NAOMI KRAMER SERIES:

DEAD(ish)

DEAD(ish)

Naomi Kramer

Humor / Mystery & Thrillers / Young Adult

Linda’s had a bad day. First, her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information. Contains adult themes & frequent profanity.Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information. Warning: Contains adult themes and frequent profanity. The DEAD(ish) series is not suitable for children.This is a very short book - novelette length.--------EXCERPTSMike says:"It was accidental. Just believe me, OK? We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump."She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."Linda says:My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue.Trent says:Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying.
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Maisy May

Maisy May

Naomi Kramer

Humor / Mystery & Thrillers / Young Adult

Maisy's mum is an ex-junkie. Her father is unknown. Now the girl with the colourful childhood goes to church every Sunday with her mother and attends youth group with the other kids in her country hometown. A new arrival in town gets Maisy thinking about her beliefs, and she doesn't like where her thoughts are heading. Contains occasional swearing, and sexual and religious themes.Maisy's mum is an ex-junkie. Her father is unknown. Now the girl with the colourful childhood goes to church every Sunday with her mother and attends youth group with the other kids in her country hometown. But fitting into the cookie-cutter ideal of Christian youth isn't easy for someone with Maisy's background.A new arrival in town gets Maisy thinking about her beliefs, and she doesn't like where her thoughts are heading. Soon she's questioning every tenet she used to hold dear - and being outed as the worst kind of sinner.Maisy May is a novella for teens and adults. It is the first in a series of three about Maisy.Warning: Contains occasional swearing, and sexual and religious themes.
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Cupcake of Love

Cupcake of Love

Naomi Kramer

Humor / Mystery & Thrillers / Young Adult

Kyle doesn't believe in love at first sight... until it happens to him. A cupcake foretold it, and sure enough, he's smitten. But his beloved seems to be stir-crazy, and his new fairy godmother is worse.Did destiny bring them together? Will common sense tear them apart?This is a short story from the Life in a Fairytale collection of shorts, coming soon.
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