One More Second Chance, page 8
“I just wanted to make sure you got to the boat okay.”
“Thanks.” Phoenix leaned on her crutch and started walking. “It’s actually better now. There’s not as much pain.” Her tone was tight and her words short. Phoenix thought about how ironically the pain seemed to move from one place to another, from her knee to her heart. “I’ll be fine. You can go ahead.”
“I’ll just give you some space, superwoman.”
Why did he have to say that? When he said it before today, it was funny to her. It brought back cute memories. Now it was like pouring verbal salt into her open wound. She hated feeling so vulnerable.
“Fine.”
True to his word, Carter walked several feet behind her. Lincoln caught up with them by the time they reached the area where they were to dock.
“Hey, y’all! Up here!” Savannah was waving from the top deck.
Savannah looked so pretty in her white halter dress and her hair flowing in the breeze. Jaxon stood beside her as handsome as could be with one arm around Savannah’s waist. They looked perfect together. Phoenix smiled for real this time. Her sister was so happy. She would use Savannah’s joy to get her through the night. It was contagious.
By the time Phoenix approached the stairs, Carter was behind her, making sure she made it up without incident. Once she got onto the deck, everyone cheered.
Savannah hugged her. “You made it!” When Savannah pulled back she stared into Phoenix’s eyes. “You okay?”
Phoenix grinned and shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?” Savannah asked. Phoenix avoided Savannah’s penetrating stare. After another moment Savannah asked, “Any pain?”
“Actually, I feel much better. I think I really needed the rest.”
“Great! You don’t have to move around much. Just try your best to have a good time, okay?”
“I will.”
Jaxon and the others came over and checked on Phoenix, as well.
“Thanks everyone, but this party is about my sister and her dapper hubby-to-be here. I’m good. Where’s the food?”
“That’s my sister.” Savannah laughed.
Phoenix stole a glance in Carter’s direction. He was looking right at her. She wondered what he was thinking. Did he know she’d been crying? At that moment they went back to cautiously avoiding each other like they had when they first arrived in Fiji. Phoenix needed to get through the party and the wedding so she could return to her life and forget all about Carter and the what-ifs of the past five years.
Twelve
Carter wasn’t sure how to take Phoenix’s distant behavior at the yacht party. She didn’t speak and barely looked his way. He hadn’t expected her to take the news with a hearty smile, but didn’t expect her to be this upset. He thought she was over it. The timing was right. They were finally speaking. No one else was around and once they got back to the US, there was no telling if he’d ever get another chance to tell her.
Carter’s mind drifted to the past. His decision to walk away from their engagement wasn’t easy. He’d tried to figure out better ways to handle the situation. He knew it would hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Taylor, the woman who claimed to be carrying his child, was fun to be with and always made herself available to Carter. But he didn’t share the same history with her as he had with Phoenix. He met Taylor while they were in college. She was also from New York and stayed on campus at the same university as Carter and Phoenix. They’d dated off and on in college and occasionally during grad school. Their relationship hadn’t been as serious as the one he’d shared with Phoenix.
Carter had had a crush on Phoenix since middle school. They finally started dating in high school. He knew then that one day she’d be his wife. But first, he needed to get his wanton lust for girls out of his system. He and Taylor ended their fling just before Carter and Phoenix reunited. They got back together in the spring before finishing graduate school, decided to marry and scheduled their wedding for that same summer. Then Taylor showed up pregnant. She was several months by then with a noticeable bulge.
Carter wrestled with his emotions for months after the cancellation. He found it hard to eat and lost weight. He buried his pain and focused on Taylor, doing everything he needed to do to be there for her and their baby. Carter didn’t love Taylor, but still put in the effort to make a relationship work. His father said it was the right thing to do. He figured he might grow to love Taylor. Most of all, he wanted to be there for his child. Blackwells weren’t deadbeat dads.
Carter had accompanied Taylor to doctors’ appointments, made midnight runs for ice cream, rubbed her aching feet at night and shopped for baby furniture. Pride filled his chest when the doctor announced they would be having a boy. Despite moving forward with Taylor, they maintained a low profile around his family. His mother, who always had a sixth sense about things, never took to Taylor. Carter figured his family was used to Phoenix and would soon adjust, especially once the baby came.
At his mother’s insistence, Carter requested a DNA test shortly after the baby’s arrival. He had found out the baby wasn’t his. He was furious and let Taylor know exactly how he felt without mincing words. Carter was also torn. He had gotten used to life without Phoenix and settled into the idea of having a son with Taylor. He loved the child before he was born and was instantly smitten with his big brown eyes the moment he entered the world. He bonded with that baby boy and was crushed a month later when he learned he wasn’t the father. He was crushed again after learning that he didn’t have to wait until the baby was born to confirm that it wasn’t his. The woman who’d administered his DNA test told him he could have found out as early as nine weeks into Taylor’s pregnancy. Carter wouldn’t have had to call off his wedding. He had to live with the decisions he’d made.
“What’s on your mind, bro?” Lincoln’s voice pulled Carter from his bitter memories. He handed Carter a drink.
Carter sighed. “Too much,” he said as he took the drink from Lincoln and sipped.
