The Devil Goes To Church Too, page 24
part #1 of Written Between the Pages Series
“Yeah, umm me too. It was good to see you.”
I nodded my head and smiled as I closed the door. He was hoping that I would still be here wishing for him to come home. His Quels had moved on. There was no way I would go back to David, even if I was single. Then my two years of therapy and anti-depressants would all be for nothing. When I walked back inside, Collin pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently on the lips. He searched my face for a moment, then asked, “You okay, love?”
“Yes. Being with David prepared me for my blessing in you, Collin.”
“Raquel, you are the blessing.”
He kissed me again, letting his lips linger on mine. My body temperature had skyrocketed. I gently stroked his cheek, then said, “I’m going to get dressed.”
“Okay love.”
I so wished he would have followed me to my room to help me. I was on an almost four-year drought. I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time, I admired the woman staring back at me. She was strong, faithful, smart, and a wonderful person. Although I’d had moments in my life that could have altered my future negatively, I’d overcome. Everything that was meant to hurt me, God had worked it out for my good.
Chapter 27
2 weeks later…
“Mom, this is Raquel Brooks. Raquel this is my mother, Janet Peters.”
“Hello. It’s so nice to finally meet you, Raquel,” Collin’s mother said.
“It’s nice to meet you also, Mrs. Peters,” I said with a huge smile.
“Baby, this is my dad, Justin Peters. Dad, this is Raquel Brooks,” Collin said while putting his hand at the small of my back.
I shook his dad’s hand, and he said, “It’s about time he brought you around. I was starting to think he’d dreamed you up.”
I chuckled, then said, “I’m very real.”
“And beautiful. Great job son.”
We all laughed, and I said, “Thank you.”
We walked to their formal dining room for dinner. This was how things should have gone when Collin met my parents, but I knew that would only happen in a fantasy world. Daddy had gone home last week and was doing extremely well. I believed this little medical setback scared him straight. No more fried foods for him. When he’d gotten home, he got rid of all the soda and sweets. My mama didn’t say a word to me as I helped daddy clean out the kitchen. When I’d gotten ready to leave, she actually thanked me for helping them get settled.
Collin’s parents had a lovely dining room. Collin and I sat next to one another and he held my hand. We’d been together for six months now, and we hadn’t had sex yet. I felt like I was dying. I was so attracted to Collin, I felt like I needed more of him. Not only was I attracted to him, I’d fallen in love with him. I was scared to tell him though. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to rush him into anything. The maid brought dinner to the table and everything looked and smelled so delicious. There was lamb, asparagus, carrots and potatoes. As I spooned the vegetables, Mrs. Peters said, “So, Collin tells us you’re a pharmacist?”
“Yes ma’am, I am.”
“Is that something you were always interested in?” she asked innocently.
“Somewhat. My dream was to be a famous singer. Being a pharmacist was my second choice.”
“Well, Collin told us that your son is a famous rapper. So, it’s almost like your dream embodied him.”
“I suppose so. I never looked at it that way,” I said, then smiled.
The rest of the evening was light. I noticed Collin giving me some real serious looks. I didn’t know what that meant, but I was almost sure we would talk about it once we left. Collin’s dad was actually pretty funny. Collin had definitely gotten his sense of humor from him. His mom was a sweetheart. I was so comfortable around them to say it was our first time meeting. After dinner, we stayed another hour, then we left for Collin to bring me home.
When we’d gotten there, Collin came inside. Usually when we’d spent the entire evening together, he didn’t come inside, so I was somewhat caught off guard. Once I’d locked the door, he grabbed my hand and said, “I need to talk you, Raquel.”
I got nervous. Then I told myself to calm down. He wouldn’t have taken me to meet his parents if he didn’t see me in his future. I took a deep breath, then followed him to my couch. He continued to hold my hand, slowly caressing it between his. He gazed into my eyes, and I could see the desire in them. He began, “Raquel, I know you’re probably wondering what my deal is. I haven’t felt this strongly for another woman since my wife died. I’m having somewhat of a difficult time. For some reason, I feel guilty about falling for you, like I’m cheating on her. Courtney Donaldson-Peters. I’m sorry Raquel, because that isn’t fair to you.”
“I understand Collin,” I said sadly.
“Raquel, I’m not breaking up with you, but what I am trying to say is that I love you.”
I let the tears fall from my eyes, then said, “I love you too, Collin.”
He kissed me softly on my lips, then leaned me back on the sofa. He laid on top of me and kissed me with more passion than he ever had. My body was awakening in places that had been dormant for a while. I moaned as his hand rubbed over my breast and his tongue explored my mouth. This was unchartered territory for us. Before it went beyond the point of no return, I slowed him down by saying, “Collin, I don’t want to rush. If you are only doing this to try to get her off your mind, then we should stop.”
“Raquel, I’m doing this because I love you. I’m doing this because I’ve allowed myself to fall for another woman. That says a lot about you and our connection to one another. It wasn’t a conscious decision I made. This just happened, and it feels amazing. I love you.”
“I love you too, Collin,” I said, then pulled his face to mine.
