The Quest for the Penny Black, page 31
She sat on the kitchen chair and poured herself a cup of tea. Well she thought, the flats have been renovated, albeit it was difficult for Moira and Edna, who had to move around. Now let me think, Edna and Moira will stay where they are on the first floor. The opposite flat can be given to my nurse. The flats on the second floor can be used by Colonel and William. That seems alright. Of course, Edna will be travelling tomorrow and Moira will be on her own. I hope she’s happy with it.
The door opened and both Edna and Moira walked in. ‘We’re off to work.’ stated Edna. ‘See you tonight.’
‘The dinner starts at 7.30.’ she reminded the girls.
‘We’ll be back long before that.’ called Edna, as they went out.
Later in the day the caterers arrived and delivered large silver containers into the kitchen, plus boxes of dry food. The waiters were offered drinks and after placing the silvers condiments on the dining table and adjusting the flowers, sat down waiting for their duties to begin in the evening. Rodney had been banned from entering the house and was forced to stay in the workshop in the garden.
It was 6.30 in the evening and Mrs W appeared downstairs dressed in a splendid, light green gown. She was made up with the help of Edna and smelt of Chanel perfume. Moira was dressed in an ankle length yellow dress with a revealing top. Edna wore a yellow and black evening gown. The aroma of expensive perfume wafted around them, as they passed by.
The guests started arriving and the first ones were Ozy, his wife and Smiley. They were dressed in evening wear, which Mrs W remarked, looked beautiful and elegant. They were shown into the lounge by a butler, where refreshments were available.
Jake arrived, dressed in a tuxedo and Barbara wore a dark blue outfit. He carried an overnight bag, which Mrs W instructed him to leave in the hall.
‘Thank you for coming.’ said the Mrs as she kissed the cheek of Mrs Drew and stole a cuddle from Jake. ‘Why.’ she said, ‘marriage does suit you.’ He was clean shaven and his hair was cropped to a neat style. He had lost weight and definitely looked like looked like Rock Hudson.
Over the next half an hour the other guests arrived, the last being Raz, resplendent in his Scottish ceremonial dress, followed by Archie, who wore his best sports coat and new trousers specially bought for the occasion.
‘Why.’ commented the Mrs. ‘You both look so magnificent!’
‘Aye.’ Raz replied. ‘I dunna have much chance to wear my best outfit’.
‘Well! Go in and sit down.’ she said, as he was ushered into the lounge by the butler.
‘Tell me,’ Archie began. ‘What clan do you belong to?’
‘The McMillis.’ he announced proudly
‘Well then, you look like a McPoofter!’ said Muster who had previously arrived in a taxi and was sitting in the lounge, waiting for the others. He was dressed in a sports shirt and dark trousers.
Raz gave him a black look and sat down.
There was much to talk about, for they had not seen each other for months.
Edna looked at Raz from a chair across the other side of the room. ‘Tell me Mr Blazer.’ she began. ‘Is it true about Scotsman and the kilt?”
‘What’s that, love.’ he asked?’
‘Well I read once that they don’t wear anything under it.’
‘That’s a Scottish secret.’ he answered. The only way to find out is to marry a Scotsman.’
‘Ee! She replied. ‘I’d rather not!’
After the apéritifs were served, it was time to eat. They made their way to the dining room, looking magnificent after the cleaning and polishing of the large table, which seated twelve people. On it were an assortment of condiments consisting different sized of knives, forks, spoons, and glasses. Two centre pieces of red roses made up the picture.
The meal served by the waiters was a gastronomic affair, with meats, fish and the trimmings and sweets guaranteed to put weight on. Wine from the wine cellar in the basement put the finishing touches to a perfect meal. Even Jake had to release his top trouser button. ‘Christ! That was super.’ he oathed.
They sat back, each full and happy. Mrs W tapped a glass with her spoon. ‘I’d like to make an announcement.’ she said. The others tapped their spoons in approval. She rose. ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ she began, ‘To me this is both a happy and sad occasion. It cheers me to see that our adventure has resulted in dreams being fulfilled by those present. It saddens me to realise that the adventure is over.
