The Quest for the Penny Black, page 22
He noted the age of the lady involved and decided to go easy on her. ‘Do you understand the seriousness of your charge?’ he asked, with a serious look on his face.
‘Not really,’ she replied. ‘I was only driving slowly.’
‘Driving slowly!’ he roared. ‘Driving slowly! Tell me what would have happened if you had hit something?’
‘Oh! These days, the cars are only tin,’ she explained. ‘They can be easily repaired.’
The judge turned red. ‘You can’t go about hitting cars in a public place!’ he shouted.
‘Now there’s no need to get upset,’ retorted Mrs W. ‘My husband did his bit in the war for a better England, not this type of nonsense.’
‘You do realise I could send you to prison forever?’ he threatened.
‘You won’t do that,’ she said. ‘For I’ve a lot of tales, to tell about you.’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked hesitantly.
‘Well, aren’t you Jim Jefferies of Finchley school in 1911?’
‘Yes,’ he replied quizzically.
‘Well, I’m Edith Sedge and you used to chase me into the girl’s toilet and look up my skirt to see what colour knickers I was wearing and you said you’d show me … ’
‘All right, all right,’ he interrupted, seeing that he was beaten. ‘In that case,’ he replied with a twinkle in his eye, ‘you will be fined 10 pounds on each of the charges and put on six months’ probation.’
‘What’s that?’ she asked.
‘It means if you commit any similar crimes within this time, you will be brought back to this court and these charges will be added to any others. Do you have anything to say?’
‘Not really,’ she concluded.
The court officials and people sitting smothered their smiles. The Judge rapped his mallet on the desk. ‘Order,’ he demanded. ‘Very well, er Doctor Williams,’ he said looking at the paperwork. ‘You may now leave.’
‘Thank you Your Worship,’ she said. ‘I’ll leave my telephone number and you can pop round for a cup of tea.’
‘Thank you doctor,’ he announced.
Turning to the bailiff, he gestured with his arm. ‘Next case please.’
Mrs W came down from the box and went out of the courtroom helped by Jake. Outside, she repeated what she had told the judge to Jake. He smiled. When the bailiff came out to announce the next case, she gave him a card. ‘Give this to the worship man,’ she said. The bailiff smiled and promised to give it to him. Jake paid the fine and they made their way outside the court.
‘What do you want to do now?’ asked Jake.
‘Not much,’ she replied. ‘Let’s take some food home and I’ll concentrate on the next clue.’
‘OK. Let’s find some takeaway.’ They walked along and eventually found a Chinese takeaway. Getting the food, they hailed a cab and within thirty minutes, were standing on the steps of Villiers House. Once inside, Mrs W went to change and set to work on the puzzle.
Jake looked at the time. It was time, he decided, to go to the fitness club he had seen downtown and make some enquiries then eat afterwards. He went upstairs and changed into his T-shirt and jeans. Then coming down, he waved to Mrs W after telling her his plans and made his way on foot to the club. On entering, he was met by Keith, the manager.
‘I’d like to join,’ he began, ‘how much is it?’
‘There’s no price on fitness,’ came the reply. ‘However, we have different prices for different clients. Have a look at the chart.’ Jake looked and decided to join.
‘Can I send a cheque?’ he asked.
‘Surely. Just fill in the forms.
Jake put on his glasses and with the help of the trainer, completed the forms quickly.
‘Now come in. Do you have any gym clothes?’
‘No. Not with me.’
‘Well, we can lend you some for you to try us out.’
He went out, to return with an armful of gym wear. Put these on. Here’s a key for your locker. Make sure you lock your valuables up.’ He pointed to a sign that said ‘Gents’. Jake went off to get changed. After changing, he made his way rather self-consciously to the gym. An array of machines confronted him. He looked around in dismay. ‘I’ll never get the hang of these,’ he decided. Just then, another trainer came up. ‘Hi,’ he said. ‘I’m Jason. I believe you’re new, so Keith has asked me to run you through the machines.’
‘OK.’