He gently pulled my leg up to his waist and dipped his head to kiss my neck. I gently pushed him up, then led him to my bedroom. I hadn’t had sex in practically four years, and I was beyond ready to be with Collin. Collin slowly removed my clothing and admired my body. Suddenly, I got extremely nervous. I was having flashbacks at the most inopportune time. The last man that admired my naked body that way was Pastor Charles, over twenty-five years ago. I covered my breasts with my hands, just as I did as that fifteen-year-old, naïve girl. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths to calm my racing heart. I could feel Collin getting closer to me, then he asked softly, “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I lied.
I wasn’t okay. Why didn’t this happen with David? The moment I wondered that, my mind answered me. Whenever David and I had sex, most times, we just got to it. There was no admiration or much foreplay. We weren’t making love, at least he wasn’t. Collin gently slid his hand down my arm, and said, “You are so beautiful, Raquel.”
I slowly opened my eyes and stared into his. He lifted his shirt, then took off his pants. He pulled me closer to him and began kissing my neck again. He laid me in the bed, then began pulling off my underwear. When he came back to me, he stopped between my legs and indulged. I gently rubbed his head and moaned. My body had begun to relax. My mind had pushed away the thoughts and experiences of my past and began to enjoy what was happening to my body presently. Shortly after Collin had started, I’d reached ecstasy. I literally screamed, shocking myself. As I caught my breath, I watched him put a condom on, then hover over me. As he pushed inside of me, he whispered, “Oh my God.”
My sentiments exactly. He dipped his head and gently sucked my nipples as he stroked me gently. Collin was making love to me. It was at that moment that I realized I’d never made love. His lips once again found mine, and his tongue found its way into my mouth. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and moaned, “I love you, Collin.”
“I love you more, Raquel,” he whispered.
After a few moments, he stared into my eyes, and said, “This is everything I dreamed it would be and more.”
He frowned, then released everything he’d been holding. He slowly rolled over and laid next to me as the tear escaped down my cheek. I was overwhelmed. Collin propped himself up on his elbow and asked, “What’s bothering you, my love?”
I turned to stare into his gorgeous eyes, and said, “Nothing’s bothering me. I’m happy. I’ve never felt this way my entire life. Not even with David.”
“What about Noah’s father?” he asked.
He’d never even brought up Noah’s father or even asked who he was. I put my head down, then said, “After being with you, I realized that it doesn’t compare. I hadn’t slept with Noah’s father since before I found out I was pregnant.”
“I can see that talking about him makes you uncomfortable. We don’t have to talk about him. The only thing that matters right now is you and me,” Collin said, gently stroking my cheek.
He laid back in the bed and pulled me in his arms.
I’d never felt so complete. When we’d awakened, we took a shower together, and Collin made love to me again. Once I’d gotten dressed, I followed him to his home in Sandy Pointe, and he cooked lunch for us. We’d enjoyed one another the whole day and had even laid out at the beach. The day had been perfect and there was nothing that could bring me down. Before I could leave, Collin made love to me once again, then said, “I don’t know how I’m going to get through my days now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Raquel, I’ve experienced you a few times now, and it gets better every time. I probably won’t see you tomorrow, and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day.”
I blushed, then said, “Me either. I love you, Collin.”
“I love you too, Raquel,” he said while pulling me in his arms.
I grabbed my things, then headed to my car. Collin walked me out then said, “I hope I’m not moving too quickly when I say, I don’t want to live another day without you.”
I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, as I said, “I feel the same way.”
We smiled at one another, then I got in my car. Collin closed my door, then blew me a kiss and watched me drive away.
When I got home, I put my things away and thought about the amazing time I’d had with Collin. As I did, I realized I hadn’t heard from Noah this week. It was normal for him to go a few days without calling, but never a week. I grabbed my phone and called him.
“Hello?”
“Well, hello stranger.”
“Hey Mama. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I hadn’t heard from you, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“I’m okay. I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’m in Atlanta.”
“What are you doing in Atlanta?”
“I came to spend some time with Sonya,” he said quietly.
“Why are you talking so low?”
“She’s taking a nap. She’s been having some pain with her uterus stretching.”
“Noah, please don’t get too attached to this girl. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Mama, it may be too late. I can’t help it. She’s been upfront with me about everything, but I’m falling for her anyway.”
“Baby…,” I said, feeling emotional.
“Don’t worry Ma. I’m a grown man, remember?” he said, then chuckled.
“I don’t care how grown you are, I still don’t want to see you get hurt, Baby. You will always be my world.”
“I know. If I get hurt, it will be my own fault. She’s told me time and time again, that I’m her best friend, and she has way too much drama going in her life right now.”
“Well, at least she’s being honest with you. I can respect her for that. Well, I will let you go. Call me when you leave, okay?”
“I will Mama. I leave day after tomorrow.”
“I love you, Noah.”
“I love you too, Ma.”
I sat on the sofa and cried. He reminded me so much of myself. I loved Ryan for years. I knew what it felt like to love someone and give them your all, but not get the same in return. I did it for over ten years with David. Noah had fallen for a woman that wasn’t falling for him. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. I dried my face, then started the shower. Before I could get in, my phone was ringing. I figured it was either Noah or Collin, but I was surprised to see Ryan’s name on my caller ID. I frowned slightly, because I remembered how I felt yesterday under Collin’s admiration of my body. I hesitantly answered, “Hello?”
