Victor's Choice, page 5
“I’m more than okay with it,” Victor said. “I mean, like I said. I literally can just chill in my boxers or whatever and not have to worry about running into anyone else. Plus, it makes Joe crazy because his roommate apparently farts in his sleep. It’s great.”
Tawson shook his head. Victor seemed to enjoy that fact way too much. He knew that he was trying to distract him and it was working. The rambling story kept his shoulders loose and the knot in his stomach was gone. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Victor said. His voice was serious now. “I’ve had a panic attack before. They aren’t fun. I can tell my parents that you’re not feeling well and we’ll do a raincheck.”
“No, I’m okay. I’ll come down.” Tawson would be okay for an hour or two.
Victor reached over and took the empty glass from Tawson. Their hands brushed and a moment passed between them. They both looked up at each other and just stared. Tawson could see Victor’s cheeks blush before he pulled his hand away.
“Please don’t mention this,” Tawson said. He stood up and followed behind Victor to the kitchenette. “I’m fine, I promise. But I don’t need-”
“I wouldn’t tell anyone to begin with,” Victor said. “But I do know how much they suck. If you need anyone to talk to, let me know.”
“I don’t get them very often anymore,” he said. He leaned with his back against the counter and his arms crossed over his chest. He wasn’t sure why he kept talking. Maybe the lack of talking to people yesterday and this morning. It was nice just to have someone else in the room. “Just here and there. I won’t bore you with the details, but they’re getting better. I’m getting better.”
“And you’re going to go on campus tomorrow and absolutely smash it as the new teacher,” Victor said. His smile was back and it was genuine. He had a big smile, showing most of his teeth. His lips were full and for the second time, Tawson caught himself looking at them. “I’ll even beat up anyone that says you aren’t.”
That got a small chuckle out of Tawson. He loved the simplicity of Victor’s words. He was joking, knowing that Tawson needed something to keep his mind away from the other thoughts. He was easy to talk to; Tawson couldn’t figure out why everyone introduced him the way they did. He figured now was as good a time as any to ask.
“I’ve been told by multiple people that you’re the shy one,” Tawson started. He let his eyes drift around Victor’s face. He had a shadow of stubble coming in but he wasn’t sure if that was from shaving or all that he could grow. His hair was a couple inches, long enough to run fingers through. “I just don’t see it.”
Victor cocked his hip against the counter and faced Tawson. They were standing pretty close, well within arm’s reach. “I like to consider myself reserved.”
“You haven’t been that reserved around me,” Tawson pointed out. At least, he hadn’t felt like he was. He barely knew the guy, but he’d made Tawson laugh more than once and that wasn’t always the easiest accomplishment.
“Oh trust me, there’s a whole side of me you don’t know.” There was a strike of fear in his eyes when he said those words. “I mean, not that I’m that interesting or anything.”
Tawson narrowed his eyes and tilted his head just slightly. “Now I feel like you’re holding something back.”
“And you’ll have to pry that secret out of me on my death bed.” Victor stood up straighter and Tawson could tell he was getting uncomfortable with the attention turned to him. As weird as it was, he was enjoying Victor’s company. They matched each other with the teasing and quips yesterday and he’d jumped right in to help him this morning without even being asked.
“I’m not prying,” Tawson said. “But like you said earlier, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here too.”
They looked at each other and Tawson swore he could feel a different kind of attention building now. It was just an inkling but neither of them moved. Tawson watched Victor fidget, he licked his lips twice before speaking again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
They locked eyes. Victor stepped closer. There was only a foot between them. Tawson knew, in the back of his mind, where this was about to go. And he wasn’t sure what that made him that he had no intention of stopping it.
“Are you…” Another lick of those lips. His eyes dropped down before he visibly steeled himself and locked eyes again. His eyes were a subtle blue. Calm. They had little flecks of green in them, close to his irises. “Into guys?”
