Love Like This, page 25
She tossed the cookie and headed home.
She had Paris, yes, but did this version of Paris even matter in the larger scheme? Everything came with a price, but sometimes it was simply too high. The cold wind blew and she pulled up the hood of her jacket and contemplated her life, her future, and her place in the world. She glanced back at the shimmering tower and blinked, looking to it for guidance, feeling pulled in a million different directions.
Everything she thought she knew felt so very foreign to her right now. She nodded to the tower, turned, bowed her head, and walked what felt like the very lonely streets of Paris.
* * *
Hadley sat among various piles of her childhood belongings, taking a moment as her gaze passed over each toy, trinket, or book from her past. Her dads had continued their decluttering process now that the house had officially been remodeled and asked Hadley if she wanted to retain any of the nostalgic items for herself. She’d made the trip to Calabasas for dinner with the dads, and now that the homemade pizza (courtesy of Papa) had been consumed, she sat quietly with the remnants of her youth stacked around her like protective walls. The old Hadley would have struggled to part with that tennis trophy from high school, as it held such sentimental value and reminded her of a much simpler time. She glanced over at the music box with the puppies on top that she’d play each night before bed until she hit the seventh grade when she’d decided it was, sadly, too juvenile, only to resume the practice one short year later. The old Hadley wouldn’t have parted with the music box for anything. The current version of herself, however, saw the value in letting go and not holding on to things too tightly.
“So, what are we saving?” her Papa asked, drying off his hands from the last of the dinner dishes.
She glanced around. “Nothing. Let’s just donate it all. I think that would be for the best.”
He stared at her. “I don’t think I heard you correctly. Either that, or you’re an alien being taking the form of my daughter who likes to hold on to anything with sentimental value.”
She shrugged, and a melancholy heaviness settled right on her chest. “Just traveling a little lighter these days. That’s all.”
He nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. He was always the more reflective parent, never rushing to any one conclusion, and she saw him working something out as he approached and took a seat next to her on the floor of the garage. “This about the girlfriend in Paris?”
She attempted a smile that didn’t quite make it. “Maybe. I don’t know.” But she certainly knew. She wasn’t the same anymore, and that made complete sense. The months she’d spent with Spencer had been that impactful.
He gave her knee a quick pat. “Tell you what. I’m gonna box up a couple of the more important items. You know, just in case you change your mind.”
“I won’t,” she said, more firmly.
“Then I’ll do it for me.” He picked up the music box and turned it to her. “I always had a soft spot for these puppies here anyway.”
She smiled at him wanly. “Whatever you want.”
“Well, I definitely want this music box.” He glanced behind him at the door leading into the house. “Your dad has a chocolate cheesecake he’s just pulling out of the fridge. We can indulge him if you want.”
She didn’t have a lot of words, but nodded and followed him inside and into the kitchen. It felt good to be back at home with her dads, and for just a little while, she let herself be propped up by the comforting walls of that house and by the men who’d given their everything to raise her. Chocolate cheesecake wouldn’t magically rewind the last few weeks of her life, but it certainly wouldn’t make anything worse.
Her dad pulled her into a silent hug as she passed, and Papa sliced her an extra-large piece of cheesecake. The three of them ate together around the kitchen table. It wasn’t like their typically raucous, fun-filled times together, but the quiet solidarity would have to do.
* * *
Isabel held the door open for Hadley as she entered Pajamas just past seven that next morning. Autumn had her mocha already on the table, which meant that she would win the angel in heaven prize for the day. Hadley blinked and gestured behind her to Isabel. “Why is she being the door person?” she asked Gia, who was already seated.
“Who knows? Maybe she’s writing a courteous character into her next episode and needs to experience it firsthand. Hard to say with writers. They’re puzzling. She opened the door for me, too.”
Hadley nodded and took her seat as Autumn joined them. Isabel, however, remained at the door. “She’s being weird,” Autumn said. “Can we officially say that, as a group?”
“Maybe not.” Hadley glanced back at her with a confused shrug. “She’s expressing herself…via door. She’s greeting your guests. Nothing wrong with that, really.”
“Except that it’s weird,” Autumn reiterated. “We all know it.”
Gia sat forward. “Isn’t that their assistant? Scarlett somebody, who works on the show?”
They all turned to find out. It was in fact Scarlett. Isabel greeted her and directed her to their table. “Hey. Scarlett’s joining us today,” Isabel called.
“Hi, Scarlett!” Hadley said, forcing herself to brighten.
“Hi,” she said, waving at everyone. “Sorry to crash. I’m bumming a ride.” Autumn leapt to her feet to secure Scarlett a coffee just as Taylor arrived. She gave Hadley a squeeze as she passed and took a seat, looking elegant in a white and black pantsuit, calm and in control as always. Isabel joined them finally, which meant she’d been waiting for Taylor all this time. Okay, that was cute. Hadley passed her a smile as Isabel took the seat next to her. She returned it, shyly.
“How are the twins?” Taylor asked eagerly, as everyone helped themselves to baked goods. Hadley zeroed in on the croissant, because light and flaky and warm was worth the calories these days. Bring ’em on!
