Purrfectly Slim, page 15
“What are you talking about? What family dispute? And who told you this?” asked the latter.
Uncle Alec refused to meet the eyes of his nearest and dearest. “The twins came to see me,” he confessed. “Bree and Brianna. This was before Moira dropped by the station. They told me that their dad was in Cabo, having a great time and spending some of his hard-earned money after working like a dog for most of his life. Only Moira wasn’t happy about this, and wanted Slim back at the clinic. They’d had a fight, and Moira had threatened to go to the police and have Slim declared a missing person. So the twins warned me not to listen to Moira and not to get involved. They promised me their dad was absolutely fine and living his dream. And that when Moira came by, I should ignore her. And so I did.”
“You did what?!” Gran cried. “Alec Lip!”
“I know, I know,” said Uncle Alec. “But look at it from my perspective. Obviously this is some kind of personal business between husband and wife. And I didn’t feel the police should be dragged into the middle of it. And so when Odelia said that Moira had asked her to investigate, I figured I’d done the right thing.”
“But why didn’t you tell me, Uncle Alec?” asked Odelia.
“Yeah, why didn’t you tell us, boss?” asked Chase, who looked even more perturbed than the others.
The Chief cleared his throat nervously. “Bree and Brianna made a, um, contribution,” he said as he fussed with his shirt.
“What did you say?” said Gran. “Speak up, son.”
“Moira’s daughters made a generous contribution to the police pension fund, all right? And I know I probably should never have accepted it, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do.”
“And you didn’t want us to know about it,” said Marge, as she patted her brother on the back. “Now now, Alec. You couldn’t have known that Moira’s girls were up to something.”
“What are you talking about!” said Gran. “He accepted a bribe. He acted like a criminal! He could be suspended!” But then she caught sight of Charlene and slung a hand to her mouth. “Please don’t suspend my son. He didn’t know what he was doing.”
“Vesta…” Charlene began.
“He’s not right in the head! He gets that from his father’s side. They’re all cuckoo-heads!”
“Vesta, I don’t think…”
“Please don’t fire him. He’s a good boy. I always wanted him to become mayor, but chief of police isn’t so bad either. And if you fire him, he might turn into a weird vagrant who harasses people on street corners and doesn’t recognize his little old mother. Please?”
“I’m not going to fire Alec, Vesta,” said Charlene with a laugh. “Though I am wondering why he would allow his judgment to be clouded by a contribution to the pension fund,” she added with a look at her boyfriend.
“Okay, so I made a mistake,” said Uncle Alec. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I see I was wrong. And I apologize for not telling you,” he told Odelia. “That was also wrong of me.”
“And for not telling your poorly old mother,” Gran added. “Who’s always taken such good care of you, hoping you’d never stray from the straight and narrow? I didn’t raise a criminal. And now look at you. Taking bribes and being all corrupt and stuff.”
“He’s not really corrupt, Vesta,” said Scarlett. “If he was actually corrupt he would have put that money in his own pocket, not in the police pension fund, would he now?”
“No, I guess you’re right,” Gran agreed. “At least there’s a silver lining to this sordid story of corruption, malfeasance and greed.”
“Ma, I’m not corrupt or greedy!” her son cried.
“All right, all right. No need to shout,” said Gran. “What will the neighbors think?”
“Okay, so Brianna and Bree told you their dad was in Cabo living his dream,” said Odelia, trying to recapitulate. “And they even offered you money so you wouldn’t take any action.”
“They offered money to the police pension fund,” Uncle Alec specified, looking embarrassed now that the truth was out.
“But now we know that Bree and Brianna’s dad isn’t Slim but Jack, and we also know they’re up to something, and they’re trying to unmask the detective in their midst, which is me,” said Odelia.
“Oh, we’re all detectives, honey,” said Marge. “The whole family is on this assignment together.”
“And we also know that Slim isn’t in Cabo but right here in Hampton Cove, living in a room above his own house. His brother is taking care of him, and according to the cats he’s really sick.”