He knew that was the question coming, but it still caught him off guard. His body was a mixture of emotions. Something drew him to Victor. The two conversations they’d had were easy and not forced at all. He was younger, though, by nearly a decade. And he was a student. He couldn’t risk making dumb decisions before he even started the first day of classes.
As if his body made the decisions before his mind could weigh the pros and cons, He reached out and tugged Victor closer to him. Their chests pressed together and their lips met immediately. They were just as soft as he imagined. Neither of them moved to deepen the kiss. They just stayed there, pressed together from lips to toes. Tawson’s hands loosened from Victor’s shirt and rested on his hips. Victor’s hands came up to cup either side of Tawson’s neck. He could feel Victor tilt his head up just slightly, adding pressure behind the kiss.
It was over within seconds. Tawson rested his forehead against Victor’s and they both stood there, breathing the same air. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
“Don’t.” Victor’s voice was low, but he could hear the pleading. “Please. That- That was only my second kiss so please don’t ruin the moment.”
Tawson closed his eyes. He licked his lips, the memory already seared into his brain. They still clung to each other. The words sank into his mind finally. Victor was barely experienced. Had he done more than kissing with another guy? Or did he mean this was only his second kiss with a guy, but there could be a line of girls he’d been with.
Victor let out a quiet noise and that was all Tawson needed to react. He spun them so Victor’s back was against the counter and he kissed him again. Hard. His hands moved to his hair while Victor’s went to wrap around his back. Victor parted his lips this time and Tawson took the bait easily. His tongue slipped against Victor’s, exploring his mouth greedily. Victor did the same. They weren’t fighting for dominance but giving and taking evenly.
A moan broke the kiss and again, Tawson rested his forehead against Victor’s. The moan had come from Victor and Tawson was well aware of the bulge behind his jeans. They were breathing heavier now.
“That was-”
“The best,” Victor rushed to say. Tawson pulled his head back and he could feel Victor’s grip tighten on him, like he was afraid he was going to leave him. He should. He really should end whatever they’d just done. But damn, that kiss.
“I’m not leaving,” Tawson said. He moved his hands to grip Victor’s forearms and pull his hands away from his body. “But we do need to talk, Victor. That- That can’t happen again.”
Chapter Five
~ Victor ~
There was definitely a rule against kissing the new professor.
There was. But fuck, if Victor didn’t care. Tawson was right when he said that most people assumed he was reserved and quiet. He didn’t share a lot about himself, mostly because he was scared that someone would find out his secret and then give him that judging look. His family was accepting of different relationships, but he couldn’t bring himself to see how far that acceptance went. He was the son of a rancher, five-foot-ten, and liked to wear skirts and pictured himself in more traditionally feminine things. The contradiction was too much for him to feel comfortable.
Something about Tawson, though. The way they talked, joked. His smile. His whole persona just gave off calm and welcoming. Non-judgmental. When he opened the door yesterday, Tawson looked like he’d been crying. Victor could see the signs. He’d had a couple of panic attacks before. The first time was when he tried on the skirt for the first time. He’d cried himself to sleep that night. Then, again, when he came out to his best friend. Joe knew more than anyone else and while Joe was decidedly straight- after their brief experimenting- he was never judgmental. But that didn’t stop Victor from choking on air and Joe rubbing soothing circles along his back for hours after they’d slept together.
Victor and Tawson didn’t talk about it. Not on Sunday. Victor had to get to the main house and help his mom prep the food. He had the buns for the hamburgers and hot dogs in his car. Victor tried not to watch Tawson throughout the cookout, but he’d caught himself slipping a few times. Only once was Tawson looking back at him. He kept to himself, only talking when someone asked him a question. He kept replaying the kiss again and again in his head.
By the time he got back to campus and into the apartment, those moments were all that was on his mind. He stripped down and got in the shower, letting the memory wash over him like the water. He was hard in no time and whispered Tawson’s name as he came, splashing against the tiles of the floor. He didn’t know what he was doing. He did, but he didn’t understand why. Why was he attracted to the older guy? He was almost thirty and a teacher at his school. That alone should have been enough to not cross the line. But they clicked. Even in two short conversations. Maybe it was the vulnerability in his eyes when he’d opened the door. Victor could see himself in them. He wasn’t sure.