“This is the life,” Lincoln said, leaning on the railing as he and Carter faced the setting sun.
“It is! Cheers.” Carter lifted his glass to Lincoln for a toast.
“Wanna talk about it?” Lincoln asked.
“Not now.”
“Okay. Phoenix seems to be doing better. That was scary,” Lincoln said, referring to Phoenix’s incident. He shook his head. “I’m glad it wasn’t worse.”
“Yeah. She’s a tough one. Always has been,” Carter reminisced.
“Come on. Join the party. You’ve been over here looking like your dog died long enough,” Lincoln said and laughed at the common phrase his family used to describe when someone seemed down.
“Ha! Whatever, bro. You’re right, though. I just have a lot on my mind. I need to get back to the party.”
The two of them walked over to where the rest were dancing, chatting and nibbling on hors d’oeuvres. Carter checked his demeanor on the way.
“Welcome to the party, cousin-in-law,” Savannah announced. “Glad you decided to join us.”
“Yeah, Carter. What’s up? You act like your dog died,” Ivy teased.
That got Carter laughing again. “Lincoln just used that on me.”
“Ha! That’s a Blackwell for you,” Ivy said.
He glanced at Phoenix and averted his eyes before she or anyone else could catch him looking. “Just a lot on my mind. And that water is mesmerizing. Did I miss anything good?”
“Just Jaxon’s silly jokes. I see why he’s marrying Savannah. She actually laughs at them,” Ivy said.
“That’s my baby!” Jaxon said, squeezing Savannah in his arms. It was evident that the cocktails he’d been consuming were working on him.
“We might need to turn the party up a notch.” Carter walked away to ask one of the attendants if they could turn the music up and play one of his favorite songs.
The popular melody sailed through the deck and everyone jumped to their feet to dance, except Phoenix. She danced from her chair, raising her crutch in the air to the rhythm of the party tune. The rest of their time on the water was filled with good music, dancing and the group reminiscing about their favorite songs. By the time the boat docked, most of them were in high spirits from the drinks and the fun they had. Carter had almost forgotten about his worries until he saw Phoenix struggling to get down the stairs. It seemed that everyone expected that he’d be the one to help her along.
Phoenix didn’t object this time. Yet, she still hadn’t spoken to him. Quietly, he proceeded to walk her to her villa. The awkwardness that initially settled between them was back. Only this time it was accompanied by a thick tension. The walk seemed longer. Both cleared their throats several times.
“Listen.” Carter broke the silence when they reached her door. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Phoenix cut him off, held her wrist up to the door and turned the knob.
“I thought the timing was right. We were getting along and...”
“It’s evident you still have an issue with timing,” Phoenix snapped.
Her comment stung. Carter took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He tried not to lose his patience with her. “Fine,” his tone was even. He took a step back, adding space between them.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Phoenix carefully stepped over the threshold and turned back toward Carter.
“I’m sorry, too,” he said. “Hopefully, we can move on. It was nice being friendly. Maybe one day we could go back to that.”
Phoenix looked away. When she looked back at Carter there was something unreadable in her eyes. Had she been more affected by his news than he realized? Their eyes locked. Carter felt himself moving closer to her.
“We just need to get through the wedding tomorrow and the next few days and we can go back to living our normal lives. You won’t have to see me and I won’t have to see you.”
“You’re right,” he said outwardly. Inside, he didn’t like the idea of never seeing her again. The past few days awakened something in him. Even the tense moments reminded him of what they once shared.
Carter kept his eyes on hers. She held his gaze. Old feelings returned, stirring his emotions. Perhaps those feelings never left and remained dormant in his soul. His heart quickened. Desire flooded him and he wondered what Phoenix would do if he kissed her. She still hadn’t looked away. Was she waiting for him to leave? Did she want to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss her? Maybe she was having some of the same crazy thoughts. Maybe old feelings were coming to the surface for her, too.
Carter stepped closer to Phoenix. She didn’t move. Carter noticed the rise and fall of her chest become more intense. He stepped closer. She stayed put. He watched her throat shift as she swallowed. He smelled the sweet scent of perfume. He wondered if he could taste the salt on her skin.
Carter wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but he felt something. It was more than lust, despite the horrible timing. He missed Phoenix. The thought of her absence burned in him. In this moment he realized every woman since her was an attempted replacement. That was why none of those relationships worked. But Phoenix would never have him. Would she?
Random thoughts flashed in his mind. What if Taylor was never pregnant? What if he had known the baby wasn’t his before calling off the wedding? Did he still want Phoenix? In this moment he did.
Carter closed the space between them so tightly he could feel her breath. He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Phoenix closed her eyes and a tear fell.
Something quickened in Carter’s chest. Her tears weakened him. Why was she crying? He wanted to take care of whatever caused her to cry. He wiped her tear, leaned forward and kissed the wetness that it left behind. Phoenix stiffened slightly. He kissed her cheek once more. Carter wanted to kiss her again and again. She didn’t move but hadn’t objected. Carter wanted to be with her. The feeling overwhelmed him. He kissed her again. This time closer to her lips.