I would pay particular thanks to those who could not come. First, Professor and Mrs Hudson. Without Mrs Hudson’s suggestion that I check out some diaries, I would not have known anything about Sir Robert. Then, without Mr Sid Mitchell, my plumber, we would not have employed experts whom, we thought, were professional investigators.
‘Well.’ interrupted Archie. ‘We are professionals!’
‘Professional what, man?” laughed Ozy.
‘As some of you may know, I have been renovating the four flats upstairs. This has been done for a reason. Firstly I am not getting any stronger.’
‘Nonsense.’ said Moira. ‘You’re as strong as an ox.’
‘Thank you.’ she replied. ‘No, I’m afraid that time is catching up with me. I can tell you now that I have been offered to host an arts programme on BBC television and it starts soon.’
‘How lovely.’ commented Moira, and they all clapped.
‘So I have decided to take in a nurse or companion.’ she continued. ‘She will stay in the flat opposite Edna and Moira, who are happy to share.
My solicitor advised me to start a business, so I’ve registered one and added a small room in the study. I’ve chosen a manager to handle the affairs. His name is Colonel Richardson. He had a bit of trouble a few years ago, but like us all, is looking for redemption.’
‘Hang on! ‘Archie exclaimed. ‘Is he the Colonel that was court marshalled and chucked out of the army, some years ago?’
‘I believe so.’she confirmed.
‘Why, he goes down in the realm of one of the greatest con-men. I remember he sold 50 battle tanks belonging to the British army to the Russians and that old aircraft carrier Oh, what’s its name? Oh I remember! Triumph. Yes, Triumph. He sold that to the Chinese. I think he was paid about 50 million pounds by the governments, but didn’t keep a cent. He did it to win a bet made in the officers’ mess, that even countries can be hoodwinked.’
‘Yes that’s the one. But don’t you think he deserves another chance?’
‘Of course.’ added Archie. ‘Don’t we all? If he’s your manager, you won’t have any problems with the gift of the gab. He must be brilliant. It caused an international incident and I recall he went to prison for a while, probably as revenge by the Brits.
‘Anyway.’ continued the Mrs. ‘He starts his job tomorrow and he’s staying on the second floor opposite another person whose going to stay. This one is younger and an ex SAS man. He teaches at a local college. Edna.’ she said, looking at her. ‘It’s William, the son of Professor Hudson.’
‘Oh!’ replied Edna who had been out with him once or twice and was surprised. ‘He hasn’t said anything to me.’
‘No. I told him not too. In case he was transferred to another college.’
‘Oh!’
‘Finally, my sincere thanks go to Mr Amogo his wife and relation, Mr Smiley. I suspect they have done more for us than they are prepared to talk about. She raised her glass. ‘Thank you.’
Once the applause had stopped, she continued. ‘So there we are. The wheel has turned a full circle now. So drink up. You have all been my family and will always be.’
There was quite for a moment Then Jake stood up. ‘I’d just like to thank the Mrs, not only for initially taking me in, but teaching me about goodness and patience. She has taught me a lot about living and together with my wife’. He stopped, bent down and kissed her head. ‘I’ve found a new beginning. It’s even been a pleasure to work with you scoundrels!’
The next to rise was Moira. ‘I never thought that such nice people existed.’ she began. ‘I would like to thank Archie, who protected me when others took advantage. My thanks to Mrs W who taught me that dreams could come true, and thanks to you all for making me realise that life has many funny twists.
I am also pleased to announce that Mr Fennel, whom we met on the Parkinson show, forwarded my details to a producer who now wants me to star in his next film. The funny thing is however, that I refused it at first, saying that I didn’t know if I could act the part. It’s a serious part, you know. But he said that from what he had seen from my tapes and Mr Fennel’s recommendations, he wanted an actress who can live the part, not act the part and that’s me.’
Well done.’ exclaimed Jake. ‘When do you expect to leave for the shoots?”
‘It will take another six months to seal the deal and the rehearsals can be done in London. I don’t know when the actual shooting begins. I’ll still be going to study at RADA part time, of course. My full time job is in Edna’s spar which I enjoy.’
‘That’s lovely.’ commented Edna, who came round to her chair and kissed her head.
‘Anyone else?’ asked Jake looking around.