“It’s all a big mystery,” said Scarlett with a sigh.
“You can say that again,” Odelia agreed. “So it looks like we’ll have to do some more snooping around tomorrow, people.”
“Agreed,” said Marge happily. “One more day in paradise!”
“Oh, brother,” her husband muttered darkly.
“This whole thing reminds me of an episode of Katie K,” said Brutus reverently. “The secrets, the lies, the subterfuge…”
“Will you please shut up about Katie K?” said Harriet, whose love and adulation for Pringles seemed to have taken a serious hit.
Pringles herself wasn’t there, of course, since this was a family meeting, and she had to be with her own human Thelma, but I think she would have smiled at the vehemence with which Harriet was treating her boyfriend’s statement. She didn’t have a single diva bone in her body, Pringles had. On the contrary. Harriet was more of a diva than Pringles, even though Pringles was a global star—at least amongst the under-twelve-year-olds.
“When are we going to eat?” asked Grace. “I’m hungry. I mean, babies can’t live on yogurt alone, you know. And besides, I might be lactose intolerant, have you considered that?”
I would have relayed her message to Odelia, but since we had agreed not to let on that we could understand Grace, I remained quiet as a mouse.
“So we all watch each other’s back,” said Odelia. “All right? And if any of you see anything suspicious, you tell the others immediately. Oh, and I think we probably shouldn’t be alone. So always make sure you’re traveling in pairs.”
“Humans always travel in pairs,” said Dooley. “Have you noticed? Marge and Tex. Odelia and Chase. Gran and Scarlett. Uncle Alec and Charlene. Even we travel in pairs: you and me, Max. And Harriet and Brutus. The only person who doesn’t travel in pairs is Grace.” His eyes went wide. “Oh, no! Odelia is probably going to have to make a second baby! A little brother for Grace!”
“Let’s not get distracted here, Dooley,” I told him.
“And since Grace is the devil’s spawn, she’s probably going to get the devil to deliver the new baby,” Dooley continued, not taking heed of my comment. “We have to watch her, Max. We have to watch her very carefully. And if we see something with a forked tail and hooves lurking around the bedroom, we have to pounce!”
“All right, Dooley,” I assured my friend. “Though right now I think we should be more concerned about Bree lurking around our room at night. Or Brianna.”
“Or Helga!” said Dooley.
“If I were you I’d take a closer look at Helga,” said Uncle Alec, almost as if he’d heard Dooley’s comment. “She’s obviously a sadist, and if I’m not mistaken she’s probably this guy Jack’s henchman.”
“Can a woman be a henchman?” asked Tex.
“Of course,” said the Chief. “If you know your Bond movies you’ll know that they have plenty of female killers. Remember Rosa Klebb? The one with the flick knife shoes? Or Pussy Galore? Or Xenia Onatopp? Obviously this Helga is exactly that type of person. Ruthless, tough as nails, and with a license to kill! It wouldn’t surprise me if her shoes are outfitted with lethal knives!”
We all gulped as we thought of the tough Helga, her shoes containing hidden deadly blades!
“Uncle Alec is probably right,” said Brutus. “Remember how she took off with Grace this afternoon, and chased us away as if we were a flock of pigeons?”
Brutus had a point. Helga definitely was bad news. And so were Brianna and Bree. And Jack. Oh, dear. We were up against so many villains all of a sudden. Looked like we were in for a sleepless night!
CHAPTER 30
That evening dinner started out as a sad affair. At least the men looked kinda sad, and so did Brutus and I. Tex was sad because he didn’t approve of the dietary choices on the menu and kept muttering about squirrels, Uncle Alec asked for a juicy hamburger but got a not-so-juicy veggie burger instead—he mentioned the word ‘sawdust’ in connection with this particular menu item. And Chase wanted chicken breast but got a big salad. All in all these food choices sort of dampened the mood to some extent.
“What have you got?” asked Brutus, referring to the meager contents of my bowl.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “It tastes kinda funny.”