The gym was quite empty at that time, so Jake had his pick of the machines. ‘Mn,’ said Jason. ‘You need to take it easy but build up a sweat,’ Poking his stomach, ‘We have low impact aerobics in half an hour. I suggest you try it.’
‘Is it very crowded?’ he asked, feeling somewhat shy.
‘It’s not too bad. There’ll be some office workers there, but they’re very nice.’
‘OK. I’ll give it a try.’ Jason went off and Jake sat, grunting and pulling at weights that seemed impossible to overcome. He noticed some well-developed young men who seemed more interested in posing for the large mirrors, than actually exercising. After twenty minutes, he noticed some young ladies and the occasional man enter the studio. He followed them, making sure he stood at the back. After a while, a young lady dressed in a skimpy top and bottom came in and set the tape. Then everyone got into position and the music started. There began a bit of stretching and sit ups. Jake had a problem with the sit-ups and the teacher came round to help him. This isn’t so bad, he thought as he smelt her perfume when she held his stomach. Then, the fast music began which totally confused him. Changing from jumping jacks to side movements, he tripped and fell over.
Immediately he was surrounded by pretty young women who helped him to his feet. ‘OK now?’ they laughed. The music continued with Jake feeling more and more tired, and then it was cool down which meant lying on the floor. Then it was over. He staggered to his feet and made his way out of the studio to the gym floor. Three ladies came up to him and introduced themselves. ‘You’ll soon get used to it’, they laughed and Jake began to realise that he might enjoy coming there. ‘When’s the next aerobics?’ he asked.
‘Oh, next Friday at 6.30.’
‘I’ll be here,’ he announced and off they went with Jake struggling to master the machines.
After another hour in the gym, he thought it was time to go and went into the changing room, stripped off his clothes and had a hot shower. The changing room was getting quite crowded at that time and Jake was somewhat embarrassed to see some of the younger men walking around without a towel wrapped round them. A middle-aged man next to him could see his concern. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘They’re probably gays.’
Shit, he thought, getting changed as quickly as he could. He then he made his way back to the main street and went into a sports shop and bought the necessary gear.
Walking to Villiers House, he was greeted by Mrs W. ‘Come in. How was the club?’ she asked.
‘OK. But I’m tired now.’ He sat down noticing that Rodney wasn’t there and the dummy had a new pair of trousers on. ‘How’s the puzzle coming on?’
‘It’s a hard one. It’s a big piece of paper and is written on both sides.’ she announced. On the table was a large book of ancient languages and the inevitable stamp, plus scraps of paper with scribbles on them. ‘It’s in good condition, but I don’t think I can do it tonight. I’ll look at it tomorrow, if my friends don’t come.’
‘Friends?’
‘You know. My friends from the Archaeological Society. They come every month. You usually go out before they arrive.’
‘Funny you should say that,’ he began. ‘I’ve got a dental appointment tomorrow. I don’t know what time I’ll be back.’
‘Well just to inform you, they’ll probably be here, so your best behaviour please.’
‘Of course.’
Just then, they heard the key turn in the lock. ‘Oh that’ll be the girls,’ she said. ‘Ask them to come in.’
Jake went out and brought Moira and Edna in.
‘Sit down,’ she said. ‘Would you like some tea?’
‘No thank you,’ they replied. ‘We’ve had a busy day. We’ll have an early night.’ With that, they bid them goodnight and made their way out of the lounge.
‘They seem to be good friends,’ commented Mrs W.
‘Yes, that’s nice.’
‘Right. We’ll see you tomorrow.’ and the girls got up and went to their room.
Just before the door closed, she heard Edna say to Moira that she would teach her how to make nasi rendang.
Mrs W turned to Jake. ‘Can you take Rodney out for a while?’ she asked. ‘He hasn’t been out all day.’
‘OK. Give me a few minutes.’ He changed and came down. Rodney was waiting by the front door.
‘Thank you,’ Mrs W began. ‘I don’t want him to have any accidents.’
No, not much! Jake thought. ‘Come on Rodney.’ he called. ‘Find a lamppost and we can all relax.’
He went out of the house and walked in the direction of the small park near Artesian Road where Rodney would have a whale of a time sniffing the trees. As he was walking along, he was stopped by a man who asked him for a light.