“Hello Raquel.”
“Hi Ryan. How are you?”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m good.”
“You’re probably wondering why I’m calling you. I just needed to hear your voice. I miss you.”
I was stunned into silence. Why was he doing this? My heart was racing, and my palms were clammy. In an instant, I felt like I’d transformed into fifteen-year-old Raquel. I didn’t understand why he was affecting me this way after all these years. There was a time where my heart would have fluttered at the sound of his voice and the acknowledgement of his words. However, my naivety was a thing of the past.
“Are you there, Raquel?”
“Yes,” I said softly.
“I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I needed to tell you. I thought after I’d resigned as the pastor of New Covenant, you and I would be able to be more involved, especially after our lunch that day. I could still feel the love you had for me, even after twenty-five years. That day at the hospital, when I met your boyfriend, I accepted the possibility that I’d lost you once again. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the man you needed or the father Noah needed. I still love you, and I always will Raquel.”
I let the tears roll freely down my cheeks as I listened to him. He seemed so vulnerable. With our history, there was no way we would have ever been able to be together. I pulled my thoughts together, and said, “Ryan, you were my first love. I didn’t understand the severity of the situation back then. I was so naïve. Even after all these years, I don’t see you as a bad person. I know you love me, and I know you love Noah. Although we could never be together or reveal that you are Noah’s father, you always helped provide for me and Noah. I’m so grateful for that. I still have love and respect for you, Ryan, but my heart belongs to Collin, now. He’s helped heal my broken heart and treats me like a queen. He’s the man I’ve dreamed about and wished was mine. Now that I have him, I don’t plan on ever letting go.”
“I understand. I wish you the best Raquel.”
“Goodbye Ryan.”
Chapter 28
6 months later…
“Nooooo!!!!!” I screamed.
“Raquel, hurry and meet us at Mercy,” Russell, Noah’s manager said.
He’d called to tell me that my world had been in a horrible car accident. I could barely get out of the door, I was crying so much. Noah was scheduled to be in concert tomorrow night for his hometown, Baltimore show. He’d released a new album that had already gone platinum, and he wanted Baltimore to be the first to see it performed live. I hadn’t seen him in over six months, but I would have gladly gone another two years rather than seeing him this way. Russell said he was hit by a drunk driver. I parked, then ran to the emergency room entrance. The moment I entered, Russell saw me and ran to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him in an embrace.
“Where’s my baby?” I cried.
“He’s in surgery Ms. Brooks.”
“I need to see my baby!” I cried into Russell’s chest.
I listened to him call my parents and RJ. Noah couldn’t have looked good if he was calling everybody. I picked my head up from his chest, and said, “Call Sonya.”
He nodded his head. I knew Noah would want her here. Although he was dating some lil whore I’d seen him on TV with, he loved Sonya. They’d recently taken pictures at the premiere for Noah’s video, and I could see the love in his eyes while he stared at her. It was the video she’d done while she was pregnant. Noah had told me that she’d risked her life and her baby’s life by traveling to be in it and didn’t even charge him. While she may not be in love with Noah, I knew she loved him and valued his friendship. Russell could call that girl if he wanted to. I called Collin and let him know what was going on.
“Hello?”
“Collin,” I cried.
“Raquel, what’s wrong?”
“Noah has been in a wreck. He’s in surgery and I’m about to lose my mind. Noah is my world, I can’t lose him,” I said, crying audibly as I watched Ryan and RJ run through the door.
“What hospital?” Collin asked.
“Mercy.”
“Okay. I’m on my way,” he said, then ended the call.
Ryan ran straight to me and pulled me in his arms as I cried. I could see RJ watching us while letting the tears fall down his cheeks as well. I could feel Ryan’s tears falling on my face. He grabbed my hand, then RJ’s and began to pray. I was thankful that he was there. All I could think about was Noah. I vaguely heard Ryan say, “He shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.”
I cried more. Just thinking that there was a possibility Noah’s life could have been taken almost caused me to pass out. I could feel my knees buckle, then someone grab me to keep me from falling. I looked up into my Daddy’s tear-filled eyes. I turned and hugged him tightly. My mama was sitting on the other side of the waiting room. I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to be close to us at a time like this. I could hear Ryan say, “…we declare it done, in Jesus’s name, Amen.”
Russell walked over with the doctor, and my eyes searched his for hope. The doctor began, “Hi, I’m Doctor Thomas. Noah has a broken leg, collar bone, and a couple of broken ribs. He also has a lot of swelling. We are hoping that the swelling on his brain will go down on its own. If it doesn’t we will have to go in to relieve it. He’s in recovery and on a ventilator. He never gained consciousness before the surgery, so we are hoping he does so in an hour or so. He’s not out of the woods, Ms. Brooks, but we are hopeful. Once he leaves recovery, they will put him in ICU. You’ll be able to see him then.”
“How long will that be?” I asked while wiping my nose with some tissue Ryan gave me.