Muster rose. ‘I’d just like to say thanks to mum.’ he began. ‘Because of her, I opened a keep fit club.’
‘How’s it doing?’ asked Jake.
‘It didn’t do well for a month or two, but Archie told me to bring in some attractive birds, I mean, trainers, all dressed in mini tops and bottoms.
Well?’ asked Raz.
‘It’s packed out now and I’ve ‘ad to close the membership. I ‘ope to open another one in Sheffield soon. Thanks mum.’
Raz was next to stand up. ‘Thanks to the Mrs.’ he began in a frightful accent. ‘I broke away from crime. Now I’ve got my own hairdressing salon in Croydon and Edna has sent me over some shampoo samples that has sold well. I believe she going back soon to Singapore, where she’ll conjure up an agreement to sell the shampoos and other things in my salon.’
He sat down to the sound of gentle applause.
Edna stood up. ‘Yes its true.’ she began. ‘I’m off to home tomorrow, then on to the States for a business trip. I’ll be back in about two months. Thanks to you all for making me realise that the British are not snobs, just careful.’
Everyone looked at Archie who, after a moment, rose and faced the rest. ‘It’s true.’ he began. ‘Mrs W soon sussed me and realised I, and I mean we, were not the detectives she thought she had employed. Nevertheless she kept faith with us and we all know the result. I have gone into the cartoon production business with a guy I trust, with an office in Reading.
There is one thing however. I’ve been having words with Inspector Conway about my past. He’s an inspector now, you know?’
The others looked at each other. Inspector Conway as he had now become, was an old friend of the family at Villiers House.
‘The matter is now with the police to decide whether I be charged with any crimes.’ He continued. ‘But with Coombs gone, I decided to tell them all I know. Anyway, whatever happens, my thanks to the Mrs and you all for believing in me and giving me reasons to look forward to the future. He turned to the Mrs. ‘We owe you so much, Mrs W. We can’t describe it.’ he said, as his voice broke.
He sat down, grabbed a napkin and wiped his eyes.
‘You’ve done the right thing.’ said the Mrs, making a note on a doily to have words with some people she knew. ‘Yes, you’ve done the right thing. ‘She repeated.
She turned to the guests. ‘We mustn’t forget Mr Octopolis.’ she concluded. ‘I think it’s obvious that something nasty happened to him. I’ve sent money to his parents. ‘They haven’t replied yet.’ She looked round. ‘If we’ve finished, we’ll go to the smoking room next door for coffee. The French windows are open if you want to go outside.’
They made their way into the next room, upon which the butlers and cleaners closed the sliding doors that divided the rooms and proceeded to tidy up.
Making themselves comfortable, they broke into groups and swopped stories of the adventure and their future plans. Mrs W stood up. ‘I’ll make the tea.’ she announced. ‘Then I’ll let Rodney out.’
She went out through the door to the kitchen. A few minutes later Rodney appeared at the patio. He had the wind up his tail and was chasing imaginary cats. Raz got up to speak with Archie when Rodney spotted his sporran. It was dangling in front of him like a brush. He made one bound and prepared to jump up at the offending object. Raz, who was crossing the room at the time, spotted him and backed away as he bounded towards him.
It was this moment that feminine intuition rather than male logic showed through, for at that moment when Rodney launched himself at the offending object that was waving about as he walked, they were all staring at Raz and his sporran. Raz screamed and fell backwards over the arm of the settee. Rodney missed the sporran but landed on Raz’s chest, winding him. He bounced off and ran outside. As he fell on his back onto the seat, Raz’s left leg was left hanging over the back of the seat. His right leg was hanging on the ground. His kilt was nowhere to be seen and he lay there spread-eagled. Thus, he was in the perfect position to display all his natural splendour.
The ladies screamed in unison.
‘Christ!’ Archie shouted, a few seconds later.
‘Ee!’ Edna spluttered, who was drinking at the time. She put her hand across her eyes, but secretly peeped.
‘Oh! God! Moira snorted. ‘Cover it up!’ She turned away, but had time to give him 4 out of 10 on the Richter scale.