“Learning how to manipulate others,” Autumn said. “I’ve never been prouder.”
“Amazing!” Taylor said, as the rest laughed along. She turned to Gia. “And I hear you just had a fantastic finish at the Hawaii Women’s Pro.”
“You heard right!” Gia beamed. “I finished second, which I will happily accept. Elle was third, but we’re not discussing that right now.” She winked at her friends.
“Well, congratulations,” Taylor said, beaming. “I caught some of the highlights online.”
“What about you?” Isabel asked, turning the tables on Taylor. “Tell them about agility.”
Taylor laughed. “It hardly compares, but we thought it might be fun to get Raisin into a few agility classes. See if he can hold his own and get a little exercise along the way. He’s spending way too much time lounging on the couch in my office. We haven’t started yet, but that’s on tap for when it’s warmer.”
“Adorable,” Hadley said. “He’s so smart. He’ll be the star and have a million different girlfriends in the class.”
“What if we also thought about making things more permanent when it gets warmer?” Isabel asked. She laced her fingers together nervously and everything in Hadley went still.
Taylor turned to her. “What do you mean?”
“I love you,” Isabel said simply.
Taylor turned until her entire body faced Isabel. “I love you, too,” she said, with a hint of curiosity in her voice. She studied Isabel as if unsure what she was getting at.
Autumn and Gia exchanged a wide-eyed glance.
“I plan to always love you,” Isabel said, continuing. “I’m a fucking mess when it comes to expressing myself eloquently.”
“No, you’re not,” Taylor said, and reached for her hand.
Isabel smiled. “But I knew that here, among friends, I would be at my best.” She tossed a glance at Scarlett. “I asked Scarlett to come, by the way, because I know she’s important to you and I wanted her to be here when I asked you to spend forever with me. Hi, Scarlett.”
Scarlett waved back. Autumn covered her mouth. Hadley squeezed the sides of her chair as hard as she could. Gia sat forward, and Taylor welled up. None of it stopped Isabel, who Hadley was so proud of she could burst.
With a shaky hand, Isabel pulled a box from her pocket and opened it. “I don’t know if this is the perfect ring or not, but I thought it was pretty amazing, and that made me think of you. You’ve completely changed my life for the better in every way possible. You make me want to wake up early in the morning just to see you sooner.”
Taylor didn’t hesitate. She cradled Isabel’s cheek. “I could say the same back to you. All of it.”
“I’m sorry this isn’t more grandiose or happening on the side of a mountain or something, but this just feels more like us.”
Taylor nodded her agreement through the tears.
“I want to marry you, Taylor. More than I want to break every Ms. Pac-Man record. More than I want an Emmy. More than I’ve ever wanted anything.” Her hands continued to shake and she took a deep breath. No one at the table moved. “Taylor Andrews, what do you say? Will you marry me?”
It was the triumph of all triumphs! No matter what happened now, Isabel had done it. She’d conquered her fear head on and had the most earnest and sincere of moments to show for it. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and her words were everything. Hadley felt them down to her very core. They turned to Taylor in anticipation. Perhaps she was aware that taking a pause was simply good pacing for storytelling. Regardless, she remained silent for several long, excruciating moments.
Finally, when Hadley was ready to slink to the floor in suspense, she gave Isabel her answer. “I will happily marry you, Iz. In fact, it’s pretty much all I’ve thought about doing for a year now.”
The table instantly erupted in applause and wrapped arms around each other as Isabel and Taylor stood and fell into a romantic kiss. Hadley loved that Isabel had chosen Breakfast Club for her proposal. It was so very her, and that made it perfect.
“And you invited my best friend,” Taylor said through tears, and pulled Scarlett into an embrace as the others took turns hugging Isabel.
“You did it,” Hadley said, in her ear. “Best proposal ever.”
“You really think so?” Isabel asked, her eyes overflowing with vulnerability. “It was okay?” she whispered. “I wasn’t sure.”
“Without a doubt.” Hadley touched her heart. “It got me right here.” As everyone dried their eyes and posed for photos with the happy couple, Hadley knew that something had come unfastened inside her. She kissed Taylor’s cheek, said a quick goodbye to all of her friends, and made a hasty exit. She’d barely made it onto the sidewalk before the tears hit fast and heavy. After holding the emotion back for weeks, it assaulted her now with an intensity that almost brought her to her knees. She held a hand across her midsection and walked directly to her apartment, stopping for no one. She choked on the ambush of sadness, twisting uncomfortably against the pain she’d avoided for so long. Once inside, she leaned against the closed door and slid to the floor. She’d yet to make a sound, but that first sob was upon her in a matter of moments and it racked her through and through. She cried for what was, she cried for what she’d lost and what she would likely never have. She’d done the right thing in sending Spencer to Paris, hadn’t she? Why did it feel like such an awful decision now? She took out her phone and through blurry vision stared at the photos she and Spencer had taken together over the months since they’d met. It was too much. She pressed the phone to her forehead. What had been the point if they weren’t meant to be together in the end? Why bring Spencer into her life?
