Thundering Meadows, page 16
“Sorry,” Michael mumbled, his eyes downcast from the censure.
“I’ll keep asking around,” said Luke. “She’s bound to make a mistake and when she does, we’ll catch her.”
“Do we know any more about her past before she married Stanley?” asked Ben.
“I don’t recall her ever talking about it,” said Michael. “She was always blathering on about clothes and how Stanley needed to do this and that with the ranch, trying to talk him into convincing Pa to go along with her grand plans.”
“I never got to know her,” said Luke. “She might’ve known I thought little of her. I wasn’t exactly welcoming before or after Pa died. You remember how angry I was.”
“And I don’t know if it’s wise to ask Stanley,” said Ben. “He’s still too volatile. I don’t want him to be disappointed if we lose her again. He was able to dissolve the marriage without her consent, considering everything, but I don’t think he’ll ever move on until she’s behind bars. She’s still wanted by the law, and I’m sure she knows that.”
“Maybe Anne or Katy remember something,” said Michael. “Any little detail is bound to help.”
“Perhaps. I’ll ask them and see if anything comes to mind. In the meantime, Luke, you’ll keep us informed?”
“Of course, I will. Why would you doubt me?” Luke asked, his voice growing tight with anger.
“I’m not doubting you. Did you speak to the Marshal in Helena?” Ben asked.
“No, not yet.” Luke glared at his brother.
“When you get to Helena, let him know you might’ve seen her. I’m sure he’ll be interested,” said Ben. “He’s the one who sent out the wanted posters all those years ago. I’m sure he’d be happy to resolve this mess as much as we would.”
“Can I help?” James asked. The tension was growing thick in the room and in an effort to alleviate the anger that was brewing just under the surface, he felt he needed to offer.
“No, I appreciate the sentiment, but until we can find her, not much can be done.”
“Considering my past, I know a thing or two about hiding from the law.” James smiled wryly.
The humor wasn’t lost on them, and they chuckled, all too aware of what James had done and the price he paid.
“I’m happy to help in any way I can. All of you did so much for me even when I didn’t deserve it, so I’d like to return the favor,” said James.
“No need for that. You’re a part of the family. Payback ain’t necessary,” said Ben.
“Well, the offer’s out there just the same.”
Ben acknowledged the sentiment and their conversation turned to events on the ranch and to less serious topics, laughter and ribbing one another with love and affection. James had missed the camaraderie the brothers had brought to his life when they lived in Spring Creek. Without them, he wouldn’t have been able to sleep with one eye closed in those prison walls if Ben hadn’t stepped up and offered to protect Elizabeth from her pa.
With a bit of luck and hard work, Ben and Elizabeth had found happiness in a situation that hadn’t warranted it. If he could help bring Connie to justice, he would do everything in his power to give them the same support they had given him when he hadn’t deserved it.
Twenty-Two
James led his horse into the stall, latched the door, and leaned heavily against it. Removing his hat, he rubbed his hand across the nape of his neck. It had been a long and exhausting day, and he wasn’t looking forward to going inside and behaving as though everything was alright in his world. The last couple of days had been exhausting both physically and emotionally. He was conflicted.
He couldn’t look at Rose without wanting more. She had become very important to him, but he didn’t know if she felt the same way. He wanted a wife, someone to share his life with, but what did she want? She only had to cast her eyes on him for his hands to sweat and his heart to beat as fast as a galloping horse. He was acting like a rowdy teenager with every glance.
He had ravished her with his insatiable need the night Tommy’s fever and congestion had finally broken. Since then, he had been avoiding her.
As Tommy’s health improved, his guilt over not telling her about his past was haunting him. Their marriage was supposed to have been one in name only. No feelings were to interfere. They could have lived their lives separately but together. Then he ruined it by taking her into his arms. He had broken his promise. Now he didn’t know what to do.
He should be happy they were building a life together. He’d have everything he had always wanted. A beautiful, vivacious wife and two children who had a firm hold on his heart.
Ben and Elizabeth had insisted he tell her the truth, but he had ignored their advice. He believed he knew better, that he was doing the right thing, but it was clear he had made a terrible decision and didn’t know how to right that wrong.
He kept asking himself what she would’ve done if he had told her the truth from the beginning, but he hadn’t and now he was so ashamed of himself he didn’t even want to be in his own company. He thought he learned his lesson after spending six long years in jail. He wanted to become someone his family could be proud of and had decided even before he left prison, he would live his life better. Then what did he do? He ruined it by lying to the one person he shouldn’t have.
His footsteps were heavy as he climbed onto the porch. Not wanting to go inside yet, he sat in one of the rocking chairs. Pushing with his feet, he rested against the curved wood and rocked. His feet brushing against the ground as his thoughts tumbled through his mind. Thinking about what he should have done when he left his ma’s care, what he should have done when Elizabeth had found him, and what he should have done when he met Rose for the first time. Instead, he made mistake after mistake, never seeming to learn from them.
The porch door opened, light from inside spilling out as Elizabeth appeared. She held a lantern in one hand and a knitted afghan in the other.
