Victor's Choice, page 23
By the time Friday rolled around, Tawson was getting antsy. His classes were all in finals mode. He tried to make it as easy as possible, giving them the chance to make it open book. Each student had the choice of taking the closed book multiple choice or to do an open book essay style final. It was split down the middle which they preferred and would make more work for himself grading wise, but whatever helped his students.
He had two more hours of office time before he’d pack it up and go home for the weekend. Before he could see his partner. His love. He wanted to say the words to Vic so many times during their vacation. They’d almost slipped out time and time again. When they made love that first night. When Vic sat on the counter talking about nothing and everything while he cooked breakfast the next morning. When Vic was curled up on his lap.
A knock on the door caught his attention and he called out that it was open. He closed the folder he was looking through. They had one more club meeting before the break and they were going to be playing some generic holiday games. He’d finish it up on Monday, though.
“How can I-”
The words died on Tawson’s tongue when he saw who was standing in the door. Both of them. He shook his head, almost not believing his own eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s nice to see you too,” Meredith said. She smiled, like he would welcome her in. “You’ve done good for yourself.”
His ex- best friend was standing more in the hallway. He couldn’t see all of him, but it looked like he was holding something. Or pushing something that Meredith was blocking. Tawson didn’t know what to think or where to look. Meredith’s hair was longer, a shade or two darker than he remembered. Her eyes held the slightest hint of bags under them, covered by a layer of makeup. She was wearing nice clothes. The other guy was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He didn’t look any different, maybe a bit more muscle. Victor didn’t really care enough to look further.
“You’re not welcome here,” Tawson said. “I made it clear I have nothing to say to you. To either of you.”
“We’re trying to make amends,” Meredith started to argue. Tawson held up a hand to stop her.
“I don’t want to hear it. You’re not here for me. You weren’t there when I really needed you the most, you weren’t trying to make amends with that email, and you’re not here for anyone but yourself now.”
“Hey man, come on.” Suddenly Jacob Helvey, the guy that had been the best man at the wedding to the woman he was now married to. The man that was one of the first to know Tawson was proposing. Tawson felt nothing but loathing for both of them. “Don’t talk to her like that. Just hear us out.”
“I said no,” Tawson said. He would stand his ground. He’d spoken to Megan again, going into more detail about their past and the dynamics of his relationships past and present. He had to restart his life from next to nothing. Over a year later, he had his dream job. He lived in a great place, had friends and family, had a partner. “Please leave or I’ll call security.”
Meredith shifted her weight from one foot to another. He knew her well enough to know she was about to say something that he didn’t want to hear. “We wanted to try and mend things,” she said again. “For the sake of our daughter.”
Tawson choked on air. Literally, bent over coughing, trying to breathe.
Daughter.
Our?
What?
“Not your kid, Taw. Ours.” Jacob said. His voice was full of something. Tawson couldn’t quite place the emotion. But the relief that flooded through his body that it wasn’t his kid. That he could pinpoint easily. “We wanted you to meet her.”
“Why?” Tawson started gathering his things. He was done with this conversation, but the longer they stood there. The longer they spoke and he had to see them, the closer he was getting to another panic attack. Seeing them reminded him of everything he’s been working to get passed. “It’s not mine. I don’t care what either of you do. You’re not part of my life anymore.”
“Come on, Taw.” Meredith lifted a hand, like she was going to reach for Tawson.
“You don’t have the right to call me that anymore,” Tawson said. “You lost it when you left me in that hospital room alone. Now, as I said, get out.”
He couldn’t look at them. That rock feeling in his stomach was growing. It was painful. He had all his things ready to go, but they hadn’t moved from the door. And it was the only way in and out of his office. He finally faced them. Jacob grabbed their little girl from what looked like the stroller behind them. She couldn’t have been more than a couple months old yet. Dressed in a pink dress with a bow on her head.
“Move.”
“Tawson, come on. We just want to talk.”
“Why?” Tawson slammed his bag to the ground. It hit the side of the filing cabinet, making a loud echo. They weren’t going to let him leave so he wasn’t going to hold back. “So you can rub it in my face that you gained everything I lost that night? I was assaulted, Meredith! I was drugged and taken to a place without my knowledge. I had to get tested for months after, worried that I might have gotten something. Do you know how terrifying that is? To have to do that alone, knowing that your wife, the woman you thought you loved, just didn’t care? That your so-called friends all turned their backs.” Tawson was shouting. He could feel the tears running down his cheeks too. “That man took a lot from me that night and you continued to take. You got the house. You got my fucking retirement, Meredith. What else could you possibly want from me?”
Meredith opened her mouth several times to say something, but never did. The baby in Jacob’s arms started to fuss. Probably from Tawson’s raised voice.
“Get out.” The words came from the hallway. Tawson couldn’t see who it was but the voice sounded familiar. Strong. “You are not welcome here. Security and cops have been called and I suggest you be gone before they get here.”
