Purrfectly Slim, page 8
“Please be careful,” he said when Gran and Scarlett took their leave. “Don’t get cooked in there!”
Gran held up her hand in acknowledgment, and then they were gone—to be exposed to extreme heat just for the fun of it. Humans really were weird—too weird!
And so he sat there, looking around, and being watched with an unfavorable eye by the woman at reception. After ten minutes he was bored to tears already, and was starting to experience a definite rumbling sensation in his tummy. Now if only he’d had a bite to eat before he set out on his quest to join the Hollywood elite! But no, he had to go off on his own. Max and Dooley and Harriet were probably enjoying a nice meal at that moment, really digging in, and maybe dividing his portion amongst themselves, too!
Oh, why did he have to go off like that? And he was still regretting his ill-conceived decision when more customers filed in and offered their badges to the woman for registration. Amongst the people who had entered was a young woman who looked vaguely familiar, and Brutus thought he recognized her from somewhere. She was young and blond and pretty. She did notice him, though, and gave him a pat on the head, much to the annoyance of the receptionist.
“Oh, aren’t you a cutie pie?” she said. “Is he yours?” she asked the receptionist.
“Absolutely not!” the woman said with some vehemence, as if owning a cat was the absolute last thing she’d do. “He belongs to an older lady,” she explained when the young woman frowned. She clearly didn’t like cat haters either. “A Vesta Muffin. I’m sure you’ll meet her in the sauna.”
“I’m sure I will,” said the girl, and got up. After giving Brutus a little wave, she disappeared through the double doors that led into the sauna proper.
“Bye,” said Brutus, and gave a wave back. “Don’t melt, please.”
“You know who that was, don’t you?” said the receptionist, and for a moment Brutus thought she was addressing him. But when he glanced over, he saw that she had been joined by a woman who was her exact spitting image. Identical twins, in other words.
“No, I don’t,” said the twin, who was also dressed in white.
“Thelma Goodwinks!” said the receptionist triumphantly, as if it should mean something.
“Who?”
“Thelma Goodwinks! She’s only the hottest young star of the moment. Plays a young spy on that Katie K show.”
Brutus pricked up his ears at this. “Katie K?” he asked.
“Never heard of it,” said the twin. “What is it?”
“Oh, it’s such a fun show. It’s about this girl whose dad is a spy, only he’s gone missing, and now she’s been recruited to follow in his footsteps, and her cat is also a spy. Her name is Katie, and the cat’s name is K.”
“Is that the cat?” asked the twin, gesturing to Brutus.
“Oh, no!” said the receptionist, making a face of disgust. “K is gorgeous. Really pretty. Not like this fleabag.”
At this, Brutus raised himself up to his full height. “I’ll have you know that there’s not a single flea on my person,” he said haughtily.
“He doesn’t seem to like that you called him a fleabag,” said the twin with a grin.
“Who cares? All cats are fleabags—except K, of course.”
“I thought I heard some rumblings about a famous cat staying here,” said the twin. “Though I didn’t know she was that famous.”
“Oh, she is. She’s staying with her human, of course.”
“So the actress who plays Katie is also the cat’s real-life owner?”
“That’s right. They were both cast together, since it was very important that cat and owner shared a strong bond. And also, they spend so much time together on set and in their trailer that it was simply easier for the two of them to be owner and pet.”
“I guess,” said the twin, who was quickly losing interest in this whole cat story.
Wait till I tell Harriet, Brutus thought, happy now that Gran had put him there. She’ll go crazy when she finds out I met Katie!
The twin checked her watch. “Okay, I guess that’s it for you, sis. My turn at the desk.”
“Have fun,” said the receptionist with a slight grin.
Her twin rolled her eyes. “Yeah, as if.”
They shared a look of understanding.
“One more week in this hellhole,” said the twin.