There was a knock on the door behind her. She did her best to wipe her eyes but with the tears continuing to fall, she was less than successful. Better to just ignore it. They’d go away. Only they didn’t. Another knock.
“Had. Open the door. I’m not leaving.”
She closed her eyes. Gia. “Not a great time.” The words were stilted and her voice cracked when she said them.
“I know it’s not. That’s why I’m here.”
She couldn’t face Gia right now, not when she was so raw and ripped apart. “I’ll call you later, G, okay?”
“No, not okay.” She heard Gia slide down the outside of the door, which left them sitting back to back, separated by just that slab of wood. Hadley turned her head to the side and rested it against the door. Knowing Gia was on the other side actually did bring an unexpected comfort. “If you don’t want to talk to me, just listen, okay?”
Hadley nodded, not that Gia would know.
“I’ve been where you’re at right now. It’s the worst place, and you start to second-guess everything and yourself. Nothing that was important to you before really matters, except that other person. Am I close?”
Hadley nodded again.
“I’m going to imagine that your silence means yes. If that’s what you’re going through, Had, and it’s hard to know because you’ve been so bottled up, you have a decision to make.”
“What decision?” she heard herself ask, eager for any kind of lifeline or guidance at this point. She was floundering and not sure how to right herself any longer.
“Whether to push through this pain to the other side or to do something the hell about it.”
She turned and faced the door, her emotions firing. “What am I supposed to do?”
“That’s for you to decide.”
Hadley blinked and nodded. She pushed herself into a standing position. She could continue her new sad existence or take back what it was she wanted. She opened the door to find Gia standing outside, waiting. “I have to go to Paris,” Hadley said, with calm determination. “If that’s where Spencer is, that’s where I have to be.”
Gia stared at her. “Well, you’ve always loved the city.”
Hadley practically fell into Gia’s waiting hug as the tears came again. She wasn’t so quick to let go either. “Thanks, G,” she mumbled. “I don’t know what this means for my life here or how I’m going to make this work, but I have to try, right? Maybe we’re never going to ride off into the sunset together, but being with her for even a small amount of time is better than not at all.”
Gia nodded. “If Spencer is what you want, you definitely have to try.”
“I’m terrified.”
“I know.”
“But I have to do it, right?”
“You have to follow your heart. That’s exactly what you would tell me to do.”
Hadley took a deep breath, and noticed that, with a sense of direction on board, even a scary and less than ideal one, the tears began to recede. She could breathe again, if only a little bit. Now it was time to get her world in order for what could be a very big leap. This was either the smartest or the most reckless thing she’d ever done. Didn’t matter. The gamble was worth it.
“If I do move to Paris, will you and Elle visit me?”
“Please. Just try to keep us away from the wine and baguettes at your place.”
Hadley grinned and geared up.
Here goes nothing…
Chapter Fifteen
Autumn held up Hadley’s black and white plaid coat. “This one is definitely going.”
Hadley squinted. “You think? I already packed the red plaid. I don’t want to be known as the girl with all the plaid once I’m in Paris.”
“There can never be too many plaid coats,” Autumn said, emphatically. “What are you even thinking right now?”
“I know. I know. You’re right. Toss it in the suitcase.”
Autumn did as Hadley asked, using her super-specific, space-saving packing technique that involved rolling the clothes into tiny clothing-burritos. She straightened with a hand on her hip. “We’re running out of space.”
Hadley waved her off. “It’s just a preliminary trip. If things go well, I’ll hire a company and send for the rest. I don’t need it all in one go-round. Have to see what she says first, right?”
“Yeah, but she asked you to go with her.”
“True. But it’s been a while since then. We haven’t communicated. I don’t know where her head’s at.”
Autumn sighed. She took a seat on the bed and ran her hand across the suitcase fondly. “What am I going to do without my Hadley if you move to Paris?”
It felt like a gut punch, because what would she do without her Autumn? She joined Autumn on the bed and snagged her hand. “We’re gonna FaceTime like crazy, for one.”
Autumn laughed through her melancholy. “We are. Thank God for technology.”
“And I’ll be back for the important holidays. Gotta get my Pajamas fix somehow, right?”
“I don’t know how you’ll survive each morning without it. Well, except for all of those amazing Parisian cafés. They know how to roast a good cup there. You heard it here.”
“Nothing will hold a candle to Pajamas coffee, you hear me?”
“Bless you for saying that.” Autumn gave her hand a squeeze. “And now I should probably check on Kate and the twins. She might have them running drills by now. Will’s obsessed with her turnout gear’s suspenders.”
Hadley laughed. “Well, who isn’t? Thank you for the help. I’ll stop by later to say, you know…goodbye.” She said that last word delicately and with less volume. It was a hard one. Her flight was far too early the next morning to disrupt any of her friends. She’d see them each that evening for a brief farewell. Nothing too drawn out. She wasn’t sure she could take it. Plus, it wasn’t goodbye forever. Just for right now.
“I’ll be around,” Autumn said quietly.
She let herself out and Hadley got back to the last of her packing. It wasn’t long before there was a knock at her door. She expected Autumn, who’d likely forgotten something, but found Larry Herman staring at her in shock from her doorstep.