“James, is that you?” Her eyes squinted as she tried to see who was sitting outside.
He nodded, but she didn’t move. It was dark, so she likely couldn’t tell it was him. “Yes,” he said.
“It’s late. Is everything alright?” she asked. She sat in the chair next to him, placed the lantern on the table between them, and covered her legs with the knitted afghan.
James replied, “Yes, I just came from the south field. I wanted to take a moment and enjoy the night sky.”
“You don’t mind me sitting with you, do you?” The legs of her rocking chair squeaked on the wooden porch.
“Of course not. This is your home. You have every right to be here.”
“That may be true, but if you want privacy, I can go inside and leave you alone with your thoughts.”
“Nonsense, I enjoy your company.” He reached over and squeezed her hand before letting go.
They stared at the sky, the stars sparkling and enjoyed the quiet, still night. The temperatures had dropped as the sun fell, but the porch protected them from the coldness of the breeze. It reminded him of a few nights they had spent together on their ranch in Spring Creek before his past had caught up with him. What he wouldn’t give to have his ranch back and to show Rose he was capable of so much more. But he had purchased the ranch with stolen money, and how could he explain without revealing what he had done? All his misdeeds were tied together in a tangled web of his own making, with no way out unless he upended everything.
After a few minutes, Elizabeth shifted in her seat and gazed at him, her eyes filled with compassion. She hesitated, and he could see the questions she wanted to ask but didn’t. Sighing, she turned to gaze at the dark blue sky.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No. I just worry about you.”
“You shouldn’t,” he said, his feet pushing against the wooden floor. He didn’t want to burden her with his problems, problems he had created with his selfishness.
“Are you sure about that?” she whispered.
“Why would you ask?”
Silence greeted him for a long moment before she murmured, “You’ve been avoiding Rose.”
“I have not.” His voice was defensive. She was right, but he wouldn’t acknowledge it.
Her voice grew curt. “I beg to differ. The last few nights you haven’t been home in time for dinner, and you work late, coming in long after we’ve gone to bed.”
“There’s much to get done. The ranch doesn’t run itself.”
“Is there?”
His fist hit the side of the chair; his voice angry. “Of course, there is. You’ve lived here for years. Ben works just as hard, if not harder, than me.”
“I know how hard Ben works.” The wood of her chair creaked on the porch’s wooden floor. “But he comes home for dinner, spends time with his children, and with me. Have you been doing the same?”
“I must pull my weight. Ben didn’t have to give me a job, and I have a lot to make up for.”
“We aren’t expecting you to pay us back or to work yourself to death. You paid for your mistakes. Ben thinks highly of you and always has. He knew you tried to make a better life for yourself before you went away to prison. Besides, you protected me and, in my eyes, that makes up for quite a bit.”
She reached over and squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him, but it was a cold comfort.
“I owe you both so much.” He stopped, his throat closing with unsaid emotions.
“I appreciate you wanting to work hard, but not at the price of your family.”
“I must do this,” he gulped hard, painfully, the words sticking in his throat.
“In your quest to do everything right, you’re harming them.”
Her words sent a sharp pain to his heart and a chill down his spine. “I’m not trying to.”
“I know. You’re feeling guilty for not telling Rose. You’re afraid if she finds out the truth, she’ll cut you out of her life.”
He said nothing. She was right, so right.
“Tell her. She’s kind and compassionate, and I believe she’ll listen and won’t hold your past against you, but…” She held up her hand. “The longer you keep this secret from her, the harder it’ll be to tell her and the harder she’ll take it when she hears the truth. The last thing you want is for her to discover your past from someone besides yourself.”
Startled at what she said, he halted and looked hard at her. “You’re not planning on telling her, are you?”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “Of course not. I would hope you know me better than that, but it doesn’t mean she won’t find out from someone else.”
The porch door opened, and Ben stepped outside. “Elizabeth,” he said. “What are you doing out here?”
“I’m coming, my love,” she said.
Ben stood patiently in the doorframe, waiting and giving them time.
Elizabeth stood, gathering her afghan. She touched his arm with her fingertips. “I love you. Consider what I said.”
He dipped his head. “Goodnight.”
“Sleep well,” she said, her voice low but full of love.
She stepped to her husband’s side. He pulled her into his arms and murmured something in her ear. Elizabeth reached up and grazed his cheek with her hand before whispering something softly to him. He smiled at her tenderly, and they turned and left him alone on the porch.
James watched them go and wished he shared the same love with Rose that Elizabeth had with Ben. He was envious of their relationship and wanted the same.
Was Elizabeth right? Should he tell Rose everything? Would she forgive him?
He didn’t know and wasn’t sure he wanted to take the chance.
James stared at the night sky long after Elizabeth and Ben went inside. When his lids were too heavy to keep open, he went up to his room. The morning would arrive sooner than he’d wish. While he could sit on a horse while half asleep, and he had done it often enough over the years, he preferred to be awake.