“One more week,” the receptionist echoed, and took her leave, without giving Brutus a second glance. She really did hate cats, he thought. How odd. Most people he knew loved cats. In fact he couldn’t remember when he had last met an actual cat hater, if ever. Then again, it takes all kinds of people, of course. And at least she hadn’t pulled his tail or sneakily prodded him in the ribs.
The twin had put in AirPods and was swaying her head to the music only she could hear. But when the next customers walked in, she discreetly put them down again, so she could assist them. The moment they disappeared through the door, though, the AirPods came back out, and as she popped a piece of chewing gum into her mouth and noisily started chewing, Brutus wondered why she had called the clinic a hellhole.
He also wondered how long it would be before Gran and Scarlett had had enough and would collect him. And as he settled down on the bench where they had placed him, and he closed his eyes, suddenly the door flew open and Moira Perkins walked in.
“Where’s your sister?” she demanded.
“She left,” said the girl morosely.
“If you see her, tell her I want to speak to her. I’ve received another complaint.” She frowned at the girl. “Or maybe it was about you.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t, Mama,” said the girl.
“And I’m sure you weren’t listening to music just now—and what’s that in your mouth?”
“Only gum,” said the girl with an eye roll.
“Get rid of it,” said Moira. “And get rid of the AirPods, too. I want my staff to look professional at all times.”
“I take them out when a customer walks in.”
“It’s not a good look, Brianna.”
“I’m Bree,” said the girl.
“Oh, so it was you they complained about.”
“Now what did I do?”
“You were unfriendly, snarky and wouldn’t give a couple their money back when they decided the massage wasn’t to their satisfaction.”
“Oh, I remember now. They were being very difficult, Mama.”
“I don’t care. The customer is always right, how many times do I have to tell you?”
“But—”
“No buts. You will not argue with the customer and you will not talk back. If they don’t like a treatment, you simply offer them a different one instead. And if they don’t want that, you comp them. Always!”
“Yes, Mama,” said the girl. “Is that all?”
“Get rid of the gum, get rid of the AirPods. And do you always have to look like you’re having your teeth pulled? Try smiling for a change. This is supposed to be a happy place, not a funeral parlor.”
And with these words, Moira swept from the room again. The moment her back was turned, Bree stuck out her tongue at her mother, then took her gum out of her mouth, looked around for a place to put it, and suddenly her eye fell on Brutus and a wicked grin crept up her face.
CHAPTER 18
We were traipsing along the corridor, trying to get acquainted with the ins and outs of the place, since the clinic was huge, when the sound of a ruckus or contretemps reached our sensitive ears.
“What’s going on?” asked Harriet. It sounded like a cat screaming and hissing. And then it hit us. “That’s Brutus!” she cried, and we hurried in the direction the noise was coming from.
First a woman came hurrying in our direction, having slammed the door behind her. She looked extremely unhappy and she was crying and nursing a bloody cut on her nose. And as she stalked off, she gave us the nastiest look I’ve ever been awarded in my life, and even made as if to kick us!
“Borgnine, Max! Borgnine!” Dooley cried, but the danger soon passed as the girl seemed to think better of it.
“I hate cats!” she screamed. “Oh, how I hate them!”
I had to admit I didn’t like her very much either, but as she stalked off, presumably in need of some medical assistance, the door opened again, and another young woman appeared, this one a little younger than the last. She stared daggers at the disappearing back of the first girl and yelled, “I’m going to report you, you know! You can’t do that kind of thing!”
“But-but-but that’s Katie!” Harriet cried.
“Katie? She doesn’t look like a cat,” said Dooley.
“No, Katie is the human, and K is her cat.”
And I’m sure she would have said a lot more on the subject, which was quickly turning into her favorite topic of discussion, if not Brutus had suddenly appeared, looking very perturbed indeed.
“Look what she did!” said our friend, and turned his back on us. At first I didn’t see anything, but then I caught it: someone had attached a piece of chewing gum to his flank, right on his beautiful coat of black fur! The white gum stuck out like a sore thumb.