Zena, Ozy’s wife was also caught in the open, being but one metre from him. ‘Oh!’ she cried, looking back at her husband, who was, by now, delirious with laughter. She moved away and sat next to him and buried her head in his shoulder. She did, however, conclude that he was 3 out of 10.
Barbara, sitting next to Jake, caught him as he nearly fell off the settee with laughter. Although she was a prim and proper girl, she couldn’t help laughing at the situation. She wasn’t informed on too many such matters and displays, but she now had a situation that would be discussed at length, in the ladies rooms, for ever.
Edna could see he was winded and moved next to him, trying to be careful in directing her attention to his face. ‘Are you all right?” she asked.
‘Oo. Aye. I think so.’ he gasped. ‘Help me get up.’
Edna hesitated, but grasped his arm to pull him upright. In doing so he had to turn over and kneel down, giving those present a close up of his buttocks
Ozy turned to his wife. ‘They’re all crazy here!’ he cried.
‘We’re in the right place, then.’ she added with a laugh.
Raz scrambled to get out of the settee.
‘Look. It’s a full moon!’ laughed Archie.
The ladies turned away, rather than look at such a disturbing sight.
Muster was laughing. ‘That’s the end of your secret, my lad.’ he added. ‘Now we know what Scotsmen wear under their kilt!’
Raz finally climbed out and straightened himself up. ‘I hope you’re satisfied!’ he said indignantly.
Just then Mrs W walked in, pushing a tea trolley. ‘What was all the laughter?’ she asked. ‘Have I missed something?’
‘No! Nothing of any significance.’ replied Jake, which brought on more laughter.
After coffee and tea with the endless quantities of biscuits, Mrs W decided she wanted to play charades. ‘We use to play in the desert.’ she explained.’ with the locals. It was always funny.’
It was during a game, when there was tap on the door. It opened and the catering manager stood there.
Mrs W saw him. ‘Mr Drew!’ she called. ‘Can you sort out the caterers? Tell them I’ll send a cheque and oh! There’s a purse in my top study drawer. Kindly give the manager 20 pounds and the others, 10 pounds each, with my thanks.
Jake looked at his wife who smiled. He got out of the chair and went out of the door. 15 minutes later, he was back. ‘I’ve checked everything.’ He confirmed.’ and it all seems in order. I’ve also given them the money. The invoice is in your study drawer.’
‘Thank you, Mr Drew.’ she replied, intent of acting out a scene from the film, The Jazz singer.
So for the next hour or so, they had a riotous game of Charades. Sitting down, quite exhausted, Jake noticed that the Mrs was nodding off. ‘I think she’s tired.’ he whispered to the others. ‘We’d better bring the show to a close.’
Everyone agreed, so Jake woke her. We’re all very tired and think we’d better get back now.
‘Oh! So soon?’ she replied, in a tizz.
‘Yes. It’s getting late.’
‘Very well.’
They collected themselves and went out into the hall. Mrs W stood by the door. She cuddled them as they left, thanking them again for being such nice people.
‘Can you drive?’ Muster asked Archie.
‘Of course.’ he replied. ‘I’ve only had a few.’ They made their way to Archie’s van where after some screeching of the gears they finally drove off.
‘I hope they’ll be all right.’ commented Moira.
Ozy, Zena and Smiley were the next to go. Ozy had arranged for a car to pick them up, which was waiting outside. After a round of kisses and cuddles they waved as they got in and moved off.
Jake and his wife collected the bag he had left by the door. ‘We’re staying for the night.’ he informed them. ‘Goodnight.’ They made their way upstairs.
Edna nodded at Moira. ‘I’ll be up later.’ she said.
Mrs W turned to the girls. ‘He wanted to stay for one more night in the room where he was born.’ she explained.
‘That’s nice.’ Enda replied. She looked at the Mrs. ‘Can I help you?” she asked
‘You can help me get out of this dress, if you like.’ she requested.
Edna nodded at Moira. ‘I’ll be up later.’ she repeated.
Taking Mrs W arm she led her to her flat. Helping her to remove the gown, she gave her a nightgown and directed her to the bathroom. Ten minutes later she came out. Edna tucked her up in bed. ‘I had such a nice time tonight.’ she said turning her face to Edna.
