seen the fake me use magic either. Now I haven’t sat and watched them for hours, so it’s possible I’ve missed it, but that’s something to consider. It’s supposed to be Mom’s perfect life. Does she think not having magic is preferable? Given everything we’ve been through, that wouldn’t surprise me.
“Your real dad.” Vince reaches for his pocket and pulls out a worn envelope. “When I saw you earlier, it jogged my memory that I kept forgetting to give this to you.”
He holds it out, but I don’t grab it. “You mean you didn’t…” I really should think before I start talking.
“You thought I was jealous of Gavin?”
My cheeks flush, and I grateful for the growing darkness surrounding us. “It’s not like there isn’t a precedence for that,” I mutter.
“Your voice carries, and his is booming too. I overheard you two talking. I knew it was for a spell. Crystal…” He shakes his head and presses the envelope into my hand. “Here.”
And he starts to walk away.
“Where are you going?”
“I thought…”
“I asked you before to stay with me when I read what I thought was his letter. This one is real, and I still want you to stay with me. If you want to, that is.” I hate feeling so off around him, but lately, everything feels off.
“Sure.” He turns around, and we sit in front of my parents’ graves. The stars are shining, but the moon is hidden behind a cloud, and Vince uses the flashlight from his phone so I can see.
* * *
Dear Crystal,
* * *
I wish I could be there, for your life, to see you grow up, to teach you to walk. I wish I could teach you to tie your shoes, how to ride a bike. I wish I could kiss your skinned knees. I wish I could walk you down the aisle on your wedding day.
I wish for a lot of things, but they don’t happen.
Your mother doesn’t know this, but I know how you came to be—that you aren’t exactly mine or hers. That you were conceived through magic. The witches came. They told me. And I didn’t want to believe. I thought they were crazy. But they showed me my future. They showed that I would die. And they showed me you. I saw you. Just a glimpse, but you are so beautiful. You look just like your mom. And with my fingers… You were holding out your hand, and there was a ball of fire hovering above it.
The witches told me that you are magic. I’m not sure what exactly that means, but it doesn’t change anything for me. I love you. I’ll always love you. Even after I die—which I pray and hope doesn’t happen until after you’re born—I’ll still love you.
It’s hard, so hard… I don’t understand why I can’t be here to watch you grow up, to help you, but I think it’s part of the deal. We get our daughter, but we don’t get to raise you. I hope I’m wrong. I know how badly Marian wants to raise you. She’s bought so many little dresses for you already. Hair stuff too. I didn’t think babies had a lot of hair. I don’t know about stuff like that.
From what the witches said, you’ll have power unlike anyone. You will be able to change the world. You have a destiny to fulfill. You are magic. You literally are magic. You can’t die. As long as there is magic, you will always be.
And that’s what makes this a little easier as I near my end. I may be dying, but you won’t ever. You will go on and on, changing the world, making it a better place, and that’s all I could ever want for you.
I love you, Crystal. No matter what the witches say, you are my daughter. When the light seems to be going out, reach for the stars.
* * *
Love, Dad
* * *
I re-read the letter as tears fill my eyes. I heard my dad on Halloween, so when I read the letter, I heard him say it, and it’s more than I can bear to stand.
“I’m sorry I read it without you.”
I laugh and wipe my tears away, crinkling the letter slightly in the process. “It’s how you found out about me. It’s what set you out to find me. You just believed it? Accepted it right from the start?”
“It got me thinking, and it just snowballed. I always thought you were special, Crystal. I just didn’t know how much.”
It’s so natural to lay my head on his shoulder. He tilts his against mine.
“Vince?”
“Sh. Don’t talk.”
So we sit there, and we just live in the moment. And it’s sweet and tender and just what I need. I don’t have all the answers, and I’m not magic incarnate again, but I do have some power, and that’s better than nothing.
“You and Gavin bonded,” he says quietly.
I stiffen but don’t pull away.
“I understand that. I accept that. I know you care about us both. It’s not fair, though, what you’re doing.”
“I’m not trying to—“
“You’re pushing him away because you think I won’t want to be with you unless you do that. You two were friends when we started dating. You shouldn’t treat him like he’s nothing now that I’m back in the picture.”
“I…” Is he right? Yes. I’ve been terrible to Gavin. He does mean something to me, and I’ve been acting like he doesn’t count, and all because I want Vince back.
But things have changed—for me and for Vince and for Gavin. Not one of us are the same person that we were six months ago. Vince had time on earth without me. He spent his days trying to find me and ended up marked for Hell—all for me. And Gavin? I’m not sure what he did before I came back, but he helped me so much with seeking out the seer and going up against Scarlet Blood. He’s forgiven me for Calder and maybe he will for his dad too. As for me, I’ve lost a part of myself when I lost my abilities, and I’m still learning who I am now that I’m human. It’s like I have to find balance within myself. Just who am I, Crystal the girl, the witch or shaman or whatever I am now? Maybe the world doesn’t need or want someone who is purely magic. Maybe it’s better for the world and for myself that my power is limited.