“Oh, no!” said Harriet, aghast. “Who did that!”
“Brianna, or Bree, I don’t know. One of Moira’s daughters,” said Brutus, looking very upset indeed, and nor did I wonder. If someone placed a piece of chewing gum on me, I’d be upset, too.
“Let’s see if we can’t get that out,” said Katie, or whatever her name was. She crouched down next to Brutus, and proceeded to carefully remove the wad of gum from his person. “There,” she said. “All gone.”
“She really stuck it on me, too,” said Brutus who was still seething with anger. “Really mashed it in, you know.”
“Did you scratch her nose?” I asked.
“Of course I did. Wouldn’t you?”
“Oh, absolutely,” I said, taking a step back, for fear he might scratch my nose, too. He seemed to be in a scratchy frame of mind.
“It’ll grow back,” said Katie as she caressed our friend.
Brutus glanced at his flank, and seemed surprised to find that the horrible piece of gum was gone. “How-how did she do that?”
“I’m used to handling cats,” said the girl as she gave Brutus a pat on the head. “My sweetie had a similar problem not so long ago. She accidentally fell asleep on top of a fresh piece of gum and it got stuck to her bum. So I had to get it off and she wasn’t happy, but that’s another story.”
“You did it,” said Brutus reverently. “You guys, she did it!”
“Yes, she did,” I said as Harriet inspected her loved one’s coat.
“You can’t even see it,” said Dooley, also taking a closer look.
“Oh, I’m so glad!” said Brutus, almost giddy with happiness. “I thought I was going to lose an entire piece of my coat!”
“But what a terrible person, right?” said Katie. “I’m going to lodge a complaint, you know. She can’t do that sort of thing, she really can’t.”
“She hates cats,” said Brutus. “Her and her sister. They both hate cats.”
“If it’s all right with you I’m going to wait here with you until your owner gets back from the sauna,” said Katie. “And then I’ll explain what happened, and maybe she can make a complaint, too. The more people that complain about this person’s outrageous behavior, the more likely it is that something will be done about it.”
And true to her word, the young star did actually wait with us, until Gran and Scarlett returned from their visit to the sauna.
“I wonder what her real name is,” said Dooley. “It can’t be Katie and her cat’s name can’t really be K, can it?”
“No, it probably can’t,” I said as we watched Katie explain to Gran what had happened between Brutus and Moira’s daughter.
“Something very strange is going on,” Brutus said. “These two girls, they’re twins, and they were saying something about something that’s going to happen a week from now. Only one more week, they said. One of them also called the clinic a hellhole.”
“Maybe they’re quitting their job?” I suggested.
“They won’t have to quit,” said Harriet. “Once Gran is through with this girl, she’ll be fired.”
“Moira isn’t going to fire her own daughter,” I said. “That won’t happen.”
“Well, something needs to be done. This is terrible behavior.”
“Moira was in here earlier,” said Brutus, “and she wasn’t happy with Brianna, or Bree. She said there had been complaints about her attitude. And also that she shouldn’t chew gum when she’s working, or listen to music on her AirPods. It’s unprofessional.”
“Well, it is,” said Harriet. “And now that she decided to use you as a receptacle for her chewing gum there will be consequences.”
“I wonder what this has to do with Moira’s husband’s disappearance,” I said. “If it’s connected at all, of course.”
“Oh, it’s connected, all right,” said Brutus. “Those girls are clearly loose cannons, and that’s the lack of a fatherly hand to steer their upbringing in the right direction. If the husband went AWOL ten years ago, that’s ten years those girls have had to live without their dad, and clearly they’re completely out of control now.”
Gran, who had listened with rising indignation to Katie’s story, looked as upset as we were. And I had the feeling that Bree’s (or Brianna’s) ill-conceived initiative was about to land her in very hot water indeed!