Yvonne pushed her way into Tawson’s office. He let his shoulders slump with relief that someone else was there with him. She might look sweet with her doe eyes and hair slicked back into a low bun, but Tawson knew she defended fiercely and could get loud if needed.
Tawson wanted to get home. To get to his partner. His love. Seeing Meredith highlighted in Tawson’s brain all the ways Vic showed his care and love. They respected boundaries. They stopped when Tawson asked, no follow up questions needed.
“This doesn’t concern you,” Meredith said. The baby was crying and she didn’t seem to be paying a bit of attention to it. Some mother she was. Putting her own feelings and agenda above her child’s. Tawson would be damned if he ever treated his own kid that way.
“You come in here and interrupt his work, refuse to leave, and are just downright being nasty. And you think this isn’t my business?” Tawson stepped forward and reached a hand out to Yvonne. He could see her hand twitching, like she was gearing up to hit something. She was a spirited soul for sure, but he wouldn’t risk her losing her job for him.
“What is going on here?” That was yet another voice. Tawson could feel his panic and frustration turn to embarrassment. Too many people were here. Too many involved.
“These two are refusing to leave,” Yvonne said.
Tawson cut in before she could continue. “I’m a professor here, Sir.” He could just barely see the security officer standing in the hallway. “I’m currently working office hours for students and these two refuse to leave. They are not students nor do they have any family that attend this school.”
“You two need to come with me,” the security officer said. “Now.”
Tawson sat back down at this desk and woke his computer up. He was going to send out an email to cancel the rest of office hours for the day. He’d make it up if anyone had been planning on stopping by. He paid no mind to Meredith or Jacob as they left.
“Are you okay?” Yvonne asked after they left. She shut the door behind her.
“No. I never thought I would see her again. I just want to get home.”
“Tawson-” Yvonne started. He considered her a friend but they still weren’t that close. He wasn’t sure if she caught what he yelled. Most likely. But she wasn’t who he wanted to be with right now.
“I’m not going home alone,” Tawson said. He finished posting the message to the online chat for his classes and went through the motions to shut the computer down. “I appreciate you stepping in, but I just need to go.”
“Okay.” Yvonne stepped back and opened the door. “At least text me and let me know you made it wherever you’re going.”
“I will.”
Tawson grabbed his bag once more and headed out the door. He stopped, turned around, and gave Yvonne a much deserved hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. He didn’t wait for a response.
His nerves were calming down and he could feel the tears threatening again. It was at least a ten minute walk to his car. Vic would already be on the ranch. Probably eating dinner with his parents right now.
The drive home was a blur. He didn’t play any music. Didn’t think about safe driving. Not once did he check his speed. Maybe he was overreacting, but his body was screaming that it was in danger. The reaction he had to seeing his ex-wife again. He hated the crawling sensation running up and down his arms and back. The last time he had a panic attack, Vic had been right there. Helped him. He didn’t know where his phone was, so he got out to push the buzzer to be let in the gate.
“Can I help you?” Tawson wasn’t sure whose voice that was, but he didn’t care.
“It’s Tawson,” he said. “I seemed to have misplaced my phone.”
“Hey, are you okay?” That voice he recognized. And a fresh round of tears sprung to his eyes as the gate started opening.
He got back in his car and drove straight down to the main house. Vic was already off the porch waiting for him. He noted that his whole family seemed to be there, including William, Clark, Brett, and Wylon. Tawson turned the car off and got out.
All he had to do was look at Vic and his knees gave out. Vic rushed to him, wrapping their arms around him and squeezing. Holding him up. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you. Breathe, okay?”
The tears flowed freely. He listened to Vic continue to whisper in his ear as they held him. He couldn’t find his voice. Instead, Tawson buried his face in the crook of Vic’s neck. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that before Tawson lifted his head to look at Vic.
“I love you.”
Tawson registered the surprise first. But it was quickly replaced with a smile.
“I love you too,” Vic said. “So much. But are you okay?”
“I will be. Meredith showed up on campus. At my office. With her new husband and baby.”
“Fuck her,” Vic said. He pulled Tawson in for another tight embrace. “I love you so much, Tawson. God, I’ve been waiting to say that for a while now.”
“Really?” Tawson asked through drying tears. He was starting to come down from all the emotions and it was leaving his body feeling tired. Tawson looked into Vic’s eyes.
“Yes, really. The number of times I wanted to say it this week is crazy.”
“I love you,” Tawson said again just to say it. “I saw my ex and all I could think was all the hurt and betrayal she left me with. And then there was you with the love and laughs and respect. I wanted to get home to you.” Vic smiled and leaned forward to press their lips together quickly.
“What is this?” That voice belonged to the one and only Patrick Lawson.
“Busted,” Vic said, eyes widening in what Tawson assumed was supposed to be comical. They turned around to face their dad, slipping their hand into Tawson’s to keep a point of contact. “So, Tawson and I are kind of dating.”