‘Sorry,’ he replied. ‘I don’t smoke.’ With that, the man whipped out a knife and threatened him. ‘Give me money or I’ll stick you!’
Jake was in a difficult situation with a knife pointing at him. Then out of nowhere, came a coloured man. He went behind the thief and pushed him to the ground. ‘Get going,’ he said to Jake. Jake took off and scooted back towards Tavistok Square stopping only for Rodney to pee against a tree. He was soon home. Puffing, he pulled out his keys and opened the door.
Mrs W was in the kitchen ‘That was fast,’ she said. Jake, not wishing to upset her, mumbled something about it was going to rain.
‘Come along poojey woojey,’ she said to Rodney. ‘Thank kind Mr Drew for taking you for walkies.’ Rodney looked at Jake and snarled. ‘Now, now,’ she continued. ‘Or you won’t have your biscuits.’ Rodney cowed down in resignation that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t get his treat.
‘Goodnight,’ Jake said as he went up the stairs for hopefully, a restful evening.
The man who had stopped and helped him was Chris, one of the minders. He had been out to buy some cigarettes and was walking home when he saw the incident. After sending Jake on his way, he grabbed the man by his collar. ‘So, sunshine,’ he said. ‘You’re after money the easy way.’
‘No, I’m broke and have nowhere to sleep. I didn’t mean to do it, but I’m desperate.’
‘The fact that you had a knife, boyo, meant that you would have been prepared to use it. Now what am I going to do with you? Shall I hand you over to the police?’
‘No, don’t do that,’ pleaded the man. ‘I’m sorry.’
Chris looked at him. He didn’t seem the hardened criminal he was used to. He reached inside his wallet. ‘Here,’ he said handing him 20 pounds, ‘I’ll give you an address of an organisation that can help. You don’t know me, but if I ever see that you’ve been breaking the law, I’ll find you and make you suffer. Do you understand?’
The man looked at him. Chris was wearing a scarf cross his face, with a cap pulled down over his eyes and was impossible to identify him, but he sounded like a hard man.
He nodded and took the money. ‘You make me feel ashamed,’ he said.
‘No, no buddy. Everyone has bad times, but don’t let it get on top of you. Now off you go.’
The man turned, waved his hand slowly and walked away. Chris returned the wave and carried on home.
‘Everything all right?’ he was asked.
‘Sure thing. But there are a lot of problems in this country.’
‘You can say that again,’ Saun replied. ‘Come on, dinner’s ready.’
Chapter 21
Jake got up early that day. He had a mission. That was the day when he was getting a new set of upper teeth. He made his breakfast and changed into his sports trousers and jacket. ‘I’ll wear a clean shirt today.’ he decided. Making his way downstairs, he was confronted by Rodney who had heard him.
‘Mrs W,’ he called. ‘Can you get this dog away from me?’
She came out. ‘Rodney Heel,’ she uttered. Rodney looked and slunk back into his box in the kitchen. He had taken to a new box and not his old one which was draughty. This one was quite tall and comfortable. Mrs W had cut off the top and put some of the plastic cushioning from the back of the garden shed to serve as a mattress for Rodney.
‘Where are you going?’ she asked. ‘Got a date?’
‘You’ll see,’ he replied. ‘It’ll be a new me.’
‘Goodness,’ she replied. ‘Well, take care. You’re not any younger! Now what was I going to do? Oh yes, ring the girls.’ She went to the phone and rang her friends. They usually came once a month and that day, she had something special planned. Confirming that they were coming, she rang Archie. ‘I need to speak with Mr Blazer,’ she informed him.
‘OK Mrs. I’ll get him to ring back.’
Half an hour later, he rang. ‘Yes Mrs?’ he asked.
‘You remember we spoke about your hairdressing talents the other day?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I’ve got a number of friends coming today. I’d like you to attend and do their hair. I’m sure they would like your designs and they’ll pay.’
When Raz heard the payment bit, he agreed. ‘What time shall I be there?’
‘About 1.30.’ Bring all your equipment. You can do mine first.’