“I’m sorry, but what’s your name?” asked Scarlett. “It’s just that you kinda look familiar.”
“I’m Thelma Goodwinks,” said the kind girl who’d done so much for Brutus. “You may know me from a TV show I’m in. Katie K? I play Katie, and K is my cat.”
“Oh, that’s right! I must have seen your face in the TV Guide,” said Scarlett. “It’s a kids’ show, right?”
“Yes, on Nickelodeon,” said Miss Goodwinks. She glanced over to where the four of us were in conference. “Are these your cats? All four of them?”
“Yep, all four of them,” said Gran, who was still scowling. “Max, Dooley, Harriet and Brutus. The one whose life you saved is Brutus. Max is the orange one, Harriet the white Persian, and Dooley the small fluffy one.”
“Four cats,” said the girl with a shake of the head. “And I thought I made quite the coup when I managed to get Pringles accepted.”
“Pringles?”
“My cat. She plays K on the show. We’re spies. Well, I’m a spy, and K helps me out.”
“Pringles is a funny name for a cat,” said Scarlett.
“Oh, that’s because when she was little she used to love stealing my Pringles,” said the girl with a laugh. “So we called her Pringles and it stuck.”
“Pringles,” said Harriet with a look of distaste. “Not exactly the kind of name you’d expect from a global superstar.”
“She’s just a cat, Harriet,” I said. “And she also happens to be in a TV show alongside her human. That doesn’t make her a star, does it?”
“It does,” said Harriet. “That show is the highest-rated show on Nickelodeon.”
“Well, she seems nice.”
“She’s an angel,” said Brutus reverently. “She saved my life, you guys.”
“All she did was remove some gum,” said Harriet. “That hardly qualifies as saving your life.”
“Yeah, but you don’t know what happened after that horrible woman put that gum on me,” said Brutus. “First I was too shocked to respond. But once I realized what she’d done, and I looked up into that smirking face of hers, I don’t know what came over me, but I hauled off and scratched her across the nose as hard as I could.”
“I’ll bet she was shocked,” said Harriet with satisfaction.
“Shocked and angry. She raised her fist, and she would have hit me if Thelma hadn’t interfered and stopped her. She was really going to hit me, you know, or even kick me.”
“That horrible woman!” Harriet hissed.
“And who knows what else she might have done.”
“At least you gave as good as you got,” I said.
“Yeah, she wouldn’t have gotten in that hit, I can tell you that,” said Brutus, raising himself up and recapturing some of his old spirit. “If she’d laid a finger on me I would have rearranged her face.”
Big words, of course, since I could tell that Brutus was very shocked indeed that such a thing could have happened to him. But lucky for him, and for us, Thelma had been there, and for that she had earned our eternal gratitude.
“I think I’m in love,” said Dooley suddenly, and when we looked over, we saw that he was gazing reverently at Thelma Goodwinks. “She’s simply divine, isn’t she?”
“Yes, Dooley, she is divine,” I said as I exchanged a grin with Harriet and Brutus.
“The most divine human in the history of the world.”
“She’s all that and more,” I said. “And now I think it’s time to go.”
For I could tell that Gran was eager to have speech with Moira about her daughter’s appalling behavior.
CHAPTER 19
“I really don’t see how this is conducive to losing weight,” Tex grumbled. He was covered from head to toe with mud, and seriously questioning his wife’s judgment when deciding it was a good idea to join their daughter on this slimming cure.
“When you decide to lose weight it’s important to treat the whole person,” said Marge, who was lying next to him and was also covered in mud and being subjected to the same treatment.
“It smells,” said Alec, who was next to Marge. “Don’t you think it smells? I wonder where they got this mud, cause it smells.”
“It smells of good health,” said Charlene, who was on the other side of Alec. “Frankly it smells delicious, don’t you agree, Marge?”
“I think it’s absolutely lovely,” said Marge. “I don’t know why we didn’t do this sooner. We should come here every week.”
