North Queen (Crowns Book 1), page 18
“War is coming,” Catherine said. “And not just any war, another Great War.”
“Queen Norah,” Samuel interrupted. “There’s another.”
Her head snapped up, and her eyes widened. “Another vision?”
He nodded.
Her stomach tightened as they followed him to a second easel where another painting sat. This one was smaller but just as haunting. It was an extension of the first. The battle raged on, and in the center of the painting fought a man clad in armor. But he wore no helm and his golden locks shined bright against the backdrop of war. Alexander. He wielded a sword above his head, with his teeth bared. His body twisted in attack on a man that had been knocked to the ground, a man with his arm outstretched against his fate. Norah’s breath caught in her throat at the fated man, for on his head was a horned helm.
Catherine gasped. “By the gods!”
The Shadow King—the man her father had warred against, the man who sought to destroy her. He would fall in this war. Alexander would kill him.
Catherine clutched Norah’s arm, almost pulling her over. “Norah! With Phillip by your side, we’ll defeat the Shadow King!”
Well, Alexander would defeat him. But Mercia was joined with Aleon on the battlefield. Norah swallowed back the knot in her throat as she moved back to the first painting. She looked closely at Phillip on his chestnut stallion. This was the man she was expected to marry, the man that would feed her people and help win this war.
“Norah, you can’t deny this,” pressed Catherine from behind her. “Think about your people. You must do what is best for them. This winter rages on, and they look to you. And more than that, these visions are what await you. You need this marriage to Phillip, and soon.”
Marriage. There it was again.
“Phillip is a good king,” Catherine stressed further, seeming to read her mind. “You could come to love him in time.”
Norah clenched her teeth. That wasn’t how love worked. Perhaps she wished it did. She backed away from the easel. How helpless it felt to have no control, no choice. The images suffocated her. She stumbled numbly back through the sea of paintings and toward the door.
“Norah,” Catherine called after her.
Norah pushed out into the winter, sucking in the icy air. It stung her lungs but felt good. It cleared her mind, helped her think. This wasn’t about love. This was about helping Mercia and her people. They wouldn’t survive the winter. And if this war was to come, she would need Phillip by her side, like in the painting. She would need his army.
Her grandmother was right, and she hated it. Catherine stepped out of the gallery, and they stood on the cobblestone walk. For once, her grandmother was silent.
“Will you help me write a letter?” Norah asked finally. “To this King Phillip of Aleon?”
Catherine let out a breath as she put her hand on Norah’s arm. “Of course, my dear.”
Chapter twenty-one
Despite the eternity of night, the morning sun came too soon. Norah lay awake in bed, looking at the ceiling. Perhaps she’d acted too hastily, but it was too late now. She rose sluggishly as Rebecca opened the draperies and brought in her dress. The cold water woke her fully as she washed her face.
Catherine entered her room as Rebecca fastened the last of the clasps on the back of her dress, and Norah looked up at her in the reflection of the mirror.
Her grandmother gave her a sympathetic smile. “I won’t pretend today will be an easy day for you.”
Norah didn’t respond. By now, the council was already aware of the new vision. She would go to them this morning and announce her acceptance of marriage to Phillip. In a week’s time, she would travel to Aleon, where they would be wed. That would be her life.
Norah stepped out of her chamber and into the hall leading to the stair. She noticed the captain, Caspian, on guard with Titus, as he had been the evening before. Odd.
When they reached the judisaept, the council was waiting.
So was Alexander.
She tried to avoid him, but his gaze caught hers. She couldn’t escape. There was a desperation in the storms of his eyes. And something else. But she couldn’t think about that right now. She took her place at the head of the table, but she didn’t sit. This wouldn’t take long, and she couldn’t bear to be there any longer than she needed to.
Norah swallowed, forcing an even tone. “As you’re all aware, a new vision has come.”
The council cast approving eyes on Alexander, clearly already feeling victorious over the Shadow King. Norah didn’t. She wasn’t sure if she could get the rest of the words out. “As queen, I can’t see a clearer path than the one with Aleon. I’ve written to King Phillip, accepting his proposal of marriage, to continue the strong alliance between Mercia and Aleon.”
The councilmen grinned and clapped, nodding in agreement and triumph. All except for Alexander.
“I’ll leave in a week’s time.” She had more to add, but she couldn’t speak it through the tears that threatened. She couldn’t let them see her cry. “If you’ll excuse me, councilmen,” she said shakily. She turned and left before they could answer, stepping out into the hall and trying to catch her breath.
“Norah,” her grandmother called from behind her.
But she couldn’t face her. She couldn’t face anyone. She hurried down the pillared walk and through the great hall, with only the sound of the captain’s steps behind her. Of course he would follow.
When she reached the stairs leading up to her chamber, she paused, looking back. Catherine hadn’t come after her. She glanced at Caspian, frustrated. There would be no getting rid of him. She turned and took a separate small hall toward a side drawing room. She wanted to be alone, as alone as she could be, and perhaps no one would look for her there.
The chill of the room would have normally pushed her from staying long, but she welcomed it now. It helped her stave off the tears that threatened. She’d do whatever was needed to help her kingdom and her people, but that didn’t mean she’d resolved her emotion.
