North Queen (Crowns Book 1), page 41
A few moments later, a cluster of children came, eager to see the North Queen who was handing out treats. Bhastian scolded them, and they scampered off, but not without leaving her empty of sweets.
“I see you’re already gaining favor,” Vitalia told her with a grin.
Across the way, in a larger market stall, Norah noticed a beautiful sheer fabric and wandered toward it. “What is this?” she asked the woman in the stall as she ran her fingers over it. The woman answered in Kharavian tongue.
“Butterfly silk,” Vitalia told her.
“From butterflies?” Norah asked incredulously.
“From the valley.”
“How do I buy some?” she asked her maid in a hushed voice. “Do I need to go get money?”
“No, Salara. They’ll charge the castle. Just take what you like.”
The woman smiled, folding the rolls of silk and chattering excitedly. Norah didn’t even know what she’d use it for, but she’d figure something out. Perhaps as a gift for her grandmother. Suddenly, Vitalia’s face fell, and Norah turned, following her gaze to Captain Artem approaching.
“You can’t be out here,” Artem said when he reached her.
“That’s not your call.”
“I’m charged with your safety.”
Nice try. “The lord commander is to take my words as Salar’s. You can tell him I’ll return when I’m ready.”
“I don’t answer to the lord commander. I answer directly to Salar.”
Wait, Artem didn’t answer to the commander?
“Your maid will collect your things,” the captain said. “You’ll return to the castle now.”
“I’ll decide what I do,” Norah told him, an anger swelling inside her. If he thought he could control her like the lord commander had tried, he was mistaken.
“See her back to the castle,” he ordered the guard, ignoring her.
“I’ll go back when I’m ready,” she snapped, sending a ripple of tension through the air.
“Salara,” Kiran said softly from behind her. “I must obey.”
She pushed out a breath, shaking with anger. But what could she do? “Vitalia, get the silk. It looks like we’re finished shopping for today.” Then she spun on her heel and turned back toward the castle, stewing in rage as she walked. She wouldn’t live like this. She was salara, and she would go where she pleased.
Norah stormed through the castle and found Mikael in the library.
He stood from his chair with a concerned brow as she entered. “Are you all right?”
“You have to choose another captain,” she demanded. “Or better yet, I’ll use mine.”
He stiffened. “I’ve already dealt with my lord commander. Now you ask me to remove my captain of the Crest?”
“Am I prisoner here?”
His brow dipped. “Of course not.”
“Yet I’m still under constant watch and command.”
“For your protection.”
“No.” She shook her head. This wasn’t about protection with the captain and lord commander. It was about control. “I’ve accepted the stipulation of a proper guard. If I’m a prisoner, then tell me I’m a prisoner. But if I’m salara, I’ll go where I please; I’ll do as I please.” She held the fire of her gaze firmly with Mikael’s. “Am I your prisoner? Or am I salara?”
Mikael’s brow dipped in concern, and he drew closer. “You’re salara. I’ll speak to Artem.”
Norah narrowed her eyes.
“I’ll speak to him,” he said again. “With a proper guard, you’ll go where you want and do as you please.”
“Including going to the market?”
He paused but gave her a nod. “Including going to the market.”
But rage still burned on her skin.
Mikael stepped in front of her. He took her hand and pulled her closer, gently, like he feared the fragility between them.
As he should.
But as his warmth danced across her skin, she feared what was between them wasn’t fragile enough.
He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her fingers softly. Something stirred inside her. He was doing more than just trying for civility, more than simply fostering an alliance. Norah forgot about the market.
“Where are you going now?” he asked.
Where was she going?
“Can I walk you?”
She nodded.
Instead of offering it this time, he simply pulled her hand under the fold of his arm and covered it with his own. Then they stepped out into the hall.
Her mind seemed to return as they walked. “I’d like to discuss my men’s assignment when they return from Mercia,” she said.
“Your man, Titus?”
It surprised her that he remembered his name. “Yes, and others.”
“I’ll see your guardsmen are named to the Crest.”
“Thank you,” she breathed, feeling a swell of relief. “Oh, and Caspian is a captain.” She’d see him assigned appropriately for his rank.
He nodded. “We will discuss him when he’s healed.”
This was progress.
“I hear the Bear—your lord justice—is investigating more attacks on North towns.”
“Mercian towns and those under Mercia’s protection. The same as the town we saw.” She pursed her lips in frustration. “We still don’t know who’s responsible.”
Mikael frowned, and she wondered what he was thinking. “You’ll let me know what he finds?” he asked.
“I will.”
The muscle along his jaw tightened. “Will you send him back to the North after he returns?”
She nodded reluctantly. “I do intend to,” she said.
“Good.” His tone held an edge of irritation, but his face lightened as their eyes met again.
They walked the rest of the way quietly, but it wasn’t an uneasy quiet; it was the quiet of comfort returning. He set a slow pace, seeming to enjoy the moment, as she was. When they reached the hall, he paused. “To the door?”