And he drove himself crazy the whole week thinking about it. Bouncing from regret to reminiscing. He went to his classes, made sure he had the books and items he needed. He was taking some intro classes mixed with a few more advanced that he’d tested into during the SATs. He didn’t have an English class this semester but he was still walking all around campus from one class to the next. Him and Joe hung out when they could. Their classes clashed a bit, but they had Tuesday evenings and Thursday mornings free.
He invited Joe over on Tuesday to see the place. They ended up hanging out and Joe stayed over, sharing the bed with Victor. He’d woken up snuggled against Joe’s chest, content to stay there as long as he could. It wasn’t even about Joe, because he knew there was no attraction between them. Victor loved physical touch.
By the time Friday evening came around, he was gearing up to go home for the weekend. He’d told his roommate about his own schedule and said that the apartment would be empty most weekends if he did want to use it. He’d finally met the guy on Thursday. Clayton was attending classes, but he had a girlfriend that lived off campus and they were living together. His parents didn’t approve of her because she didn’t come from money, but they had plans to get married in another year when he graduated. He explained that he usually tried to pair with Freshman because they were cooler about the whole ‘having a place to myself’ thing. Victor was relieved that it wasn’t something illegal going on. Victor promised to keep up the charade.
“I’ll see you on Monday,” Joe said as they parted way. They were walking from the science building. They both had a class there, but different levels. Joe was working toward a computer science degree. He was great with math and technology. He wanted to land a job with software technology. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”
“I’m going to be scooping horse shit for forty-eight hours,” Victor said. “Have fun doing literally anything else.”
Joe laughed and clapped his hand against Victor’s shoulder a couple times. “You make a great point. Call, text, whatever. I’ll miss you.”
“For a straight guy, sometimes I’m concerned.”
“You love me. That’s all that matters.” Joe waved to him and they split on the path. Victor had to grab his clothes and a few things before heading home. He’d miss supper, but knew his mom would save him a plate.
There was a guy sitting on the steps to the apartment building when he walked up. At first Victor didn’t pay him any mind, the hat, sunglasses, and ‘normal’ clothes hiding who it was until they stood up. Tawson. He was wearing a hat and normal clothes. He definitely didn’t look recognizable.
“How long have you been waiting here?” Victor asked. He wanted to ask why, but he was sure they were about to have that talk Tawson mentioned nearly a week ago.
“Just a few minutes,” Tawson said. They took the stairs to his apartment and Victor stepped inside to let him through the door. He made sure to lock it behind them. “Listen, Victor.”
“If you’re going to tell me it was a mistake and we shouldn’t do it again, I’m aware.” Victor hated it, but in the days since, he came to the realization himself. It couldn’t work out between them.
“Good,” Tawson said. Victor continued through the apartment, assuming that Tawson would follow. He dropped his bag to the floor and started looking around his room. It was already a bit of a mess. The bed was rumpled. The extra pillow Joe had used was still next to his. Papers and notebooks littered his desk. “I’m glad we agree then.”
“I didn’t say I agreed,” Victor said. He glanced over his shoulder at Tawson. He was just inside his bedroom, leaning against the doorframe with his arms cross and his head tilted back. He’d taken his hat and jacket off. “I just said I was aware.”
“Victor, come on. Please.”
He turned around and faced Tawson. Victor kept his voice calm. The last thing he wanted was Tawson thinking he was too emotional after one kiss. One amazing kiss, but still. “Have you thought about me this week? Because I’ve sure as hell thought about you.”
“That’s beside the point,” Tawson said shortly. “Not only am I older, a teacher, but I’m living on your ranch. We’re going to be seeing each other every weekend. This- It can’t happen. It’s not a good idea.”
“I get it,” Victor said. “It sucks, though.”