“Probably vegetarian,” he said somberly. “Can I have a nibble from your kibble?” He deftly picked one piece of kibble from my bowl and swallowed with difficulty. “Just what I thought. Same as what I got.”
“Oh, stop complaining, you guys,” said Harriet. “It’s all for the best. Very soon now you’ll both be as thin and healthy as Dooley and I and you’ll be happy that we put you on this diet.”
“Ironic, isn’t it?” said Brutus.
“What is?” I asked.
“I wanted you to save me from Harriet’s diet, and now they’ve put you on a diet yourself. So who’s going to save us now?”
“There is no saving us from this mess,” I said, as I moodily chewed on a piece of kibble. Uncle Alec was right. Sawdust was the only word to describe the filthy stuff.
On the other side of the dining room Pringles sat with her human, and I could see she was tucking into her bowl to her heart’s content. Clearly Thelma hadn’t put her on a diet. The superstar was munching on a salad, just like most of those present. Clearly the dietician had made short shrift of these ‘personalized’ diet plans and was prescribing the same plan for all of her customers.
“There she is,” said Odelia, getting up when she spotted Moira. “I’m going in, Chase. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck,” said Chase, haphazardly stabbing at his salad with a fork and looking none too happy. “And while you’re at it, ask if the chef can bring me a nice big piece of broiled chicken, will you?”
“Very funny, babe,” said Odelia with a grin.
“It wasn’t a joke,” Chase muttered when Odelia had left to tackle the Moira conundrum.
And since this particular brand of kibble had spoiled my appetite, I decided to tag along with my human, and see what Moira had to say for herself.
“Oh, hi,” said the big weight loss cheese. “What’s new?”
Odelia took a seat at Moira’s table, glanced left and right, then lowered her voice. “You haven’t been entirely honest with me, have you, Moira?”
Moira blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I found your husband.”
“You have?”
“Don’t be coy with me,” said Odelia, who could be tough when she needed to be. “You knew all along where he was. Staying in that little tower on top of your house, where his brother Jack is taking care of him. So why did you want me to find him when he was never lost in the first place and you were well aware of this?”
Moira had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I’m sorry for the ruse,” she said as she stabbed at a recalcitrant pea that kept trying to escape. “The thing is that Slim isn’t well. Hasn’t been well for a long time now. And the worst part is that he doesn’t want to get well either. He seems to think that his condition is incurable, and whatever I do to convince him otherwise, he simply won’t listen. And now he’s got it into his head that he wants to end it all, and I vehemently disagree, as you can well imagine. I know it’s not too late for him to go and get help. But he doesn’t see it that way. He thinks he’s a burden on me and the girls, and so he’s been looking for a way to leave this world as gracefully as possible.”
“So why did you ask me to find him for you?”
“Because he is lost, Odelia,” said Moira, some of the old fire returning. “He isn’t physically lost, but he’s mentally lost, and the worst part is that he’s convinced everyone to go along with this crazy idea of his. Jack, but also Bree and Brianna. They’re all ready to assist him in his ‘transition’ as he calls it. But I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready. And so I decided if I couldn’t get him to change his mind, I might try and stir things up by bringing you here. First I tried to talk to your uncle, but he wasn’t any help.”
“That’s because Bree and Brianna had offered him money not to do anything,” said Odelia, causing Moira’s jaw to drop precipitously.
“They did what?”
“They offered my uncle a sizable donation to the police pension fund if he ignored you. They claimed Slim was fine and living it up in Cabo. That you and Slim had a disagreement about his role at the clinic and that the police should leave well enough alone.”
“Oh, God,” said Moira, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I knew they were up to something. But this? They’ve gone too far this time.”
“This time? What else did they do?”
Moira shrugged. “It’s not important. So that’s why the police wouldn’t investigate. My daughters bribed them.”
“There’s one other thing,” said Odelia. “In the course of my investigation I discovered that Jack is in fact Bree and Brianna’s dad. Is that true?”