“Of course.”
But that distance only gave her the blink of an eye longer with him. At the door, he turned to her. His eyes seemed brighter than they usually were—lighter, almost brown.
“I must admit, when I gave you this sanctuary, I didn’t expect it to be where you’d stay. I fear I regret it now.”
Her pulse quickened as a worry balled in her stomach. Would he take it away from her?
“It’s a place I can’t follow after you, a place I can’t visit without your invitation.” He paused. “I want you to know I think of you… inviting me in. Often.”
Her pulse raced with each of his words. She wanted to invite him in, but when she opened her mouth, the words wouldn’t come. Perhaps it felt too forward, too bold, and too soon. She didn’t know.
“Can I not stay with you, just a while longer?” he asked.
It wasn’t a wise idea, she told herself, but she wasn’t ready to part from him yet. “Just a while longer,” she found herself saying.
The corners of his lips turned up.
It certainly wasn’t a wise idea. She chastised herself as she opened the sanctuary door and led him in. Now she wouldn’t be able to get him out. Did she want him out?
Norah poured herself a chalice of wine and drank deeply. The wine would help.
Mikael looked around the sanctuary. He smiled as he stepped closer. “What do you do in here?” he asked.
She thought about going home, thought about Alexander, thought about him.
“Read,” she replied.
He stepped closer—close enough to touch her. His eyes moved back and forth between hers, looking deep inside her. She set the chalice down. The wine wasn’t helping.
Mikael reached up and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She didn’t pull away. His brow creased. “Salara,” he said softly. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what you need from me.”
His vulnerability stunned her. She swallowed and looked at the settee. “Maybe we can just sit for a while?”
Mikael let out a breath and nodded. He stepped back and sat on the lounge, and she sat beside him. A quiet hung in the air, but she felt no need to fill it. He rested his arm between them, with his hand open and palm up. An invitation.
Norah placed her hand on top of his, and he closed his fingers around it. He was asking her for closeness. She settled against him and laid her head on his shoulder—her silent reply.
Chapter forty-nine
Norah woke under the rays of the morning sun, lying against Mikael with his arms around her. They were still on the settee. It was late afternoon when they’d come to the sanctuary. Had they really slept through the evening and night?
She let herself nestle into the warmth of his body. He smelled like belonging—something she hadn’t felt since… ever. Anywhere.
Mikael stirred, wrapping his arms tighter around her and pulling her close. “I didn’t expect myself so lucky as to wake up next to you,” he said.
“I didn’t expect it either,” she admitted. “When did you wake?”
“The middle of the night.”
She pushed herself up abruptly. He’d been awake since the middle of the night?
“I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t want…” His eyes were bright. “I didn’t want to leave.”
Her stomach fluttered. “I wouldn’t have made you leave.”
He smiled as he brushed a lock of her hair back over her shoulder and drew his fingers over her cheek. “But it’s morning now, and I have to go for a few days to settle trade with some of the Horsemen tribes. When I return, I’d like to… talk more. Spend more time together.”
“I’d like that.” She needed that.
“The lord commander will be coming with me,” he told her. “So he won’t be a bother to you.”
There was no hiding her relief. “I’m glad to hear.”
“Salara, I know he’s a hard man to understand. But I hope you can come to. Eventually.”
She understood the commander perfectly.
He cupped her face in his hand. “I trust him above all others. He knows you’re important to me, and he’s loyal. I know you don’t believe this, but he’ll be loyal to you as well.”
He was right—she didn’t believe that. “I’ll keep busy while you’re gone,” she said, changing the topic from the commander.
He smiled. Then his brow creased faintly.
“What?”
“I have something for you,” he said. “Come with me.”
He pulled her up from the settee and led her out of the sanctuary toward the back of the castle.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“A place I think you’ll like.” He took her through several halls, outside the back of the castle, waving the Crest guard to stay inside. She couldn’t help the flutter of excitement in her stomach. She let him lead her, hand in hand, down a small embankment and toward a stone building. Mikael pushed open the carved wooden door and led her inside, and Norah’s breath caught in her chest.
It wasn’t a simple stone building. Once through the door, the room opened into a garden conservatory. The morning sun spilled through the wall of windows on the opposite side, kissing the greenery that filled it.
In awe, Norah clasped her hands together, walking slowly into the center of the conservatory. “What is this place?” she whispered.
“My grandmother was from Japheth. But when she came to Kharav, she was overcome with the longing sickness. My grandfather built this for her.”
“The longing sickness?”
“The sickness in wanting for one’s home,” he answered. “We were at war back then. She couldn’t return. My grandfather built this place to house the green of Japheth’s Colored Valley. He and a few of his best soldiers snuck into Japheth and stole greens from the royal gardens to bring here.”
“That’s incredible,” she breathed.
“Yes, it is.” He gave a small smile.
“Did it take the longing sickness away?” she asked.