Nothing more embarrassing than falling off the saddle in front of the other cowhands and living down the ribbing that would surely come his way. There was no shortage of gaffes on a ranch with cowboys poking fun at one another, but he didn’t want to be the butt of any taunting because he fell off his horse from lack of sleep especially when the lack of sleep was fear over what his wife would do if she discovered his secrets.
After checking in on the children and finding them fast asleep, their soft snores a boon to his heart, he crossed the hall to his room. Stepping inside, he shrugged off his woolen coat. It was a far improvement from the threadbare one he had arrived with. Along with everything else, Ben had outfitted him with the warm clothing he needed for a working ranch. He was of no use to Ben if he caught a chill.
Hanging it on a hook behind the door, he moved to the fire to warm his hands. He bent to stoke the flames when movement caught his eye, and he was shocked to see Rose curled in the armchair. Her cheeks pink, her lips plump, her sweet countenance pulling him like a moth to a flame. It was hard to resist her.
A thick quilt lay tangled around her waist and her yellow wrapper had fallen open, revealing a thin white cotton nightgown buttoned to the nape of her neck. A tray sat on the table next to her. She had brought food for him.
He still couldn’t believe this magnificent woman was his wife, but would that last? No matter what he did, there was always the chance she would leave him. He had no real hold on her. He had vowed to protect her so she wouldn’t lose her children, but they had made no promises beyond that. She was too good, too pure to stay with a hardened criminal.
His path was doomed. He had to tell her and tell her soon.
She stirred and stretched, her eyes fluttering open. She smiled, the smile so wide and bright it fairly gleamed in the firelight. “James. You’re home.”
His eyes devoured every inch of her. She placed her stockinged feet on the floor and stood. Holding her hands out, she reached for him and tugged him close until he stood within an inch of her. She caressed his cheek. Her touch was delicate as she ran her fingers across his chin, his neck, and to his chest, where she placed her hand against his heart, beating wildly in his chest. It would likely burst into flames with a single breath.
His blood thudded with anticipation and desire. He couldn’t let his lust override his good sense. He had to put distance between them and tell her the truth.
He tried to step away, but she had other ideas and stopped him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she lifted on her toes. He inhaled, and her scent enveloped him like a wet spring morning, fresh, delicious, intoxicating. He wanted to consume her with a passion that scared him.
She placed her ripe, full lips against his. It couldn’t hurt to take one small, sweet taste and then he would let her go. As his mouth touched hers, he tried to keep it chaste, but she took matters into her own hands. She pressed deep into him and parted her lips. Her tongue darted out and touched his, and it was enough to send him over the edge. His arms tightened around her waist, holding her secure against him. She tasted of honey and peaches. He couldn’t get enough.
She moaned, and he was lost. Sweeping her into his arms, he strode to the bed and placed her gently down. She looked at him dreamily and he thought to himself—one more night wouldn’t hurt.
She was willing. He was willing. They shouldn’t deny themselves. They could talk tomorrow, but tonight was a night for dreams to come true, not for dreams being shattered.
Twenty-Three
Hours later, James woke with a start. Clanging prison doors, a wet, damp blanket, rats scurrying for crumbs dropped on the floor, and fists pounding into flesh roared through his mind like a mountain lion chasing its prey. Sweating and shaking, he had been back behind those metal bars where the sights and sounds of hell shook him to his very core with vicious men in every corner and nothing to lose. The nightmares would come when he’d least expect it and were hard to remember.
When he had been carted to prison six years before, he had mistakenly believed it wouldn’t be dangerous. His punishment had been just after all. He thought he’d serve his time and be better for it. Little had he realized how tough the conditions were. The food was rotten most days, and if he got enough to fill his belly, it was a good day. The cells were dark and dank, moisture creeping through the cracks in the walls, leaving everything damp to the touch. It had been musty, and the air reeked of urine, rotten eggs, and horrendous smells he couldn’t even identify. No fresh air and no privacy, a reminder of what he had done to earn the conditions in which he had been forced to survive.
All his choices had been taken away, and several cellmates had been downright evil. The crimes they committed were far beyond what James could even imagine, even in his worst nightmares. Fortunately, he had been quick on his feet and with a few quick punches in dark corners, most left him alone except for those first couple of months when the real thugs of the prison tried to prove their dominance. He learned early on to avoid eye contact and kept to himself. It didn’t prevent a few late-night beatings, but since he didn’t rat out the perpetrators and didn’t antagonize them, they soon let him be. He wasn’t enough of a challenge and didn’t cause problems, so they moved on to easier prey.
It still didn’t take away the loneliness and despair he had felt most nights as he huddled in his cot, freezing in the winter and sweating like a roasting pig in the hot summer months. He didn’t want to relive those memories, but they would swamp his thoughts when he least expected them and would pull him to the anger and self-deprecation he experienced for six long years.
Rose stirred and snuggled against him. Touching one of her silky curls, it grounded him and returned him to a happier time and helped him forget the misery he had felt but sweat covered him and it wasn’t from their midnight romp. He didn’t want her to worry, so he gently pulled away and went to the window, looking outside the glass panes. It was frigid in the room and his balls shriveled painfully between his legs, but he needed to experience the pain, to remind him how quickly everything could be ripped away.