Moira gave Odelia a sheepish look, then nodded. “I knew Jack before I knew Slim. We dated for a while, but when I got pregnant he suddenly decided he wasn’t put on this earth to be a family man. So he escaped and moved to Australia to find himself. By then I’d met Slim, and he decided to step up and try and clean up his brother’s mess by helping me with the pregnancy and delivery. And gradually we fell in love, and by the time the twins were born, we were married and Slim had officially recognized the twins as his.”
“So when did Jack enter the scene again?”
“Five years? Something like that? By then he’d also been married and divorced, started a business and lost all of his money, and had to return with his tail between his legs. Slim gave him a job at one of his clubs as manager, and then later on here at the clinic.”
“And the girls? When did you tell them that Jack was their dad, and not Slim?”
“When they turned eighteen. We thought it was a good moment to tell them. They didn’t take it well, though. Accused me of lying to them, and hiding their real dad from them. I think it might have played a part in Slim’s illness, which as far as I’m concerned is mostly psychological. But of course Slim doesn’t see it that way.”
“Your daughters have been meeting with Jack in secret,” said Odelia. “They’re planning something, though I don’t know what. They also know that you hired someone to poke around. They don’t know who, but they’re trying to find out. Now why go to all this trouble, do you think? What are they up to?”
“Beats me,” said Moira. “We’re not exactly on good terms as you can probably tell.”
“They’re on good terms with Jack, though, aren’t they?”
“Yeah, ever since we told them that Jack is their dad, they’ve grown very close to him. To such an extent they hardly talk to me and Slim anymore, but seem to have shifted their affections to their uncle—their dad—well, Jack.”
“Talk about a complicated situation,” said Odelia.
“You have no idea,” said Moira with a wry smile. “I’m sorry for deceiving you, Odelia. But I didn’t know how else to get you here. If I’d told you the truth, I figured you would never have accepted.”
“Oh, I think you’re underestimating me, Moira,” said Odelia. “I would have said yes in a heartbeat if I’d known the full story.”
“Thanks,” said Moira, placing a hand on Odelia’s arm. “So what do you plan to do now?”
“I’m not sure. Your daughters are up to something, and so is Jack. You couldn’t ask them what their plans are, could you?”
But Moira shook her head. “Sadly, no. They’ve stopped including me in their plans a long time ago. All I know is that it probably has something to do with Slim. Like I said, he’s planning to end his life at some point, so maybe he’s convinced his brother and the twins to assist him. That’s all I can think of.”
“That would be a crime,” said Odelia.
“I know, which is probably why they’re not telling me, as I’m absolutely opposed to the idea.”
Moira appeared to be at the end of her tether, and as Odelia and the clinic director talked some more, it soon became clear we needed to act fast, for dark forces were at work—and those dark forces were about to put their plans into motion very soon now.
I returned to the others, and saw that in Odelia’s absence Chase and Tex were up to something. Chase was sliding something across to his father-in-law under the table, and as I looked closer I saw that it was… a bib!
“What is Chase doing with that bib?” I asked.
“What bib? What are you talking about?” said Brutus, who was in a bad mood on account of the lousy food.
“I think it’s the Better Bib,” said Dooley, who had been keeping an eye on the store while I was spying on Moira. “I heard Chase say something about a warranty and about the good folk over at The Better Bib Company sending him a replacement after the first one short-circuited and torched the garden house.”
“Thanks, buddy,” said Tex quietly, making sure his wife didn’t clock their illicit transaction. “Now I’ll be able to make this squirrel food disappear.”
He quickly spread the bib on his lap, where it was visible for the four of us to see, since we have the advantage of the worm’s eye view—not that we’re worms, mind you, but you get my drift.
“What is he doing?” asked Harriet, fascinated by the spectacle.
Before our very eyes, Tex smuggled his plate onto his lap, then proceeded to upend it onto the Better Bib! And as we watched, there was a sort of a spark and a loud crackle and popping noise, and suddenly the bib burst into flame—just like it had the first time when Gran had been trying to reverse-engineer the thing.