Accepting myself. That’s what I need to do, even more than letting go of anger and regret, even more than receiving absolution.
“You’re right. I… I don’t want to make excuses, but I’m just so… Life sucks,” I blurt out.
Vince laughs, but the sound isn’t joyful. “Don’t I know it. I was so happy to see you again that I didn’t stop to think about what you might’ve gone through. I didn’t know if you had died or if you hadn’t, but coming back… it has to change a person.”
“I have changed.” More than just my magical abilities. “I don’t know if I like who I am now. I want things to go back to how they were.”
“I do too.” He stands and brushes dirt from his hands. “But we can’t go back, right? We can only move forward. To live.”
Or to die.
My hand falls on his wrist.
Or to die and go to Hell.
Chapter 23
Vince walks away. I want to join him. I want us to go back to talking about my birth parents, to when I thought we were making a connection again, but he’s right. We can’t go back. We can only move forward, and right now, his moving forward means getting ever closer to dying and going to Hell.
“God, sometimes I hate this. Sometimes I just wish I could go back and never have gone up in the attic. Never learn about my birth mom. Never went to the witches, never learned I was magic incarnate, never mastered my powers…“
I rip up some grass and allow the blades to trickle between my fingers back to the ground. It’s getting cold out. Winter is here, and my breaths are smoky fog.
“There were some good times. Flying was fun. Vince… he fell in love with me despite my being magic incarnate. He loved me for who I was. And Lydia, she became my second best friend. Investigating my birth parents with her was fun.”
The letter feels strangely heavy in my hand, and I tap the envelope against my father’s gravestone. Tap, tap, tap.
“But Lydia was murdered. Vince loved the old me, but that doesn’t mean he loves the new me. I’m not even sure I recognize myself.”
I lower my head, and some hair falls over my shoulder. It’s still a shock to see the white and blond strands.
Grimacing, I brush the hair back. “And I don’t mean the change in hair color either. I was just beginning to come into my own as magic when I blew it. When I screwed up. When I died. I don’t know if I even like me.”
With tender care, I return the letter inside the envelope. I’m talking to God, but I hope my birth parents can hear me too.
“Here I am, being selfish again. Right now, it isn’t about me. It should be about Bri and Vince and their marks and…”
I remove the vial from my pocket.
“So many people need help, need saving. I have to stop waiting around and hoping others will come and save the day. The other witches are busy trying to help Sapphire Belladonna and Gavin’s sister. Shira’s with her mom. It’s all on Gavin and me. I just… God? Can we have a clue? A hint? Anything to point us in the right direction?”
For a minute, I sit there, waiting for a gust of wind to blow or for a voice to whisper me an answer, for a brilliant idea to just hit me.
Nothing. No such luck.
Heaving a sigh that comes from my very soul, I climb to my feet and start toward the cemetery gates when I see a black form flying in the nighttime sky.
My heart starts to beat wildly, and I brace my legs so I can jump into the air and fly after it. Instinct still to rely on magic I no longer have.
And my fangs are out too. My fingers are claws. The hair on the back of my neck rises, as if my hackles are raised.
My lips part, and a growl slips out. I have to be half between my beast and my human form, and I run as fast as I can to follow the form. Claymore sleeps, but I’m wide awake, terrified and alarmed and angry. So angry. If this is a demon, I’ll take it down… somehow.
The form leads me toward the poorer section of town, and I have to keep looking down at the broken sidewalk to ensure I don’t trip and fall in my haste. After another glance down, I look up to see the form has landed at the end of the alley I just entered.
I drop to all fours, my knees and elbow protesting the jarring descent. Dirt and the harsh asphalt scrap against my palms. Another growl sounds from deep within me, low and menacing. I’m about to break out into full beast when the form steps forward.
It’s a good thing the cloud picks that moment to glide on past the moon, bathing the form in light, because otherwise, I might’ve ripped out Gavin’s throat. With my adrenaline racing through my body, my emotions and fears so heightened, it takes me some time to be able to revert fully back to human.
“What are you doing?” I hiss as soon as I can. My words are a little warbled—my fangs haven’t retracted completely.
“I’m trying to find the next hit-and-run victim. There will be more and—“
“Gavin, that’s not smart. You can’t fly around—“
“If I’m there on the scene immediately, I can help more than the paramedics can.” He’s heading straight for me, but I don’t move out of the way. He walks on by then turns around and walks back the way he came. Pacing. Nervous, uptight energy radiates from him, making me just as nervous and uptight as he is. “I can heal the person right away,” he continues. “There won’t be a need for surgery.”
“Gavin, listen to me—“
“No one else will have to die. You know that’s what they want. The demons.” He’s ready to walk past me again.