‘Okay. Mrs. See you then.’ He then rang Archie to inform him he was sick that day and was going to the doctors.
‘All right,’ agreed Archie. ‘But make sure you’re OK for tomorrow.’
Jake went out and walked down the road towards to the tube station. This departure was noticed from the other side of the road. ‘Hey boss,’ called Chris. ‘The big guy is going out.’
‘Oh, let him go. He should be all right this time of day.’
Getting off at Gloucester Road, he made his way to a hairdresser. ‘Yes Sir?’ asked the Indian barber when he walked in.
‘I want a trim off the top and the beard cut down to the minimum.’
‘Right Sir, sit down.’ and he began the job in hand. After twenty minutes, he took out a mirror and held it up to the back of Jake’s head.
‘Enough Sir?’ he asked.
Jake looked. His hair hadn’t been that short for years. ‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘It feels a lot cleaner.’
‘Do you want any more off the beard?’
He looked again. The enormous growth on his face had been reduced to stubble, revealing very pale skin. ‘I look like Rock Hudson,’ he decided. ‘Or maybe a slightly older version.’
‘You have a lot of hair for your age, Sir,’ the barber continued.
‘What’d you mean?’ Jake retorted.
‘Well,’ the barber hastened. ‘Your hair is strong. It must be the good living.’
Brushing him down, the barber accepted the payment and bowed when Jack told him to keep the change. Coming out of the barber’s, he made his way up the road to a clinic with the words ‘Kumar Singh Dentist’ above the place. He entered through the glass door to the reception counter. A pretty girl sat there dressed in a white coat. ‘Morning Sir. Can I help?’
Yes you could! He thought. ‘I’ve an appointment with the dentist,’ he informed her.
‘Name?’ she asked.
‘Jacob Mumford-Drew.’
She rummaged around and took out a card. ‘Oh yes Sir, there’s someone in there now. Kindly wait over there,’ pointing to a row of chairs. Jake sat down and picked up a woman’s magazine. Scanning through it looking for the underwear advertisements, his attention was broken by the receptionist. ‘You may go in, Mr Mumford-Drew.’
He entered the surgery, to be greeted by the smell of antiseptic. Dr Singh stood by the dentist chair. ‘Sit down please,’ he said.
Jake sat down. The nurse, wearing a sexy white doctor’s coat put a bib around his neck whilst the dentist went next door. He returned with an object in his hand. Jake looked. It was his teeth. ‘Open wide please,’ he said and poked and probed the remaining bottom teeth. ‘Now I’m going to put the teeth in. Tell me if they need adjustment. Open wide.’ Jake opened his mouth to be nearly choked when a piece of plastic was inserted against his upper palate.
‘How does it feel?’ he was asked.
He moved his mouth around. It felt strange. ‘It’s a bit tight at the edge and its cutting into my gums,’ he mumbled. Opening his mouth, he allowed the dentist to remove it and go into the next room. The nurse however, stayed and turned her back to fiddle with something. He kept an eye on her. Soon, his prayers were answered, for she squatted down in front of him to pick something up from the floor and Jake caught a glimpse of pink underwear. Mission accomplished, he thought.
The dentist returned and placed the now, modified set in his mouth. ‘How do they feel?’
Jake twisted his mouth this way and that. ‘Much better,’ he said. ‘Doctor? How do I keep them from falling out?’
‘Well, we have some mouth adhesive that you put on the inside each morning, then push it into position. It will last all day and you only need to wash it away at night. You also need some fizzy tablets to wash the teeth, say once a week.’
‘Where can I buy it?’ he asked, looking at the mirror at his now magnificent smile.
‘Oh, Boots or Woolworths,’ he replied. ‘Here, I’ll give you a tube and a few tablets,’ handing them to Jake. ‘Now take them out and we’ll stick them in. They’ll feel more secure.’
‘I’ll do it when I get home.’ So he fiddled around with the strange object in his mouth and at last, removed it. The dentist insisted that he apply a small amount, ‘In case of an accident,’ he explained. ‘There we are,’ he said. ‘Now you look like a new man. I haven’t put much adhesive there. You’ll have to coat the back properly, when you get home.’