Uncle Alec refused to meet the eyes of his nearest and dearest. “The twins came to see me,” he confessed. “Bree and Brianna. This was before Moira dropped by the station. They told me that their dad was in Cabo, having a great time and spending some of his hard-earned money after working like a dog for most of his life. Only Moira wasn’t happy about this, and wanted Slim back at the clinic. They’d had a fight, and Moira had threatened to go to the police and have Slim declared a missing person. So the twins warned me not to listen to Moira and not to get involved. They promised me their dad was absolutely fine and living his dream. And that when Moira came by, I should ignore her. And so I did.”
“You did what?!” Gran cried. “Alec Lip!”
“I know, I know,” said Uncle Alec. “But look at it from my perspective. Obviously this is some kind of personal business between husband and wife. And I didn’t feel the police should be dragged into the middle of it. And so when Odelia said that Moira had asked her to investigate, I figured I’d done the right thing.”
“But why didn’t you tell me, Uncle Alec?” asked Odelia.
“Yeah, why didn’t you tell us, boss?” asked Chase, who looked even more perturbed than the others.
The Chief cleared his throat nervously. “Bree and Brianna made a, um, contribution,” he said as he fussed with his shirt.
“What did you say?” said Gran. “Speak up, son.”
“Moira’s daughters made a generous contribution to the police pension fund, all right? And I know I probably should never have accepted it, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do.”
“And you didn’t want us to know about it,” said Marge, as she patted her brother on the back. “Now now, Alec. You couldn’t have known that Moira’s girls were up to something.”
“What are you talking about!” said Gran. “He accepted a bribe. He acted like a criminal! He could be suspended!” But then she caught sight of Charlene and slung a hand to her mouth. “Please don’t suspend my son. He didn’t know what he was doing.”
“Vesta…” Charlene began.
“He’s not right in the head! He gets that from his father’s side. They’re all cuckoo-heads!”
“Vesta, I don’t think…”
“Please don’t fire him. He’s a good boy. I always wanted him to become mayor, but chief of police isn’t so bad either. And if you fire him, he might turn into a weird vagrant who harasses people on street corners and doesn’t recognize his little old mother. Please?”
“I’m not going to fire Alec, Vesta,” said Charlene with a laugh. “Though I am wondering why he would allow his judgment to be clouded by a contribution to the pension fund,” she added with a look at her boyfriend.
“Okay, so I made a mistake,” said Uncle Alec. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I see I was wrong. And I apologize for not telling you,” he told Odelia. “That was also wrong of me.”
“And for not telling your poorly old mother,” Gran added. “Who’s always taken such good care of you, hoping you’d never stray from the straight and narrow? I didn’t raise a criminal. And now look at you. Taking bribes and being all corrupt and stuff.”
“He’s not really corrupt, Vesta,” said Scarlett. “If he was actually corrupt he would have put that money in his own pocket, not in the police pension fund, would he now?”
“No, I guess you’re right,” Gran agreed. “At least there’s a silver lining to this sordid story of corruption, malfeasance and greed.”
“Ma, I’m not corrupt or greedy!” her son cried.
“All right, all right. No need to shout,” said Gran. “What will the neighbors think?”
“Okay, so Brianna and Bree told you their dad was in Cabo living his dream,” said Odelia, trying to recapitulate. “And they even offered you money so you wouldn’t take any action.”
“They offered money to the police pension fund,” Uncle Alec specified, looking embarrassed now that the truth was out.
“But now we know that Bree and Brianna’s dad isn’t Slim but Jack, and we also know they’re up to something, and they’re trying to unmask the detective in their midst, which is me,” said Odelia.
“Oh, we’re all detectives, honey,” said Marge. “The whole family is on this assignment together.”
“And we also know that Slim isn’t in Cabo but right here in Hampton Cove, living in a room above his own house. His brother is taking care of him, and according to the cats he’s really sick.”
“It’s all a big mystery,” said Scarlett with a sigh.
