I'll Be Here For You, page 14
"Mae." I said on my end, trying to get her attention and stop her rambling. She didn't stop though, keeping on talking as if the world depended on it. "Mae!" I shouted even louder. This time she quieted down, allowing me to talk and explain myself.
"Alex just kissed me."
I swear I could've heard a pin drop on her end of the call, she was that quiet. That shut her up fast at least. Maybe I should've just started with that.
"HE DID WHAT?" Mae could hardly contain herself as she screamed at me through the phone. I held it back from my face just a little bit so that my ears wouldn't be permanently screwed up. I stifled back a laugh, surprised that Mae as worked up about this as I was.
I repeated myself slowly, trying to convince myself more than Mae that he actually did kiss me. "Alex kissed me."
Some people say that writing things down or just speaking them out loud helps you realize how small your problems are, and that makes it easier to manage. But for me, saying it again just made it worse. It was three words. That's it. Three words that completely turned my brain upside down and left me defenseless and confused on a bench outside of a nasty gym.
Her voice was quiet as a mouse when it crackled through my phone's speaker. "He didn't."
"He did."
"You're lying."
"I'm not."
Mae paused. I could hear her taking a deep breath on the other line, thinking through the situation just like I had been doing for a while now. Then suddenly, it was so faint at first that I might've missed it, I heard the tiniest laughter that exploded into full on cackling. What the...
"I called it! I so called it! I told you that one day at lunch when you were giving me crap about Finn that he liked you and you said no! Well I guess you were wrong and I was right then, huh Louisa?" She continued laughing while I found myself scowling, however my lips were curling up into a small smile. Her laughter was infectious I swear. Even if I was a little cross with her for making light of the situation.
"But Mae," I groaned, outwardly complaining. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
She replied instantly. "Well did you kiss him back?"
I shuffled my feet, staring at the ground. I know not kissing him back was the wrong move, even if I'm not entirely sure that I like him in that way. But now things are going to be so much more awkward between us. I just want to rewind back and stop him before he starts talking about how much I mean to him so that it doesn't lead to that kiss. I'm just so confused now.
I sighed, still not really wanting to admit the truth to Mae that I was too stunned to kiss him back. "No..." I said reluctantly, already wincing in the anticipation of Mae screaming at me again.
Surprisingly, she didn't yell. "You didn't."
"I did!" I wailed after a short pause, ashamed to admit the truth.
Mae sighed, obviously disappointed in me. Hell, I disappointed in myself. It was my first kiss, ever. The least I could've done was kiss him back. Then maybe I wouldn't be as confused as I am right now.
"Louisa, Louisa, Louisa." Mae said. I could almost feel her shaking her head at me on the other end of the line. "What ever am I going to do with you?"
"Just kidnap me and drive me to Nebraska where I can start a new life and forget that this kiss ever happened."
Chapter 42
"That, unfortunately, is not going to happen. But hey, I'll tell you what you should do."
"Is this the right time to tell you that he's coming over to my house at seven tonight?" I interjected.
The next fifteen minutes consisted on me filling in Mae on exactly what happened. I left out the parts of Alex and his life at home though, of course. There was no way that I would break his trust and tell someone else about that. It definitely wasn't my story to share, even if he had already told Mae about it or if she knew a little about what's going on.
Mae left her house to come pick me up at Westview pretty much after my first words on our call came out of my mouth. School had ended a while ago now, long enough for her to get home and start working on her homework and everything. The whole exchange with me, Noah, and Finn, and then Rory, and then Alex, then sitting on the bench contemplating my life before I called Mae took about two hours. Alex's practice, according to Mae, was going to be over in thirty minutes. And I did not still want to be here after that happened.
Mae stayed with me on the phone call the entire time, up until the moment she said she was here and I slid into her car. She had to come out of her car and get me though. I didn't exactly know how to get to her car. I was god awful with directions.
"This what you need to do." She said once I was sitting in her car all buckled and ready to go. She pressed her foot onto the accelerator, causing the car to roll forward onto the pavement and leave the school behind. I was there for way too long.
"You need to look hot tonight." As soon as the words came out of Mae's mouth, I swear I almost died of simultaneous embarrassment and shock.
"Wh-What?" I stammered at, so shocked to even form a sentence.
Look hot? I didn't even know how. The blindness came before I ever really got into makeup and now without being able to see a mirror it was a lot harder to do the simple things like put on makeup. I hadn't even put so much as mascara on in years.
"Don't act like that, it's not like I told you you're going to die tomorrow or something."
"You might as well have." I muttered under my breath to which Mae responded by smacking me lightly on the shoulder.
"Oh, stop it. It can't kill you to put on a little mascara and blush, can it?" Mae was pleading with so hopefully it was near impossible to turn her down. "Maybe some eyeliner to highlight those gorgeous, brilliant blue eyes of yours?"
I shook my head, silently willing her to drop the makeup. It was going to be such a hassle to take it all off my face and what if Alex read way too much into it. I still didn't know how I felt. I was just so confused right now, about everything.
"Please, Louisa. I'll do anything! I'll buy you eight thousand tons of Phish food from Ben and Jerry's. And your precious M&Ms." Mae bargained with me.