“Probably not entirely, but she had a great love for it, and she was happy.”
Norah breathed in deeply, closing her eyes and letting the scents and light take her away.
“Do you have the longing sickness?” he asked softly.
She missed Mercia, but longing? It wasn’t that deep. Norah’s stomach knotted, and guilt tugged at her heart. She still hadn’t told him she’d lost her memories. She hadn’t told him when he’d asked her where she had been the years she was gone. And he hadn’t pressed her more. Perhaps he felt she didn’t want to tell him.
“I can’t bring you the North—its cliffs, its rocks, its winter,” he said as he plucked a flower from the small bush beside her and stepped closer, “but this place isn’t Kharav.” He held the flower out for her. “And perhaps you might look to come here instead of your sanctuary. Here, where I would be able to visit you.”
Norah felt a wave of emotion at his tenderness. She took the blossom from his hand and breathed in its sweet fragrance. “It’s beautiful,” she said.
He smiled. “So are you.”
“Mikael, there’s something I need to tell you.” She spun the small flower between her fingers. “You once asked me where I’d been those years that I was gone from Mercia.”
He stood quietly, waiting.
“The truth is, I don’t know. My memories were taken in the time I was lost. I, um… I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”
His brow dipped, and his lips parted. But he didn’t speak.
The words just tumbled out of her. “I don’t know what happened. The only thing I remember is waking in the Wild. By some miracle I was found, but then I became queen of Mercia, betrothed to King Phillip, and was expected to war against an enemy—you—all of whom I didn’t know.”
He remained silent, and her pulse quickened. She should have told him sooner. She wanted to make this marriage work—not just the marriage, but whatever it was that was growing between them—and she didn’t want secrets.
“Everyone expected all these things from me. There are expectations still.” She took a breath. “But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want. I’m just trying to figure things out as I go. And all I have is how I feel.”
He only stared at her, and she shrunk inside, silently begging him to say something.
Anything.
He let out a long breath and took her hand. Her heart beat faster.
“Maybe that’s all you need,” he said finally, and gave a small smile. “Salara, the woman I see knows exactly who she is and what she wants.”
His words surprised her. “You’re not upset I didn’t tell you?”
Mikael shook his head. “I’m realizing my luck. If you hadn’t lost your memories, I seriously doubt you would have wed me.”
The realization hit her that he might be right. “All this time, I thought it was a curse. But now, I wonder if it’s been a blessing, to help me see past emotions that would’ve otherwise clouded my judgment.” She raised her eyes to his. “I don’t want secrets between us. Not when I feel for you the way I do now.”
He pulled her closer as he reached up and brushed her face, gazing down at her. “And how is it you feel?” he asked.
Norah swallowed. Why couldn’t she say it?
“I hope it’s the same as I feel for you,” he said softly.
“You can kiss me now,” she whispered.
He smiled and brought his lips to hers.
The sun cast a deceptive warmth through the windows as Soren walked through the side hall of the castle, toward the king’s chamber. He’d expected Mikael at daybreak at the stable. They were to ride to the smaller Horsemen tribes of the Shoen to renew their agreements, but Mikael hadn’t come.
When he reached the king’s room, he was surprised to find it empty, with only Mikael’s servant.
“Where is Salar?” he asked.
Vimal gave a small bow. “He joined Salara last night in her sanctuary, my lord. He’s not yet returned.”
Soren bristled. He turned and strode back out of the chamber, down the hall, and through the castle, toward the North Queen’s sanctuary. As he turned the corner, nearing her hall, only a sentry guard stood watch, not her Crest guard. He slowed his pace; she wasn’t there.
He lingered in the cross section a moment, then he turned and left the way he’d come. He wondered where he might find Salar now. Mikael had already left the queen and the sanctuary, but he hadn’t headed back to his chamber.
As he crossed the center of the castle and headed toward the dining hall, something caught his eye. Two soldiers of the queen’s Crest guard stood at the end of a hallway at the back of the castle, by a door leading outside. Why would the queen be outside? And without her guard? He strode toward them. “Where is the North Queen?” he called.
“In the conservatory,” Bhastian answered.
“Without you?” he asked angrily but didn’t give them an opportunity to answer as he pushed through the doors and stepped outside. He stalked the short way to the conservatory, but as he reached the front step, he stopped. Through the side windowpane, he saw the North Queen. And Mikael.
The queen stood with her back against the stone wall. Mikael held her face in his hands, cradling her as his mouth covered hers.
A chilling burn crept under his skin and to his chest, then sank like a weight into his stomach. It wasn’t the kiss. It was what the kiss meant.
He slipped around the outside corner of the castle, out of sight from the conservatory, and leaned back against the stone exterior.
Soren drew in a slow breath and forced it out. He’d seen the king with other women, with his previous wives, but those marriages had been motivated by political gain and meant very little. Mikael had never loved anyone. Until now. And that was dangerous—loving the North Queen. The one threat to him. Mikael welcomed his fate.