“You can say that again,” Odelia agreed. “So it looks like we’ll have to do some more snooping around tomorrow, people.”
“Agreed,” said Marge happily. “One more day in paradise!”
“Oh, brother,” her husband muttered darkly.
“This whole thing reminds me of an episode of Katie K,” said Brutus reverently. “The secrets, the lies, the subterfuge…”
“Will you please shut up about Katie K?” said Harriet, whose love and adulation for Pringles seemed to have taken a serious hit.
Pringles herself wasn’t there, of course, since this was a family meeting, and she had to be with her own human Thelma, but I think she would have smiled at the vehemence with which Harriet was treating her boyfriend’s statement. She didn’t have a single diva bone in her body, Pringles had. On the contrary. Harriet was more of a diva than Pringles, even though Pringles was a global star—at least amongst the under-twelve-year-olds.
“When are we going to eat?” asked Grace. “I’m hungry. I mean, babies can’t live on yogurt alone, you know. And besides, I might be lactose intolerant, have you considered that?”
I would have relayed her message to Odelia, but since we had agreed not to let on that we could understand Grace, I remained quiet as a mouse.
“So we all watch each other’s back,” said Odelia. “All right? And if any of you see anything suspicious, you tell the others immediately. Oh, and I think we probably shouldn’t be alone. So always make sure you’re traveling in pairs.”
“Humans always travel in pairs,” said Dooley. “Have you noticed? Marge and Tex. Odelia and Chase. Gran and Scarlett. Uncle Alec and Charlene. Even we travel in pairs: you and me, Max. And Harriet and Brutus. The only person who doesn’t travel in pairs is Grace.” His eyes went wide. “Oh, no! Odelia is probably going to have to make a second baby! A little brother for Grace!”
“Let’s not get distracted here, Dooley,” I told him.
“And since Grace is the devil’s spawn, she’s probably going to get the devil to deliver the new baby,” Dooley continued, not taking heed of my comment. “We have to watch her, Max. We have to watch her very carefully. And if we see something with a forked tail and hooves lurking around the bedroom, we have to pounce!”
“All right, Dooley,” I assured my friend. “Though right now I think we should be more concerned about Bree lurking around our room at night. Or Brianna.”
“Or Helga!” said Dooley.
“If I were you I’d take a closer look at Helga,” said Uncle Alec, almost as if he’d heard Dooley’s comment. “She’s obviously a sadist, and if I’m not mistaken she’s probably this guy Jack’s henchman.”
“Can a woman be a henchman?” asked Tex.
“Of course,” said the Chief. “If you know your Bond movies you’ll know that they have plenty of female killers. Remember Rosa Klebb? The one with the flick knife shoes? Or Pussy Galore? Or Xenia Onatopp? Obviously this Helga is exactly that type of person. Ruthless, tough as nails, and with a license to kill! It wouldn’t surprise me if her shoes are outfitted with lethal knives!”
We all gulped as we thought of the tough Helga, her shoes containing hidden deadly blades!
“Uncle Alec is probably right,” said Brutus. “Remember how she took off with Grace this afternoon, and chased us away as if we were a flock of pigeons?”
Brutus had a point. Helga definitely was bad news. And so were Brianna and Bree. And Jack. Oh, dear. We were up against so many villains all of a sudden. Looked like we were in for a sleepless night!
CHAPTER 30
That evening dinner started out as a sad affair. At least the men looked kinda sad, and so did Brutus and I. Tex was sad because he didn’t approve of the dietary choices on the menu and kept muttering about squirrels, Uncle Alec asked for a juicy hamburger but got a not-so-juicy veggie burger instead—he mentioned the word ‘sawdust’ in connection with this particular menu item. And Chase wanted chicken breast but got a big salad. All in all these food choices sort of dampened the mood to some extent.
“What have you got?” asked Brutus, referring to the meager contents of my bowl.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “It tastes kinda funny.”