I seize his arm. Good thing my fingers are back. “Listen to me!”
Gavin blinks and stares at me as if seeing me for the first time. “Yeah?”
“You can’t fly around like this. What if someone sees you?”
“It’s worth the risk.” He shrugs himself free of my grasp.
“What if one of the demons comes after you? We don’t know anything about demons. Instead of flying around—“
“I’m not.” He scowls.
“You don’t even know what I was about to suggest!” I protest, hands on my hips. So much for trying to make things up to Gavin. I’m concerned for his safety and well-being, but yelling at him might not be the best way to get him to see reason, yet I’m too upset to stop.
“Yes, I do. You’re going to suggest we do some reading. See if your mom’s books say anything, or maybe my dad’s. Am I right?”
I gape at him and slowly nod. That’s exactly what I was about to say.
“I have visions, remember? I can sometimes see the future. And I know what’s going to happen. Five more people are going to die from hit-and-runs. Next is arson. Six of those. After that, I’m not sure but—“
“Gavin.” I reach for his arm. He tries to back away, but I persist and hug him tight enough that he can’t break free. “If you saw them die…”
“Crystal, I can’t…” His voice breaks. “I can’t let them just die. I can’t just sit back and do nothing.”
“Have you seen any visions about Bri and Vince?”
He hangs his head. “No.”
“Shira or your sister or the witches?”
“Nope.”
“Vince is convinced he’s going to die soon and go to Hell. Bri’s acting so strange and keeps disappearing.” I bite my lip in an attempt to focus on that outward pain instead of the pain eating away at me internally. It’s killing me that I can’t help Bri, that she doesn’t seem to want my help. Just yesterday, I tried to talk to her, to see if there was anything I could do to help her, and she snapped at me and told me to leave her alone, that she was trying to live her life. After the way she had seemed so much like her old self again earlier, this felt like a major slap in the face.
“I’m not going to sit around and waste my time doing what will end up being wasted time pouring over books,” Gavin says stubbornly. “You can do that if you want. I’m going to be more proactive.”
“And if a demon comes after you?” I demand, hands on my hips. He’s way too tall for me to look down on him, but that doesn’t stop me from shooting him my best glare.
He shrugs. “I’ll worry about it if it happens.”
“Don’t you mean when?” I point out. “You’re being reckless and—“
“I really don’t need to hear this right now, Crystal.”
And he takes off, high into the sky. I try to track him, but he’s moving way too fast for me to be able to.
Great. Just what I needed. For us to be fighting. For him to get himself killed. Doesn’t he realize we have to work together if we’re going to change anything? I need his help!
I’m way too amped up and excitable and distraught to go to sleep, and I make my way through the town and outside it, toward the clearing. It’s almost like I’m drawn here, and I don’t know why. Don’t want to know why. The thought of the clearing and the portal and my being connected to it freaks me out. Coming back again and again frightens me, especially after the nightmare I recently had, but I’m not about to let fear dominate me, to dictate my actions. It’s one thing to feel fear. It’s another entirely to allow fear the power to shut you down.
And that’s another reason why I haven’t been making it a habit of returning to the clearing—because of the whole paralysis thing. I desperately don’t want to be trapped in my body again. Just because I’ve been able to draw on power to be able to jumpstart my body again doesn’t guarantee I’ll be able to in the future.
My legs don’t halt or even slow as I approach the clearing. So far, so good, but then I notice something… a slight hole, right where the portal had appeared.
My shoes kick and push the soil around to fill the hole, and for good measure, I bend down and push more soil on top. The soil doesn’t feel any different than normal soil, and there’s no hellwind, no blast of heat.
As I walk away, I feel some of my power leaking out of me. It’s the strangest feeling, something I haven’t felt in quite some time—since the battle between the shamans and witches.
I glance behind me and still. There’s a patch of grass the size of my sneakers from the small mound I created in the soil. What in the world?
Moving quickly, trying not to be freaked out, I retreat to the forest and after a few paces look behind me. Now that I’m not in the barren clearing anymore, I wouldn’t be able to see patchy grass like before, but evidence of my footsteps remain—flowers are growing behind me in strange foot-shaped areas, and there aren’t any flowers in front of me so…
My powers are still expanding it seems, but at least this version is life affirming!
Bending down, I touch one of the flowers. Some of the nine petals are purple, some more pink, others both. The petals fan out even more as I stroke the flower. The flowers give off a scent unlike any other. Floral but like cinnamon and vanilla. I really wish I had a smart phone so I could take a pic and look up what kind of flower it is, but since I don’t, I pluck one.
The flower instantly withers and collapses in my hand, black dust.
Um…
I’m so startled that I may have just killed the flower that I back up into a tree. My hands brush against the harsh bark of a tree. It’s dark and growing darker, but when I pull away from the tree, I can still see that the bark where my hands rested is different from the rest of the tree. The changes slowly increase in size. Is the…