He gently placed his hands behind her head and pulled her to him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, brushed his lips against her nose and rested his forehead against hers. He felt the heaviness of her pain in her breath. He longed to be her salve. Carter couldn’t seem to pull himself away. He felt compelled. He craved Phoenix, wishing he could erase the past and rewrite it.
“I wish it never happened.” His desire for her consumed him with heat. He pulled away to gather himself. He looked into her eyes. More tears fell. He hated seeing her cry.
Carter kissed the new tears. He felt Phoenix’s body relax. She sniffled. He wished he never caused her pain. He kept kissing her, finding his way to her lips. Phoenix opened her mouth, hesitantly at first. Then she received him fully, passionately, hungrily. She invited him in. Carter’s eyes closed, elated by her acceptance. Phoenix kissed him back with an urgency that matched his. When their lips parted, both were breathless.
“I’m sorry.” This time Carter apologized for taking liberties even though she hadn’t objected. Inside he was a happy man. The kiss was a breakthrough. He couldn’t believe his thoughts. He wanted Phoenix but didn’t realize how much until that moment. But was that even possible?
“Stop apologizing,” she whispered, out of breath.
This time she reached for him. Carter happily obliged, kissing her passionately. The welcome feel of her soft lips almost sent him over the edge. Together they hobbled in the door enough to be able to close it. Carter felt his erection stiffen and pulled away. Phoenix looked down. He knew she felt it, too.
Carter didn’t want to push Phoenix too far. If the door to her heart was opening, he needed to enter with care. Phoenix’s heart wasn’t something to play with. Neither was his. They had been through too much.
“I’d better go.”
Phoenix gnawed on her kiss-swollen bottom lip. “Yeah. Maybe you should go.” Her voice was low.
Carter wanted to pull her in for another kiss, pick her up and carry her to the bed. He restrained himself, willing his desire to be curtailed. “Good night, Phoenix.”
“Good night, Carter.” Her words came out in a whisper.
Carter backed out, keeping his gaze locked on Phoenix. When he cleared the doorjamb, she closed it slowly.
Thirteen
Phoenix woke in the morning to a bright sun shining down on her in the bed. She was in a haze, wondering if her memory served her right; if she really had kissed Carter the night before.
After closing the door on Carter last night, Phoenix leaned against it. She’d stayed there listening until she finally heard Carter walk away. She’d been glad when he did. It had taken everything for her not to open that door back up and invite him into her bedroom.
Carter had just kissed away her tears. And she’d let him. She was convinced that she was over Carter. Being around him these past few days had softened her resolve. Now she wasn’t sure about that at all. His kiss soothed her soul and lit a fire inside her. It felt right and it shouldn’t have. She yearned for more. What was she to do now?
Phoenix’s tears surprised her. She never meant to cry in front of him but couldn’t help herself. She’d believed him when he said he was sorry. His apology made all the feelings and memories from earlier that day come rushing back. The what-ifs returned, too. So many things could have been different had she calmed down enough to let him explain that night.
Phoenix huffed. She had to stop thinking about Carter. She was scheduled to meet her family for breakfast. The rest of the guests arrived between yesterday evening and this morning. There was so much to do to get ready for the wedding. A wedding where she would have to walk down the aisle arm in arm with Carter Blackwell. A part of her couldn’t wait to see him while another part of her dreaded being in his presence because of how he made her feel.
Phoenix put her crutch aside and walked cautiously to the bathroom. Her body didn’t ache as much as it had before. She’d gotten much better at walking without the crutch as long as she wasn’t too tired.
Phoenix focused on getting dressed but her thoughts kept going back to Carter. “Ugh!” Those kisses were going to increase the level of awkwardness during the wedding.
What would it be like when she saw Carter? How would she feel?
Phoenix called to see if her parents and Savannah were ready. At breakfast their mom, Nadine, fussed over Savannah. She couldn’t contain her excitement about her daughter’s wedding. Their dad, Christopher, sat back and smiled broadly.
“I have something to tell you, Mom,” Savannah said.
“What is it, sweetie?” Nadine said, reaching for her flute of mimosa.
Savannah cast Phoenix a quick glance before blurting out, “Savannah is walking with Carter in the wedding.”
Their dad, Chris, sat straight up and sighed. Nadine paused with her glass midway to her mouth. “What did you just say?”
Savannah rushed to explain. “Ethan couldn’t make it. Zoe is in the hospital and you know how close Jaxon is to his cousins...” Savannah continued speaking but Nadine’s eyes were on Phoenix.
“Phoenix,” Nadine said, calmly putting her glass down.
Savannah stopped talking. It seemed like everything stopped moving when Nadine said Phoenix’s name.
“Yes, Mom?” Phoenix thought about her and Carter’s kiss and felt like she was about to be scolded. Nadine had been especially upset after the wedding was called off. In fact, she stopped speaking to Carter’s parents for a while until she got over it.
“How do you feel about that?” Nadine asked.
“I’m fine with it. Carter doesn’t bother me. It’s not like I didn’t know he would be in the wedding. Jaxon is like his best friend.” Phoenix shrugged off Nadine’s concern.