I let out a very audible groan, banging my head against the headrest. "Why does everyone know about my ice cream obsession now?"
I could hear the rustling of her fabric as Mae shrugged. "Thank the twins. They told Alex and Alex told us of course. I think you're his favorite topic of conversation." That comment earned another groan from me and, because I unfortunately couldn't stop it, the pinkening of my cheeks.
Just then Mae's phone buzzed loudly and her clothes swished as she reached to grab it. I swatted her hand away, rolling my eyes at her. "You're driving." I stated simply.
"Yeah. But it's not like I'll crash or anything." Mae retorted.
My voice raised a little bit as I argued back. "You don't know that, anything could happen."
"Yeah...but-"
"No buts Mae, it's dangerous."
The good mood that we were both in suddenly vanished as silence filled the car. Mae's phone kept buzzing nearly every five seconds, and I was gritting my teeth, trying to ignore it. It wasn't my fault that I didn't want Mae to check her phone. I was just trying to keep us safe. I didn't want things to end up like...like last time.
We finally pulled into her house, I only knew this because she told me that's where we were going as soon as she picked me up, when Mae picked up her phone.
"Oh my god!" She shouted, instantly causing me to turn my attention back to her. And just like that, the mood changed again.
"What? What happened?" I demanded. Was it something serious? Did something bad happen? Was it Alex?
"You'll never guess what Finn just texted me." She said excitedly.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry from relief. It was only two seconds of sheer panic that Mae caused me, but it felt like an eternity. I would've felt terrible if something awful happened and someone needed Mae, and I wouldn't let her check her phone.
Instead of doing either of the two, I smiled, playing along. "What did he say?"
"He said he saw what happened between you and Alex." The smile disappeared as my face turned ghost white. He saw that?
Mae continued, barely pausing to take a breath. "But you don't know the whole story. Apparently, there's another exit from the gym into the school. Finn was worried about you leaving so suddenly. He says here in the text that he was going to apologize for making you uncomfortable. And that's when he saw Rory."
"Rory!" What the hell was he doing there, that prick?
Mae nodded. "Rory was there practically the entire time. I have no idea why he would do that. That's basically stalking you, and that's so creepy. Anyways, Alex is very protective of you-"
"Not really." I interjected. I didn't know why I was arguing with her again. I knew what I said wasn't true.
"Are you sure about that? Remember when Cora punched you and Alex saved you from another one? Or that time when Shawn sprained your wrist, which by the way I think it should be around time to take that sling off. Or when he knew within seconds at paintball that you were gone? Or when he got in not one but two fights with Shawn because of what he did to you?"
Chapter 43
"He did what?" My breathing nearly stopped. I had heard about the first fight, but I thought that it was just a rumor. I didn't think that he would actually fight someone on school grounds. Much less on my behalf. And not only once too, but twice? Why did Alex feel like he needed to protect me this much?
Mae started trying to explain to me what happened with the fighting before I gave her a dismissive wave. "Just finish the story with Rory first."
She took in a deep breath. "Right. So Alex is very protective of you, as we reconfirmed, and he according to Finn made eye contact with Rory right before he started his huge profession of love to you."
"It wasn't a profession of love! Stop being so dramatic!"
"And so," Mae continued, completely ignoring me, "Finn thinks that Alex kissed you to make sure Rory stays away from you. Rory's a bad seed, nearly as bad as Shawn. He's manipulative and creepy for almost no reason at all, so you need to stay away from him."
I ignored all the stuff about Rory. At this point, I was more focused on the reason behind Alex kissing me. "So, you're telling me that he didn't mean it? That he just kissed me so that he could protect me?"
"Not exactly."
I frowned at her. "What do you mean, not exactly?"
Mae sighed, fiddling with the sleeves on her sweater. "I know Alex. He's not that kind of person to toy with your emotions like that. And from what you told me he said, no way in hell it was fake. But now with the Rory situation in play, it's harder to figure out what he truly meant by it. Boys can be stupid. Even Alex, the smartest guy I know, can be stupid."
"So you don't really know if Alex likes me then in that way or not."
Mae took a couple seconds before responding to my question, but her warm tone was too infectious to make me feel sad about Alex only kissing me to get Rory off my back. "If he does or doesn't, he's coming over to your house tonight with his little bro. And you're going to look hot. No exceptions."
"Is this really necessary?"
An hour later and with the added assistance of Clara who showed up per instruction of Mae, I was apparently ready. It felt like they caked makeup on my face.
"I'm the makeup wizard, Louisa. You look beautiful." Clara stated simply, almost as if daring me to argue with her.
I did argue with her though. "Don't you think he'll notice that suddenly, after he kisses me, that I'm wearing a lot of makeup? That I'm trying to look good for him?"
Mae was putting the straightener away that she used to flatten my usually wavy hair. "Well isn't that what you're doing?"
"Well...yeah. But only because you guys told me to."
"And for a good reason. You don't want to look like a hoodlum, do you? Not when we're trying to figure out whether or not he's attracted to you! We want to make it easy for him to kiss you again!" Mae said, a little too excitedly for my liking.