“Probably vegetarian,” he said somberly. “Can I have a nibble from your kibble?” He deftly picked one piece of kibble from my bowl and swallowed with difficulty. “Just what I thought. Same as what I got.”
“Oh, stop complaining, you guys,” said Harriet. “It’s all for the best. Very soon now you’ll both be as thin and healthy as Dooley and I and you’ll be happy that we put you on this diet.”
“Ironic, isn’t it?” said Brutus.
“What is?” I asked.
“I wanted you to save me from Harriet’s diet, and now they’ve put you on a diet yourself. So who’s going to save us now?”
“There is no saving us from this mess,” I said, as I moodily chewed on a piece of kibble. Uncle Alec was right. Sawdust was the only word to describe the filthy stuff.
On the other side of the dining room Pringles sat with her human, and I could see she was tucking into her bowl to her heart’s content. Clearly Thelma hadn’t put her on a diet. The superstar was munching on a salad, just like most of those present. Clearly the dietician had made short shrift of these ‘personalized’ diet plans and was prescribing the same plan for all of her customers.
“There she is,” said Odelia, getting up when she spotted Moira. “I’m going in, Chase. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck,” said Chase, haphazardly stabbing at his salad with a fork and looking none too happy. “And while you’re at it, ask if the chef can bring me a nice big piece of broiled chicken, will you?”
“Very funny, babe,” said Odelia with a grin.
“It wasn’t a joke,” Chase muttered when Odelia had left to tackle the Moira conundrum.
And since this particular brand of kibble had spoiled my appetite, I decided to tag along with my human, and see what Moira had to say for herself.
“Oh, hi,” said the big weight loss cheese. “What’s new?”
Odelia took a seat at Moira’s table, glanced left and right, then lowered her voice. “You haven’t been entirely honest with me, have you, Moira?”
Moira blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I found your husband.”
“You have?”
“Don’t be coy with me,” said Odelia, who could be tough when she needed to be. “You knew all along where he was. Staying in that little tower on top of your house, where his brother Jack is taking care of him. So why did you want me to find him when he was never lost in the first place and you were well aware of this?”
Moira had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I’m sorry for the ruse,” she said as she stabbed at a recalcitrant pea that kept trying to escape. “The thing is that Slim isn’t well. Hasn’t been well for a long time now. And the worst part is that he doesn’t want to get well either. He seems to think that his condition is incurable, and whatever I do to convince him otherwise, he simply won’t listen. And now he’s got it into his head that he wants to end it all, and I vehemently disagree, as you can well imagine. I know it’s not too late for him to go and get help. But he doesn’t see it that way. He thinks he’s a burden on me and the girls, and so he’s been looking for a way to leave this world as gracefully as possible.”
“So why did you ask me to find him for you?”
“Because he is lost, Odelia,” said Moira, some of the old fire returning. “He isn’t physically lost, but he’s mentally lost, and the worst part is that he’s convinced everyone to go along with this crazy idea of his. Jack, but also Bree and Brianna. They’re all ready to assist him in his ‘transition’ as he calls it. But I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready. And so I decided if I couldn’t get him to change his mind, I might try and stir things up by bringing you here. First I tried to talk to your uncle, but he wasn’t any help.”
“That’s because Bree and Brianna had offered him money not to do anything,” said Odelia, causing Moira’s jaw to drop precipitously.
“They did what?”
“They offered my uncle a sizable donation to the police pension fund if he ignored you. They claimed Slim was fine and living it up in Cabo. That you and Slim had a disagreement about his role at the clinic and that the police should leave well enough alone.”
“Oh, God,” said Moira, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I knew they were up to something. But this? They’ve gone too far this time.”
“This time? What else did they do?”
Moira shrugged. “It’s not important. So that’s why the police wouldn’t investigate. My daughters bribed them.”
“There’s one other thing,” said Odelia. “In the course of my investigation I discovered that Jack is in fact Bree and Brianna’s dad. Is that true?”