Norah stood by the window, looking out over the reach of the isle. The room had a view of the small sparring field on the west side, where she had tested swords with Alexander. Her mind moved to him. As if on cue, she heard footsteps behind her and turned to see him.
His presence forced more feelings that she was trying so hard to keep back. She turned to the window again, focusing on the sparring field outside and the men practicing on it.
Alexander drew close beside her. “Norah,” he said softly. He waited until she looked at him. His face was etched in sadness, and it unleashed her own.
She closed her eyes against the overwhelming wave of emotion. Eternity spun around them in the silence.
“Norah,” he said again, and she opened her eyes to him. “That night at the tree… it was the night before your father took you. It was the last time I saw you, and it’s haunted me since. Had I known…”
He stopped himself and pushed out a long breath between his teeth.
Her eyes searched his. “What would you have done differently had you known?”
But he didn’t answer.
She nodded. Nothing. She needed to accept this was what they were. She moved to leave, but he caught her hand.
“Norah.”
His touch pulsed a warmth through her, and she stopped. Her eyes dropped to where his hand wrapped around her wrist. He loosened his hold but didn’t let her go.
They stood as if they each feared the reaction of the other.
Alexander stepped closer. His fingers relaxed around her wrist, and ever so softly he grazed her palm as he ran his hand down over hers. His caress prickled her skin as he entwined his fingers between hers.
“Did you lie to me?” she whispered.
His breath clipped.
She lifted her eyes to his. “Did you lie when you said you didn’t love me?”
His lips parted, but there were no words. She wanted to beg him to tell her he lied.
He leaned even closer as he lowered his head, with only a breath between them. If she raised her chin, their lips would meet. Her body betrayed her, rolling her upward.
“Norah,” he breathed. “I—”
A tap on the doorframe by the captain broke the moment. She had forgotten he was there, and a flush came to her cheeks. But she didn’t have time to mull over it. Someone was coming.
Alexander’s jaw tightened as he pushed out a long breath. They couldn’t be found like this. He pulled his hand from hers and stepped back, but their eyes stayed on each other’s.
Catherine reached the room, drawing Norah’s gaze as she entered. The woman stopped when she saw them. “Norah,” she said. Her tone was stiff, a warning.
Norah glanced back up at Alexander. The words that she desperately needed to hear from him, they wouldn’t come now. Perhaps it was better they were left unsaid. They would either further break her or make it that much harder to do what she must. Either way, no good would come of them. She swallowed back her need and moved around him to leave. She couldn’t look at her grandmother as she stepped past her and out into the hall.
“Norah,” Catherine said, but she didn’t stop.
Caspian stood, waiting. He’d been the one to alert them. Had he seen them? She averted her eyes, heat creeping back to her cheeks, and quickened her pace toward her chamber as he fell in step behind her.
“Norah,” Catherine called from behind.
She didn’t want to hear whatever her grandmother had to say. She didn’t want the judgment, the chastisement. She couldn’t bear it on top of everything else.
“Norah,” Catherine called again.
She paused.
Catherine caught up to her. Her eyes were shadowed in a cloud of sorrow that tempered her icy fire. “Norah, you mustn’t make it harder than it already is. You’re so close, child. Don’t let yourself be distracted.”
Norah let out a breath of disbelief. “Distracted?” The bitterness lay thick on her tongue. She couldn’t hold herself back any longer. “No! I have agreed to everything that’s been asked of me, everything thrust upon me. I wear a crown I don’t want, I’ll marry a man I don’t know, and I’ll go to war with an enemy for a cause I don’t fully understand. And now you tell me to feel nothing?” She shook her head. “I won’t pretend I don’t. I can’t.”
“Norah! You’ll watch your words in these halls!” Catherine shushed her as she glanced around them.
“Or what?” she snapped. With a glance of finality, Norah turned and strode back to her chamber.
Alexander looked out from the window of his chamber at the torchlit square down below. The alcohol stung his throat as he took another drink from his chalice. He could still feel the warmth of her hand in his, the way their wrists had touched, the brush of their arms as he had stepped closer. The nearness of her lingered on his skin, and her breath on his lips. She was so close, and yet beyond his reach, as she had always been.
She had asked him if he had lied. He’d hoped himself wiser and stronger now, solid in his decision that what he’d done was best for Mercia, best for Norah. The truth was, if faced with that decision now, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to make the same choice. The heartbreak in her eyes when he had left her at the tree—it had haunted him the last three years. Now to see it all over again, and to lose her again, he didn’t think he could bear it. The pain twisted inside him—not the dull ache of wanting, but the kind of pain that makes a man fade to nothing.
A knock from the hall interrupted him. He set his glass on the small table by the side chair. When he pulled open the door, he wasn’t surprised. Catherine. He opened the door wider, and she swept inside.
Alexander stood, waiting for the admonishment he knew he deserved.
But it didn’t come.
Raising his eyes, he didn’t find the anger he had expected, or the disappointment. There was no offense or rebuke. Only sadness hung between them, and it further opened his wound. He wanted her wrath, something that would take his mind from the pain. He needed it. Her sympathy would be the breaking point.