Clara snorted, causing both Mae and I to shut up our bantering and turn towards her. "What?" She said, laughing awkwardly. "I can already tell you that he's practically in love with you."
For the fifteenth time tonight, my mouth nearly hit the floor. "What?" I shouted, incredulously. "Even with the whole Rory situation?"
"Oh, come on." Clara said, most likely rolling her eyes. "You can't see him look at you the way Mae and I can. He looks like a cartoon character, the way his eyes sparkle like that whenever he lays eyes on you."
I pouted. "I didn't know eyes could actually sparkle."
"Believe me, Louisa. Not many people's do. But when Alex looks at you, you better believe his face lights up like it's Christmas morning. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out sooner. He's talked to you more than any of us. He trusts you more, I suppose."
"It's because I'm blind, you dummy. It's harder to sign to me." I stated the obvious.
Mae joined the conversation, backing Clara up. "Think about it though. The only way for you to communicate is for your guys' hands to touch. You've practically been holding hands this whole time! And when he isn't using your hand to sign to you, he's talking to you. I don't think you understand how hard it is for him to get even a word out. The fact that he's even making this much of an effort to talk to you is something. He would've given up a long time ago with anyone else other than you."
I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to keep talking about whether or not Alex liked me or didn't. I just wanted to get to my house before he did so that he wouldn't awkwardly be waiting on my front porch when I got back. And I was also excited to meet his younger brother, Lucas. I was done talking about the same thing we had been talking about for hours. I just wanted to get this over with.
Most importantly, I just wanted to find out why he kissed me. Was it just to get Rory away from me? Or did it mean something else? Something...deeper.
Per my request, Mae, Clara, and I all piled into Mae's car as she drove me to my house. I fussed over my makeup, complaining that it was way too much while they said the same things and told me that I looked great, yada yada yada. I was just participating in the useless chatter to keep me occupied while my thoughts were spinning round in my head, worrying about what was about to go down when Alex showed up.
After what felt like hours of being told how to act once he showed up, we finally made it to my house. I opened the door, immediately yelling for my mom so that she could know what was going on with Alex.
"Mother!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I didn't feel like walking all over the house searching for her. Yelling was the most effective way to figure out where she was.
Chapter 44
I heard her footsteps coming from the kitchen. "What is it?" She asked me, waiting patiently as I gathered a little courage to tell her what was happening. She wasn't going to like this one bit.
Better make this a quick as possible. Like ripping off a band aid. "So Alex is going through a rough time right now and I told him that he could stay at ours for a couple nights or something like that and he's coming for dinner at seven. Thanks, you're the best." I said without even taking a breath, immediately moving towards the stairs and up to my room with Clara and Mae in tow.
"Wait just a second young lady." Yeah, I knew I wasn't going to get off that easy. "A boy who is your age sleeping under the same roof as you? I don't know how I feel about that."
I took a deep breath, turning slowly back around to face her. "He's having a lot of family issues right now and his house is a really toxic environment. I thought that I would be good for him to get out of there for a while. Besides, he's bringing his little brother with him and there's absolutely nothing between us in any way whatsoever." Big. Fat. Lie. And I just had to add the little extra emphasis at the end to really just twist the knife that I stabbed in my mom's back. I haven't lied to my mom since...well, since that day.
I could've heard her loud, exaggerated sigh from miles away. She was not a fan of this, I knew that much at least. But I also knew that there was no way that she would turn me down now that she knew a little bit more of the situation and that she could help make things better.
"Fine. But if you so much as dare-"
I smiled and laughed, hopefully dismissing that thought from her mind. "Don't worry mom, I'm not that stupid." I finished it off with a wink, taking another step towards the stairs.
"Hold on, Louisa." Oh my goodness what does she want now?
I turned back to her again but this time she was already at my side, whispering in my ear. "And don't think I didn't see how cozy you two looked on the couch."
I swear all of the color drained from my face and I stood there as if I had seen a ghost, my body was that rigid. I broke into a cold sweat, both embarrassed and frankly a little scared. She saw that? I mean I shouldn't be surprised I slept on that couch pretty much all night and I had no idea when Alex left. My mom probably saw us leaning on each other sound asleep. Oh god, that's so embarrassing and awful!
"Got it." My voice shook when I said it, and I practically raced up the stairs, overly eager to get my room now. Once Mae and Clara followed me into the room, I slammed the door shut, sinking against the wall in relief. "Geez I'm glad that's over." I said, letting out the breath that I was holding.
"What happened, Louisa? You look a little pale over there." Clara asked.
I shook my head. "You don't want to know."
We spent the next five minutes or so developing a very brief game plan and after that, we just hung out like regular teenagers. This was the first time that Mae and Clara had ever been in my room, and almost exactly like Alex and Noah started fiddling with my things. When they had found the art pieces that I had made a while ago and asked me about them, I shrugged their questions off, acting like it wasn't a big deal. Then they found the record player. Boy did we have fun with that thing.
"No." Mae said, barely above a whisper as she sorted through my record collection. "You do not have this record."