“I’m sorry.”
They stood like that, just looking at each other. Victor wanted nothing more than to cross the room and kiss him again. It’d been incredible. Every moment of it was ingrained in his mind. He wanted more, but Tawson was laying clear boundaries. As he said, it sucked, but he’d respect it. He got the feeling like there was something more to Tawson, but he wouldn’t push. Victor had his own secrets.
“Are you heading to the ranch?” Victor asked after a long minute.
“I was,” he said. “But I felt like we needed to clear the air first. I wasn’t sure how much we would actually see each other but your mom seems to think I can’t feed myself so she’s invited me to come to dinner both nights.”
“That’s just who she is.” Victor went back to his desk and started making sure he had everything for the weekend. He already had some assignments to start on. “I know my sister is still staying there right now, but I’m sure she’s out in the bunk with Zaya most of the time. And Wright and Xander have their own thing usually during the week. It’s probably driving her crazy that she doesn’t have anyone to cook for but her and dad.”
Victor startled and then relaxed when he felt hands on his hips. He didn’t dare look behind him. Just the simple touch was enough to make his legs weak. The hands moved up his back, over his shoulders, and then snaked around to his front. Tawson pulled him closer so their bodies were flush. “I thought-”
“I know,” Tawson said. His voice was low and right at Victor’s ear. “But fuck, Vic. I don’t know what you’re doing to me. I feel like I have to touch you when I see you.”
The nickname came as a shock. Vic. No one had called him that before. He repeated it in his head, closing his eyes as lips pressed against the back of his neck. He was melting and fast. Vic. He liked it.
“Say it again,” Victor said. “What you called me.”
“Vic? Do you like being called that?” Victor’s mind supplied his own reflection. Bare skin, pleather skirt barely hiding his cock underneath. Vic. He’d never considered the shortening of his name before. But he loved it. He could feel himself getting hard and he dropped his head back to Tawson’s shoulder.
“No one’s called me that before,” he said. “I do like it.”
He turned around in Tawson’s arms and sealed their lips. This time, Victor took what he wanted. If Tawson was giving in to this once more, he was going to take advantage of it. His tongue fought with Tawson’s, wanting the chance to explore. Tawson’s lips tasted sweet and Victor moaned into the kiss. His hands were exploring on their own as well, fingertips dipping just below the hem of his shirt. Tawson’s skin was warm to the touch.
“Slow down,” Tawson whispered. He stilled his hands and Victor pulled back. Tawson’s lips were glistening with spit and his cheeks were rosy.
“If you’re going to stop this every time we start, please tell me now. Because this isn’t going to go away on it’s own.” He looked down and indicated at the way his shorts were tented. He looked back up at Tawson. He could feel his cheeks were on fire. It was natural, he knew that. But Tawson looked as unaffected as if they’d just been talking about finances or something.
Tawson swallowed, his Adam’s Apple bobbing with the motion. His tongue darted out quickly, swiping over his lips. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered eventually.
“Don’t fight it,” Victor said. “I don’t even need… all that. I just want to keep kissing you.”
“Your body says otherwise, Vic.” Tawson’s eyes dropped to him once again. “I’m sorry. I can’t- You should take care of that.”
“Hey, it’s okay. It was just a joke.” Victor reached out and laid a hand on Tawson’s forearm. “I’m no stranger to an erection. It can wait.”
Victor tilted his head up and pursed his lips for a chaste kiss. Tawson gave it willingly, no hesitation. Something flipped in Victor’s stomach when he pulled back and Tawson was smiling. His eyes were glassy, but he didn’t want to risk asking about it and ruining the moment.
Victor didn’t know what to say. They just stared at each other for several, long moments. Victor moved first, wrapping his arms around Tawson and hugging him tightly. Tawson hooked his chin over Victor’s shoulder. They stood, wrapped in each other’s arms. Victor didn’t want to move, but they would both need to get a move on if they wanted to make it to the ranch before too long.