Tawson really didn’t want to have this conversation. He didn’t think it through. He should have just gone to his house and texted Vic to come up. And now the look on Patrick’s face was concerning. It was disconcerting too.
“Absolutely not.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
~ Vic ~
The things that Vic’s family said within five minutes of saying they were dating was the exact thing Vic worried about. His immediate family had an opinion and none of them seemed all that supportive.
Tawson was a professor.
You’re too young.
He’s too old.
Manipulating.
That last word had hurt the most. There had been no manipulation. Everything they’d done was consensual. They talked. Communicated. Vic respected Tawson’s boundaries as much as Tawson did Vic’s.
Tawson dropped their hand and got in his car without a word. Vic ignored their parents and everyone else to watch him drive away. Vic wanted, needed, to be with him. He was hurting and Vic had a feeling that he’d already gone through a panic attack. Or was on the verge of one. There was only one thing that caused him to have those too. He mentioned seeing his ex.
“Shut up!” Vic yelled. They turned back to their family. All of them, family and not, were standing on the grass now. “How can you say all of that seeing him how he was? I know at least half of you know his story. He just saw his ex. He’s hurting and he needs someone with him. I’m going up there.”
“No.” Their dad said. He stepped forward, like he was going to physically stop Vic.
“Honey, he’s your teacher,” their mom said.
“He’s not,” Vic said quickly. “I’ll never take his class and we’ve already looked into it. It’s not illegal, it’s not against the code of ethics.”
“You’re young, sweetie,” she tried again.
Vic looked at the others. Their eyes landed on Wright. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with age when Wright showed up. He and Xander are way more open about their relationship and their ages are further apart. I don’t even know why I’m explaining this to you. I love him. And I’m a consenting adult.”
“Consenting or not,” their dad said once again. Vic was feeling cornered. Trapped. They didn’t know what else to say. This wasn’t how their family handled things. Even William and the other guys looked a bit lost for words. “You’re my son and I don’t think-”
“Can you stop saying that? Please!” Vic took a step toward their car.
“Stop saying what?” That was Paxton. “Victor, what’s going on?”
Vic really felt trapped now. Or maybe it was the ball of anxiety in their stomach. Why couldn’t they just accept it? Wright and Xander were supported. Zaya and Paxton, no blink of the eye. Vic knew they’d have to explain when they finally made it public, but this was going all kinds of sideways. His family had questions, of course, but being torn between wanting to explain everything and needing to be with Tawson was not helping. Tawson was winning out, no doubt. So, to the shock of everyone standing before them, Vic finally spoke up.
“I’m nonbinary,” Vic said. “I don’t like the name Victor. I’ve been going by Vic at school since the beginning of the semester. Tawson helped me figure that out about myself. He helped me accept myself and finally stop hiding that part of me.” The words were coming in earnest now. Everything they wanted to say for months spilling out in hopefully coherent sentences. “I don’t expect you all to understand. But I do need you to respect that I can make my own choices. And right now, I’m going to go make sure that my partner is okay.”
Vic left everyone standing on the grass. Vic caught their eyes, maneuvering their car around the others to get out. It took almost two minutes to guide the car around and up the driveway. It didn’t hit them until they pulled in next to Tawson’s car that they’d done it. They came out to their family.
In the absolute last way they thought it would come out. And the fears Vic had were reality now. They didn’t get it. Yes, their relationship wasn’t the most normal. But they were both adults and they loved each other. A genuine, emotional love. Vic wasn’t sure how they felt about the nonbinary aspect since they dropped that bomb and ran, but they were sure to find out later.
Vic took their keys out of the car and found the one for Tawson’s house. The first thing they registered was the sound of crying. Their eyes caught up and saw that the place was a mess. There were clothes strewn everywhere, a dresser drawer laying upside down on the floor. The lamp from the bedside laid broken in the kitchen.
“Tawson? Where are you?”
A thump came from the bathroom and then a scream. A painful, frustrated scream. One that said there was nowhere else for the feelings to go. Vic’s heart was breaking as they locked the door and headed toward the bathroom.
“Tawson? I’m coming in.”
The shower was on but Tawson sat on the toilet. He didn’t have his shirt on and the house was chilly. Tawson’s body was shaking. Vic reacted immediately. They sank to the floor between Tawson’s knees and grabbed his hands. “Hey, baby. Tawson. Look at me. Please.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice was low. He repeated the words twice more. “I wasn’t thinking. I should have just texted you. Or dealt with it myself.”
“Hey, no. I’m always going to be here for you. I love you. That means that I’ll walk through hell and fire for you.” What it cheesy to say? Yes. Did it get Tawson to finally open his eyes and look at Vic? Also yes.
The steam was warming the small room and Vic stood up. They stripped out of their own clothes first before helping Tawson pull his off. They didn’t do anything in the shower but stand there, hugging. Vic could feel the adrenaline from the last fifteen minutes wearing off. They’d come out to their family and then some.