Catherine closed the gap between them, and her worry-worn eyes found his. “You’ve always known this would come.”
His throat seized. He couldn’t speak.
“You knew you couldn’t love her,” she said.
He knew. He’d always known. Yet he couldn’t not. He drew in a breath and pushed it out, choking back the loss that threatened to break him.
Catherine sighed as she reached up and brought her hand to his cheek. “My dear boy,” she said softly, “I feared this for you. For both of you. I’ve done everything in my power, but”—she ran her hand down to his chest and gave him a gentle pat—“you both have such stubborn hearts.” She smiled sadly.
He feared his words wouldn’t come without emotion, so he said nothing.
“I haven’t come to chastise you,” she said, smoothing the center trim of his doublet. “But I want to be sure you haven’t forgotten yourself. You are the lord justice of Mercia.”
Lord justice. A position he had aspired to his entire life, now a position that meant nothing when compared to losing Norah. However, his conditioned courtesies answered for him, and he felt himself nod.
Catherine gave him another pat and then stepped toward the door. As she opened it, she paused, turning back. “Alexander, when she leaves for Aleon, you won’t go with her.”
His head jerked up, and his eyes caught hers. “What?” he breathed, finally finding his voice. “She can’t travel alone.”
“You say that as though she’s traveling half the world away. She’ll be well within the safety of Mercian lands until she reaches Aleon. And she won’t be alone. She’ll have the captain and an army to escort her to the border, where King Phillip will meet her. In her absence, you’re needed in Mercia with the rest of the council. That’s your duty, Alexander.”
Duty. He had given his life to duty. And it had ripped out his heart.
With a final gaze, Catherine stepped out, closing the door behind her.
Norah woke on the side chair where she’d fallen asleep, with her eyes still puffy from tears. It was dark outside. She stood as she reached up to push her hair back from her face. She opened her chamber door slowly to find Caspian and Liaman on watch.
“Queen Norah,” Caspian greeted her.
“How long until morning?” she asked.
“Quite some time yet. Should I send for your maid?”
She shook her head. “No. Could I just get some water? And maybe something small to eat?”
“Of course.” He nodded to Liaman, who left quickly for her requests.
Norah left the door open and sat down at the vanity, looking at herself in the mirror, but not seeing. Caspian stood in the doorway, facing outward. How awkward it felt with him now. “What you saw yesterday,” she started, “what you heard—”
“I saw and heard nothing, Regal High.”
“You would be a poor captain of the guard if that were true.”
Liaman returned with some water, wine, and an assortment of food on a small plate. Caspian took it and excused him, leaving them to talk privately. He put the plate on the vanity in front of her and poured some water into a chalice. Norah eyed the wine, but she had spurred enough judgment for the moment, so she kept herself from reaching for it.
He gave her a sympathetic smile, as if reading her mind, and filled another cup with wine. “He wouldn’t want you to hurt like this,” he said softly.
Hurt was a good word. It did hurt. And Caspian knew. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she looked up at him. “What do you know of how he feels?”
His face sobered. “Forgive me,” he said quickly. “It’s not my place. I shouldn’t have spoken.”
“I don’t want decorum. I want you to answer.”
Caspian let out an uneasy breath. “I’ve known Alexander his entire life, and you’ve always been the center of it.”
She swallowed. “He hasn’t shared this with me.”
“You mean he hasn’t spoken the words that betray his duty? Because that’s what he’d be doing.” He paused. “It’s not my place, but I urge you caution. He gets closer and closer to a danger I’m not sure you understand. If the council were to know, they would remove him.”
“He’s my lord justice,” she argued. “I named him. I am queen.”
Caspian frowned. “If the council thinks Alexander stands in the way of an alliance with Aleon, even you won’t be able to save him.”
Norah’s heart beat heavy in her chest as a fear seeded itself within. What did that mean? She looked back at her chalice. “Is that why you’ve taken to guard work? Am I so obvious now it requires a captain’s attention?”
“It requires a friend’s attention,” he said. “Discreet attention.”
Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
“You must take care to not show your feelings in front of anyone else,” he told her. “And trust your grandmother. She loves you both, and she works to protect you and the lord justice.”
Chapter twenty-two
Preparing to depart Mercia felt surreal. Norah had only known it as home for a short time, but it was strange to leave. She knew nothing else. Her grandmother would continue in the role of regent in Norah’s absence, with the council’s support. Perhaps it was better. Norah hadn’t exactly mastered being queen.
Packing everything had been time-consuming. It would take a week to travel southeast through Mercia to the border of Praetoria, the first kingdom of the Aleon empire, where Phillip would meet her. Weather permitting, they’d reach the imperial capital of Valour in another week. The army gathered across the bridge on the mainland, readying the horses.
In the castle, Norah said goodbye to her grandmother. “Are you sure you’ll be all right?” she asked. While Catherine would travel to attend the wedding, policies prevented them from traveling together, so her grandmother would follow separately.
Catherine clasped Norah’s hands. “Child, don’t worry about me. I’ll join you in Aleon in time for the wedding.”