Moira gave Odelia a sheepish look, then nodded. “I knew Jack before I knew Slim. We dated for a while, but when I got pregnant he suddenly decided he wasn’t put on this earth to be a family man. So he escaped and moved to Australia to find himself. By then I’d met Slim, and he decided to step up and try and clean up his brother’s mess by helping me with the pregnancy and delivery. And gradually we fell in love, and by the time the twins were born, we were married and Slim had officially recognized the twins as his.”
“So when did Jack enter the scene again?”
“Five years? Something like that? By then he’d also been married and divorced, started a business and lost all of his money, and had to return with his tail between his legs. Slim gave him a job at one of his clubs as manager, and then later on here at the clinic.”
“And the girls? When did you tell them that Jack was their dad, and not Slim?”
“When they turned eighteen. We thought it was a good moment to tell them. They didn’t take it well, though. Accused me of lying to them, and hiding their real dad from them. I think it might have played a part in Slim’s illness, which as far as I’m concerned is mostly psychological. But of course Slim doesn’t see it that way.”
“Your daughters have been meeting with Jack in secret,” said Odelia. “They’re planning something, though I don’t know what. They also know that you hired someone to poke around. They don’t know who, but they’re trying to find out. Now why go to all this trouble, do you think? What are they up to?”
“Beats me,” said Moira. “We’re not exactly on good terms as you can probably tell.”
“They’re on good terms with Jack, though, aren’t they?”
“Yeah, ever since we told them that Jack is their dad, they’ve grown very close to him. To such an extent they hardly talk to me and Slim anymore, but seem to have shifted their affections to their uncle—their dad—well, Jack.”
“Talk about a complicated situation,” said Odelia.
“You have no idea,” said Moira with a wry smile. “I’m sorry for deceiving you, Odelia. But I didn’t know how else to get you here. If I’d told you the truth, I figured you would never have accepted.”
“Oh, I think you’re underestimating me, Moira,” said Odelia. “I would have said yes in a heartbeat if I’d known the full story.”
“Thanks,” said Moira, placing a hand on Odelia’s arm. “So what do you plan to do now?”
“I’m not sure. Your daughters are up to something, and so is Jack. You couldn’t ask them what their plans are, could you?”
But Moira shook her head. “Sadly, no. They’ve stopped including me in their plans a long time ago. All I know is that it probably has something to do with Slim. Like I said, he’s planning to end his life at some point, so maybe he’s convinced his brother and the twins to assist him. That’s all I can think of.”
“That would be a crime,” said Odelia.
“I know, which is probably why they’re not telling me, as I’m absolutely opposed to the idea.”
Moira appeared to be at the end of her tether, and as Odelia and the clinic director talked some more, it soon became clear we needed to act fast, for dark forces were at work—and those dark forces were about to put their plans into motion very soon now.
I returned to the others, and saw that in Odelia’s absence Chase and Tex were up to something. Chase was sliding something across to his father-in-law under the table, and as I looked closer I saw that it was… a bib!
“What is Chase doing with that bib?” I asked.
“What bib? What are you talking about?” said Brutus, who was in a bad mood on account of the lousy food.
“I think it’s the Better Bib,” said Dooley, who had been keeping an eye on the store while I was spying on Moira. “I heard Chase say something about a warranty and about the good folk over at The Better Bib Company sending him a replacement after the first one short-circuited and torched the garden house.”
“Thanks, buddy,” said Tex quietly, making sure his wife didn’t clock their illicit transaction. “Now I’ll be able to make this squirrel food disappear.”
He quickly spread the bib on his lap, where it was visible for the four of us to see, since we have the advantage of the worm’s eye view—not that we’re worms, mind you, but you get my drift.
“What is he doing?” asked Harriet, fascinated by the spectacle.
Before our very eyes, Tex smuggled his plate onto his lap, then proceeded to upend it onto the Better Bib! And as we watched, there was a sort of a spark and a loud crackle and popping noise, and suddenly the bib burst into flame—just like it had the first time when Gran had been trying to reverse-engineer the thing.
